When a man cheats on you, begs you back and treats you well for a few months and disrespects you yet again, is he worth ever taking back?
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When a man cheats on you, begs you back and treats you well for a few months and disrespects you yet again, is he worth ever taking back?
No!!
I dated thisman over 20 months, I saw many red flags but wrote them off as paranoid. He was so sweet, fun and we just clicked in so many ways, except he always told me about his exes. Most of them short 3 to 4 weeks. One in particular was about 3 months long and she broke it off with him wth some lame excuse that he believed to be true. He was in love with her. A married woman who lives in another state(where he used to work) and always told him she was not girlfriend material.During our relationship he told me they will always stay in touch , fine, but is it normal to talk to her about what a lousy lover her new boyfriend is , and he brags that their sex was great but no details. Also the fact that until I got fed up he was always texting his exes, some spoke dirty to him and he still did favors for them.I was with him over a year when I had a gut feeling to check his phone.. sure enough he had invited two women over one on wed and one on fri after I left. I called the Friday chick (not mad because it isn't her fault) she told me he said he was in a "friend with benefits " relationship, mind you this man is 47, so am I. I broke up with him, but I didn't get loud , just asked how he could be so untruthful when we spoke about honesty since day one, he said, I wantee to break up anyway, what? We went to vegas the month before and had the greatest time, no indication of him wanting out. So I left, here he came cryinng back that he was so sorry and this was the one and only time he did that(yeah right) he was sorry all right,sorry I caught him.but I forgave him.8 months later he cheated... more excuses of course my fault because I didn't drive all the way to see him on sat when he waS FEELING NEEDY(I LET HIM HAVE THIS WEEEKND w his friends who came in from out of town, and he was needy? I saw him that Sunday, he slept with her on mon. and told me a lie... I broke it off, he was so mean and rude about it, 3 weeks lter after emails and begging, I went back... foward 3 months later, webroke up because he was being very disrespectful towards me one night, said he thought we should move on... its been 7 weeks, the subtle texting is starting on his end.. im sick about this whole thing, went through and still going through was it my fault? Was I not enough for him? I can t take blame, I treated him like a king, I was in love but he did nt deserve it, he took me for granted and now I know he is transferring his feelings to others.. why does it bother me still? Why am I feeling so unsure about the way this whole thing wetnt down, will he do this to others?
I have merged your two posts, please don't post multiple posts on same subject
You ignore him and stop blaming yourself.
He doesn't deserve any chances,he is an emotional incompetent.
Do you really want to wait for the 3rd strike before he's out?
He's proven that he can't be trusted, so stop giving him a chance to keep hurting you.
Find someone that will give you the love and respect you deserve.
Were you not enough for him? Absolutely not. Don't blame yourself for this scumbag. He obviously lacks any sort of resemblance of what I call "ethics" and "morales." You've become nothing more than a booty call to him, and quite frankly that's all the other girls are to him. Not because you're not enough for him, but because he is a piece of garbage. Do not take him back and find somebody that is trustworthy and will respect you.
He might, he might not do this to others question that you need to concentrate on is do you really want him to continue to do this to you? Do you really want this to be your pattern? Is this what life is supposed to be about for you? Taking the short end of the stick and dealing with someone that is treating you poorly? NO. You deserve better than that. Let it go and believe in yourself.
I have also been cheated, just like you. I think you should not give him another chance. Have some respect for yourself. Do you want to spend your life always wondering if he is not doing anything wrong just now? He is 47, at this age, this guy still behaves as he is a little boy. He doesn't know what he wants in his life. I am sure he has low self-esteem (just like you?? ) and finding another women gives him boost of his ego. He is selfish, looks after his needs only. Trust me, he is not worth your time. IF man isn't sure if he wants what he has got, it means that he doesn't want it. You should move on, maybe see a terapist (just like I did), in order to let go of your attachements in life that drag you back to him. Letting of your patterns of thinking, blaming yourself etc. Good Luck
Nope. Move on find someone worth your time and love.
To me, it's strike: Your out.
Because in my experience, whether you try to get over it, it irrepairably damages your relationship. Having said that, I'm sure there are, as always, exceptions to the rule.
Here's something I thought of, I'd pay a lot to see most men, walk past their pride and take a girl back for a THIRD STRIKE?
NO! He didn't deserve the 2nd chance to be honest
How about a 4th chance and a 5th chance while you're at it? I guess you're don't really care too much that he cheated on you, which is why you're willing to give him so many chances.
Dump him! Get yourself respect back. He sounds like a moron.
"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
He cheated on you once and you took the high road and forgave him. He cheated on you again and you realize that this is a habit.
Once is a mistake; twice is a habit.
Nope.
Thanku all so much for the tips and views, I have never in my life taken a man back after they did something so sneaky.The first breakup was due to his sneaky text set ups with girls,he pleaded and begged me to come back , said he loved me, and he drove down from the next town where he lives and cried to me. That was unusually different for me so I thought he was truly sorry, then 8 months later he pulls the physical cheating on me. Said he loved me but wasn't in love, then 3 weeks later, begging again, wrote a song and 2 page letter almost wanting to propose.I went back but trust me , I didn't forget. I tried to be understanding, but I always fet like I was giving 150% and he was giving 10.He was a true jekykl and hyde. He is slowly sending me text messages, last weekend I wanted final closure, we made a time to meet at the original spot we met, so he could give me my stuff back and say goodbye. He text me that morning said "i am not coming down i sent your package. so i text him back ok. 3 days later said , can i ask you a ? i responded hours later with ?. the next day he text"sorry I needed some info. It just appears like he is slowly sneaking in again, but he won't succeed, he is definitely a damaged man. I have had some damaged done to me by all of this emotional crap he has slowly put me through. Ladies it is so easy to get caught up by this type. He is sweet as pie most of the time and bam, he has a mood swing, then nice for 3 months and , cheats.. you think id of seen it coming.
I had exactly the same situation! My ex has been so sneaky! He was a perfectionist in lying all the time, finding ways out of it and coming back to you begging for forgiveness. He only talks but never does anything to prove it! The need constant challenge, they cannot settle down in one relationship as they get bored! They need action, new attention as this boosts their ego! Honestly, I think these kind of guys should actually seek help with teraphist- and I am not saying that because of hate, but because I really feel that way. They have some kind of personality disorder. Great that you share your story here, it really helps. I shared mine and felt I have been supported. You should definitely let him leave your life completely. As you have your stuff back don't even answer his texts. Change your number. Every single message that he sends and he hears back from you (even a ?) means he is getting attention. And this is what he wants. I am sure he will test you hundreds of times. Be strong!! Goodluck
Also these kind of guys are really affectionate and loving. As you said, sweet as pie- This is the cover up! Never really true. As you said, really damaged inside.
Please don't waste anymore time on this manipulative cheater. I was with my ex fiancée for ten years, and he cheated on me every few years. He like yours could be a sweetheart, promising me the moon and stars, and I lapped it all up, but guess what he did? I had a heartwrenching illness/surgery, and during my recovery he was making his move, he dumped me during my recovery, moved in with someone and is getting married. Guess what? He cheated on her too. I held on for years hoping he would change, but in the long run, I changed, and I will never go back again :)
My opinion: NO
ONe thing I did learn about handleing a breakup is to NEVER contact them, beg, plead, or try to convince the ex of anything, I at least every time left with dignity, never contacted him. We broke up dec 20 , he had the balls to send a text Merry Christmas to all. I deleted it, fast forward 5 weeks nothing, now I do have my stuff and will not answer his text at all again, he will regret that he let me go.. He told me nobody ever treated him as great as I did, he said he didn't eserve it, boy is he right.never again from me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by notsogreat
What the H$$? I'm so sorry, I hope , not to be vengeful, that this type of person gets what they desrve for hurting us.
What the H$$? I'm so sorry, I hope , not to be vengeful, that this type of person gets what they desrve for hurting us.
The only revenge we need is to live our lives in a healthy way, and one day they will see the error of our ways. Our advantage to all of this, is that we gave with our hearts and souls 100%, we will never have to ask ourselves if we did enough, we in fact did too much. Hold your head up high, move on, and be happy. That is all you and I need in order to get the last word! Good luck!
Don't do it because in his mind he's thinking you don't care what he does to you as long as he treat you right for a while and I hope that's not what your saying @ all. That's just my opinion I am not an expert or anything I make mistakes just like everybody else GOOD LUCK.
Exactly what she saidQuote:
Originally Posted by altenweg
I don't plan on going back at all... HE is a selfish and narccistic person who has noo regard for anothers feelings.He only transfers feeling from one to another, its all about him. Its just sad when we try to give a person a chance to show love back and they end up hanging themselves.Quote:
Originally Posted by 1nl0v3withhim
I wonder if a person like that could ever realize and change, I don't want to be the one and only person he did that too because it would have me questioning what it is about me that would cause that. I doubt that's the casr, I'm thinking I may have been the only one after his ex wife who stuck around too long. His friend made that comment to me one night, wow, you are the ONLY girlfriend I have ever seen him with, u must be doing somethig right.. I don't think so, I'm the only one who bought the b.s.
I guess I wanted to believe he was capapble of being a GOOD man.. I was wrong.The main thing I tell myself here is that my mom passed away during this relationship and I was devastated at the loss, we were soooo close and I think he came into my life to distract me from that loss, although I was crushed and suffered a grest deal.. the be s he put me through sometimes made me kind of forget losing my mom.. I was dealing with my own real life.:(:confused:
He is worthless! You're smart hitting the road on this relationship. They say history repeats itself, so just move on and write yourself a new story with a new man that treats you like a queen.
You never cuased him to cheat on you because there's never a reason why a guy would cheat on you. I'm sorry about your mother, and please find a way to get over that grief and that lost surround yourself with positive people, people who are real and love you, people that care about your feelings and that will make you feel good and warm inside FORGET ABOUT HIMQuote:
Originally Posted by unsurenow
Let him go and try not dwell on it. That's the only advice I can give.
Thanku all again.. I am moving on and it does hurt... that he does nt really love me.
I'm glad that you are ready to find someone who will treat you with respect.
Don't even give this guy another thought.
Go be happy.
Hope you stick to your word.
Me tooQuote:
Originally Posted by Kitkat22
I know I may be tempted if he keeps testing but I won't fall for it this time, unless it's a cold day in hell though lol
If you feel tempted get on da web n here to talk to us even if we don't know each other we can still talk because we're here for you
Thanks who the heck needs a real therapist we got this group thing going.
Lol yeah we doQuote:
Originally Posted by unsurenow
The groups on all the catagorys are great. They have helped me through some pretty dreary days and I've only been on this site for a little while. God Love All Of You!
hi to all who were so honest. And kind enough to help me keep my focus straight. I'm back to talk about some deep feelings I have about the breakup. I guess since its going on week 8 I am still missing my ex. Last text I got(wed) was "can i ask u a question" in which an hour later I text back "?", (the next day)he replied "sorry i needed some info" I did not respond... I still don't believe it was about info though ,maybe just a way to keep me kind of hanging.Its really painful realizing its over with us, although he was an A^%% sometimes a part of me wishes I was still with him, everywhere I go there's something that reminds me of what we had, I know he has to rememeber stuff too.
I failed to mention the first time around, this man drinks alcohol everyday although its not to get drunk, I still believe it's a form of self medicating and another reason he had personality changes every few months. He also had a porn problem(in my opinion) and I believe when a man drinks all the time and looks at porn(both different forms of addiction)they are desensitized to women and have fantasies w almost each one they look at. I noticed at times when we would go out, a bartender would smile(duh they r supposed to) and he would actually feel like it was some type of invite.. I knew this just by observing his reaction. For one he was very upset that she forgot his order twice, what a shot to the EGO.. I guess I'm on here now because I still have sad days where I wish he'd come back like he did on 3 different other breakups, and beg me and promise to change and go to counseling and really do it this time.Im having such a hard time imagining he is distracted with someone new and what if he ends up marrying them.. I shouldn't even be thinking about him at all with all the pain he has caused me, what the hell is wrong with my emotions.
Your over-analyzing which is very normal at this stage of the breakup. Just remember the pain you've already gone through and say to yourself do you really want to go back to square one and have that pain all over again??
He won't change , but he may tell you he can , like he's done before.
Not in my book.Quote:
do cheaters deserve a 3rd chance?
It happened to me years ago and I thankfully don't have to contend with it at 55 but I think it would still be a deal breaker,unforgivable.
I don't know for certain what I would do but I think if I loved myself enough I would really think twice as to why I was staying in this relationship.
Clearly there is a reason you stay,does it outweigh anything else ?
Highly doubtful.
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