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My boyfriend always seems to be so turned on by me always saying how beautiful and sexy and smart I am... all these qualities that I don't think are far from the truth but I'm not conceited or anything.. but I'm 5'7 slender body and curves with a pretty big/fat rear end that he seems to "worship" however I feel like whenever he mentions how other women look they are always a little thicker than me... and fyi they are usually celebrity women he never really says that about normal girls.. I don't know if its because he doesn't want to upset me? Or he's not really looking at them as much as women in the spotlight. He say's I look so much better than them and turn him on so much more because I'm "his" and I'm real? I mean I really try hard to look star quality as far as my figure goes, my hair and the way I look overall. Am I trying top hard, do I need not try at all? Does it really make a difference or not? What does he (really) want?

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Originally Posted by j_ely823

What does he (really) want?

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Ask him. Do NOT use the old one about "does this make me look ..." Ask him when you're wearing sweats.

I think he wants you. You need to stop questioning that. It is your own self esteem. Your issue here for some reason you do not think your good enough. Why is that do you think?

Men look at other women, celebrities or just ordinary women but the point is I am trying to make. Even if that is true. He is with you. Just because men comment about other women does not mean he to be with them.

He is with you. He wants you.

I guess when I was younger boys didn't really find me attractive. That stayed with me a bit. I have a unique look as I've been told many people think I'm very beautiful but also I want to be SEXY vixen like... it seems celebrities are like that... and is that what attracts them so. I don't really care if he looks at them I just would worry if he compares them to me like hmm wow that __ (some part of the females body) looks good I wish my girl had that... you know what I mean

He sounds very happy and fulfilled.
So I say,if it ain't broke don't try to fix it.
Sexy,in my opinion is self- confidence and knowing that real beauty comes from the person who dwells inside.I know that sounds trite but I have found that to be true.
Also less is more when it comes to sex appeal.Leaving something to the imagination is a turn on for men.

I see... I shall let that marinate in my head... So if I convey to him that I feel sexy he will think so too?

The way a person carries themselves has a big impact on how people will treat them!

If you believe that you're sexy, truly believe it, it will show in your actions and movement. Other people will believe it, too, even if they thought so in the first place!

But you know what? As long as you think you're sexy, hey! You win!

He already thinks your sexy.

I think you are comparing yourself to celebrity women too much. Your boyfriend seems to like you how you are.
You say that you are "beautiful and sexy and smart" yet you have an inferiority complex and want to be "star quality" for whatever that means.

Why are you insecure? All of this has to do with how you see yourself. If he tells you he finds you sexy, attractive and that you turn him on, then listen to him and take all of that as a compliment. Men don't speak in "code". We say what we mean... word for word. There is no need for interpretation.

So when he tells you those things, that is how he feels about you. So I wouldn't worry about not looking good enough for him.

Now for the looking at other women thing... we are guys. We will look. It's just how we are. If we are good guys worth keeping, we ALWAYS come home with the one we love and who we want to be with. PERIOD!

I'm a guy and I speak in code sometimes. It's a terrible habit, but I used to work in Intel and I learned to communicate in extremely subtle ways. Anyway, my last ex could have gained 30 pounds and I would have loved her just as much, although 31 and I would have invited her on a few runs :). Everyone is insecure about something or another (if you aren't, I think you should be committed). This is your demon, your looks. You will probably struggle with this for life. Keyword being struggle. Instead of focusing on your perceived weaknesses, try thinking about your attributes and for the love of god, don't compare yourself to anyone, ever. It's the unique combination of you he is attracted to. Maybe if you really thought you were hot stuff, you'd be impossible for him to be around.

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Originally Posted by j_ely823

My boyfriend always seems to be so turned on by me always saying how beautiful and sexy and smart i am...I see...i shall let that marinate in my head...So if i convey to him that i feel sexy he will think so too?

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Did you read what you wrote? He already does. You don't.

You'll drive yourself nuts and him out of the relationship if you never believe a word he says. You think too much.

Many people who have already read and responded to most of my threads have given me very helpful advice and believe it or not catalyzed my relationships progress to rebuilding the trust, communication, comfort. Etc However I am only 19 and I'm so committed and very much in love with my boyfriend, and he feels the same way. Due to the significant amount of relationships that do not last however because of long distance and the deficient maturity, my parents and I'm sure most people would say I'm settling to young or I should go and test the waters. But the point of dating is to find the qualities/attributes you would favor in a lifelong partner; I've done a little dating, I've had a fair share of experiences with members of the opposite sex, I've made a few mistakes in the whole dating arena but I feel like everything I ever wanted down to just the way he makes me laugh, is pretty much perfect. I say pretty much because No ONE is perfect. I accept that he has flaws but all the good far outweighs the bad its unbelieveable. He's pretty much had the same experiences as I , in regard to girls and dating , making mistakes. SO he's learned the major ones, as have I. We know what needs to be dealt with if we have a problem, and we aim to fix it as soon as possible. There have been many issues the past couple of months between us, now things are looking a lot brighter than they ever been, I know and truly know he loves me and I him. My only question is its only been a yr with him, and seven months almost eight apart(long distance) stuff, I feel like I'm ready to marry him if he would just pop the question which he said he already considers me his wife, because at on point we were living together. He said he would marry me once he's right out of school because he wants to be able to support and provide for me like a husband should, and that's fine I can't wait. The question is will love wait? Or more specifically do you think well be able to make it for another 2-3yrs with the same desire and love for each other? I've heard of people getting married really young--some last and some don't but I wonder if my relationship has what it takes to last?

What do you think is a good age to get married? WHat is the age contingent upon?

In your State, Province, or Parish, there is an age at which you are allowed to enter into contracts, own property, or get married. In English it is termed the "Age of Majority." The lawmakers have decided that you know enough by that age to be responsible for your own life.

If you rush to marriage because you are afraid of losing each other, your marriage is based on fear. If you wait until he's done with school, and find that love has left the two of you, chances are that would have happened even if you had gotten married. If you wait, nourish the relationship for as long as it takes, and get married when both of you are ready, you will have made your marriage out of your combined commitment. You decide if your relationship has what it takes to last.

It might seem that things just happen, but you make more than you realize through your day to day decisions.

Tao

To find a person who will love you for no reason,
and to shower that person with reasons, that is
the ultimate happiness. -Robert Brault (1938- )

If your guys' love doesn't wait then it's obvious that your marriage wasn't meant to be. If you both can't make it another 2-3 years with the same desire then there would be no way you both could make a whole lifetime. I'm not sure if anybody really knows if your relationship will last, things change and sometimes we can't predict things like that.

The legal age in your respective region.

Even if you guys have dated for 4-5 years, you are still teenagers and have much growing up to do. You might feel mature today, but there's so much ahead of you that other events in the future may change your personalities.

In the meantime, just continue to have fun with each other. Enjoy the time that you spend together. If your heart feels happy, then continue the relationship and remain faithful to each other. You should also continue to live your life and let him live his. Continue to grow together and if things work out, it will be great.

Just keep in mind that plans may not always turn out the way we want. Unexpected things can happen.

21 is normally a good age to get married, and/ or shortly after college or at least one of you has a sound secure job able to pay all the bills of daily living. *** not paying bills living with another person.

As for the first question, I know people in their late thirties that aren't ready to get married. Age doesn't play as big of a factor as your maturity.

19 is too young, In my opinion, to get married.

I got married at 23, still too young (although you couldn't have told me that then).

I think until you are 25-27 you aren't really ready for the responsibility of marriage, no matter how much you believe that you are. But only you can look back and regret, as you change over the next ten years.

Wondering who you are going to elope with, your boyfriend or your girlfriend?

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

Wondering who you are going to elope with, your boyfriend or your girlfriend?

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I would imagine when you aren't even sure about your sexuality, it is difficult to be sure of your lifelong partner.

Good point, Scott.

Im like more than 100% positive I want to marry him. Its just I've been pressing about it, he says he wants to as much as I he just wants to be secure and independent and not rush.. which makes sense I guess.. I mean if he really doesn't I rather he tell me before the day we exchange vows...

I would imagine that he is show way more maturity then you are at this time. Which tells me he maybe more prepared for marriage for simply knowing that he is not.

You have not read any responses because you just want to pressure him that it's OK, which is a huge mistake. You aren't ready for marriage and not knowing that, proves it.

From someone who married too young, the wedding was $40 at the courthouse, the divorce has now been over $30,000.00 at the courthouse.

There is NOT a rush on a quality relationship, you will always be there for each other.
There is only a rush if you want to try to ensure that you will always be there for each other.

You guys are right in many ways... but I feel as if we've already been through enough issues in the past couple of months... and we have grown stronger together and as individuals because of them ( in some ways). I just feel like I've given so much of myself to him, and he's in the same situation. He wrote me an extensive note three pages long about how much he's sorry for everything, how much he loves me and will never leave nor give up on me. And he wants to make me happy and do anything for me otherwise he won't be satisfied or fulfilling his duty. I trust in his genuine interest and care for me. Fortunately, since he wrote that, we have found comfort and peace and more love than before, and despite the troubles that have arisen, I know now how much we mean to each other. I have done everything in my power to support him and make him happy though. I know I don't want anyone else, Ive seen a mural of men, and thank God for my boyfriend; he has shown me the man of my dreams. I guess that's why I want to officialize us and maybe also for the sake of my parents so I can show them I love him and we can take care of each other and marriage does not hinder you from making the life you intended from yourself. The only thing is I really want to explore the world, a little sooner than later, I was considering going into the Peace Corps. But he doesn't like that idea because it would have us apart for 2 or more yrs. I know this and I wouldn't let anything happen on my end, but if he loves me so much and wants to be with me, why wouldn't he accept me wanting to go to another country and do some volunteering, and grow a little?

You two are still young and it's not easy to have a long distance relationship. Furthermore, you might feel as though you really love each other, but he is still very insecure about your relationship.

You're right, you should go volunteer if that's what you want and he should be able to respect that. Nor matter how many times you say "I love you" to each other, both of you still have a lot of growing to do and a lot of work before you have a stable relationship.

Just keep talking to him. Keep in open communication with your boyfriend. You have to show him how much you want to go and eventually he will realize and respect your wishes. You just need to establish a more stable relationship with a strong communication system.

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Originally Posted by j_ely823

You guys are right in many ways...but i feel as if we've already been through enough issues in the past couple of months...and we have grown stronger together and as individuals because of them ( in some ways). I just feel like ive given so much of myself to him, and he's in the same situation. He wrote me an extensive note three pages long about how much he's sorry for everything, how much he loves me and will never leave nor give up on me. And he wants to make me happy and do anything for me otherwise he wont be satisfied or fulfilling his duty. I trust in his genuine interest and care for me. Fortunately, since he wrote that, we have found comfort and peace and more love than before, and despite the troubles that have arisen, I know now how much we mean to each other. I have done everything in my power to support him and make him happy though. I know i dont want anyone else, Ive seen a mural of men, and thank God for my boyfriend; he has shown me the man of my dreams. I guess thats why i want to officialize us and maybe also for the sake of my parents so i can show them I love him and we can take care of each other and marriage does not hinder you from making the life you intended from yourself. The only thing is I really want to explore the world, a little sooner than later, i was considering going into the Peace Corps. but he doesnt like that idea because it would have us apart for 2 or more yrs. I know this and i wouldnt let anything happen on my end, but if he loves me so much and wants to be with me, why wouldnt he accept me wanting to go to another country and do some volunteering, and grow a little?

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Hmmm. I'm getting some mixed signals here. If you are willing, a little data gathering is in order.

Specifically, what issues have you been through in the past couple of months? For what is he sorry? What troubles have arisen that you refer to? Fill us in.

Also, you seemed eager to seal the deal in your earlier post, anxious about your love surviving 2-3 years of school. Now, you want to explore, to grow, to see some of the world. Nothing wrong with that, but why is his reluctance to be away from you for so long raising questions in your mind? After all, the Peace Corps means being out of the country, out of physical contact.

It is worth thinking this through.

Tao

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

21 is normally a good age to get married, and/ or shortly after college or at least one of you has a sound secure job able to pay all the bills of daily living. *** not paying bills living with another person.

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21 is WAY too young to get married, in my opinion. 21 year olds still have no idea how the world works. Life is very different at 21 than it is at 30. 30 is a good age.

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Justwantfair agrees: I definitely agree, 30 is a great age. The OP thinks she is ready and she is 19.

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I KNEW I was ready at 20. Absolutely sure of it. Turns out I was ready for divorce at 22. But when I got remarried at 23, I was totally right. Then I turned 24 and it turns out young people are stupid. Im now 37. Im ready to get married again. So I am.

okay well he cheated on me, I became obsessively paranoid about his behaviors interactions, our communication pattern etc. I was basically questioning everything. Even from his intentions to dress a certain way and why he would talk to all these girls from his high school esp if were in college? All of this has died down significantly. I guess now that I am so much more secure in our relationship and I trust that he wouldn't "give up one me" I feel like I can focus more on what I want you know. I don't want to seem selfish but the past couple of months has been bickering and me being upset crying, almost to the point where I was going to destroy my house. =( But, I guess my conscious self wasn't ready to calm down yet because I knew there was something that he was hiding or not telling me ( the cheating). After that I threatened to break-up with him because I was disgusted and repulsed and I told him I didn't want him touching me anymore basically telling him he was . Im not as much in the denial and anger and blaming stage as I was a few weeks ago. Perhaps its because I found out the girl he cheated on me with (who was also his best friend of 2yrs) was impregnated by her boyfriend and so she tried to commit suicide... This may sound sinister, but I had no sympathy and in fact I laughed at my boyfriend saying that he cheated with a pregnant girl. It disgusts him more than I can say because I'm not him but I can hear it in his voice where as I just think its funny. Weird? Anyway... I don't know what the difference is if I want to go to the peace corp I mean I can bring my computer with me right and skype is good? Ive seen people who do that. It's the same situation I'm just farther away. We've been apart for 8 months and call each other daily. If that doesn't work out I can write him I think if he's as devoted to me as he says he is, he would give it more thought. I also heard that while your active in it, you can have loved ones/family to visit for a few days as your vacation...

So what happened if I may as. What's the difference between now and then? IS it the financial responsibilities? The commitment troubles? Not sure what you wanted in a woman?

Ive been told by few people that due to my youth and hormones, my libido is extremely high and I'll want to have sex so much more often now than when I'm older. (Makes sense) However, is it possible to determine whether the relationship is too sexual? How do you know if its balanced considering the high interest on both ends?

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Originally Posted by j_ely823

So what happened if i may as. What's the difference between now and then? IS it the financial responsibilities? the committment troubles? Not sure what you wanted in a woman?

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Mostly I know now how the world works and what it means to be committed to someone else.

It seem so vaque when you all say how the wold works? What do u mean?

Wondering why you didn't answer my question in post #7?

You get into a relationship based on love.
Also you don't jump into bed with a guy until you know there is LOVE.
Love isn't something that happens over night you have to cultivate it.
Even if you have love at first sight the sooner you jump into bed with them the more hazy the lines are going to be.

Also you might be interested in reading these
Hug the Monkey: Oxytocin: The Book

Oxytocin - Why Love Matters - Associated Content

The studies on oxytocin are saying that the more partners you have the more desensitized you become. I believe that is why so many teenagers and young adults come here asking why does he ignore me and why does he care more about porn and/or video games than having sex.

OK well. I don't really have problems like that where they severely affect me. One of them was more so my insecurities and him not recognizing it. Its not that he cared more or was ignoring me. He was just being a guy I suppose (slightly oblivious) And the first time we had sex was basically two months into our relationship. It was mostly me I think who really wanted to have sex; I knew he loved me to some extent but love grows over time so its no where near as much as he loves me now. Regardless, I know the intensity of our love is mutual. Its just every time I think about him (if I'm in a good mood) I get like "sex tingles" and every time he says he's talking to me (when he's in a good mood) he gets hard. Also if we're talking about something that may be suggesting sex.

Oh yeah, sorry the young man I wish to marry is in fact my boyfriend