A little backround into my relationship, Im now 19 and she 18. We have been together a year and a half. We fell fast, the moons were aligned so to say and things just moved very quickly, after about a year She decided we were "too serious" and things went down hill from there. She cut herself away from me and stopped telling me things or caring about me or our relationship in gereral. This of corse freaked me out and I made the mistake of trying harder and pushing our relationship harder. Hindsight being 20/20 I should have backed off. Never the less things got worse, we started fighting (we never did before) and she became unhappy with everything in her life and pushed me away farther. At about this point she began dropping suttle hints of wanting a "break". I blew this off because to me the idea seems utterly retarted, you either want to be with someone or you don't and I voiced my feeling on the subject. Her hints have become louder and louder (me ignoring them all) until today she basically gave me the ultimadum of breaking up or taking a break. She said she wants to "see other people" and wants me to also, that she is young and doesn't want to make a mistake getting to serious so young. So now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, 1. I don't want anyone else and the chances of me actually taking a interest in another girl are slim to none. 2. If she dates another guy the chances of me taking her back are again slim to none, I would always feel betrayed and couldn't stand the thought of her being with another guy, it just wouldn't work. 3. I couple weeks ago I found some flirty text messages on her phone from a guy at her work who to me seems like her type. One of the messages from him saying "Whats cooking good looking" and other things I would consider crossed the line of friends or coworkers. I confronted her and we fought about it. I reciently discovered she went to a common date spot alone with him, she claimed more people were supposed to come but neer did. I don't think she would do this on account of her being a honest and trustworthy person but I flipped out none the less. So the root of the question, What does this break mean? She laid out some ground rules saying that I am not allowed to text or call her and she will let me know in a couple weeks what she has decided. I am still utterly confused about shy she is doing this or what she hopes to gain from this. I figure, 1. I sufficated her and she just wants temp. space 2. She wants to see were this relationship with her new guy will go and is putting me on the back burner 3. She is wanting to break up but doesn't want to come out and say it. Any help is greatly appreciated, sorry for all the reading but I wanted to paint a full picture of what is going on in this loony situation.:confused:

Forgot to say that I love her, I really do, even for my age I am still rather sure. She seems skeptical about "love" however she does say she loves me. I am not sure she means it.

In my opinion,a break often means-'wanting to break up,but holding on to the relationship,in case they change their mind'.

It seems her feelings have changed and you're being put on hold as the backup guy.

Bad place to be,so do no contact for yourself and start living your own life.

Furthermore, If I find out there is another guy the door leading to this relationship will close. I refuse to be taken advantage of and will not allow her to go "try" other guys and come back to me. I am being optimistic I guess hoping this is not the case.

She is laying out all the rules and is telling you what you can or can not do.

If anyone were to do that to me,I'd be down the road as of yesterday.

You,nobody else,is in charge of your life.

Break - ending the relationship on their end while giving you hope so it's less painful in there mind.

Not many breaks result in getting back together

All of the rest of the posters are correct.

She is breaking up with you in my opinion and the signs have been there for a while.

Think about it like this, if you were to get back together how would you know that option a or b, her keeping you on the back burner or pursuing a relationship with this other guy, didn't happen? You wouldn't, not catagorically.

My advice, move on. Your other option is to wait around to MAYBE have a relationship with a girl should she decide that is what she wants... not for me, anyway.

Sorry guy, but you must recognize its over, and she is trying to get you to give up, and leave her alone. It no longer matters how in love you are, as her feelings have changed and she no longer wants any romance with you. Take the hint, because she has already started to do her thing, and you should do the same, because chances are she has no intention of coming back.

A break means its over, and you have to find someone else. You will in time once the shock has worn off at being dumped, and reality becomes rather obvious.

She text me most of the day today (she text me not I text her)and told me she missed me and so on but quit around 8oclock and has ignored me. This girl is really confusing.

So you start ignoring her-dont let her pull your strings.

Start no contact for yourself and leave her confusing little mindgames in the past.

Ok, I think I have figured out her game, Apparently awhile back her dad told her something to the effect of if you love something and let it go its true love if it comes back. And she is apparently testing our love to see if it is true? Again this seems utterly retarted to me and really just pisses me off that she would be willing to put what we had in jeopardy.

False hope and wishful thinking-if something isn't broken and it works,why break it so it has to be fixed?

You are overanalyzing.

Look at the facts,using your head,not your heart.

Yep everyone was right, she just broke up with me. Should have listened.

Sorry 91-it sucks-I suggest you go total no contact now and start healing.

Read the stickies at the top of the relationship page for more advice.

Take care.

I have to agree! Don't hang around waiting for crumbs she might throw or you'll be miserable.

Thanks guys.

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Originally Posted by 91s10blazer

Thanks guys.

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Good Luck... Blessings

Absolutely, move on. Someone without the respect and maturity to be genuine with you doesn't deserve your love or time.

NC and healing time now, have a look at the stickies, they're really helpful :)

PS if you want to talk or vent come on back, you have people that want to listen and help you here.

Ok more help is needed, spent along time talking with her yesterday and although she refused to re-enter a relationship with me I found out her motivation behind this, she says that she has felt sufficated and has become pretty depressed and that she wants time to get out and enjoy life and have fun with her friends without feeling tied down. She said that over the past two years we have gotten to close and she feels like were married and she doesn't want that right now because she is a 18y/o girl. Before I get into the rest of what she said I want to say that this girl is not a drama queen and is not a skank in anyway and the recient things that have happoned with us are really out of character for her. That being said she told me that she wants to take a break from our relationship for a month. And here are her terms, She said that she wants to be able to go on dates with other guys and said I should too. But that she doesn't want either of us to actually enter a relationship with anyone and that neither of us should make it to third base. She said that she only wants to talk to me once a night and wants to keep contact to a minimal but that I can take her out on a date or two a week. I agreed to her terms because I am in love with her and want to see our relationship threw to the end even though this "break" will kill me. I kissed her during this talk and she didn't stop me or push me away she kissed back. So we parted ways and I didn't expect to hear from her for awhile. She then proceeds to text me about two hours later and has been talking to me ever since, she made plans to hang out with me today and wants me to go out to a fair with me tomorrow and even told me she loves me when she called last night. I don't get this girl! I asked her if there was another guy she was interested in and she said no that its not that she wants to go out and find dates it's that if the opportunity arises she doesn't want to be tied down. Some one put this into guy terms for me so I can understand what is going on here lol:eek::confused::eek::confused: p.s. the chances of me actually cutting contact with her are slim to none, I'm head over heels for this girl and can't help it lol HELP!!

Then all you can do is dance around to her tune and hop,skip and jump as you're allowing her to call all the shots.

Try disappearing instead and go live your own life.

Her terms are unacceptable on many levels and the fact you even agreed to them speaks of desperation. A sure sign your broken heart is calling the shots, and not your common sense.

First THE RULES OF A BREAK UP.

Talaniman Rules-Never assume that your feelings are shared by any one else.

Talaniman Rule-When they ask for a break, give it to them and do your own thing.

Talaniman Rule- When you break up, have the courtesy to revoke their relationship privileges.

Talaniman Rule- Never let them break your heart TWICE! Didn't it hurt enough the first time?

Talaniman rules- When you get dumped, why go back, and get dumped again.

Talaniman Rule- When they need space, give it to them, and disappear from their lives. This allows you to heal.

Talaniman Rule- Never allow an ex to make rules for what you do.

Talaniman Rule- Never wait when you get dumped. Get your own life and let them get theirs.

Talaniman Rule-Never follow your heart when its so broken, it makes the brain feel like mush

Talaniman Rule- While they are dumping you, never say you can't be friends. Agree to whatever she wants, then disappear from their life.

In your favor however, since you didn't argue, the last rule is completely in order, should you find the courage to do it, and seek to heal, and keep your dignity, and self respect, while doing so. If you don't then she will use her power, and HER RULES to string YOU along, like a puppy. That's a fact son, and your test is to stand on your own to feet be a man, and make yourself unavailable to this females BS!!

Oh the translation for what she has told you is

I'M THE BOSS AND WE DO IT MY WAY, OR NO WAY! ANY SQUEALING ABOUT IT, OR BREAKING MY RULES WILL RESULT IN YOU NOT GETTING ANY MORE CRUMBS WHATSOEVER.

Further, when I say string you along, I mean do as she pleases and she keeps her options open in case she does have to cut your puppy time, to a real man she finds interest in.

The worst thing you can do is accept this kind of treatment from her because your so freakin "in love" it over rules your common sense, and undermine your dignity and respect.

Disappear, and let her wonder where you are, what your doing, what your thinking, and see wonder why her plan didn't work like she thought it would.

She needs to know you train a pet to do tricks on command, not a real man, because real men don't put up with this sort of nonsense. By going along with her plan, you demean yourself, and become a pet to her, not a real man, she can depend on and trust me, she won't.

Save yourself some humiliation, and listen to what you have been told.

I know it is but I can't help it. This girl is everywere in my life, everywere I look there is stuff we got together she even bought me my dog. She doesn't really seem to be ready to move on or she would just cut contact, and god knows I'm not.

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Originally Posted by 91s10blazer

I know it is but I can't help it. This girl is everywere in my life, everywere I look there is stuff we got together she even bought me my dog. She doesn't really seem to be ready to move on or she would just cut contact, and god knows I'm not.

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Much was added to my post so reread it.

The reason that she isn't ready to move on, is she has no one to move too. Not yet.

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she said no that its not that she wants to go out and find dates it's that if the opportunity arises she doesn't want to be tied down.

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Translation-If she finds someone better your already dumped, so its full steam ahead.

You better show this young girl you aren't the punk she thinks you are! That simple, so get her off that pedestal, as you don't have a relationship at this time, it's a dictatorship! See the difference?

And how do I go about that? Lol

Update- I have not contacted her she contacted me today and talked to me most of the morning then she came over and we kissed and hung out like normal, we even took a nap together. I had to go out and do some stuff and she asked if she could go with me and acted like my girlfriend the whole time, holding my hand and everything else. Why is she insisting on being broken up and saying she wants space but yet she keeps coming back to me and ascting like things are normal?

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Originally Posted by 91s10blazer

And how do I go about that? lol

Update- I have not contacted her she contacted me today and talked to me most of the morning then she came over and we kissed and hung out like normal, we even took a nap together. I had to go out and do some stuff and she asked if she could go with me and acted like my girlfriend the whole time, holding my hand and everything else. Why is she insisting on being broken up and saying she wants space but yet she keeps coming back to me and acting like things are normal?

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How about stop letting her make you think you are a couple? And reading the stickies in this forum. That's a start, and you will see that you're giving her what she wants, and you get what she gives you. The crumbs of false hope.
One day you will wake up and be mad at yourself that you have allowed yourself to be her option because it feels good, but still you make her your priority and put her on a pedestal, and are so desperate to get the old times back.

They are dead son, and gone, now this young female has your nose open and your mind so befuddled that only when she has other options will you finally see what has been told you. Yes, not only will you be mad at the world for your own hard headed folly, but more hurt than you have ever been in life. More than you are now.

All because you are not man enough to stand up for yourself, and do the right thing for yourself. That's sad. Got anymore excuses to share with us why you can't man up!!

Bacause I'm still not sure its over, maybe its false hope but I made a commitment to see this relationship threw to the end and I got to know if this is a speed bump or the real end. Guess I got to find out the hard way.

Im in a similar situation but my ex stated she didn't want to see anybody else and suggested and though she then denied it that we each don't see anybody else, yet she still somehow has single status. Anyway, I'm having to cut contact with her because I know that waiting around as her 'friend' when she tells me she's found somebody else is going to hurt right now since I still have feelings for her.

Now if my ex like yours pull this one on me 'i want to see other people and you should too' I would be off like a rocket! That is a clear indication that she wants to sleep around. Ive heard that from many young girls many many times before.

I actually wish my ex had of said that same thing to me because it would have made it SO much easier to walk away from!

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Originally Posted by 91s10blazer

Bacause im still not sure its over, maybe its false hope but I made a commitment to see this relationship threw to the end and I gotta know if this is a speed bump or the real end. Guess I gotta find out the hard way.

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Don't be a doormat for this girl. You seem like a nice guy. How can she respect you when you let her use you? Stand Up For Yourself and get off the rollercoaster. This is not a speedbump sweetie this is dead end with flashing danger signs ahead. Blessings

Well, breaks don't always not work out. Sometimes some people just need a little space. But in your situation, it just seems like she's not that into you bro. Sorry.

Threads merged
So basically this girl I have been dating for over two years decided she needs space and wants to break up. She says she needs to be broken up for awhile to see if what we have is really meant to be. She came over droped my stuff off and we sat and went threw our old stuff and our scrapbook of memories and talked about all the good times we had. She was upset and crying and she wanted me to hold her, so I held the girl I love and comferted her from the pain of dumping me? Anyway, she kept saying I don't want to do this but I know I have too. She then kisses me very passionately, hugged me and said some very painfull goodbyes. She then told me she loves me and tells me she is going to keep wearing the jewellery I have gotten her and is going to keep the one of the teddy bears I have gotten her. I tried contacting her tonight and she ignored me. Is up with this lol She kept saying is its meant to be it will be. Anyone got any insite into this? Even heard of something like this?

Could be that she has someone new on the scene... She feels real bad because you're a good guy and she doesn't want to hurt you because she does still care for you. But if there is no other explanation, I kind of figure there must be somebody extra on the scene..

After two years of a happy relationship this kind of poped out of no were, I'm confused lol She said she didn't want another guy she just didn't want anybody right now.

I had the same thing a few weeks back. Same length of relationship, I saw signs that stuff was up though. The texts, the emails, stuff *changed*... She used to be paranoid about me falling for other girls and that stopped.

She broke up with me and then the next day would send me real upset texts about how she thinks she's messed up, how she's not sure if what she did was right...

I supported her through it, did what I could... At the end of it, she said she had started seeing another guy. She then stopped and wanted me again. She then said she needed time to be single and sort her head out. Days after, blocked me on Facebook and msn and was with this guy.

Totally took the mickey.

Whatever you do man, don't be taken for a ride, keep your pride. My case is my case but if you see similar signs, be cautious!

I know how you feel. It sucks to just do no contact while your heart is screaming for her to get back and do your best to beg and hope it would get her back. My ex text me that also saying that she misses me and all that bull. If she reall did why isn't she in your arms. I think she's just saying that so if it doesn't work out with the other guy she can always come back to you. Your like her safety net. Its hard to move on but hey I'm doing my best

Think it through very carefully!

Hey man she's not for you. You deserve someone better, all your doing is torturing yourself. Every one tried to warn you about this girl but you let your emotion took the best of you. I know it feels like there is no reason of being happy anymore because she is no longer yours. But life is to good to let one girl destroy your happiness. I am going through one right now, my ex just left me and I feel so mad and angry, I always ask myself how could she sleep so good while I'm here at night crying. The more you think about her bro the more you are only hurting yourself. Stop the excuses and start the healing process. I know that guy can't make her happy the way you can. And she will probably call you telling you that you're the best boyfriend she ever had and she will only do that when things don't go her way. Don't give in to what she says cause once she see something better she will only do it over again leave you for another. Your only 19 years old you have your life to live for. When you find that perfect someone she will make you happier then you had ever felt just wait and trust on God he will make things better for you.. good luck and hope you don't make anymore excuses for her.

You should think about the hurt you are feeling.

Do you really want to do that for the rest of your life?

You seem like a nice young man who deserves better.

It will hurt a lot, but the hurt will go away.

There is someone out there for you, someone who will treat you as you deserve to be treated..

Good Luck Young Man! :):)

Yea it really sucks because I have been with her so long I stopped hanging out with my friends and lost contact with a lot of them. She apparently decided she wanted to break up about a month ago, made new friends and even lined up a new guy before she decided to tell me. Women can be so cruel, The last time I saw her, she was at a local hangout shop with her friends trying to pick up guys. And she was wearing a shirt, flip flops, necklace, earings, braclet, purse and wallet I got her. She was even still wearing the promise ring I got her. I attempted to talk to her but she refused to talk to me without her friends being there. She said to my face she has no more feelings for me and she wants to be with and kiss other guys. I told her she just broke my heart and she just shrugged and went back to laughing with her friends. You are all right, and were right from the beginning.


I don't know how your feelings for someone can just end after two years. I honestly never really saw this coming, we had fun and were laughing and were happy the day before she did it.

You have to realize that its normal to grow and change. That's what young people are supposed to do. But it's a very valuable life lesson you are learning, about people as well as yourself.

Life will always throw us challenges and situations that we have to live through, and to do that you must develop your coping skills and know how to handle your feelings that these situations bring out in you.

Right now you have many feelings to cope with, shock, disbelief, confusion, denial, disappointment, hurt, fear, rejection, whew there are so many all at once, and its difficult. But you will learn to make adjustments for yourself, and deal with these feelings over time and with some efforts on your part.

Life is a journey, so be patient.

Sorry for your pain.

Have nothing more to do with her no contact-let her live her life and you get on with yours.

Reconnect with your old friends and make new ones.

You'll get over this,with time and patience.