Ask Me Help Desk - Ex contacted me

Just broke up with girlfriend.

Threads merged, please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread.

After 3 month of dating me and my girlfriend just broke up last night. We've known each other for about 5 - 6 months total. A few basics. We were inseparable for the 1st month and a half, for the past month and a half things have got towards a normal relationship. We are both at college and talk to each other everyday over the phone and see each other maybe once a day for about an hour on average for the past month.

She just got diagnosed with mild depression. And it is because of past relationships her ex's treated her horribly. She has said many times she doesn't deserve me. Which I tell her yes you do right back.

She said she can't be in a relationship right now with her state of mind she's in and has been in. Before me she hadn't been single since she was 15 and she almost 20 now. Straight from guy #1, to #2 then to me.

Anyway, she said its because of past relationships and her past feelings and she needs to be single and alone to move on to future relationships. She tells me to move on and please not wait around for her, I deserve SO much better than her.

She says its nothing I did she wishes she could give herself to me but she cant. She's not emotionally stable. And that's she is screwed up.

I already told her I'm always going to be there for her and I still love her and would wait around for her until she is better.

What do I do?

By the way, sorry for the novel. I appreciate any help or advice!

Harshness warning

All that she listed are just excuses to break up with you. Actions speak louder than words. The bottom line is that she doesn't want to continue a relationship with you. She told you to move on.

In healthy relationships, you lean on each other for strength, you don't push each other away. Seems pretty clear that she no longer feels the same way about you. If anything, you were her rebound; thus, the amazing first month and half. Now she's done with the rebound.

It's time to accept her actions. Her actions tell us that she doesn't want a relationship anymore.

She isn't interested. Don't wait around for her. Girls that jump from guy to guy are pretty much bad news... It would've done you some good to recognize this in the beginning. She has issues and needs to sort them out on her own... She does not need you standing over her, or "waiting for her" she is moving on with her life, move on with yours.

You don't wait around for someone to change their mind. NEVER. Do as she says, and move on. It may be years before she is ready for a relationship, and she may well choose to be with someone else.

I appreciate the advice guys...

She has depression and an eating disorder too she's told me. For the past few days since the break up I have talked to her sparingly through text messages, and just been there as a "friend" and for support.

She says she needs to be single and alone for now so she can be happy with herself and get better before she can give herself to a guy. She keeps letting me know to move on because I don't deserve to wait around for her, she doesn't want to lose me but she needs to get better from all her personal problems.

Also she stares me in the eye and says she can do this because she knows that we will end up together in the end one way or another and that she truly feels we are meant to be together, and I honestly do too we just mesh and bond so well its just she needs to figure out her problems alone.

And yes I know girls that jump around are bad news but she had 2 boyfriends over a 4 year period so that didn't seem too bad to me especially when she was under 20 years old... I don't know

Appreciate any more help or advice but I see that I should really move on...

Ex girlfriend broke NC

Threads merged

We had been broken up for a week, she dumped me, then she decided on no contact, on the Thursday evening.

On Sunday afternoon, Valentine's Day, she sends me a text "Hey I know we aren't talking, but I just wanted to say Happy Valentine's Day"

Why did she do this?

Most likely to string you along and play with your emotions.
She is trying to control you. Don't let her.

Ignore the text and don't overanalyze her actions.
Stick to NC.

Just to keep you hanging on.

It's obvious that you love her, but you can't do anything to change the situation. Accept reality - She broke up with you!

You need to go NC and move on. Don't respond to any e-mails, texts or phone calls, as any communication you get from her just makes you feel hopeful in a hopeless situation.
_______________________

A break up is like a broken mirror.
It is better to leave it broken
than hurt yourself trying to fix it.

Love hurts some times but we all have been there!

Yeah I unfortunately respond after an hour happy valentines day back. She responded with I'm sorry for everything and she asked if I was okay. I just said I'm good don't worry about me and that's it she hasn't texted back since.. . Why is she trying to keep me hanging on? She was the one who decided on NC and then she was the one who broke it 3 days later. I really appreciate the help guys!

Lets be real guy, YOU responded to her, so YOU broke NC. And the questions come rolling back.

Own your actions, learn from them, and start again, but do better this time.

Does she basically just want to move on and get better but still have me there for when she is ready to date again?

Quote:

She tells me to move on and please not wait around for her, I deserve SO much better than her.

I seriously doubt it. So should you.

Talaniman Rule-When its over disappear, and don't worry about the rest.

When she is ready to date it will be with some one else. Just my opinion.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

I seriously doubt it. So should you.

Talaniman Rule-When its over disappear, and don't worry about the rest.

When she is ready to date it will be with some one else. Just my opinion.

That's fair I agree it very well could be. How long should we go with NC in your opinion?

Quote:

She said she can't be in a relationship right now with her state of mind she's in and has been in. Before me she hadn't been single since she was 15 and she almost 20 now. Straight from guy #1, to #2 then to me.

Start with forever, and see what happens.

But in my heart I feel like we will end up together again somewhere down the road, I mean we are only 20. But yes I really am starting to move on now even after just 3 days of NC. It's amazing how well it works lol.

I think she just wants to keep you around in case she needs a stand by. Sorry

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitkat22

I think she just wants to keep you around in case she needs a stand by. Sorry

It's fine honestly. I'd like honest opinions over BS just to make me feel better. Yeah I don't know this is definitely a difficult learning experience to say the least.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mgoblue

But in my heart I feel like we will end up together again somewhere down the road, I mean we are only 20. But yes I really am starting to move on now even after just 3 days of NC. It's amazing how well it works lol.

Most people after they have gotten over a break up, find other options and opportunities to pursue. Strange how healthy people want to move forward and not go back over old ground, that didn't work before.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Start with forever, and see what happens.

Good idea. We will see what happens, I appreciate all the advice talaniman.

It's hard when trust is broken by someone you have given your heart too. I think there's a girl out there who is your soulmate and you'll meet her some day. I wish you the best.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Most people after they have gotten over a break up, find other options and opportunities to pursue. Strange how healthy people want to move forward and not go back over old ground, that didn't work before.

Well obviously I'm not over her yet. I am definitely on that path though. I don't know, I'm going tokeep to NC and see what happens. And I'll keep you all updated as it plays out.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitkat22

It's hard when trust is broken by someone you have given your heart too. I think there's a girl out there who is your soulmate and you'll meet her some day. I wish you the best.

Wow, I couldn't have agreed with your 1st sentence more. Absolutley 100% how I have been feeling inside. Thanks a ton for your advice and support.

You will find the right path. I know you will.

Just thought if this... we dealt with this for a day she said she still had some feelings for her ex. I told her not to talk to me until those were gone, she eventually said she did get over them after a couple days and I came back to her.

Could she possibly be having them feelings for him again come back and need to figure that out too?

I've brought it up to her many times before and she promised me she wasn't going to talk to him or ever want to be back with him and I believe her. This is just a possibility I have thought could potentially have happened...

I think the best advice has already been said in this thread. What you need to do, is try to stop wondering about the variables. No matter what any of us may say, only she will know for sure what she is feeling.

Spending your days wondering about the "what if's", and trying to find patterns in old behavior will be completely counter-productive with trying to move on. The best thing you can do is try to keep her off your mind, and just enjoy everything else in life.

One excellent thing about a post-breakup period is it gives you a HUGE opportunity to evaluate yourself. Is there anything you want to work on improving? Maybe your health, a skill, the way you dress or don't dress, who knows. All I know is, being single can be considered a gift. You get to spend that time with the one person who knows you better than anyone ever will - you.

It's time to move on, but also time to let go as well. Keep your head high, because not only will time heal all wounds, but the journey always gets better.

Time to let go. You are the one who has to be strong enough to move on and realize she isn't the one.

Usually, those people that jump to and from relationships (men and women are both guilty of this) have low self-esteem to begin with, and only feel that they can live with having "someone", with no regards to how good that someone is, or even how they feel about that certain someone.

Harshness warning: There is a pretty large possibility that you were "used" in the above manner. Your feelings for her might have been true. In the words of the commentator of the famous hot-dog eating contest, "the passion is raw, but the hot dogs are cooked".

You seem like a stand-up guy. Keep yourself from getting used like this. The easiest way to do this, for the moment, would be to cut all ties with the ex, as she has got to figure a lot of stuff out for her own.

Chalk this one up for experience, and don't cry in your beer about it. You're young with a whole life of adventures, romances, and possibly more heartbreaks ahead of you, but that's life.

Give yorself time to accept the fact that it is over. You'll be okay.

Ex contacted me

Threads merged again

We have been broken up for over 2 weeks. We haven't talked much, if at all recently since the break up.

Ex girlfriend asks me out of the blue if I am talking to another girl. What was her reason for this?

Why don't you ask her? Could you provide a few more details?

How long of a relationship was it?

What type of relationship was it?

Why did you break up?

She wants to keep you hanging on!

Both of us are 20 years old. We dated for 3 months, talked for about a month before we started dating but had known one another for about 6 month total.

She broke up with me because she has leaned heavily on a boyfriend since she was 15 and says she needs to be alone for a while and figure out who she is.

She also has a serious eating disorder that she is beginning to try to get over.

Yeah I did ask her why she was asking this and she said it was because of something I posted on Facebook that I also posted when me and her first started hanging out/dating. She said she was just wondering if I was talking to another girl or not. It was definitely confusing to me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitkat22

She wants to keep you hanging on!

Lol I remember you. Yeah well we bascially went to NC. I was always the first one to talk to her. Then when we went a while without talking she asked me that then asked me how I was doing. She confuses the hell out of me sometimes. :confused:

Twenty years old.You have your whole life ahead of you. Maybe she needs you as friend. If you could be friends! Is that possible? Are you dating someone else now? Try to remain friends and stop posting anything about her on face book. She sound like she thinks of you as a good friend.

I don't know. I have began to finally accept that if we do get back together it won't be for a while until she is fine with herself.

I have talked to another girl from back home (we are both at college) a little and told her I'm not talking to anyone else, I'm just talking a little to a girl I went to high school with.

I really don't know if I could be friends with her right now. I still haven't moved on, and neither has she. She admits it is going to take her a long time to move on.

So would you say she wants me to keep me hanging on and wait for her?

I have begun the process of moving on, I have no idea why she would throw this on me now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mgoblue

I really dont know if i could be friends with her right now. I still havent moved on, and neither has she. She admits it is going to take her a long time to move on.

Then ,listen to the advice these people on this forum have given you. You are on forum with some of the most intelligent people anywhere. They are specialist in their area of education.They can give advice about anything and they know what they are talking about. I'm not an expert just a mom who has dealt with seeing ths break-up, heartbroke, "I'll never love again."But they got over the hearbreak.. Good Luck

Quote:

Originally Posted by mgoblue

So would you say she wants me to keep me hanging on and wait for her?

I have begun the process of moving on, i have no idea why she would throw this on me now.

Being[able to move on, one has to learn to forgive not only the person (or people) who have done one wrong but also oneself ~ Eugenia Tripputi