Ask Me Help Desk - Did I do the right thing?

Did I do the right thing?

My boyfriend has been telling me he loves me, AT FIRST I just pretended not to hear him, thought he'd get the hint.

When he didn't, I told him "Pat, I enjoy being with you and hope we last a while but I am just not ready to say "I love you" back to you. I don't know if or when I will be. I hope you understand."

He hugged me, kissed my hand, then had to go to class. I haven't been able to talk to or see him since then, but he didn't seem upset.

Did I go about this the right way?

What I want to know is if I went about this the right way or I should've handled this better

In all fairness without merging your previous posts, most of us are not going to know if its right or wrong.

And that's a big job so be patient as we get the whole thing straight and any help in that regard is more than welcome.

So what has happened the last few weeks since your break up and dating? Is this a new guy, or what. Details.

This has nothing to do with any previous posts, this is a new guy, I've never even mentioned him on here before.

This new guy has been a friend of mine for the past school year, and been the only guy to truly treat me "well." I decided that what I wanted was to be happy. So when he asked me out at a dance we were working at for teens with special needs, I agreed. He is the kind of guy who believes in treating a woman like a princess, but not being overbearing. We aren't rushing anything. Except he started saying he loves me, and it made me uncomfortable because I am not ready to feel or say that toward anyone yet.

I've seen him at his worst and his best, seen him angry and seen him ecstatic. I like him. I enjoy being with him and like having him in my life.

Honesty is the best policy, and I'm glad you moved on from your ex. That was quick. Must have beem all that dating.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Honesty is the best policy, and I'm glad you moved on from your ex. That was quick. Must have beem all that dating.

Being that were to be married, and I to have his baby, I'm not sure that I ever will be completely "over" him. I told my new boyfriend this, and he understands.

I just don't want to rush into anything. Including saying "I love you."

I don't feel it, and won't say what I don't feel. Even if I did, I wouldn't want to rush. With my x, we rushed into everything.

I want to take things slow for once, as does my new boyfriend

Make sure you have healed from your breakup before becoming involved with someone else.

This sounds like a rebound to me.

my x girlfriend was a rebound. This isn't.
I just want to know if I was in the right for telling him I'm not ready instead of just saying it

You did the right thing Emop. However, it's still too soon after your breakup to get into a serious relationship.

I know J...

E-mop
My opinion is that it's a huge Red Flag for HIM to be saying this to you already ,

* he knows you've just split up with your fiancé

* he knows that your pregnant with your ex's child

* he should know not to pressure you into anything this early

Sorry but I really think if you want him as a friend fair enough , but that's all he should be at the moment , otherwise we're just going to have you back here in a few month's saying that you haven't only lost another BF but you'll also have lost him as a friend.

Plenty of time later on down the track once the dust has settled.

Anyway that's just my opinion :)

Edit: Oh and sorry I didn't answer your original question , yes I think you did the right thing ;)

M, just to clear something up, she's not pregnant, she was but she lost the baby.

E-Mop, since your break up you've gone on a date with a guy that you really liked, but he's older then you. Then that guy was out and your ex girlfriend was in. Now she's out and there's another new guy.

My head is spinning.

Didn't you just break up with your boyfriend?

You say you want to take things slow but all I see is you speeding to jump from the frying pan into the fire.

I think it would be best if you just didn't have a boyfriend or girlfriend for a while. Spend some time dating yourself. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

M, just to clear something up, she's not pregnant, she was but she lost the baby.

Oops... must of missed that along the way :rolleyes:

Mind you , with all due respect , maybe a blessing in disguise :cool:

Quote:

Originally Posted by friend4u178

Oops..................... must of missed that along the way :rolleyes:

Mind you , with all due respect , maybe a blessing in disguise :cool:

Yes, I agree.

I'm looking at all of this from experience. I was the girl that dated a lot (shh M, no comment ;)). It didn't get me anything but heartbreak and a bad reputation.

There's nothing wrong with being alone for a while. It did me a world of good. :)

Emop, I think in regards this situation taken as a sole island you did the right thing in being honest.

But as a whole I do think that you are rushing.

However, I worry for this new boy too. Who doesn't get upset when they say 'I love you' and doesn't hear it back?
No one!

Who says they love someone no-time into a relationship especially when they know what you've come from?

There's a lyric from a song that I think says it down to a T

'The shadow that your standing's on still here sometimes that's all that you can ask, and your heart's still beating'

It's by Josh Ritter 'Still Beating' you should have a listen, I think it's a great song, but that's just me... so I've got a bit off point here...

Just be careful you only get one heart and if your not careful you're going to spend a long time trying to repair damage you haven't dealt with fully. You are the only one that can heal you, no knight in shining armour. No matter how willing he is.

You need to take steps back and heal and get your own life in order. You have had a rough trek this past year and you need to relax

You absolutely did the right thing by being honest about your feelings.

You've gotten some great advice here and hope you listen to it.. you really need to heal from your past relationships before you start a new one.

Thank you all, you guys are right.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

M, just to clear something up, she's not pregnant, she was but she lost the baby.

E-Mop, since your break up you've gone on a date with a guy that you really liked, but he's older then you. Then that guy was out and your ex girlfriend was in. Now she's out and there's another new guy.

My head is spinning.

Didn't you just break up with your boyfriend?

You say you want to take things slow but all I see is you speeding to jump from the frying pan into the fire.

I think it would be best if you just didn't have a boyfriend or girlfriend for a while. Spend some time dating yourself. :)

That one guy, the older one, was actually using me. I found that out recently.

How do I break up with him?

Threads merged
I got into a serious relationship and I want out. How do I break it to him?

Yyyyaaaaaaayyyyy!!

Umm... not much help WG. Haha

I was getting to the advice part, but had to cheer first.

If you're not afraid of his reaction (physical abuse), break with him in person.

Be as detached as you can be. I personally would not allow myself to cry or emote in any way, so the breakup is clean and honest. If you cry and carry on, he'll think you don't really mean it and will try to manipulate you back into his embrace.

He isn't manipulative or anything. He's really sweet and nice. Treats me more like a sister than a girlfriend. I want to still be friends, he's a great guy. But I'm not ready to be in a long term relationship again

Quote:

Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx

he isn't manipulative or anything. he's really sweet and nice. Treats me more like a sister than a girlfriend. I want to still be friends, he's a great guy. but I'm not ready to be in a long term relationship again

Keep it short and sweet and positive. Are you basically friends with benefits now?

No, we are very huggy friends... we have minimal physical relationship. We kiss, like Disney G-rated kiss. And hug.

Quote:

Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx

No, we are very huggy friends... we have minimal physical relationship. We kiss, like Disney G-rated kiss. and hug.

So do you want to "break up" (whatever that means if you aren't really a couple) or just keep the relationship at this level? I don't get it. (I'm old, though.)

We are technically an official couple. But he doesn't treat me like a girlfriend. And we act just like friends. Other than he kisses me.

I want to break up with him. He wants to be a serious relationship, I don't

Quote:

Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx

I want to break up with him.

You said you want to be friends. What does "break up" mean?

Quote:

He wants to be a serious relationship, I don't

So just tell him no.

Why the drama?

I already agreed to be in a serious relationship with him, for what reason I have no idea. And technically we are. But I don't want to be. I don't know how to tell him

Quote:

Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx

I already agreed to be in a serious relationship with him, for what reason i have no idea. And technically we are. but I don't want to be. I don't know how to tell him

Just tell him that you thought about it and you still don't believe that you are ready for a commitment of this magnitude.

Quote:

Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx

I already agreed to be in a serious relationship with him, for what reason i have no idea. And technically we are. but I don't want to be. I don't know how to tell him

Well, unagree to a serious relationship. You are a wordsmith. You, of all people, should be able to express yourself concisely and with conviction to this young man. Look him in the eyes and tell him.

Thank you both.
I will the next time I see him

Please report back. :D

I will, I don't see him again until Monday, hopefully

Romance was so much simpler when I was your age. Why do you guys make it so complicated?

I have no idea WG

Quote:

Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx

I have no idea WG

I think I know. We used to read comics books -- Uncle Scrooge, Archie, Superman, Little Lotta, Richie Rich -- and storybooks and book after book after book! All the characters had complicated lives in their families and work life and romances. We vicariously ached and cried and exalted with them.

I think that's how we got it out of our systems ("vicariously") and didn't have to go through a lot of it ourselves. When life happened to us, we were ready, because we knew what Nancy Drew had done or how Brenda Starr had handled it or how Uncle Scrooge had failed (and we knew how NOT to).

You guys need to read more.

EMOP. I'm thinkiing about my high school days again. Life was simpler back then.

I read a lot! And write!