I had been seeing this girl for 5 months now. From the start she told me her parents would never accept me, cultural thing! But I thought that would be OK cause love can concur anything that and my cousin was in the same situation and now they are getting married and parents love him. Anyway last Monday out of the blue she calls and tells me its over she needs at least a break. Mind you at this point I thought things where going great, her mum knew about me and her sister to. This took months to get to this point! Her parents have made her realize its never going to work and I guess she is not strong enough to stand up against them.

I gave her a break for a week, only messaged her and called just to say goodnight. But by the end of the week began to realize she had decided it was over and we could never see each other again. Even though deep down, I know she really cares. I showed up at her work with some lunch she was happy to see me it was really nice to, but she said we could never see each other again its too hard.

We talked last week on and off I expressed my feelings without being over emotional cause I knew this won't help. She called me this weekend to say she misses me, so I took this as a good sign and dropped a little card into her work, without her seeing me (surprise)! She called me to thank me and said it was so sweet. But after that she sent one more texted late in the night "I miss u so much a! LoL but i mean that is expected we were inseparable for 4 months and now were trying to move on. Ps thanks for the card :)" That was two days ago and she has not replied to my text or returned my phone call.

Now my question is how can I get her back>? I have decided to go no contact, well she decided for me, but to be honest I have never meet anyone like her before and would love her to be part of my life. I just keep questioning should I just let her know one more time how I feel and if I give her time she will just move on? But I know I'm just being silly? Any advice? I'm going crazy! Help :confused:

It's going to be rough. It sure is for me but you have to respect her decision. Love her enough to let go. I loved mine enough to not keep bothering. I'm just trying to love myself enough to let go.

Spongebunny, sorry to hear about your situation. Unfortunately, there's not much you can do here except focus on yourself and move on. Many of us here have been in your shoes and gone down that path you need embark on now.

The sad truth is that she's already moved on, and she's already stated it. You have two choices here and depending on what you choose, it will determine how quickly you can get on with your life. We all here have seen people who have come to this forum take both paths.

A. Try to stay in contact with her and continue to try to be in her life. The more you try to pull her to you, the more she will push you away and ignore you. You will continue to suffer as long as you hold on to that last strand of hope that there's still a chance.

B. Start and stick with No Contact (NC) now. Focus on your life, you know, the one you were living BEFORE you got involved with her. Begin an exercise program if you aren't currently in one right now and start exploring different things in life you've always been interested in but "too busy" to try out. Enjoy being single for awhile - be relieved that you now do not have the responsibility of worrying about someone. Get busy with life and you will be on the path to a quick and fast recovery.

The choice is ultimately yours. If you haven't already, please take a moment to read the stickies at the top of this forum. They are loads of great advice and information in them. I'll share with you one final saying that for the life of me I can't remember where I saw it first but really strikes a chord with me: "We focus so much on being disappointed about not getting what we want in life that we fail to realize what we do get instead."

Welcome to the forums and good luck. Come back anytime to share your thoughts and feelings, we're here for you!

Stick with the no contact and get busy living your own life.
You'll heal from this-it takes time and patience,but you'll get there.
Good luck.

Well since posting this, this morning she has called me. I told her I was over the whole thing and was happy to be friends, now she has called me more today than she has in the last 2 weeks. Threatening to cut contact! Its sad how some girls enjoy the thrill of the chase and game playing! I guess if I need to move on its nice to know she is not really being genuine, should make it easier, I hope!

Keep moving on and stay no contact-dont buy into any gameplaying.
Trying to be friends won't work at this stage.

Yeah I know, thanks mate!

OK I posted about this a few days ago. Girlfriend of 5 months broke it of 2 and a bit weeks ago because her parents cannot accept me different culture, she basically can only date if there is possibility for marriage.

I really care about her and for the last 2 weeks have been showing it with texts and when she calls, even dropped her a card or 2. She has been pretty distant hiding her feelings I think?

So anyway I messaged and called her Monday and she ignored me all day she than called me back the next day said she was bored. I acted disinterested, told her how I felt and hung up. That night she called me like 8 times more so than she has in the past 2 weeks. Asking what's wrong and should she stop contact with me? I said I did not care what she did and said I had to go. She texts me back saying this is not going to work and she has to change her number. I said do what makes you happy. I did not contact normally I would send a nice late night message.

The next evening she calls me like 5 times before I answer said she felt bad saying it over a message and that was I OK with it if she changes her number and deletes her Facebook? I told her I cared and wanted to be with her all that stuff. But she had to do what she had to do.

The question is why does she keep asking me? Is she trying to make me chase again, is it a test? Does she want me back? Help! I know she cares.

No she's confused, has feelings for you but has allowed, or has to allow her family to make decisions for her.

One way or another you need to go NC and move on. This ship has sailed so leave the dock. Hope in a situation like this is just going to hurt you and keep you looking for a relationship that is over.

If you allow that to continue resentment will build and you'll end up with a worse mindset on this, which may effect future relationships.

Let it go.

I am going no contact, but sometimes I feel like I chase a bit more she will come back :/ Cause everything else was fine

Just stop.

Get new things in your life and move on, if the love was as great as you say it is, you two would still be together.

For whatever reason, you are not. It was her decision, now it's time to make yours and stop acting like the lost and loving puppy.

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Originally Posted by Spongebunny

I am going no contact, but sometimes I feel like I chase a bit more she will come back :/ Cause everything else was fine

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wrong. Don't chase her.

OK so if I don't chase she will make her own mind up?

I think she has.

Sucks to hear but you are right! Doesn't help when u get these mixed signals and you are so in love. Thanks for caring :/

Not at all, we've all been there. And unfortunately might be again.

But sure they don't call it 'falling' for nothing. It's just about finding the one that will catch you.

(Jees... I nearly made myself sick with that one! :p )

I will like to know how her parents expect her to get married if she doesn't date? When you date you get to know one another but I know how some cultures are even if I may not agree.

She is very conflicted and right now you are that forbidden fruit to her. She likes you but she knows she can't have nothing with you due to her parents. However, you shouldn't have to suffer so the best thing for you is to stop accepting her calls, texts, etc. Right now she can't or won't be with you and you know that but some how you are hoping things will change and when you hang on to hope sometimes your only leaving yourself to hang.

Yep everyone here is so wise, to think I paid some internet relationship expert for advice! Maybe down the track she will tell her parents where to stick it, but until than I have to move on! Arghh the pain!

Maybe she will, maybe she won't.

She can't be your guidance any more. All the decisions are yours now. And that is a good thing! Try to stay positive. :)

OK I have posted about this 2 weeks ago. She broke up with me 4 weeks ago now. Her family are very strict and she has to marry in her culture. So they told her to leave me and she agreed.

Anyway last week I decided to go no contact she called after 2 days saying she still wants to talk to me as a friend, I told her that's too hard than she says she misses me and wants to be in my arms. So the next day I ask her to come shopping with me and over the course of 5 min she says yes no about 30 times till finally she says no, very cold and that she will go tomorrow and says bye. Now I'm hurting.

How can I possibly get her to come back to me I miss her and lover her so much, but her parents have great control over her! Its all so very confusing and hurting! Every time I do no contact she gets upset and makes me feel guilty!

I can't seem to let go... :( My heart hurts a lot now and I can't think I just want her back!

Her parents do not have control over her. She has agreed to her parents telling her not to see you. If she loves you, she wouldn't have done that. You can't make her come back, the only thing you can do is whether to accept her when she wants to, if she wants to.

Your addiction to her isn't healthy and you need to put no contact into place to get over her and this time don't break it unless she does everything she can to get you back. And no, her telling you she loves you or miss you does not cut it.

Put her parents number on your speed dial. When she contacts you, contact them immediately and ask them to speak to her about stopping.

If she's really that influenced by her parents, she'll stop hurting you by calling when she knows you're telling her parents, so she's not getting away with anything.

You could go so far as to answer her call, put her on hold, and then 3-way connect her parents in to the call. Then you 3 can have it out as a group, like adults.

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The guilt you feel is irrelevant. Worse, it's pointless.

She broke up with you.
Each time she contacts you she reinforces the "not you" message.

"But I really LOVE this light socket...I just have to keep sticking my finger in the socket...even though it's killing me to do it...I have to because I LOVE it." Ridiculous!

No, the truth is you DON'T have to keep doing it.
You DON'T have to fall for the selfish manipulations she's aiming at you. ("We can't be together but I won't allow you to get over me.")

So, expose her bad behaviors to the people she actually listens to, then get some peace.

Regardless of cultural diffs, she made her decision, but still wants bit & pieces of you.

Let her be w/her decision.

Get with her priorities and her goals. You do the same.

Learn from this one. It'll take time, but you can do it.

This is a poison situation and your up against more than just her. Her religion/culture prohibits her from marry you so dating is fruitless. While she wants to see you, she is constrained by her culture.

You can't win, no more than Romeo and Juliette could win. Of course you see that.

For sure she isn't going against her parents, not openly any way, so you only have one course that will work. Strict No Contact, and man up, and throw the guilt stuff away.

So far, its you, not her, that's been falling for the mind games, and obsessive behavior. Its you have not taken a strong stand, and wimped out at every turn. Its you, and only you, who have failed to take full control of this situation, and do the right thing for yourself and her. Its just you that allows this female to keep you both in LALA land, and miserable.

Until she can make her own choices, and do for herself, and stand for herself, you really have NO CHOICE but to leave her alone, and ignore her completely. Every time you give in, you make it so much worse for you both.

Do what you have to fella, to disappear from her life, and stop wussing around, and giving in to your own weakness, that stops you from taking control of this situation.

She will either do as her parents say, and leave you alone,or leave home to be with you. Either way, she can just act like a fruit cake because you let her, and allow her to in the name of Love (yeah right), which is an excuse to not have to do the right thing for yourself.

Take control, or suffer, either way stop starting new threads about the same failure on your part!

Yeah... I guess I must have a few issues. Cause everyone says the same thing! IF she calls again I will tell her what you said thanks :) :(

Better yet ignore her. She needs to get her act together, and either obey her parents, or leave!

As long as you'tr there for her games, she has to do neither.

NC, man, do it. Stick to it.

Religious diffs, cultural diffs, parents, new boyfriends, insecurity, freedom, plans, agendas, bs & more. Whatever the reasons or situations.

The bottom line is... Its no longer.

Suck it up & get in control. If that's what she wants now, then why do you want her? No reason.

For what? Deal with her & her family later. Too much work.

Work on yourself instead.

Thanks for helping me see reason today. You guys are really caring and understanding. I spoke to her tonight when she called told her she was hurting me badly and I said I had to cut contact. That if she decided to be with me she could come back. I still feel upset but I feel a weight has come of my shoulders. She is texting me goodnight, but like you guys said if she is coming back she has to be chasing after me now.

How old are you and what are your religions?

I am Catholic and 26 years old

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Originally Posted by Spongebunny

I am Catholic and 26 years old

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How about her?