Little background:

2 years together during and after end of college. We're from different states. After graduation, she moved down to my state to be closer to me and got a job. I am still a bit away from where she lives/works, but we continued to see each other on weekends. We've had our arguments and fights. We had been talking about getting a place together for the last few months and started looking. Then about a week ago, she started not talking or being short with me during conversations. Then last week, she says she needs "space" and time. She writes this:

"the whole space thing is so i can figure out what i want. if you don't want to be patient with me right now then i'm not sure what to tell you right now"

I waited a few days, then called, texted, sent message to find out what's going on and NO response at all. Last message I sent was a few days ago and it was basically "I'll give you your space, but I can't guarantee I'll be around when you're ready to come back."

I know she has a lot going on, but would be nice to know where we stand. Her Facebook still says "in a relationship" even though I changed mine to "complicated". I don't know if she's just trying to figure out some things, or she's seeing someone else and is waiting to see how that goes. It's been a tough week and any advice would be nice. I'm trying the whole NO CONTACT thing, but it's really hard to not know where we stand or if she's seeing someone else.

It's just weird going from "we're moving in" one week and the next no response or anything from her. I guess I'm just confused.

There was a piece on the news the other day about social sites such as Twitter and Facebook.

And the youth or young people of today's needs to share every event with all of their friends. An event on its own almost is invalid or its as if it hasn't happened, if its not reported to 250 of your closest friends on twitter or Facebook.

People are either seeking validation and/or attention. Either way this behaviour isn't healthy because personal business is made a public event. The people in question are more concerned with changing their Facebook status before they actually tackle the real problem in their relationship.

Im a young man and have deleted my accounts on all these social websites.

I wouldn't even say its because people are abusing the sites, I think the societies are molding to fit the unconscious persuasions of these sites.

When I meet people and they ask if Im on Facebook or Twitter and I reply no, they consider me some sort of alien.

In a general sense, its usually young people around my age (almost 24) and younger getting caught in these traps. Developing people who are constantly seeking validation.

My grandmother told me that the amount of insecure young adults in the world today is ten fold to the way the world was in the 1940's. Of course people suffered from insecurity in those days, but not nearly as much as today. I wonder what it is in today's disposible world that is making droves of young men and women seek constant validation.

Crazy stuff.

None of this probably helps your situation but one thing I have noticed on a lot of these posts on this board, the majority of young people, growing and developing, finding themselves can change their mind about things in the blink of an eye. This is very unreliable if you're looking for a serious commitment.

She asked for time and space, so give it to her.

You're right in the sense that you can't put your life on hold for her forever, so there's no guarantee that you will be around when she comes around.

However, pushing her to give you an answer to something that she doesn't know isn't going to help you. The ball is on her side of the court, when she has an update, I'm sure that she will let you know.

Be patient or walk away. Quit forcing her to talk when she's not even ready.

Quote:

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"the whole space thing is so i can figure out what i want. if you don't want to be patient with me right now then i'm not sure what to tell you right now"

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All you had to do was say okay, and done what she asked. Then leave her alone without the other drama crap. Like this,

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I waited a few days, then called, text, sent message to find out what's going on and NO response at all. Last message I sent was a few days ago and it was basically "I'll give you your space, but I can't guarantee I'll be around when you're ready to come back."

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Or this,

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Her Facebook still says "in a relationship" even though I changed mine to "complicated".

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So immature and unnecessary.

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I know she has a lot going on, but would be nice to know where we stand.

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You stand for yourself whether she is there or not,

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I'm trying the whole NO CONTACT thing, but it's really hard to not know where we stand or if she's seeing someone else.

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Figure what your going to do without her. You don't wait for a female to fart before you hold your nose. You leave the room when she makes a funny face and starts straining. ( Give her what she wants and leave her alone )

She will let you know when she has blown her gas, ( When she figures herself out she will let you know )
Talaniman Rule-When they ask for a break, give it to them and do your own thing.

Talaniman rule- When you take a break, get somewhere to live on your own, so you can do your thing.

Talaniman Rule-A break has no strings attached, and make sure of that.

Talaniman Rule- When they need space, give it to them, and disappear from their lives. This allows you to heal.

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Originally Posted by Mickeymouser

2 years together during and after end of college. We're from different states. After graduation, she moved down to my state to be closer to me and got a job. I am still a bit away from where she lives/works, but we continued to see each other on weekends. We've had our arguments and fights. We had been talking about getting a place together for the last few months and started looking. Then about a week ago, she started not talking or being short with me during conversations. Then last week, she says she needs "space" and time. She writes this:

"the whole space thing is so i can figure out what i want. if you don't want to be patient with me right now then i'm not sure what to tell you right now"

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Space is a code word for women. It means they want to dump you but don't want to let you go in case whatever they have planned doesn't work out. By telling you she wants space she's telling you that she wants you to stand by and wait at her leisure.

In reality, you have been dumped and you should act accordingly by cutting all contact with her. Dumping you is her choice, what you do about it is yours.

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Originally Posted by Mickeymouser

I waited a few days, then called, texted, sent message to find out what's going on and NO response at all. last message I sent was a few days ago and it was basically "I'll give you your space, but I can't guarantee I'll be around when you're ready to come back."

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She was not going to respond to you because she had already told you she wanted space. All you are doing by contacting her is letting her know that she has the power over you.

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Originally Posted by Mickeymouser

I know she has a lot going on,

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Do not make excuses for her. If she wants to contact you, she'd do it. She's wronged you and you need to act accordingly and one thing is to not make excuses for her.

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Originally Posted by Mickeymouser

but would be nice to know where we stand.

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She dumped you. That is where you stand.

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Originally Posted by Mickeymouser

Her facebook still says "in a relationship" eventhough I changed mine to "complicated".

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Who the hell could care? What does Facebook have to do with real life?

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Originally Posted by Mickeymouser

I don't know if she's just trying to figure out some things, or she's seeing someone else and is waiting to see how that goes.

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Probably.

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Originally Posted by Mickeymouser

It's been a tough week and any advice would be nice. I'm trying the whole NO CONTACT thing, but it's really hard to not know where we stand or if she's seeing someone else.

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No contact is not easy. It's like giving up an addiction and it goes up and down. But it can be done. You depended on her and she let you down, so now you have to depend on number 1. You owe it to yourself to step up and keep up with NC. She's already deem

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Originally Posted by Mickeymouser

It's just weird going from "we're moving in" one week and the next no response or anything from her. I guess i'm just confused.

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One of the reasons breakups suck so much is that confusion. I often think the break up would be easier if the one party just explained the "why." That why is often the most troubling part and the thing that you can get hung up on even after the emotions of the ex are gone.

I'm not in a position to give you the why either, for that I'm sorry. But what I and others can give you is the tools to move beyond the why and into the future. Right now, you have to accept this as being dumped. You have to cut all ties and push yourself to realize and understand that you are the strong one. You have to choose again and again to move yourself forward for your own benefit. To do that, you have to begin to let her go.

Thanks for all the replies. I agree and will do my best for NC and try and move on and make my life what I want it to be. I've been through this before and took me years to get into a new relationship after so I know it's possible. They've all been better than the last, so I hope the next is the best ;)

Weird question, but I seem to be most depressed and sad about the in the beginning of the day, but then as the day goes on, I feel much better and think less about it?

I think that's pretty common. In the morning it gives you such an empty feeling. Try to start your day as soon as you wake up I guess, and start being busy.

Good luck!

You can expect emotions to come and go, and be up and down, as your acceptance of the situation grows, and the shock and fallout runs its natural course.

For sure, a lot to cope with. Cope you must, and will! We all did, and still do.

Try kickstarting your day-get out of bed as soon as you wake up and get busy.
Do it on autopilot till you feel better.

And you will feel better as the days add up.

Hey MickeyMouser! I also had the same problem of waking up with my ex in my mind. Mornings were very very rough for me. It took me about 3 to 4 months for that to fully stop. It gradually stopped more and more as I would get up quickly and shower ASAP. Then I felt good enough and I'd stay busy by working out or finding something to do. Today I woke up and guess what... I felt great. I watched TV and showered and I cooked and made brownies and washed dishes. Tomorrow I have school and then I have to paint a table since I ordered a mini laptop and after that I am playing basketball. Life does get better but you just have to get over this little by little. It's been 5 and a half months now since my break up and I get a bit sad at times especially with no special lady in my life. But it's not that hertaching pain. Its just thoughts that come and go. I know you will be fine so hang in there. It sucks that they did this to us and sometimes we don't know why and we over analyze. Heck I still do sometimes but its really pointless. You have to try and stop it by staying busy. It's the only way. I went on 3 dates with 3 different girls but I didn't enjoy any except 1 but it didn't go anywhere because I wasn't totally into her. I just stay busy and let life happen now. I try going out and not staying in. On Wednesday I had nothing to do so I went to my school gym and met a new friend and I went swimming. I will meet this guy again and meet new people this week and I can't wait! Life gets better. It's not all about Facebook and girls. It's about trying to be happy in any circumstance. I think life is about maximizing our happiness with the least amount of negative experience but those experiences do serve their purpose. So it then leads me to believe that the more negative experiences in the fastest amount of time leads to longer happiness throughout the rest of your life as your lessons have been learned sooner!

So far things are getting slowly better. Went out with some friends last night and it was nice to get my mind off things.

The NC seemed to work, as she finally sent me back a message after NC for a week. She said she was sorry she went about it the way she did and it wasn't fair to either of us to keep going. She said she wants to stay on the break and "find" herself and she understands that it's not fair that I be strung along and have to wait for her. Says she still loves me and will always have a special place in her heart.

For some reason, that felt better to get, as at least she wasn't ignoring me and gave me a little more reason to why and where we stand.

Still upset and it's hard, but I'm sure in time things will get better and meeting new people and doing new things will help a lot as well. I'll keep you guys updated or if I have any other questions. Thanks!


Also, should I cut complete contact with her, or have some light conversations?

Can you handle her being with someone else? If not, forget it. That's a sure signed your not healed enough, even though you feel better.

Go back to NC and living your own life.

Go find yourself and let her go find herself without her interfering with your peace of mind.

Little Update:

Haven't talked to her in a few weeks now. Trying to stay busy with new job, moving, etc. Had one slip up while out drinking heavily when I texted her, but never got a response, so that's a good thing.

Things ARE getting better and eventually I will move on completely, but still hard sometimes. Thanks for all the help in the beginning when things were extremely confusing and really hard.

Good ,keep going,it will get easier day by day.

No more drunktexting-ok?

Yea dude after they bust out the "I need space" line the best thing you can do is start getting on with your life. My ex wanted a break that I wouldn't give, 2 weeks later I got dumped. I know that's not uplifting news but women arw the type who break up with you 2 weeks before they do it, so I wouldt hope for anything right now. Live you life and when she does want to talk see how you feel

Update:

I really need to stop drinking, lol. I guess sometimes I get lonely at the end of the night and text/call her. Thankfully she never answers and that makes it much better. I'm thankful the next day we didn't talk. It's been about 1 1/2 months since I've heard from her, and she's got a new boyfriend apparently which I guess is what really bothers me more than anything. How do you go from "I need space" "I want to be young and free" to a month later "I love you" back and forth w/ this guy??

I haven't had an emotional breakdown in weeks though, which is a good thing:) Trying to move on and eventually I will be there.

You need to erase her number. Texting and calling her while DRUNK is just going to re-establish why she dumped you in the first place.

Do you want to go down in history as the creepy, drunk x boyfriend?

You stop drinking if that turns you into that not one bit attractive'ex who can't stop texting '.

Delete her number and move on.

So on this what would have been our 2 year anniversary day, we actually talked after almost 2 months. Tried to keep the conversation light and would not really go into our past relationship. Was good to just know she was doing OK, and things about her job, life, etc. It actually helped me quite a bit, even knowing it's pretty much over for good. I guess her dumping me pretty suddenly (not even in person), and never answering my calls/texts/etc. was a really bad way to end a relationship, but this short conversation helped w/ some small amount of closure. Only time will heal everything.

Time will,don't worry.
Keep moving on,and good luck.

Update:

Wow, just found out today she's engaged to some guy she's been with for only a month. This guy is younger than her, non-educated, most would say very unattractive, and a construction worker. I was w/ her two years and she was afraid to move in together because it was too fast, and now after one month she's engaged.

Not sure how I'm supposed to feel, but I feel like somehow she thinks he's an upgrade when obviously everyone (even all her friends) thinks it's a complete downgrade. I just thought maybe she was in a phase and was going to date around and figure things out for herself, not go and get married.

I can say w/ 100% certainty that marriage will not work out, but I don't even know if I should even try and talk to her about it.

Makes the past two years seem very confusing.

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Originally Posted by Mickeymouser

Update:



I can say w/ 100% certainty that marriage will not work out, but I don't even know if I should even try and talk to her about it.

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No it will not work out. No it is not something you talk about. You let it go. It's over.

She essentially fired you and then hired someone else.

If your boss fired you and hired someone else would you whine and cry about about how he or she doesn't know that there doing or would you go look for work elsewhere or travel or learn something new or use this time expand yourself. My point is, why is it your job to play hero to an girl who dropped you. Be a hero to yourself or be a hero to a girl you haven't met yet, and put yourself back together and focus on how you can make yourself a stronger independent person.

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Originally Posted by Mickeymouser

Makes the past two years seem very confusing.

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Honestly, this isn't that confusing. She used you. You can either accept it now and appreciate the lesson or you can be like other stubborn people and repeat this process. I was one of those stubborn people. Be smarter then me. I'm tell you, that you need to find some self respect and demand out of yourself, what you are trying to demand out of her. Your time is valuable. Your emotions are valuable. Your money is valuable. Quit wasting it and start honoring it.

Hey man! First of all, I'm sorry that your relationship had to end like this.

Question to ask you and please answer them and be truthful.

1. can you be with a person one moment she talks to you about moving in and having a future, then the following week she wants space and figure out if she wants this relationship.

2. If she does decide to contact you again, and you guys go on with the relationship, how long till she needs space again? and leave you in the dark. can you handle the pain over again.
3. Can you be with a person thats confuse about her feelings for you?

The saying goes, if its not broken why bother fixing it, and if it is broken why fix them apart.
She's confused and if I were you, I would not want to be with a person that has mix feelings for the relationship. Either you love me or you don't, how hard is that.
Give her space, but never come back! You don't deserve a person that will always flake on a relationship. For me I don't have time to play that kind of games, Its too much of a heart ache and nothing is ever being fixed. Move on with your life and start over again, it will be hard but everyone here had done it.

If you do decide to wait and get back with her, how long till she ask for another space, what if something better comes along, can you handle it? Can you compete with it? Relationship is about two couples building trust, life, and happiness together, and nothing and no one else matters but just the two of you. But in her case, its about her, what she wants and how she feels. And she just hopes that you will wait for her till she makes a decision. I think she wants to see if the grass is greener on the other side, and if its not your always their to fall back on, like a safety net.

we can only give you advice, and be here when you feel confuse, but its your decision to make a choice, and whatever choice you make, their will be a consequence. It can be good or bad, always know when your heart broken 90% of the time we think with emotions not logical. Know the difference!