Ask Me Help Desk - Is he just not that into me?

Is he just not that into me?

Hey,
So I've been sort of seeing this guy for about a month now but we've been talking for much longer than that. We hang out quite a bit & go out with his friends and such but mostly our time consists of hey come over and hang out and then he just wants to chill in his room (he has two roommates.. sp?) anyway, he calls me every day, texts me to say good morning etc. & gets me to call when I get home after I've gone out for the night to make sure I'm home safe. However like I said it's like he always wants to hang in his room and tries to hook up with me virtually every time I see him. We hang out during the day so it's not like I'm some 3 am booty call however I feel like an attempted one. The big part of this is that he's a professional athlete & his team is known to be sleezy. He tells me he has a crush on me but is it all a bunch of bs to get in my pants?

Please help!

Thanks :)

The easiest way to find out his true feelings for you are to stop having sex with him... his reaction to this should give you all the answers you need.

I think if you give us his name and the team he plays for we can help better. JUST KIDDING!! I don't think he is just trying to get in your pants for the simple fact he has been talking with you for a few months. Plus he is a pro athlete if he just wanted sex he could go to any club be like I'm so and so from the phillies and most girls would give it up right away. I say give him a chance. And if this advice helps next time his team is in philly I'll need some luxury box tickets :p

Well you have been seeing him for a while now and hang out often, I don't think that there's anything wrong with having a physical relationship. But if you are not ready for that, by all means, leave it until you are.

If you have slept with him, then don't for a week or two and see what his reaction is.

The relationship is still early days, go with your gut and see how things pan out, most of all... have fun! :)

I am with KC, stop the sex(unclear if your having it ) and be less available to hangout in his room. A guy who is really interested will want to spend time with you doing things that are fun.

Having sex after a month does confuse the feelings though.

I seen that you said tries to hook up with you which makes me think that you either do not give it up or don't give it up all the time. Sounds like he cares because he wants to talk to you all the time and I really don't think a pro would waste his time playing games when he could get who ever he wanted. He certainly wouldn't go for someone who is playing hard to get. I say don't stop hanging with him but try hanging in different places (more public.) Do something fun like go play whatever game it is he plays (ask him to teach you wink wink) or go shopping together or something that you find fun. If he wants to be with you then he will enjoy these things with you. Have you asked him out yet by the way? If not you may want to let him know that that is what you are in it for if that is in fact what you're in it for.

Quote:

So I've been sort of seeing this guy for about a month now but we've been talking for much longer than that

Not long enough to know what's on his mind, but for sure if the only thing he can do is hang out at his house, maybe you should decline, and see if he can come up with something more proper.

If he can't... don't be available.

Guys will take the easy route to your heart if you let them. (girls will to to be fair)

Can this turn into a relationship or am I just stupid?

Threads merged

Hey,
I met this guy not too long ago. I made him an exception and no joke he's the only person I've hooked up with outside of being in a relationship. I've spent the night there twice. He's talked about his exs and so on but has said things I can't believe you don't have a boyfriend, stay single for a while so I can get to know you, etc. & insists on driving 40 minutes one way to come get me despite the fact I have a car and so on. The other night he said something along the lines of I think we're going to have a lot of fun together, I'm really comfortable around you and then later on said he's only had casual sex with one other chick. He tells me he used to sleep around but got over that phase and started looking for relationships but mentioned the last couple people he has hooked up with have all been younger than me. I'm lost. He calls me up and always asks when he can see me next wants me to stick around and tells me I have to get used to being out there (his city) 'cause he wants me to come around a lot more.. I mean we haven't been up to this for long so I was wondering can something he calls "casual" turn into something or am I crazy? Is it better to just lay off hooking up with him completely or what? I have told him that it's out of my character 'cause I think it's just not right but I don't know. Please tell me what you think!

Hey,
You know, basically all relationships start exactly like this. He may be faking around or he may be genuine. The important thing here is your comfort level. If you are having fun with him then I think you should go ahead with it. Spend more time with him and get to know him more before going into an intimate relationship. Good luck :)

There's always a possibility that he's using you for sex, but if you are enjoying each others company and he's treating you well, then why not just keep seeing him and see what develops?

Only time will tell.

If you can't talk to him about what you wrote without the run around then maybe you need to leave him alone. You need to find out what he wants and don't want. Do he wants to be friends or more? Only he knows and you aren't a mind reader. Be straight with him so you don't end up getting please because people will do it if you allow them too.

It sounds kind of confusing. You said that he said he went through the hooking up stage and was then looking for a relationship. Maybe he is trying to get to know you better to see if there's something there to build a relationship on. But you also don't want to end up feeling used in the end if that doesn't happen. Only you know how you feel about the current situation, if you're happy with it and enjoying being with him, then have fun! And see where it goes, it sounds like he's putting in an effort, so he's interested (only he knows in what way he's interested, but I'm sure he could find other girls to "hook up" with that don't live 40 minutes away) if that was ALL he was interested in.

If you're uncomfortable because you're unsure if it's going somewhere, talk to him about it, the worst thing that can happen is your current "relationship" could stop, but if it wasn't going anywhere, and you didn't just want a platonic relationship then it's for the best!!

Best of luck!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Twinks2388

Hey,
I met this guy not too long ago. I made him an exception and no joke he's the only person I've hooked up with outside of being in a relationship. I've spent the night there twice. He's talked about his ex's and so on but has said things I can't believe you don't have a boyfriend, stay single for a while so I can get to know you, etc. & insists on driving 40 minutes one way to come get me despite the fact I have a car and so on. The other night he said something along the lines of I think we're going to have a lot of fun together, I'm really comfortable around you and then later on said he's only had casual sex with one other chick. He tells me he used to sleep around but got over that phase and started looking for relationships but mentioned the last couple people he has hooked up with have all been younger than me. I'm lost. He calls me up and always asks when he can see me next wants me to stick around and tells me I have to get used to being out there (his city) 'cause he wants me to come around a lot more.. I mean we haven't been up to this for long so I was wondering can something he calls "casual" turn into something or am I crazy? is it better to just lay off hooking up with him completely or what? I have told him that it's out of my character 'cause I think it's just not right but I dunno. Please tell me what you think!

I think he's full of crap! Well not full of it, he is telling you what he is about. He used to sleeping around, but he said he's only had causal sex with one other chick (what is sleeping around then). The last couple of people he has messed round with has been younger that you, (how old are you?) He'll come get you, (so you're on his turf with no way to get off unless he brings you back).

Sounds like you have not had much experience in this area, he senses that and is assuming you will be great fun for a while. He sees you as an easy fresh piece and if that is what you want to be, go for it. Otherwise leave him alone.

Do you think it's possible that because I hooked up with him rather early despite the fact I told him I'm not that kind of person when he invited me out to stay there that I ruined any chances of dating him though? I haven't done this hooking up prior to a relationship before so I'm freaking out.

I don't think you ruined any chance of dating him because I don't think he would have dated you. I don't think he dates your type. He casual dates and you don't. But he thought, hey I can have fun with this for a while.
Now if you want to try and date him, set boundaries, no sex, get to know him and he you and date on your turf.
I think you are a decent girl and this guy just wants to have fun, get back in your pants.

Your words say your not the type, but your actions say different, and his words, and actions say, he will drive for miles for a casual booty call.

Is this guy's behaviour normal?

Hey.

So I started seeing this guy about two weeks ago we aren't boyfriend /girlfriend but when I asked him what I was to him in order to clear up confusion he said I'm not his girlfriend but his baby.. because he hasn't had the balls to ask me out yet. Fine, that's cool, but when we were at brunch the other day his crazy ex called and he said he was at lunch with a friend. Afterwards he said he just doesn't want to break her heart but he's Always mentioning something about an ex Daily.That day we were supposed to go do something together but when he got called into work and was supposed to start 4 hours later he left me at his place so he could go to the gym. He went to the fair with his ex, her best friend and other people and didn't talk to me until the next day when he called at 11am to warn me about getting a Facebook message from his ex 'cause she's jealous of me. He sent me a text today saying: I can send a smiley face on my bbm not a semi colon right bracket so F U :) (because he couldn't put the wink.. ) I don't have bbm.. I have an iPhone. He wrote on his brothers wall about being his wingman this weekend and then ended up adding 4 chicks to Facebook. Today he also sent me a message to wake up to saying good morning beautiful etc. and has talked about moving in with me in the future. I'm confused it's like it's 50/50.I was always under the impression when a guy likes you he's not messing around.. is it normal for dudes to be like that? I mean I ended my 4.5 year relationship 11 months ago so I'm fresh on the scene again. Help? Opinions? Thank you!

Tell him to buzz off and find yourself a nice guy. This one wants to be a player. Sorry...

You're not his girlfriend, you're his baby, his plaything, his potential piece on the side when he's not on the off with his girl friend. This guy is a player.
Re read what you just wrote. What would you tell a girl friend about this. They are red flags all over the place.

Leave him alone... You are asking for a miserable life if you stay with him.

Sounds like he's not over his Ex so he's keeping you on a lead in case he needs you , like the others said he sounds like a player. And even if you were to get together you would just be each others Rebounds.

Quote:

Originally Posted by friend4u178

Sounds like he's not over his Ex so he's keeping you on a lead in case he needs you , like the others said he sounds like a player. And even if you were to get together you would just be each others Rebounds.

I agree with Friend...

Will he ever call again / do I have ANY chance?

Hey,

So I've been seeing this guy for a while. Yesterday he invited me out with his friends who I've met before. We all had some drinks, were having a good time, went to this person's house and hung out. It was good until we got back to his place. He asked me if anyone said anything to me and I told him that yea his roommate's girlfriend had warned me about him but there was miscommunication and he freaked out on his roommate. Basically it started this huge argument so I left on the phone for about 10 minutes and came back when it was all calm. Then it flared up again and the guy wanted the story straight from me and it was obvious I was choked 'cause I was asked to calm down but he called me a b*t*h so I was upset. I walked out and had to be asked to come back and stay.. the guy and I talked it out but he thinks I made him look like an idiot in front of his friends.. he says it's all good and everything and that his roommate's been acting stupid lately and he's been wanting to move out and everything but.. do you think it's really all good? Would you call back? After all that he told me he loved me.. then said well.. I don't know about love love but I'm really into you and all this. However on the drive back to the city today he was absolutely quiet and held my hand not even 5 minutes before I had to drop him off. Again, would you call me back after all that? He says he cares but.. I'm so nervous!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Twinks2388

after all that he told me he loved me.. then said well.. I dunno about love love but I'm really into you and all this.

Seriously? Wow.

Have you invested a lot of time in this relationship? If not, I say run for the hills. I'm having a hard time seeing what exactly you did wrong, when it was his friend that warned you about him. Maybe it was good you got a warning.

I have to spread some rep ZoeMarie, but I agree with you.

I would walk away and not look back. That whole situation is a bit too weird for me. Way too much drama and flaring tempers.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I have to spread some rep ZoeMarie, but I agree with you.

I would walk away and not look back. That whole situation is a bit too weird for me. Way too much trauma and flaring tempers.

Sounds like a soap opera and if I were you.. I'd walk away.

Do you really want or need this kind of drama in your life?

Why not find someone else that you can have a happy and healthy relationship with?

Quote:

Originally Posted by I wish

Do you really want or need this kind of drama in your life?

Why not find someone else that you can have a happy and healthy relationship with?

Why would you even want a relationship with this guy?

Am I in the wrong for my past?

So..

I've been seeing someone for a couple months. I denied hooking up with my ex of 2 years ago after we broke up and hooking up with a professional football player I'm friends with 4 months before I even knew this guy. He found out that I did and he lost his mind, got out of my car, called me and told me to just go home. He tells me he's now unsure if he wants to be with me. I'm keeping this fairly short so.. my opinion is that whatever I did in the past shouldn't be something he should be mad about. He says it's an insecurity issue because of the professional football player and the fact I lied. I didn't lie about anything in this current relationship or even since I met him only about the past part of my life why? Because I didn't want to look promiscuous.. he has major trust issues but honestly.. am I in the wrong for this one? Thank you

Completely in the wrong, you lied, that is the issue, and now he has no idea what other relationships or things you lied about.

There is never a "great" reason to lie.

It only take one lie to break trust. Even though you are right about what happened in the past should not affect what is happening now. It was not right to lie about it.

You make things look worse when you lie and get caught no matter how innocent they may be.

This may be a hard matter to overcome and it may not happen.

Honesty is the only policy.

He wont'ever trust you fully again.
Lies have a way of getting out of control .

You shouldn't have lied to him. It damaged the trust between you.

You should have told him it isn't his business that it was your past and you are free and healthy. That's ALL he needs to know. Digging around in your past to satisfy his need for 'security' is no better than you lying to him (if you didn't want to seem promiscuous, I doubt you volunteered the information).

I am wondering if you really want to be in a relationship with someone who you feel you need to lie about your past to.

It's not that you hooked up with these guys, it's that you lied about it. Sure, no one wants to hear about their partner's past sex life, but it's one thing to keep it private, it's another to lie about it. If I had asked my girlfriend (which I don't... mainly because I don't care about her past, but had I done so) about her past sex life, and told me the truth, fine, it would sting me... but I'd find a way to get over it. Had I found out that she had lied to me about it, I'd have more of a reason to start doubting her.

He will never be completely sure of you again. I wouldn't if I were him and that isn't being rude to you. It's just the truth.

Lies create distrust. He's in the right about this one.

He was wrong for putting his nose in your business after only a few months, but you were wrong to lie about it, when you had the option to be honest with him, and tell him its none of his business.

He is wrong and so are you. I don't think it's going to work for either of you.

By the way, has he been honest with you about his past?

He tells me about things but there are times I'll catch him in something and he'll turn it around and use something I've done to try and steer me away from getting an answer or he will say something like I'm not dealing with this I don't need this in my life do you want to be with me or what and over dramatize a simple question.

Both of you need to step away and give each other some space.
Try iy with NC and see what happens.

In all honesty I think he will never be able to let this go. If you stay together it will be there and he will always wonder.