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My exwife and I recently got back togeother after being apart for 12 years with little to no contact with each other and when we bump in to eahother we started talking and all of a sudden all our feelings for each other came rushing out, in the two months we have been back togeother she has had calls form her ex boyfriends and I got jealous I am not a violent person so there was none! But I did give her the cold shoulder even though she told me about the call it happened two time and now she told me she is just going day to day, but she seems like she doesn't want anything to do with me no more I love you no more kisses unless I initiate the kiss, what should I do, I moved out and told her I was moving out not to end us but to give us a fresh start was I rite or wrong to do this,

Unless you and your ex talk about your problems and work -through honest communications to get to a point where you can sort out your differences and reestablish a relationship I see no point in trying to get back together.

As you may well know, if it didn't work once, it will not work again. Keep moving on.

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Originally Posted by amicon

Unless you and your ex talk about your problems and work -through honest communications to get to a a point where you can sort out your differences and reestablish a relationship I see no point in trying to get back together.

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I just sent her a text message and this is what I said to her to remind her of why I moved out "NOT TO END US BUT TO GIVE US A FRESH START"... Sweetheart I miss you so much WILL YOU PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR BEING A JEALOUS IDIOT? AND GIVE ME ONE ABSOLUTE FINAL CHANCE TO SHOW YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU! AND THAT I ONLY MOVED OUT TO GIVE US A FRESH START!
She sent me a reply and said that she will not have anyone live with her right now and I could call her later she is in the middle of cooking dinner. So the line of commuincation is now open. So is it safe for me to think that there is still hope to save our relationship?

When you call her, find out and you let us know her answer.

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Originally Posted by emopunk7

When you call her, find out and you let us know her answer.

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I just got off the phone with her and she said rite now she isn't thinking about anything other than work and reminded me of one thing I said the night before I left when I told her I was moving out to so we can make a fresh start, and I also said "not meaning it the way i said it " I know there is some one out there for me and for you somewhere, what I meant to say is I know there is no one out there for me but "you and me for "you"
Trying to reassure her that I wasn't leaving her. Just trying to give her space and I didn't know any other way to show her I trust her after getting jealous than to move out. Also I just moved out Sunday morning so she rally hasn't had time to think much about us.

I should also state that I have never been a jealous person in my life and she knows that I wasn't the jealous type from our first meeting each other and all through our marriage, it's just that after all the years of being apart and getting back togeother I just didn't know how to handle my jealousy its new to me. I felt our relathionship was threatened even though she was open and honest with letting me know her ex boyfriend called her.

Yo, man. Its been 12 years. Lots of things happen.

Sounds like you are rushing.

Why are you doing this anyway? Is it right? You both want it or is it just you?

Look at why it didn't work before. See if those things are mutual.

Talk. See where she's at.

Update I just got a call out of the blue from my exwife/girlfriend, I answerd and she said hello and I said what's up are you OK? And she said "yes i have about 20 minutes in between appointments"(she is a RN) so she called. (made me happy) it felt good to talk to her we didn't talk about anything but our jobs and the weather and the children, it was hard for me to resist the urge to ask her where we stood but I did it, I thought if she is calling me there must be some hope and I shouldn't push the issue. She seemed sad.

So ask her to meet up and discuss matters.

I will at some point and as sad as I am about being apart, I really want to wait and be absolutely sure she is ready to talk about our future, I don't want her to feel any pressure or stress from me, she has opened the line of communication and for now that is all I can truthfully say I deserve at this point for getting jealous over nothing as its turned out! She is a very trusting and caring person and with her calling me that really meens a lot to me! I will keep you posted as we go along. Amicon I wish to extend a world of thank's to you ! Again I will keep you up to date! THANK YOU!!

You are doing the right thing.

Why does NC for woman seem so easy to do yet for men it's a hard thing to do ?

That's not true at all. Just read some of the stories here, and you will see that NC is hard for everyone that has to go through it.

It's easier for the dumper, because he/she has been contemplating leaving for some time already. The dumpee is in shock and starts the grieving process later.

Its hard for us all, but its easier when one person has moved on... women in my opinion are more open to jump into rebound relationships and therefore have the rebound to occupy their time therefore not breaking NC with you


Trust me stick to the advice and search out there for new people as friends or possible love or dating interests... it is a big world out there trust me I know...

I disagree with your opinion as I think men are equally prone to rebound-I would say it comes down to each person's level of maturity and selfunderstanding.

Some people think getting over an ex is best achieved by jumping into a new relationship,others realise that unless you have healed completely from a breakup,a new relationship will almost certainly backfire.

Back to the question, NC is as hard on women as it is on men.

It's mostly easier for the dumper,as they have had time to come to terms with the relationship being over before ending it.

It's only easier for the dumper and that's because they have been wanting to get out for some time. Women and Men go through the same emotional feelings and hurt just as much. If you are in pain, just hang in there and stay active. Everything will be okay. Time to get busy.

It depends on the person, not the gender.

It also depends on who's the dumpor and who's the dumpee.

Its not true, maybe when most of the time a girl get dumped, they have lots of female friends to help them recover in any sort of ways, either good or bad. Male however, isn't that of the case *most

Ok day before yesterday after having a phone converstion(we did not talk about us)she seemed sad.
I asked her if she was "ok" and she said yea. Well yesterday I sent her a text and I told her that "im missing you sweetheart! Without you I am not complete.you own my heart. I love you. And I did not get a return text, so after about an hour I sent another text asking if she was "im missing you sweetheart! without you i am not complete.you own my heart. I love you. and i did not get a return text, so after about an hour i sent another text asking if she was " and she text me back and said " yea working" and she text me back and said "only ". i did not respond to that text, because she told me she was working .
a couple hours later she called me and asked me why i asked if she was ok. and i told her i was just thinking of her and thought i would ask. then she said ok i just wanted to why you would ask. no contact since. i have been sending a text at night just before going to bed " and she would reply " saying goodnight and sweet dreams". Well last night I decided not to send a goodnight text, I really wanted to but I was also wondering if she would send me one if she didn't get one from me. Well I didn't get one from her and I have still not had any contact from her. She will communicate with me but it seems only after I make the initial contact, my question is should I just let go and not make anymore contact until she initiates it ?

No, don't make any contact at all! You don't see how annoying your are being to her?

You are going to turn into that psycho ex she tells her friends about

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

No, don't make any contact at all! You don't see how annoying your are being to her?

You are going to turn into that psycho ex she tells her friends about

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I am not being "annoying to her" she told me that she didn't want me to stop talking with her. And "psycho" doesn't apply to either of us!
There has never been any type of violence or abuse in our relationship, the issues we are dealing with that caused us to be apart is my getting jealous over her exboyfriend calling, and she knows I have never felt any kind of jealousy before so why now is what I must get to the root of so it doesn't ruin our reltionship if we can get through this. I do not contact her at all other than if she contacts me, other than a goodnight text in wich she returns the same, so after not reciving anything from her last night I am not going to make any contact until she initiates it, I will never not respond to her after all I am here trying to get help to save my relationship not sabotage it, I was just confused on how to deal with not continuing sending goodnight text, I don't want her to think that I don't care and have given up by abruptly stopping the goodnight text. So I am going to follow the advice of all of you "great" caring people and not initiate any contact until she does.

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Originally Posted by lostnhurt

I am not being "annoying to her" she told me that she didnt want me to stop talking with her. And "psycho" doesnt apply to either of us!
There has never been any type of violence or abuse in our relationship, the issues we are dealing with that caused us to be apart is my getting jealous over her exboyfriend calling, and she knows i have never felt any kind of jealousy before so why now is what i must get to the root of so it doesnt ruin our reltionship if we can get through this. I do not contact her at all other than if she contacts me, other than a goodnight text in wich she returns the same, so after not reciving anything from her last night i am not going to make any contact until she initiates it, i will never not respond to her after all i am here trying to get help to save my relationship not sabotage it, i was just confused on how to deal with not continuing sending goodnight text, i dont want her to think that i dont care and have given up by abruptly stopping the goodnight text. So i am going to follow the advice of all of you "great" caring people and not initiate any contact until she does.

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UPDATE: Wow she actually called me today out of the blue (made me happy) she asked me what's new, I said well not much what's up with you she said she had a few minutes before she had to attend a meeting at work, and then she asked me "what did you do last night" I told her nothing just watched a movie on the television, (she took me by surprise when she asked what I did lastnight) because normally at night before I go to bed I would send her a text telling her good night and sweet dreams (nothing out of the ordinary) and she would reply with "goodnight".But last night I didn't send one nor did I receive one. So I decided because it is always me to make initial contact I would just let go and not make anymore contact with her. Then we talked a little bit about my work schedule I work (7-7 12 hour shifts) and then she had to go to in to her meeting. I said OK and she said I'll talk to you again sometime. Now my question is with her contacting me is it safe for me to thank that she is thinking about us and should I continue not contacting her and leave it up to her to make contact?

Dude, I am against any kinds of game playing and this pull back, push and wait is a game to me.

Honest expressions of feelings is how you communicate, and let each other know the fears, and expectations you both have after so long being apart.

Why waste time assuming, and presuming, hoping, and wishing, when you can get the facts to make a good decision about her feelings, and motives.

Working together through issues, and problems, is about honest communications, not games.

It is all a game, do not let her take advantage of her feelings,. trust me I've been there and I allowed my ex to ruin my vegas vacation via the phone! Just take a step back and look at the big picture...

You're guessing cause you haven't talked about this.

Listen to Talaniman.

What you want & what she wants and what kind of relationship is in the cards.

Make a plan to have an honest conversation.

Then you both can proceed.