Threads merged, please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread

My ex broke up with me 2 months agao. I think at the time her reasons where she thoght we had nothing in coomon since then she has said different things etc, I think she felt she wasn't making me happy.

Thing is, she had a lot of bad traits. Swearing using abusive language. Slagging people off. Friends and family etc.

Thing is righ tupuntil the day we split. She always said how much she loved me and made me feel so special..

Back at exmas time she go tfed up of me txting her and told me to delete her no and not to conatct her, because I missed her os much I kept sending the odd text.

Any way recently, she text me saying gi will only text you once. We won't be getting back together, I don't want or need it..

Thing is she blames me for my faults for splitting up. I tried to explain to her that her actions of anger etc made me react to her.. its like she loaded the gun and I fired it..

Any way I sent her a text telling her some home truths about her personality and she obviously didn't like it, she said you are upsetting me telling my what a bad person I am. Its been over 2 months and you are still harasing me, I've kept your abusive texts and if you continue to contact me I will go to the police.

Now believe me. I've been in no way threatening or abusive. I've just clearly stated clear facts about her and what she done to our relationship.

My main question is. If I leave her be and don't contact her. Is she ever likely to realise her faults, miss me, and at some point get in touch? Or is the threat of police action her way of saying she hates me and dispises me?

I can't believe she has turned so hostile just because I sent a coupel txt's talking about her personality and how it messed up the relationshiop. Or do home truths hurt.

Thing is I had to delete my account on a dating site because she is on there and I can't stand looking ta her daily...

What's your opninon guys?

Hmmmmm to be honest I don't really think there's anything you can do, its over.

She threatened to call the police if you keep texting her, What does that tell you?

I understand that you want her back but its time to face facts and let her go, she seems like quite a nasty person and frankly you'd be better off without her.

I know you won't want or even take this advice at the minute but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop texting her, for your own good.

She asked you to leave her alone; you need to leave her alone. Period.

I'm sorry, but that's the way it goes.

Time to focus on you and getting yourself back to normal. It's only been two months - I'm sure your heart is still hurting and you feel like you won't make it.

But, you will. You'll make it and you'll be fine. Keep your chin up. :)

Quote:

---

Any way recently, she text me saying I will only text you once. We won't be getting back together, I don't want or need it..

---

That's a strong enough hint to me. Take her at her word, and disappear from her life.

Quote:

---

if I leave her be and don't contact her. Is she ever likely to realize her faults, miss me, and at some point get in touch? Or is the threat of police action her way of saying she hates me and despises me?

---

She hates and despises you, and you may be an old man before she realizes she is a classless fruitcake. I hope you realize that she isn't worth your time before then.

Quote:

---

I can't believe she has turned so hostile just because I sent a couple text's talking about her personality and how it messed up the relationship. Or do home truths hurt.

---

Sure they hurt, and made her mad, but obviously solved nothing so, as said before, take the hint, realize its over with, and move on by disappearing from her life.

Quote:

---

thing is I had to delete my account on a dating site because she is on there and I can't stand looking at her daily...

---

Get another dating site. There are more than one , you know.

I want to add that I know you came here looking for us to say "go for it" and "yea she'll come back to you" yet we've said the opposite.

You will no doubt ignore us and that's OK but please don't leave this site without looking at a few other threads and maybe asking a few more questions for advice.

I know this because I was in the same shoes you are in now and I hated the answers I got.

Two and a half years later I'm happy again and I'm glad I got the honestly here that I did.

Better now than divorce court.

You are simply attracted to either the sex or the bad side of her.

Take it from me, stay away. If it is this bad now it will only grow larger later.

I think you feed off each other and that is not healthy in relationship. It sounds like she has some negative qualities that did not and do not make her a suitable 'girlfriend' for you.

You can't change how she is. Only she can do that IF and WHEN she wants to make the change. Part of her making that change would probably be moving away what she sees as a contributing factor to her negative qualities.

The only person you can really affect is yourself. Look at what this relationship taught you about yourself and what you want in a girlfriend and relationship. Take your time. Build up your friendships and yourself. When you are ready, look for those qualities in the females you are interested in. If the female already possesses those qualities, then you won't be as tempted to try to remake her into your ideal of a girlfriend.

I would suggest staying away from dating sites for awhile. You seem like you might allow yourself to end up in a rebound relationship instead of giving yourself time to heal and get rid of the baggage from this past relationship.

Get out and meet new people. Make new friends. Rebuild relationships (friendships and family) that suffered while you were going out with this person. Get your life back to being your life.

Can I reply and let me give you an update, before I had a chance to read your replies. I was reading an online article on how to get your ex back there was one thing I took notice of and set to work and tried it with my ex..

I sent her one text saying " i have been doing some thiking, i realise you were right to end the relationship as there were differences we never resolved, i know i went a bit crazy after but iv realised i couldnt handle the rejection, im not a nasty person by choice you should know this from the times we shared together.. i accept we are over but wanted to say from my heart how sorry i am for any pain or hurtfull words iv said.. I'm setting you free from my mind so i can start a new chapter in my life. please forgive me ai am truly sorry, you wont hear from me again good luck and no hard feeling's"

She replied a thew hours later saying "i dont think you are a bad person, you did act harshley after but thats understandable. i dont wish you ill, good luck x "

I didn't even put a kiss on my text and she did, hmm yet 5 days agao when she sent a text saying we wouldn't get back together and take care etc she didn't use a kiss.. does this mena I have got to her. Or that I have sofened her up in any way? It's got me a reply I never thought I would.

Can any one comment?

No. It does not mean that she wants to get back together.

It means that she appreciated the apology and believes that you have realized that you treated her wrong and acted crazy.

That's all.

Don't read into it. She told you to leave her alone. Now that you've apologized, leave her alone.

Or, she will follow through and call the cops. At least, I would.

The relationship sounds like it was toxic and from your description
She sounds like she's full of negativity.

I'd leave it, for someone who is positive.

And she has now text again and being all nice.. huh. Why now. She has had 2 months to do this. 4 days ago she was thretening me she would phone the police if I text her any more and now she is being so nice even if it is to wish me luck

She sounds like a real psycho. One second hates you, the next she loves you.

I know its hard, but it would be best for you to distance yourself from her.

Did you ever read our replies to your first post? If not, please do so.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by silent007

and she has now text again and being all nice.. huh. why now. she has had 2 months to do this. 4 days ago she was threatening me she would phone the police if i text her any more and now she is being so nice even if it is to wish me luck

---

Can't you see as long as you kiss her butt, and take all the blame (which you don't believe, IF we can believe you ) then of course she will be nice. She accepted your apology, now leave her alone and ignore her texts.

What makes you think she has somehow become willing to change her personality, and stop doing the things you have accused her of? She hasn't, and won't as long as you keep accepting that kind of behavior from her that you have been.

A guy who gets dumped, and threatened, after telling the truth should be happy to stay dumped! I advise you to see beyond the nicey nicey behavior, and remember why she dumped you in the first place. Because you told her how you honestly felt.

No more contact-stay away from the mess and go do your own thing as in living your life and ignore the drama.

Time to move on.

since I split from my ex which is now 2 months agoi still can't come to terms with how for the entire 5 month relationship she did nothing less than praise me and tell me how much she loved me...

Even though it was her choice to part company she was the one actually going down the road of no contact and telling me not to contact her...

I have tried to reason with her and ask her why she has finished it and as time goes on her reason's seem to change rapidly.. When we first split up it was all my fault and now it's a case of we just didn't work out no one's to blame, you don't need to change your fine as you are, gave me the if some one really loves you they won't try and change you! But she claims she never did try and change me..

I'm still none the wiser as to why she came to the conclusion that we are no longer suited to each other...

When we met on a dating site last year, it was her first day on the site and she found me. Needless to say 3 days later we were both off the site and so happy with each other, 2 months on she has gone back on the dating web site, but so far has not found any one in 3 weeks. I kind of take that as a compiment knowing that I'm a better guy than most on the site and that's why she hasn't found any one as quick as she did with me, I feel we are made for each other, to me she is my soul mate..

what can I do if any thing to try and win her back?> should I even try? Is there any hope? I've tried no contact but I always end up contacting her over something, and 9/10 times she will ignore me any way..

I know this sound stupid to want to chase this girl, or why am I still worried about her after she has distanced her self from me.. I just can't believe how I went from being the love of her life to nothing over night..

Is distance likely to show her what she is missing? She said to me she never goes back, but I told her well some time sin life you have to make exceptions...

How do I even begin to make her understand or realsie what she has lost?

Starting a new thread will not get you different answers you want to hear.

Sooner or later you will be tired of chasing a ghost whose words got you hooked, but for sure her words, and actions, are now saying the same thing, leave her alone, because she is exploring her own options, and opportunities, and thats exactly what you should be doing.

It is all a process, one we have all gone through, but there will come a day when you don't give a toss about oul what's-her-name.

If she was your soul mate she would not have broken up with you for this ever changing reason and she definitely would not have played head games after she did.

You got on well, had a good time and have now parted ways.

That's it in a nutshell. The nicest way it can be put. Now it's time to accept that.

I don't know if you have been talking to her, but if you had you need to stop.

You are only giving yourself false hope.

Stop running head first into brick walls, all it does is give you a headache!

I find myself giving the same advice to people in the same situation as myself, why is it os hard to listen to one's own advice let alone every one else's?.

Close friends and family including a counselor I saw have all said she has a problem and I was mis treated.. Still in my eye's none of us are perfect..

Truth is my life just doesn't have the same appeal as it did with out her. I'm lost, I don't really know what my perpous is other than to eat and survive..

Maybe that's the real problem. You don't have a life that you enjoy without her. That can be fixed with a little work on your part.

I suggest you roll up your sleeves, and get busy getting your own life that makes you happy.

Your purpose is being you and find your own happiness-nobody else should be your reason to be happy-nor is anyone else responsible for your happiness.

Accept that its over and start rebuilding your life.

May be I do accept it that's why I feel so crap all the time.. I mean I've just lost interest in doing any thing that I once liked doing. When I'm not at work. I'm just happy to make myself tired and veg out falling asleep in front of the TV...

May be IM depressed. IM kind of against taking medication, id rather get myself up out of it but when I wake up every day and have no reason to get out of bed other then to face facts it's hard..

And yes may be I am self pitying myself, our brain is a complex thing. How do we over rule it with positive thoughts?

Have you really began to live a life again? Because it doesn't seem so!

Get out there and do something you've never done before. I don't care if it's a knitting class or sky diving, do something you were interested in before you met her.

Your life did not begin with her but you are allowing it to end with her.

You need to grab hold of yourself respect and self worth and get back on the horse. Of course life is sh!t if all you do is sit about and think about what has gone wrong, we all could do that, but that is not what life is for. It's for living.

So get out there and try it on for size!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by silent007

And yes may be i am self pittying my self

---

Dude, Maybe??? YES YOU ARE!

Come on you can do better than this! You say you went to a counselor, have you stopped?

If you have you need to get back in there and, I'm not trying to be rude here but there just isn't enough room at the pity party, strap on a pair.

We all have set backs but it's how we deal with these that determine the people we are.

I see her once and she said I was normal and that I present myself very well. She said it's my ex that needs treatment..

She reaferd me to a A>C>E class which I atteneded for the first time today but it's full of woman. I'm not comfortbale being the only guy there.

You need to go back to a counselor. I don't know who you saw but there is no such thing as normal and you are obviously dealing with issues.

Whether it is group or one on one you need some help with getting through this.

I feel victumised. I feel like all the problems we ever had that arose threw her bad behaviour that she has blamed me for the way I reacted and judged me based on reactions to her bad behaviour..

As a result obviously she ended it!. apart from walk away and give up what can I do to even try to make her realise that?

You could help yourself by stop being a victim, that's bull crap, thats you telling yourself your a victim. You could also do yourself a big favor, and get off the pity pot. More bull crap your doing to yourself.

You won't get positive thoughts, until you actually do positive things for yourself. There is no other way, and all that self pity is negative energy you direct at yourself.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by silent007

I feel victumised. I feel like all the problems we ever had that arised threw her bad behaviour that she has blamed me for the way i reacted and judged me based on reactions to her bad behaviour..

As a result obviously she ended it!!.. apart from walk away and give up what can i do to even try to make her realise that?

---

Part of the victim mentality is thinking that you have to change them or get them to see what they did wrong so that you can stop being a victim. Sorry, but it doesn't work that way.

As Tal so eloquently pointed out, you stop being a victim when you stop thinking of yourself as one. Stop looking for her to validate what you think happened in the relationship. Turn around and walk away with your head held high. She is no longer your problem or concern.