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Ok well I've been with this girl for almost 4 years. She decided to take break it off because in the last four years that she has been with me she had to push me to do things for myself such as attending college and taking care of important things. I'm not the most ambitious person in the world, per say. So we break it off casually over the phone in a nice way, no one gets angry. She tells me to go and date other people and I'm not ready to of course, but I've been dating her since she was 15. I have been her only serious relationship. She is now 19 and in college as am I. She told me that I need to get my life on track and that I should take this as an opportunity to meet others.
Well she calls up last night after 3 days of not talking to tell me that she wants to be single right now and that she probably wants to get back together eventually. She repeated that twice and told me that she felt like calling to tell me that so I wouldn't be as stressed and thinking about it all the time. I asked her if she minded that I dated other people and then she proceeded to ask "who are you thinking about dating". I then told her not to worry about it and she inquired again in a cute-like voice. I told her some girls from college, but no one in specific at this time and she said she had no one either. I then hung up and haven't talked to her since. She seems to be curious. I told her that I'm not just sitting here waiting for her. I still deeply love her and it's extremely hard not to call. I would like any suggestions about what to do. Am I doing the right thing by:

1. Letting her come back to me when she is ready?
2. Letting her know that I'm interested in other women
3. Trying to avoid calling her

And should I:

1. Go on dates with other people, just to see what else there is
2. Call her from time to time
3. Start to move on (I already have)
4. Answer when she calls (this is a tough one for me)

Basically she is the love of my life and I'm not sure if she is the one but it feels strong. This could be because she is the only serious relationship I've ever had. I'm a realist not an idealist as you can tell. This isn't one of those stupid posts where the guys have no idea at all wth they're doing. I am very down to earth and realize that she might not be back and I have already started moving on. Like I said I'm trying my hardest to just leave her alone even though I don't want to. She might just want space to date others or maybe she wants to get out there before she settles down with me forever. There are a lot of "what if" questions. These are of course typical. I'm just trying to handle myself in the best manner possible. Any response is greatly appreciated and thank you in advance!

Basically live your life the way you would without thinking about her. She very easily could have said she might want back just to leave the door open in case she can't find any one better.
Take one day at a time and if you want to see other girls see them. She isn't making any promises to you and she is the one that broke up with you. You don't owe her any guarantees either.
I don't think no contact is important in your case, at least not yet.

Date other people, don't call her at all and move on, don't answer when she calls

She reassured me that she was probably coming back. I understand that this isn't a true reassurance. We broke up on good terms and she never lies to me, so when she says serious stuff, it generally happens. I have a feeling that she will eventually come back, the only thing that will prevent her is meeting someone new. Anyhow thanks for the replies so far. I'm still moving on at this point

If you're holding out on even a glimmer of hope that she might come back, you aren't moving on at all. I hope you'll realize that she is just keeping you as a back up plan so she can go explore other options with her life.

I wish I could give a detailed bit of advice here, but the plain and simple fact is that you have to remove her from your life until you can talk to her without hoping for anything at all.

Best of luck.

~ Tee

1. Letting her come back to me when she is ready? Heck NO!
2. Letting her know that I'm interested in other women NO! Not her business.
3. Trying to avoid calling her Complete No Contact!!

And should I:

1. Go on dates with other people, just to see what else there is YES!!!
2. Call her from time to time NO!!!! No Contact!!!
3. Start to move on (I already have) YES!!
4. Answer when she calls (this is a tough one for me) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Go out and date other women. She is going to date other guys apparently. It might be a good idea to remain friends with her, it doesn't seem to be one of those heartbreak situations. In time you both might find yourselves coming back to each other or maybe staying as just friends. Taking this time to yourselves is probably a good thing before it got any more serious.
But one thing to add to this, if you find yourself getting jealous or bothered by her dating other people, avoid contact with her. Any frustration you give off could damage your chances of ever getting back together or having any kind of friendship.

She is still very interested in me. I believe that she needs space to figure out if she is going to stay with me the rest of her life. She might need to get out there and have other relationships that she has never had. I claimed her since she was 15 so it might be just that. I'm trying to stay sane and not call her. I have hope even though it's something that I know isn't recommended. I'll wait for her to call me probably

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Originally Posted by Lonenexis

she is still very interested in me. I believe that she needs space to figure out if she is going to stay with me the rest of her life. She might need to get out there and have other relationships that she has never had. I claimed her since she was 15 so it might be just that. I'm trying to stay sane and not call her. I have hope even though it's something that I know isn't recommended. I'll wait for her to call me probably

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Believe what you want. Just don't be surprised when your heart gets broken even more.

You can have space and still be in a relationship. Ending a relationship doesn't create space. It ends the relationship. Period.

~ Tee

So I made the mistake that everyone makes. I called her and she was with her friend and 2 of that girl's guy friends and they were trying to find some alcohol. I talked to her about my mother's surgery today and how the cat that both of us got was hacking and bawling and she was sad about it. Then I told her that I was confused because she told me that she was pretty sure she'd want to come back and yet I'm supposed to hold onto hope and she said "well give up then if you'd like, it's not fair to you". I responded " well its hard to know what to do" and she said " I was just telling you my thoughts, I thought that I'd wanna come back but that's the point of us dating other people". So I didn't annoy her, I could tell from her tone of voice, but I initiated conversation which is a no no and I asked her relationship questions , which is a no no. So basically, I kind of ed myself over. I think that it is time to move on. I heard from a friend of mine today that he spoke with one of her friends and it's the same girl that she is out with right now with the two guys. Anyhow she said that the two of them were going to stay single for the summer. I asked her about that and she laughed and said oh we were kind of joking around and I asked if she was seriously going to do that and she said "idk, maybe". So now I have to give up and play the waiting game I guess, no idea what else to do besides start talking to other women. I probably pushed her away more, or maybe I didn't. Either way I guess it's time to give up, what does everyone think?

We already told you what we thought. You aren't listening. Once you decide to start healing, you will.

When you start doing all the things you are saying, maybe it will make a difference. But if you're as stubborn as most of us were, you'll have to make all the mistakes yourself before you learn from them.

Enjoy the heartache and learn from it. Best of luck.

~ Tee

You didn't push her anyway because she was already gone.

When someone tells you they want a break and go date other people--listen to them. Don't pay attention to the line "we might can get back together in the future" because it is just a line. And it bascially means "we can get back together if I don't find anyone better".

Time to cut the strings with this girl and set yourself free. Don't let her play games with you and don't hang around her just because your familiar with her.

People grow apart and since the two of you starting dating when the two of you were teenagers but now the two of you are adults--she wants to go out and explore and not miss a beat and date around.

Relationships comes with no guarantees and it is a gamble and only works if the two involved wants it to work. But the great thing about life is that you live and you learn. When something doesn't work out you pick yourself up and try again. There are plenty of other girls out there.

Focus on getting your life in order and have fun in the process.

Well first I would try to keep your mind off her. Second I would try to get another girl to see how it works. If the whole time you are with someone else you are thinking about her then go home and don't upset the girl you are with. Next once you are home do something constructive. Take her off your mind. Keep doing that for awhile. Then talk to other people and by all means don't talk to her until you are sure you can stop yourself from talking to her about your feelings. After you are comfortable with yourself date other people and stay friends with the girl. Then if things don't get better with you and her and things don't work out with other girls then finally ask the girl of your dreams back out

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Originally Posted by Lonenexis

she is still very interested in me.

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She's really not. My first big clue was that she is not going out with you. You said in the OP you were moving on, but part of you is stuck in neutral. Kick that part out of neutral and continue moving on.

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Originally Posted by chuff

She's really not. My first big clue was that she is not going out with you. You said in the OP you were moving on, but part of you is stuck in neutral. Kick that part out of neutral and continue moving on.

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It's very hard. This girl has so much going for her and I think she is the one. It's very hard to try and accept that maybe she doesn't feel the same about me as I feel about her. It's a process that I'm working on. Thank you so far everyone, this is a great place to get my emotions out, and everyone is helping, even if it is negative. Thank you

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Originally Posted by Lonenexis

It's very hard. This girl has so much going for her and I think she is the one. It's very hard to try and accept that maybe she doesn't feel the same about me as I feel about her. It's a process that I'm working on. Thank you so far everyone, this is a great place to get my emotions out, and everyone is helping, even if it is negative. Thank you

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I'm not trying to be negative. But your not listenting to what was being said. After everybody told you to back away you called her. You need to focus on you right now. It is very hard to lose someone. It sucks and everybody understands that. That's her loss now. You are strong enough to reach out to seek the advice because you understand something isn't working. Now you have apply the advice for this to work.

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Originally Posted by chuff

I'm not trying to be negative. But your not listenting to what was being said. After everybody told you to back away you called her. You need to focus on you right now. It is very hard to lose someone. It sucks and everybody understands that. That's her loss now. You are strong enough to reach out to seek the advice because you understand something isn't working. Now you have apply the advice for this to work.

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Well thank you for the advice. I guess the best thing to do is to just really let things take their course. It's absolutely brutal to try and not think about her and what she is doing. I don't think it helps that she has a friend who is skanky that is trying to help her have a good time by meeting other people. Maybe it'll do some good for her and she'll realize what she has missed, or not. If what I heard from my friend is true, I have until the end of Summer until I'll hear from her again. I guess it's time to start moving on, even though its very hard :(

Update:

I'm trying my hardest to move on. This will be my second day of not talking to her since we broke up 5 days ago. Like I said she has told me not to stress and she'll probably want to come back, but I'm trying not to give it any false hope. I'm going to go completely NC and I don't have a cell so if she calls and I answer by accident so be it. She also still has a myspace, Facebook, and xanga full of pictures and quotes of me and comments. She hasn't deleted them yet, odd I suppose. Anyhow I'm going to survive through tonight and start the NC plan. I'm going until my anniversary in September. Any thoughts on why she didn't delete any of her photo albums of just my 21st birthday or comments that I wrote?

As unfortunate as it maybe, she just might not have got around to it yet, or she still harbours some feelings for you (on whatever level).
It would pretty mean for someone to actually go through photos & delete comments, and delete photos of happy memories.

I know that it's incredibly hard, but checking her facebook/myspace/xanga for even the slightest of alterations will only cause you even more pain and even more evil thoughts to enter your head, trust me.

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Originally Posted by anewday

As unfortunate as it maybe, she just might not have got around to it yet, or she still harbours some feelings for you (on whatever level).
It would pretty mean for someone to actually go through photos & delete comments, and delete photos of happy memories.

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It's not necessarily mean, some people find it easier to cope with a breakup if they remove constant reminders of the other person.

~ Tee

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Originally Posted by Lonenexis

update:

I'm trying my hardest to move on. This will be my second day of not talking to her since we broke up 5 days ago. Like I said she has told me not to stress and she'll probably want to come back, but I'm trying not to give it any false hope. I'm going to go completely NC and I don't have a cell so if she calls and I answer by accident so be it. She also still has a myspace, facebook, and xanga full of pictures and quotes of me and comments. She hasn't deleted them yet, odd I suppose. Anyhow I'm going to survive through tonight and start the NC plan. I'm going until my anniversary in September. Any thoughts on why she didn't delete any of her photo albums of just my 21st birthday or comments that I wrote?

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Because she has a life and doesn't spend time deleting stuff that is just a mere memory now. Delete the Facebook, myspace or whatever they are evil.

If I get a penny for every time someone checked those and ruined their healing process, I would be rich by now. (stole that line from someone, forgot who)

Did you read the NC rules yet at the sticky? Because it seems like you're only doing partial NC. If you want to heal completely, you got to follow the rules.

Enjoy your life and be happy. Don't let her get in the way of that. I just couldn't help noticing you said she was the one. Its funny the one broke up with you isn't it?

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Originally Posted by none12345

Because she has a life and doesnt spend time deleting stuff that is just a mere memory now. Delete the facebook, myspace or whatever they are evil.

If i get a penny for everytime someone checked those and ruined their healing process, i would be rich by now. (stole that line from someone, forgot who)

Did you read the NC rules yet at the sticky? because it seems like you're only doing partial NC. If you want to heal completely, you gotta follow the rules.

Enjoy your life and be happy. Dont let her get in the way of that. I just couldnt help noticing you said she was the one. Its funny the one broke up with you isnt it?

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Yes I read it. I never mentioned this before. She broke up with me 2 years ago because I wasn't going anywhere with my life, kind of the same predicament I'm in now. She snapped after 2 weeks of not talking and called me up and desperately missed me and said she wants to be with me. I'm now on the right track, so again maybe she just needs space to remember me and what I've done for her. We're maturing into adults and she will make a decision. Everyone says that leaving her alone is the best remedy. I'm going on 3 days so far and we've been apart for 6 now. Any positives that someone can give me without them being false hope?

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Originally Posted by Lonenexis

I'm going on 3 days so far and we've been apart for 6 now. Any positives that someone can give me without them being false hope?

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I don't understand what you mean about false hope? Do you feel like you've been given false hope? Nobody here has, maybe she has, but not here.

You've gone 3 days, that is a positive. If you feel like looking at Facebook (on a side note, My God does this thing pop up in every question now. This site is truly the work of the devil) then remind yourself you went 3 days and you can put Facebook off for another day. Or at least an hour. Then in an hour push it back another hour. Eventually you'll just push it back all the way out of your life, like you will her.

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Originally Posted by chuff

I don't understand what you mean about false hope? Do you feel like you've been given false hope? Nobody here has, maybe she has, but not here.

You've gone 3 days, that is a positive. If you feel like looking at facebook (on a side note, My God does this thing pop up in every question now. This site is truly the work of the devil) then remind yourself you went 3 days and you can put facebook off for another day. Or at least an hour. Then in an hour push it back another hour. Eventually you'll just push it back all the way out of your life, like you will her.

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Her calling me up to tell me : "Hey I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and I just want you to know that I don't want you to stress or be in pain. I have a feeling that I'll want to get together again, so I just wanted to give you a call so you weren't stressing so much. I also deleted you from facebook so you don't go crazy trying to figure out every single person I'm talking to.

I responded: "well how am I to know what is going to happen. How are you so sure that you're probably coming back? I can't just wait for something that isn't a guarantee. If it's not really going to happen I'm just going to start to move on"

she responded: "That is your right, it's only fair. I told that I was probably going to come back because I just wanted to let you know what I was thinking".

^ Everything that she has said can be interpreted as false hope. Since everyone here is a 3rd party adviser and doesn't know her personally, they don't take anythign she has told me seriously. It sounds like a back door plan that if things don't work out she can just come back. Well I told her I wasn't waiting around and she said that it's my right so other than that I only have one more statement.

Since I was stupid and checked her facebook I saw this comment "woah you're single now, me too duddeee. Lets get all the boys togetherrrr!! " This was 1 day after we split. Do people try and be positive like that to keep their mind off the person they just broke up with? There is obviously some excitement there. She knows that one door has closed and another might be opening, but there is no way that she can be that excited one day after. Also is she being strong like that so she doesn't cave in? I won't be checking it anymore, I'm moving on. But since I already screwed myself over, I might as well have it analyzed. Thanks in advance!

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She responded: "That is your right, it's only fair. I told that I was probably going to come back because I just wanted to let you know what I was thinking".

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So the thought that she would PROBABLY come back is supposed to make you wait? Personally, I would be insulted. If I am not a priority, "F" that!

Sorry guy but my dignity and self respect is not to be "F" with by her or anyone else.

Tell her don't bother, you have no time for childish games.

Honestly are these the words, and actions of someone who cares, and is willing to work with you through honest communications, to resolve your issues to the benefit of you both?

It is for that reason, to avoid drama, games, and confusion, that you make your own choice to disappear or not, and not rely on "her thinking".

Committed partners do not leave in a snit, for whatever reason, and leave their partner hurt, and dangling in the wind, while they do whatever they please and keep throwing the crumbs of false hope around.

They express themselves, and see if things can be worked out because that's what they want, TO KEEP WORKING OUT OF LOVE AND COMPASSION.Thats love.

I have no clue what it is you think you, and her have.

She may well come back, until she gets another snit, and needs a break.

Update: I went and spoke with her today and everything is now in the open. She confessed to kissing and having a guy feel her up the morning before I called her and she sounded hesitant. She told me that her guilt was extremely overwhelming and that she was interested in other guys, so obviously the relationship wasn't working out. So she technically cheated on me, regardless if it was 5 minutes before we broke up, or 5 months. She said that she has thought about wanting to get back together with me every day we've been broken up, but her guilt prevents her. She also still isn't sure what she wants. She is attracted to ambitious men and I have shown improvement in this field and told her that I'm going to do things for myself from now on, not her. She used to control my life, what direction I took. I'm taking hold and growing up and doing things for myself now.

She also went out to the club on Friday night and got so smashed that her and her friend made out with the DJ in his booth and then he pulled away and they made out. She also made out with the bartender, then proceeded to throw up the entire night. She told me this and said it was an awful night and her car still smells of puke. So here is another thing that hurts me once again. She has kissed 4 people since she split with me, and one has felt her up. The one that felt her up is being a douche and won't admit that he was the one to tell me originally. I found out through him, not her. When I confronted her, she lied for a little, then finally confessed.

Could it really get any worse? I love this girl dearly, and the whole cheating on me thing bothers me a lot, I mean A LOT. She also made out with 3 other guys in 6 days? She spoke about meeting other people, not making out with every single guy, drunk or not. I don't know. She is still unsure if she wants to be with me, but she told me that most of it is her guilt in her stomach. If for whatever insane reason I ever take her back, I have a very large mountain to climb to get over all of this . I'm still very hurt and know that I have a very important decision to make soon.

So NC starts over again, and breaking it has put new thoughts and images into your head that are not helping you. It speaks volumes about her that she's ummm "open" to making out and letting guys feel her up so soon after 4 years. It's speaks even bigger that she'd throw it in your face. If that doesn't get you to try and break 3 day of NC I'm not sure what will.

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Originally Posted by chuff

So NC starts over again, and breaking it has put new thoughts and images into your head that are not helping you. It speaks volumes about her that she's ummm "open" to making out and letting guys feel her up so soon after 4 years. It's speaks even bigger that she'd throw it in your face. If that doesn't get you to try and break 3 day of NC I'm not sure what will.

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Well you say so soon after 4 years. She has been moving on for like 4-6 months from what I saw. It didn't make sense during those months, but now that I look back, it's very obvious. So her doing those things right when we broke up and then a few days later was a process long in the making. I'm not trying to defend her, just saying that she obviously started moving on a long time ago. NC sounds like a good idea, because she has a lot of thinking to do, and so do I. Also chuff, do you have an aim or msn?

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Originally Posted by Lonenexis

well you say soo soon after 4 years. She has been moving on for like 4-6 months from what I saw. It didn't make sense during those months, but now that I look back, it's very obvious. So her doing those things right when we broke up and then a few days later was a process long in the making. I'm not trying to defend her, just saying that she obviously started moving on a long time ago.

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Agree 100%. Women never break up at a moment's notice. They let themselves out of a relationship and then actually do the break up. The guy is always the last to know, which is why he is always taken by surprise that she can seem to be so guilt free or emotionless. It's because she's already done her healing while using him when he was still around and the guy is the one left "alone and confused."

Read these posts here. I've been here for 3 years. The men all describe differenent women, but the behavior pattern is always the same.

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Originally Posted by Lonenexis

NC sounds like a good idea, because she has a lot of thinking to do, and so do I. Also chuff, do you have an aim or msn?

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Neither one, sorry. You can shoot me a PM if you want.

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Originally Posted by chuff

Agree 100%. Women never break up at a moment's notice. They let themselves out of a relationship and then actually do the break up. The guy is always the last to know, which is why he is always taken by surprise that she can seem to be so guilt free or emotionless. It's because she's already done her healing while using him when he was still around and the guy is the one left "alone and confused."

Read these posts here. I've been here for 3 years. The men all describe differenent women, but the behavior pattern is always the same.



Neither one, sorry. You can shoot me a PM if you want.

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Yeah I agree. Women do tend to get over a releationship while in it. That's way men get blind sided and to us they seem to move on so quick.

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Originally Posted by chuff

It's because she's already done her healing while using him when he was still around and the guy is the one left "alone and confused."

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Why do some women want to come back if they're "healed" then. I understand that not all couples split on bad terms, but even couples that fight and literally hit each other will get back together and they sometimes last. How the heck does this happen lol?

Also she isn't done her healing, she cried a lot of the time when I spoke with her today. I understand emotions get dug up, but even still if she still didn't love me and didn't feel so guilty about what she did she wouldn't have cried. I'm not listening to words anymore from her. Her actions are going to be what define everything, I'm just going to sit back I think and see 1st if I can forgive her and then 2nd if she will stop doubting me and want to have a future. I don't know if either will happen.

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Why do some women want to come back if they're "healed" then.

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She doesn't want to come back, she just wants you to think she will.

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I'm not listening to words anymore from her. Her actions are going to be what define everything,

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That would be wise. Disappearing from her life would be wiser.

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I'm just going to sit back I think and see 1st if I can forgive her and then

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For giving you false hope, and keeping you around?

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2nd if she will stop doubting me and want to have a future.

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She doesn't want that any way.

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I don't know if either will happen.

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I doubt it too, so heal, and move forward with your life, by disappearing from hers.

How do you move on when you know that she is out dating other guys, but that's her intentions? I went on a date with my ex yesterday and she is currently dating someone. We had a good conversation and that was it, then she went back to her boyfriend's house.

I can't seem to ignore the words that she tells me. The reassurance is all but fake everyone is telling me. She told me that it doesn't matter if we stay in contact or not, it's not going to affect her decision. Well how can she miss what she still has? She obviously doesn't realize how much she'll miss me.

Also she said about going out and meeting other guys, but she is doing this with a friend and random guys. She should be going out on 1-to-1 scenarios to really be able to talk, not having a blast and chillen with 5 people with some alcohol in the mix. Does this make sense? She won't even meet anyone or learn anything if she is just having a blast. I feel like she needs to figure out what she is going to do with her life, but that she is outside of the box that I have had her in for 4 years. I was in no way, shape, or form controlling, but maybe she needed to get and have some fun. This fun however is kissing, talking, and who knows what else with other guys. She is only meeting other people with her friend by her side, anyone else think this is f'ed up?

She has free will and her own mind. You can try and rationalize all you want but in the end she is going to do what she wants to do. You can not control her.
If she wants to go out with 440 guys in a year your trying to reason that she should do a 1-to 1 scenerio isn't a factor to her.

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She should be going out on 1-to-1 scenarios to really be able to talk, not having a blast and chillen with 5 people with some alcohol in the mix. Does this make sense?. anyone else think this is f'ed up?

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I think its her business, and you should butt out!

Seriously, do you expect her to do it your way?? What's f'd up is you expecting her too.

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Originally Posted by Lonenexis

How do you move on when you know that she is out dating other guys, but that's her intentions? I went on a date with my ex yesterday and she is currently dating someone. We had a good conversation and that was it, then she went back to her boyfriend's house.

I can't seem to ignore the words that she tells me. The reassurance is all but fake everyone is telling me. She told me that it doesn't matter if we stay in contact or not, it's not going to affect her decision. Well how can she miss what she still has? she obviously doesn't realize how much she'll miss me.

Also she said about going out and meeting other guys, but she is doing this with a friend and random guys. She should be going out on 1-to-1 scenarios to really be able to talk, not having a blast and chillen with 5 people with some alcohol in the mix. Does this make sense? She won't even meet anyone or learn anything if she is just having a blast. I feel like she needs to figure out what she is going to do with her life, but that she is outside of the box that I have had her in for 4 years. I was in no way, shape, or form controlling, but maybe she needed to get and have some fun. this fun however is kissing, talking, and who knows what else with other guys. She is only meeting other people with her friend by her side, anyone else think this is f'ed up?

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Ok, no more mister nice Tee.

Here's the deal man - you are completely insecure with yourself. You are rationalizing this by thinking that you are some amazing person and that she obviously can't do any better than you. How could she miss you, you ask? Here's an idea - maybe she got tired of your constant need for flattery and attention.

She is trying out new things with her life. It's not about morally right or wrong, and it's not your place to judge her for whatever she is doing. You are clinging on the remnants of a broken relationship, holding out some kind of hope that she might "realize how much she'll miss you." That is entirely flawed.

It just boggles my mind how completely deluded you are. You have no leg to stand on here. You are not her boyfriend. Frankly, you aren't even being a good friend right now.

OK, now let me spell this out for you, even though you aren't going to listen:

Leave her alone.

Sometimes I wonder why I even try. But you are worth it, just like the rest of us broken-hearted, lost and confused folks. But have a shred of dignity and get on with your life.

Too mean? Oh well. You needed it.

~ Tee

My girl and I have been together for 4.5 years and have been on and off because she has hard morals that are hard to compromise with. I slacked off in high school and acted immaturely and didn't do school work like I should have. She is strict about getting an education and being an aspiring successful person.

This caused her and I to go on several breaks because she wasn't happy with the life choices I was making. We have been on about 5-6 breaks over the last 2.5 years and I have tried to correct and mature as a person, but it was always difficult. I went to college for her instead of myself in order to save my relationship which was my first mistake.

Not too long ago I decided to take a break from college as a deciding factor in our relationship. It was partly a test to see how she would react since we were getting serious. A person truly in love copes with a person's flaws instead of trying to change them. The other part was myself trying to get a promotion at my current job and deciding if college was right for me. She surprisingly completely supported me, which shocked me like you wouldn't believe. After about 3 months I got my promotion and I still don't make good money but it's a stepping stone and the first aspiring move I've ever made on my own terms.

Well soon after she realizes that her morals keep creeping up on her and she is repressing her feeling that I need to be successful for her to stay with me and get through college. She decides to go on a break and I realize that this is an issue and keeps happening.

I take the mature decision and break it off with her the very next day and we have a face to face discussion about how we were each other's first love, and we love each other very dearly, and our relationship is perfect except her morals causing her to be uncertain with me. We talked about how our relationship is perfect in every single way except this one big important factor ( which I completely understand ). Everything goes great and we break up on good terms with complete NC. We both agree that we need to spend a good amount of time apart to realize if each other is actually the "one" we want to share our lives with.

I realize that even though it hurt me very deeply to let her go, if our relationship has a chance to be salvaged , we needed space to figure out if that person is really essential to us. I have a goal planned to get another promotion and sign up for part time classes of college in the fall to see how I handle things. I think I'm doing this the best way possible and I really do believe that our relationship needed this breakup for the better in the future.

Why I have come here is to ask everyone if I'm making the right decisions to work on my own life first, and put the relationship where it needs to be right now and if by giving ample space that there is a chance that she will come to accept my flaws and be content with the rest of everything I have to give her. Obviously I'm not trying to be hopeful, as I have ended the relationship, but I do know that sometimes people need space and need to date other people to realize what they've lost. On top of that, we broke on very good, mature, agreed upon terms, and we know the flaws of our relationship. I'm taking action to be aspiring and do things for myself. I can do this without her, but I want her there too.


Thank you everyone in advance

Your photo has been removed for her privacy.

Wow, I completely overlooked that. I'm very sorry. Thank you for catching that so early on

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Lonenexis

wow, I completely overlooked that. I'm very sorry. Thank you for catching that so early on

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This isn't Facebook or myspace. It's a worldwide website where anyone can see everything. You never know who or what might be looking at her. I just thought it safer to remove the pic.