After break up, she still tells me she loves me... I don't know how to take this
Long story short, me and this girl I truly love were together twice before, the last time was the third time... we just broke up on the weekend. Its difficult to say who broke up with who, it was almost like a mutual break up but I was the one who initiated it. When we were apart before we never stopped thinking about each other and we knew eventually we'd get back together, and we did. I know it sounds odd to get with the same person 3 times but I guess its funny how human emotions work...
Anyway, she still says "I love you" to me... and tells me she'll always love me... She says it never goes away and there's people everywhere who love each other but aren't necessarily together. She also tells me that she just wants to be by herself right now... she has a lot of life stuff on her plate so I understand because I saw it first hand for a very long time... On top of that, she tells me she will still be comfortable with doing certain "things" with me, you can guess by the quotation marks what I mean by that. Basically telling me that she doesn't want to be in a relationship but she still wants to be friends because of our long history together and the feelings we share and the last time we broke up I pretty much did the NC thing flawlessly for a good 2 years but still thought about her at times...
I don't know how to take all this... I mean I tried to do the NC thing and failed miserably already, although I know its only been less than a week... I've told her I love you back, because even though I'm upset I do still mean it... I just don't know if this is acceptable... to say stuff like that when you are merely "friends", even if it is true... and also if its even possible for 2 people who were in a highly emotional relationship to still be intimate on occasions... or even truly be friends... we HAVE been friends in the past after breaking up, but this time I think it will be a lot more difficult...
Sorry my thoughts are all over the place, but what I'm asking basically is:
1. Is that truly realistic that 2 people love each other but aren't necessarily together... can "friends" with a past love each other without being in a relationship.
2. Is it proper to tell each other that after the relationship has ended?
3. Is it wise to do "things" with someone you had a real emotionally charged relationship with in the past... can that ever be a good thing?
4. I am a hypocrite in some ways because in another thread I said it never works being friends because of the fact you will fell akward not being able to do the same kind of things around the person... with all of my other ex's this is very true for me, but with this girl I just can't imagine cutting her out of my life completely pretty much like I did last time... CAN we be friends, really?
Thanks in advance
Remaining strong through NC?
I know very well how great NC works as I did it quite well for almost 3 years with a girl until last year when it was broken when she called and we tried to make it work again, well obviously it didn't... that 3 years ago for some reason it was semi-easy for me to break all contact and forget about her, only took a week or so, and I didn't think about her at all and had zero wish to speak to her or know anything about what she was doing... THIS time its incredibly difficult, and I mean INCREDIBLY difficult... given that any break up is, throw obsessive compulsive disorder into the mix where you think about and over analyze everything even the most ridiculous things from way back that aren't even relevant, its driving me nuts and giving me a headache
I do try to stay busy, I go on lots of hikes, drive around, exercise, watch movies, play games, hang with friends, etc... but even when I do that for some reason I over think too much about this.. and I don't understand the logic of why I'm thinking like it when I should be relieved since all we did was fight/argue every day and it was a very stressful relationship... that after to many times is over for good... I went a few days with NC but then I caved in and sent a text, I'm trying to avoid this and it's a lot harder than it was years ago... any tips on how to stop thinking so deeply and maintaning NC
How to let go?? And stop thinking, as its ruining me...
I'll start this post by saying that I suffer from extreme obsessive compulsive disorder... I have made a few posts in the past pertaining to this issue with this person, my ex... It was a very odd situation as we were together FOUR times throughout 8 years, the most recent 2 times being in the past year... the 2nd time being about 6 years ago, first time 8 years ago... and there were a few times between where things happened... but there was a few periods of a couple years at a time where we had no contact at all and I was perfectly fine with it, I never paid her any mind... I harboured a lot of resentment towards this person after the last time we "met" over 2 years ago, but I had learned to forgive and forget and believe in the change people can make in themselves when we started back again last year... Here is where I'm left now though...
Back in March I broke up with her, we kept contact for a whole month after that without hanging out and then jumped back into a fourth time after being friends again for a few weeks... About a month and a half ago we broke up... To be more detailed about the relationship... This person had extreme trust and insecurity issues, she would always assume I was doing things with girls or another ex when I wasn't and always thought if I would go home on the internet or if I was using my phone that I was talking to other girls... She always said it 'conflicted' when I'd see my friends, which are very important to me. The problem was ANY time would 'conflict' with our time together, so basically I could never see my friends. There was a time where 2 of my longest friends wanted me to come out with them to have a few drinks at the bar and she made a huge deal out of it and guilted me until I invited her along even though my friends didn't want her to come because they knew it would turn into us having a huge argument and ruining the night as always... We would fight and argue on a daily basis, and I mean CONSTANTLY, even about the most minuscule things. She wanted me around her every day, wanted me to be with her in the mornings, in the afternoons after she was done school... all evening and to stay over every single night... and when I wasn't with her she wanted to be texting back and forth non stop and always assumed there was something wrong if I didn't respond IMMEDIATELY... She was extremely obsessive and possessive and clingy... I hated this and nothing had changed from the 3rd time to the 4th time we tried it... She didn't want me to work it seemed, she would complain about any shift I could get...
Anyway, we broke up the second week of June... We had a few days apart and she was thinking and ended up breaking up with me on the Monday after the weekend. She had the audacity to say that I should think about how I am to her and that she "see's the same sh*t"... meanwhile I wasn't the one providing the unhealthy part of the relationship. I had never been in a situation where someone was so attached before where every thing in their life had revolved around me. My problem is that after the break up, I became the one who was obsessed about it, largely due to my OCD issue. By that I don't mean that I try to contact her or see her or anything like that, I do not want to get her back as history has proven many times it will never work. But I find myself thinking about it day and night and analyzing and picking apart every little thing, not even just from the past 2 recent relationships with this person but even the ones from YEARS ago. A break up is always bad but throw extreme OCD in the mix and it's a nightmare. It so bad that I feel detached sometimes from being in the moment, I just get caught up in an infinte loop of thinking over and over about the most meaningless things to do with her. I guess I'm just here asking for both peoples opinions on how the relationship was as I've described it and suggestions on things maybe to think about to keep my mind occupied, how do I let go of this? Its truly ruining my life... The irony being that I wasn't like this when I was with her, she was... and before she broke up with me, on the Friday of that weekend I'd considered breaking up with her but did not due to a promise I'd made since the last time...