Threads merged

My boyfriend tells me that he doesn't have any feelings for his ex anymore, but her birthday was the same month as mine and he wished her a happy birthday on FB a week late. Now, I feel I shouldn't be getting petty because he did throw me a birthday party. However, he did not wish me a happy birthday on FB, and when I casually mentioned that I had seen that he'd posted a message to her on FB, he said that he just wanted to regain a friendship with her, and that he had seen everyone else posting happy birthday to her, so he did to. BUT, I do not believe FB posts messages that others have posted A WEEK later. I dropped the topic, because I don't believe in fighting. It just bothers me a bit because he has in the past said that he believed that she was the one that he was going to marry.

... Would this situation bother you?

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Originally Posted by teastalk

My boyfriend tells me that he doesn't have any feelings for his ex anymore, but her birthday was the same month as mine and he wished her a happy birthday on FB a week late. Now, I feel I shouldn't be getting petty because he did throw me a birthday party.

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So he threw you a party and told his ex happy birthday on Facebook a week late...

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However, he did not wish me a happy birthday on FB,

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Is this... what is this... "he didn't wish me a happy birthday on FB" [said in whiny voice]. Maybe because he was too busy throwing you a party.

Holy cripes. Facebook, in my opinion, is the most annoying thing in the world. It's become that if you don't comment at a certain thing, if you don't comment a certain way people get insulted.

This is ridiculous. He is with you does he REALLY need to type in "happy bday" to you on fb? I'm sure you posted photos of the party he threw you on facebook-- isn't that just as good? If not better?

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It just bothers me a bit because he has in the past said that he believed that she was the one that he was going to marry.

... Would this situation bother you?

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Well obviously he is not going to marry her with you being his girlfriend. He's probably thinking that about you! Cripes, didn't you have a boyfriend prior to him that you thought "hey I love him, I hope we get married one day". Don't be silly now these thoughts are natural and are inclined to happen during a relationship.

Would this situation bother me?

Well
-Has he given you reason to not trust him? Has he cheated before?

If not then, no.

In fact, why don't you guys back off Facebook for a bit... go outside, hang out with friends, work harder in school or at work... just uh do something else.

Would the post on FB bother me? No.
What would bother me is what he said.
Did he say she is? Or she was? Is he still in love with her?

Hi, teastalk!

Hey, I've been divorced from my ex-wife for about twenty-five years. She's remarried and I still send her birthday cards She is the mother our children though, so I suppose that might make a difference...

I just see no reason to hang on to grudges and be jealous. We only live once, so I figure that it's best to take advantage of ways of treating people nicely while we have the chance.

In the course of my life, I've had a lot of girlfriends. Are some of them still in love with me and me with them? Sure. Could I have married some of them? Yes. But, for one reason or another, things just didn't work out.

If I was in your situation, it wouldn't bother me. He did throw you a party, after all!

Thanks!

If I was having a " I look great today "day,it wouldn't bother me .

If I woke up looking like the beast from the deep, it might give me pause.

If I thought that he still had the hots for her,I would be having a discussion about it and let him know what my concerns were and why.

Look inside and ask yourself what it really is that is bugging you about this.Understanding where it is coming from is half the battle to solving the issue.

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Originally Posted by artlady

If I thought that he still had the hots for her,I would be having a discussion about it and let him know what my concerns were and why.

Look inside and ask yourself what it really is that is bugging you about this.Understanding where it is coming from is half the battle to solving the issue.

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Excellent suggestions that are well worth heeding! :)

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Originally Posted by artlady

If I was having a " I look great today "day,it wouldn't bother me .

If I woke up looking like the beast from the deep, it might give me pause.

If I thought that he still had the hots for her,I would be having a discussion about it and let him know what my concerns were and why.

Look inside and ask yourself what it really is that is bugging you about this.Understanding where it is coming from is half the battle to solving the issue.

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I'm guessing that it might be because I didn't feel like I was important when I saw that he took the time to write something to her. I know that if I took the time to write a message to someone, that it would have taken me some time and effort. For example, I have a greater appreciation for birthday cards now. In the past I thought that it was silly. Now, I feel that if someone took the time to find a birthday card for me and to write in it, that it's really special. I really enjoy the birthday cards! But yes, the fact that he threw me a party certainly trumps the fact that he didn't give me a birthday message or card, so I shouldn't feel unimportant to him.

I still talk to most of my exes, my most recent one is just a FB friend. I comment on her "status" every now and again but I don't comment on my fiance's Facebook much. Why? Because I am with my fiancé, we live together, see each other all the time. Why should someone you are dating have to write happy birthday on your FB page? Is this what our world has been reduced too? Him organizing a birthday party, which from experience, takes weeks in prep time and getting the day right would overwhelming trump the fact that he said happy birthday a week LATE to an ex any day of the week. Unless of course it was, Happy Birthday, text me for your birthday sex, I miss you so much. But I doubt he said that.

Don't sweat the small stuff, and please do NOT take Facebook so darn seriously.

The others have already covered most of the points about Facebook, so I'm going to take a different angle.

I think another issue is the fact that he wants to be friends with his ex again. If you're so uncomfortable with the idea of him wanting to be friends with his ex again, then you should make your concerns clear to him.

It's his choice whether he still wants to be friends with his ex. It's your choice whether you want to accept and handle this friendship.

Okay, I also have another question. I'm sorry to say that it is related to FB again. I believe that the reason why I posted my first question was really because of this next described situation.

My boyfriend posted that Jessie is his favorite person. I know it makes me wonder: Who is Jessie? Why is Jessie his favorite? Why am I not his most favorite person in the world? What did Jessie do that qualifies for this kind of announcement? It makes me feel unimportant and extremely curious to know all of the above information.. . Why does this kind of announcement make me feel less important to him and what have they done to earn this kind of recognition?

I think the only person who can answer that is your boyfriend.

You're his girlfriend and you don't know who his favourite person is?

Not only that you don't even know who jesse is!

Face book is not doing your relatioship any favours.

My boyfriends favourite person is his dad,does not bother me in the least,he also has the hots for 'lady gaga' and that does not bother me either.

My point is,your boyfriend has a life outside the relationship,talks to other people,and has other kinds of relationships,you need to try and relax a little in the relationship.

You seem to be quite stressed.

Ask your boyfriend who jesse is,and lay off Facebook.

Wow, you seem very controlling and also very insecure. My fiancé is ONE of my favorite people, but not the only. PM me and I'll give you my e-mail so you can find me on Facebook. I post all sorts of junk and never do I get questioned about it. It's a stupid website and if you can't take it for what it's worth then maybe you shouldn't be on it.

But seriously, add me... I need more people for my Mafia on Mafia Wars. This is real life, I need to win fake crap!

Facebook ruining perfectly fine relationships since 2007. That should be their new slogan.

It's like you guys just don't understand.

If your boyfriend doesn't wall post you stuff or make you his top friends on have you on his status it means that he doesn't love you.

When you love you make it public on Facebook. You can't possibly love someone if you don't put them on your status update.

Like seriously. I wish you guys just understood. But you don't because your so old and cynical.

Grumpy tards.

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Originally Posted by teastalk

Okay, I also have another question. I'm sorry to say that it is related to FB again. I believe that the reason why I posted my first question was really because of this next described situation.

My boyfriend posted that Jessie is his favorite person. I know it makes me wonder: Who is Jessie? Why is Jessie his favorite? Why am I not his most favorite person in the world? What did Jessie do that qualifies for this kind of announcement? It makes me feel unimportant and extremely curious to know all of the above information. ...Why does this kind of announcement make me feel less important to him and what have they done to earn this kind of recognition?

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Seriously? Are you just trying to ask silly questions, or is this really a concern of yours?

This sounds like high school. Facebook is a computer passer-of-time. It is not life. When people start to wrap their entire lives around "what did he put on her wall" and "why am I not in his favorites" they tend to lose touch with reality.

He is WITH you. Not his ex or "Jessie." You. Stop living in cyber-world and take care of business in reality.

That reminds me of a group on Facebook "If your relationship isn't listed on Facebook, it doesn't count"

The best fake Facebook fight I ever witnessed was between my sister and her husband. His ex from 10 years ago posted pictures and he was in them from 10 years ago. My sister flipped!! I could not stop laughing at them which just made my sister even madder. She took it so far that he had to ask the girl to remove the pictures. Talk about pathetic!!

Wow, did you ask your sisters hubby if he got his b@lls back afterwards

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Wow, did you ask your sisters hubby if he got his b@lls back afterwards

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Funny you should say that Rome cause every time I see him I ask if his b@lls are in her purse, pocket or did she leave them at home today.

FaceBook is irrelevant, I only use that site to post random funny stuff to get laughs out of people. I never consider it serious for relationship type stuff. Neither should you. He threw you a birthday party, that's what should matter.

Clearly You are the one that was more important to him, he might not have posted happy birthday on your Facebook wall, but dang girl, he didn't throw HER a party, and heck, the "happy birthday" was a week late. Why would you be all worked up about it?

So what if he didn't post it one your Facebook wall. Is it because he didn't post it in every way possible so that everyone could see? Does his congratulations to you need to be on the internet as well as him giving you a party?

This is why I don't have a Facebook, people get all worked up about the tiniest crap. Unless you see him posting pictures and flirty comments or some other junk, you have no reason to feel upset.

He obviously wanted you to feel special and appreciated, otherwise he wouldn't have done that much.

Don't think too much about it.

It was only a comment. Nothing else.
Think of what he did for you :)

I have to laugh, teens seem to live their lives on what people post on those silly type of sites.

So when you texted him ( I am sure you don't actually talk) and asked him who she was, what did she say.

You know I think Face Book said I should be a ballet dancer for halloween also.

And this Jessie may be a movie star, or a role model. A girlfriend would be just that,

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Originally posted by nikosmom
Beautifully said, Clough!

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Hey, nikosmom!

That was sweet!

Thanks! :)

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Originally posted by artlady

A Romeo with a heart,excellent:) Yes,life is too short for petty insecurities and sadly some people don't get that until they are older and have wasted too much time on them.

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Well, bless your heart, artlady! That's much appreciated!

Thanks!

Haha you're doing all right. You're going to have to acknowledge that before he started going out with you, he had a past life that involved other girlfriends, as I'm assuming that you have as well. Furthermore, about the whole "thought they were going to be married"... he probably thought at the time that they were going to get married, but I sincerely doubt that is the case now. Why, you ask? Because he is with you, throwing you birthday parties, spending time with you, dating you, etc. Usually when one feels closure in a relationship, IE lost most romantic feelings, they reach out to become friends. He obviously feels comfortable enough to do this because he has moved on and that he has YOU.

The "jessie" incident can mean many things. Jessie might be his best guy friend, or even a friend that is a girl, that said something or did something to warrant the post, like tell a joke or do something rediculously funny, or maybe they did something nice for him. You are also going to have to accept that you are not the only person in this guy's life. Lord knows if I had a girl that got all upset over me having close connections to my friends, that would drive me crazy!

Just keep it cool, and try not to obsess about the little stuff. You should have friends of your own, and try to balance out your life some more. It seems that you might have a case of dependency developing. Go out and do something for you, like go out with friends, etc. Go see Avatar. It's got great special effects.

Just a suggestion...

So I called up my boyfriend yesterday, but he didn't answer his phone so I left him a message. I was waiting for him to return my call, but he hasn't called me back. I'm wondering what is wrong. We were suppose to meet up yesterday, but I haven't heard from him. We usually talk at night, but when I sent him a text letting him know that I was going to sleep, he didn't even respond back to that.

So, I am looking for some advice. I am still feeling upset about this. I don't want to make this out to be a big deal, but in a small way, it is actually quite important to me.

I think most of the reason why I'm feeling upset is because I have experienced this before with someone else. When they didn't answer their phone or respond back to me in some manner... it was because they were ending the relationship (although I didn't know it at the time and I just kept feeling worse and worse without knowing why).

Don't jump to conclusions just yet,there would be any number of reasons for his silence.

Can I ask how long you have been dating?

You know I think you should not feel bad.
Did you do something wrong.If not than you should tell yourself OK I didn't do anything to deserve this .If he wants to play games OK but not with you.Usually when I guy doesn't pick up the phone it is not a good sign.
Don't try to contact him anymore. If he calls then you'll see...
But yet live your life.

The balls in his court now, do just wait until he contacts you. It's possible that his phone was turned off or on silence.

Have you been having any problems in the relationship that would give him a reason not to return your call?

We have been dating for about three months now. I thought that we were getting along fine. Yet, I don't feel like he's taking care of the relationship if he doesn't pick up my call or at least respond back with a "good night." We haven't had any major fights just before he stopped picking up the call. In fact, I don't think we had any arguments the day before yesterday either.

I'm assuming this is the guy from your most recent thread? There is not a lot you can do,he either gets in touch,and then you can ask him for an explanation,or he doesn't,in which case you should call him in a day or so to find out what is going on.

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Originally Posted by teastalk

We have been dating for about three months now. I thought that we were getting along fine. Yet, I don't feel like he's taking care of the relationship if he doesn't pick up my call or at least respond back with a "good night." We haven't had any major fights just before he stopped picking up the call. In fact, I don't think we had any arguments the day before yesterday either.

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Really I don't buy into this 'goodnight' goodmorning' text thing,it wreaks my head.

Example if you had plans at the weekend and he sent a text mid week or a short call,that would be fine...

You don't need a constant stream of talk and text to 'take care' of the relationship.

Yes communication is important but if your busy during the week and have a full life these things should not bother you.

Usually at about the 3/4 month mark the shine comes off the new relationship,couples start to 'see' the real person and decide if the relationship is for them or not.

If you find that relationships are ending about that time,take a step back,if this one is over take some time to heal,but this time try and underatand where they are going wrong.

Are you too needy?

Does the relationship move to fast in the beginning?

For the next one,slow things right down,don't be so available,one date a week,slow physical contact,and don't reveal your history in one or two sittings.

Love takes time to develop,emotional attachment takes time,if your find the same things keep happening,your not changing anything,try something different,for a different result.

NO one can read his mind, all you can do is wait and see what happened. There were a bunch of reasons he might not have answered you.

Threads merged

Though you shouldn't jump to conclusions so quickly, it seems like you've had quite your share of problems after only 3 months. Once you find out his side of the story, it's time to sit down and work things out. Otherwise, you're better off going your separate ways.

Furthermore, you've had quite a bit of insecurity issues in the past. What have you done to help yourself gain more confidence and self-esteem?

Wow, first it was a comment on someone else's Facebook page, ( which for the life of me, I don't understand why you would be on it ) now a missed text message. What's next?

Got insecurity issues because of the past maybe?? That can't be good for a young relationship.

You know, he could have fallen asleep. It happens sometimes, Or he forgot his phone somewhere.

It's not about a missed text message. It was about not returning my call.

I feel that whenever a girl or a guy is finished with a relationship, they often do not pick up the other person's call or return the call.

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Originally Posted by teastalk

It's not about a missed text message. It was about not returning my call.

I feel that whenever a girl or a guy is finished with a relationship, they often do not pick up the other person's call or return the call.

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Its one way,it's the cowards way.

How long has it been since he contacted you?