For three years of being together, we have a share of lots of fights and arguments, breaking up and getting back together again. We have lots of ups and downs so recently. He kept on telling me I am drama.. and I don't understand anymore, I cannot differentiate my feelings to a drama, even a little questions, even a little mumbling its all drama to him. We both have made big mistakes and forgiven each other, but him he kept on going to the past and killing me by his words. Last time, days ago, he just said, that he regretted having a relationship with me, I was hurt. All days, I was so dead. I asked him. But he said, he uttered hurtful words that he didn't mean it. And now he went to egypt with his brother without even telling me he left already, not answering my calls and not texting me. I don't know what to do anymore. We started a fight, when he told me his plans of going to egypt and will be back on Saturday, without even telling me when we were together a day ago. I was so hurt and felt bad that I felt I don't matter to him anymore. And that fight, he said, he doestn care anymore. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to end our relationhsip, we have ups and downs togetehere, but this time, he just said, he regretted eveyrthing. I felt anytime he will end the relationhsip with me. Help me, I am almost dead thinking about it.

I think that whether you want it this relationship could be over.

He has been wholly disrespectful towards you both in his words and his actions, and this is someone you want to be with?

Someone who could say that he regrets ever having a relationship with you? I think the immaturity in this statement alone would make me think twice about the person if I was on the receiving end of it.

You need to start thinking about yourself in all of this. Is this relationship working for you anymore? Do the ups qualify the downs?

When you lose communication, respect, trust and comfort in a relationship what is left?

Don't base a relationship on a fear of being alone.

Thank you neverme. I don't know what to do anymore. Until now I am calling his phone, but he turned it off. Every time we are fighting, he usually will not talk to me, ignore me and at the end blame me for the fights, I never even do that to him, but him he is so hard. I end up saying sorry even its not my fault. I want to shout so hard, but I cannot, but I have to say sorry, because I don't want the fights to end so long. I am so much in pain now. And he doesn't care. He doesn't care about what will I feel of what he is doing to me. He knows that if he will turn off his phone, I will suffer.

This relationship continues to deteriorate and I suspect that it will continue to do so.

You're both hanging on to each other for the sake of hanging on.

Why are you torturing yourself? Make it a clean break and find happiness elsewhere.

I love him. I know I am so stupid of feeling this, but I love him.

Love is not the only factor that makes a strong relationship.

You also need compatibility, respect, trust, communication, security, affection, etc. You barely have any of these factors, if any.

Unless both of you can repair the damage, this relationship is going to end whether you want it or not.

Both people involved have to put in the necessary effort to repair the relationship. It can't work only one way. At this point, it seems like you're the only one putting in the effort, which makes this a one-way relationship.

If you've broken up in the past and haven't fixed the things that broke you up in the first place, then things will just blow up again if you got back together.

I know, I am the only one trying to solve some of the problems.I even I have to say sorry for the things I didn't do. And we even have fight when I saw him looking at other woman, and to the point of going back to take a second look, I saw him, and told him about it. He said, he was not looking, and just laugh it off. And then when he saw me turned into a bad mood, he got angry. And again, I have to say sorry for that. I sometimes felt, he doesn't want me to feel anything, not to get angry. Not to say what I want to say. Just do whatever he wants me to do. And still insinuating that he do a lot in this relationhsip. I am so feelign bad now. I am in pain. I hate myself. I really hate myself.

Listen to yourself, you know that you are the only one invested in this relationship, you are insecure, apologizing for things that you don't feel are your responsibility and generally making a doormat out of yourself.

You hate yourself? Of course you do, you are not being true to yourself.

Don't walk away, run from this relationship before you lose all yourself respect.

We all run into obstacles in life. But that's no reason to put yourself down.

Pick yourself up, there are brighter days ahead. You've done your part by making an effort. You fought for what you wanted, so you can be proud of yourself for that.

Sometimes, we can't always have what we want. That doesn't mean that you should beat yourself up. If you can't find happiness here, even though you've made an effort, then find it somewhere else.

There are 6 billion other people in the world, why not give one or two of them a chance? But before that, focus on recovering from this break up. Regain yourself self-esteem. You deserve better, don't de-value yourself.

I hope I can. I really I can. Sometimes, I am wishing that why did I choose this country. To end up hurting. From the time that I came here, for almost four years of being here, 3 years and some months I was with him. I know I am being weak. I really want to run. Run away from this place. I even sometimes wish, that I will not wake up in the morning, not to wake up at all.

You need to get out of this relationship it is destroying you.

You have the power to end it, so seize it.

Talk to friends and family,don't sit around on your own-you need to be around people now.

Find things to keep you busy-you will get over him-one step at the time.

But I don't want my friends to know what is happening to me. I am working all the day, trying to stop crying. I am so busy at work, inside the surgery room, but I can't stop thinking about my problems. Even after surgery I have to try calling him, its just ringing, not answering. I hate myself for being so weak. For being so afraid. I just don't want my family to know. I am alone here in dubai. My family not with me. And I don't want them to worry.

Stay strong. I highly recommend that you read the NC related threads in my signature.

Do your best to keep yourself as distracted as possible.

It's all about will power at this point. You need to prevent yourself from contacting, otherwise, you won't be able to heal.

Trying to do everything by yourself will only put you into an early grave, friends and family are there for you to lean on in hard times. Answer me this: Would you begrudge a friend or family member leaning on you?

Personally, I would be more offended if I found out my friend or family member didn't lean on me in a hard time, especially when your mental health is so clearly at risk.

I hope I can do all of it.. I really hope. But right now. I felt so giving up. I want to go home. And stay away from this place. I want to go home.

Where is home? Is it possible to go home?

You need to do what is good for you right now, that and only that.

Only you make the decisions now.

I don't want my family to be sad. I don't want them to worry, they have already too many problems and I don't want to add up. And home is too far. Its not easy to leave my job here. If only I can just leave at this instance I will do it. I just want to be with my family now. Just be with them.

I really think you need to lean on someone at this hard time in your life. Do you have a friend you can go stay with for a while?

You need to distance yourself from this relationship as much as you can.

>Harshness warning<

Look in the mirror, and see what this has done to you! You have allowed bad behavior and you will get more, NO DOUBT!

Cutting all contact with him, and not allowing him back in your life, will allow the dignity, and self respect, that you so badly need, to come back to your life.

Otherwise, stop complaining about what he is doing to hurt you!

Do something about it for yourself. Disappear from his life and get yours back!

Let him wonder for a change!!!

I know I am blaming myself. Now. I am hating myself now. And thank you to everybody, I may not know you, but I know you really want to help me. Thank you for at least you put some sense in my clouded mind. I know I have to deal with myself now. I am really in pain. I have to think over what's good for me. And start over again. And I hope and pray I can make it. I really hope.

Stop hoping and praying and start telling yourself You can.

You are the only one with the power to change this cycle of abuse.

I really hope I can

You can-as we have all had to do at least once in our lives.
It's time you start being good to yourself now.

Threads merged

I wrote a question here last time, and I would like to thank all of you who been so kind to help me. For now, I still have to ask some of your opinions again. I wrote here last time, that my boyfriend and me for three years had a fight, he told me he regretted having a relationship with me and will not care anymore, because he thinks I am drama. And leave for vacation with his brother without telling me, until now no communication. I was calling him over and over, but not answering me. Last night I leave him a message all what I felt everything. And calling him. Still no answer, no reply. Its been 4 days now. I know I am so stupid. But I am hurting. I am hurting a lot now. Do you think what I did of texting him is the right thing for me to do?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by confusedMe1982

do you think what i did of texting him is the right thing for me to do?

---

No. One, perhaps two, phone calls or messages is sufficient to let anyone know you wish to talk. If he doesn't want to talk to you now, multiple calls will only land you in the crazy-psycho-chick bin. From your post, it sounds like he's done with you but if there is any hope for this relationship, he needs a chance to cool off without you pestering him and a chance to miss you enough to want to make amends and contact you. If you are constantly contacting him, he'll never miss you and additionally it will probably annoy him which will drive him further away.

That's what am afraid of now. He doesn't care anymore. I just felt it, it really breaks my heart reading some of the responses. But I have to be brave to accept it. It is really so much painful.

It is not easy.

We have all been through it and that's why, I anyway, am here hoping to help.

Be brave, you are the one that will benefit from this in the long run. I know it's hard to believe now but one day you will look back on this with a wry smile thinking how far you have come from then and how much of a stronger person you are.

Thank you, am going to work now, but still I cannot stop myself from crying, I don't want them to know what's going on with me. Its like a knife inside my heart. If only, I can be dead right now.

Why did you? Its not the country, city or town.

"he just said, that he regretted having a relationship with me"

That says it.

Not about your decision, just his.

Like Tal says, there a world out there. This guy isn't going to be in your world anymore.

Take that as a lesson on who's cool.

Like you said. Lots of ups & downs, fights & arguments, regrets, hurtful words...

Am I forgetting anything?

Trust me,you're better of doing NC and getting through your pain in a fairly short time,than trying to stay in contact and prolong your agony.

Yes, you are in a lot of pain now,but that will go away with time and by you actively working on your own healing.

vanheart, I think you are rght. Thank you. I love him so much that I allowed him to treat me this way.


I wish I can forget so easily

Most people realize after a break up, that they have loved someone else so much that they have neglected themselves for a long time.

I think that's what your having to cope with, as our family, and other people who are close to us, are often our best, and most important support group when times are tough.

I think your going to have to reach out to reestablish some old ties to family, and friends who have probably missed you terribly, but you don't know it.

I think you have to do this to help you through this, and worry less about being a bother, I mean that's what family is about.

I think besides the problems in this relationship, which you no longer have, he has managed to isolate you it seems, so now your really on your own, and that has to change.

Reaching out to old friends, and family now would be the best thing to do as you mourn the death of this relationship, and rebuild around a healthier way of life.

Thank you all of you. It is so hard, but I have to accept it. How? I don't know, but I will. Its been three years. Waking up evryday knowing he's there. And I have to force myself to get use to it, that he's not with me anymore. I was thinking the whole does he ever think of this? Does he ever? But I think no, he ignore me too much now. He knows how painful it is too me every time he's doing this, he knows me a lot that he knows my weaknesses. I never regretted everything with me, I love him too much willing to sacrifice things for him. I love him, but I have to let go

You have to start to love yourself, that where healing starts, and letting go is so hard, I have been dumped enough to know only to well that hole in your soul takes ever so long to fill.

Your not alone, as if you read some of the other stories here on this forum, many go through the same thing.