My girlfriend of a year and two months has broken up with me. It's been almost two weeks since she's broken up with me and she say's that she just needs time and that she doesn't know what she wants right now. Every now and then she would text me that she misses me and that she loves me. Just last night she texted me that she missed me and that she wanted me to come over and just be with her. When I came over to her house we cuddled, and she kissed me several times and she also allowed me to put my hand around her when we went out. There was one moment today when I tried hugging her and kissing her and she said to stop. I don't get her? Why would she text me saying she misses me and then want to kiss me, but not want to get back with me? She says that she needs time and space because she's been stressed out at home with her family and at her new job. What do you guys think I should do? I really love her and care about her, but waiting for her to take me back is just hurting me. I was doing OK while we were broken up before we hung out today, but now I'm starting to get that feeling again. I don't know what to do. I used to always text her, but a few friends of mine were telling me to just let her text and call me, to make her miss me and to want me back. So far I've been letting her just text me, and when she does I talk to her. I don't want to just ignore her and make her think I don't care about her anymore because I do. She says she doesn't want anyone else and isn't looking for anyone else and she wouldn't cheat on me. So what should I do and what does she mean when she says "I need time"?

Only she knows what she means by that.
You should go complete no contact and not even reply to her messages and definitely NOT meet up with her.

Start living your own life and take charge of your life by moving on.

Don't be her puppy waiting around in limbo.

Wow.. this is exactly what was going on with my ex. Trust me it will take a heck of a lot more time for them to figure out what they want. I got the hugging kissing one day, no touching the next, it drove me to insanity lol so I went no contact and its so much better. No confusion. I know no contact feels like your going to hurt them, and that's the last thing you want to do to them. So how I handled it was telling her, "i can't do this anymore, if you want to be with me, then be with me, if you want to be just friends, please dont contact me anymore and i'll contact you when im ready to be "just friends" because right now it just hurts to much" and if she was a good girlfriend she'll respect your wishes.

Don't wait around waiting for her decision. You can't live your life waiting on another. Take YOUR life in YOUR hands and live it to the fullest. If it doesn't work out with her, and you wait around. You will take a look back and say "I shouldn't have waited" Go NC, start by telling yourself you're not going to text or call her today, and then tomorrow tell yourself you won't text her for two days, and so on until you are healed.

I didn't see your guy's responses until now...

Well today she txted me early in the morning to see if I could take her to work at 11am. I went to her house around 830am and she wanted me to cuddle with her in bed. She would wrap her legs around mine, as well as her arms around my body.. . lol she's also still concerned about who texts me or who I'm hanging out with. It was pretty much the same situation as earlier. She would give me a kiss and when we would hug she would hug me very tight and not let go for about a good minute. While I was at her house she made me lunch before I dropped her off to work and we ate together. We laughed a lot and overall it seemed like a good day today. Early in the morning we openly talked about us as a couple as well as several questions that were going through my mind that I wanted to ask her. She told me that she couldn't make up her mind because I would always bug her daily and that I never gave her time to decide what she wanted. She also wanted me to see her when she got off from work at 2pm, and I did, and when I left her house around 410pm I told her I loved her and she said "i love you too" but looked sad like she didn't want me to leave yet. So what's up with this? I love her a lot, we didn't break up on bad terms or anything she just wanted space because we used to fight a lot, and she just wants time right now, but why would she do all of these things?

Because what you are is comfortable... she wants you there as she transitions her way out. I know its hard to believe... but in the end you will always get the same answer "i need time".. as hard as it is to let go.. its the only thing you CAN do..

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Originally Posted by vincesez

she just wanted space because we used to fight a lot, n she just wants time right now,

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So give it to her and respect her wishes , who knows she may just miss you then.

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Originally Posted by vincesez

but why would she do all of these things?

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Why??

Because she knows she can and you'll be there at her beckoned call , you've already demonstrated that by running to her whenever she asks. And she'll keep doing it while you allow it.

Tell her you can't be around if she doesn't want you as more than a friend , and then give her the space she's asked for and stop hanging around like a little puppy waiting for her to make the rules.

I hate this so bad...


Like damn... why can't a girl just say f-you loser instead of just blatantly saying "i need time".

People do this when they are too cowardly to be honest.
Time to step away from this mess and get your life back.

Well I told her today and she honestly and straightforwardly told me that she doesn't love me like she used to. I'm hurting really bad right now and to be honest I cried. You guys were right. When a girl says "i need time" just let it go and forget about her because she truly has broken up with you. It really hurts...

Yes, when she had you come back over it was merely she was lonely at the moment. Don't let her keep pulling you in, for her use.

Even though it really hurts now , and unfortunately it will for a while , it's far better to know her true feelings now so you can start the healing process rather than hanging on with False Hope for months on end.

Read the stickies at the top of the forum to get some good hints on how to start the healing , and then come back here and vent when you need to. We're all good listeners.

She wanted to be friends, but I told her I couldn't be "just" friends and that I couldn't talk to her until I got over her and I told her I still loved her. Why does she insist on still txting me even though I don't text her at all?

Probably because she wants to keep you on a leash.

You're doing NC so you can heal from the breakup.

Ignore her texts-delete them without reading them or change your phonenumber.

People say whatever they need to at the time for there own motives. Some people can't be honest, my ex included in that group.

Don't take it to heart. But take it as a lesson. And be aware.

Get in control, go complete NC and have fun.

Don't wish, want or expect anything else from her, and you will be fine..

It's been a while since me and her have last talked but why can't I get her out of my head lol. Every little thing I do brings back a memory, same goes for a place I go to. I don't really think about her, it's just the small things that bring back memories and makes me miss her. I go no contact and I've practically thrown away everything she's given me. The only thing that bothers me is how she built my emotions so high for her and then ends it so fast and she also found another boyfriend. How can someone move on from a year and a month relationship and just move on to another one without taking time to think things through or to recover from it? I don't know.. even though I don't think about her those little things that bring her up makes me feel sick? And sometimes I can't sleep or I wake up early not to mention it makes me lose my appetite sometimes.

What you're going through now is normal,it's only been four/five weeks since you split up.
The memories will fade,you'll sleep and eat well again,so be patient with yourself.

As for your ex moving on,accept it-it's her life and her choice now.
I can understand that you think it sucks,but focus on you now,keep busy and stick to NC and heal.

Get on with your own life hun it myt be hard but she will come running back if its you she wants to be with in the long run,, but don't give her too much time, she wll think she will b able to get away with this behavoiur again

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how can someone move on from a year and a month relationship and just move on to another one without taking time to think things through or to recover from it? I don't know..

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Its fairly simple, her relationship was not with you, it was with what you do for her. That's why you can be replaced so easily, she found another to do what she needs to have done for her.

You listened to the words, and ignored the actions, as have many of us, until we know better.

I understand that and is the reason that I hate her for. It just makes me feel used because with her finding a new relationship so quickly it was like nothing I did meant anything to her. I just hate how randomly she would pop up in my head again and mess with my emotions. One day I would be OK and then the next I see or do something and she pop ups. I guess it's just the whole valentines day thing that is also messing with me. I just can't wait for that day to pass so that I won't have to think about anything dealing with love for a while. It really is hard right now... I always try to surround myself with people because it's just worse being by myself. Being on here also helps a lot. Writing things down really helps clear my head.

I understand that and is the reason that I hate her for. It just makes me feel used because with her finding a new relationship so quickly it was like nothing I did meant anything to her. I just hate how randomly she would pop up in my head again and mess with my emotions. One day I would be OK and then the next I see or do something and she pop ups. I guess it's just the whole valentines day thing that is also messing with me. I just can't wait for that day to pass so that I won't have to think about anything dealing with love for a while. It really is hard right now... I always try to surround myself with people because it's just worse being by myself. Being on here also helps a lot. Writing things down really helps clear my head.

You I think you should cut contact she knows she can have you whenever she wants. Maybe if you cut out all contact shel realise what she wants quicker. Don't let her walk all over you or take advantage you seem like a nice person

All right... I got to another situation. It's been almost a month and a half since my girl and I have broken up. She did have another boyfriend during the time we were broken up, but she broke up with him. We haven't really seen each other since then, until last night. We started talking three days earlier and she said she misses me and that she loves me, and that she made a big mistake and that she apologizes for everything. I haven't been txting her, but since three days ago she would text me every now and then saying "what up," and stuff like that. Just last night she was a friends birthday party and she texted me saying she misses me and that she wanted for me to go there to be with her and to see her. When I got there we hugged and talked, and sometime that night she gave me a surprise kiss on the lips. We basically pretty much talked the whole night and I even took her home last night and she gave me another kiss on the lips and on the neck and when I was driving home she texted me saying, "even though you just dropped me off, i miss you." what do you guys think? I still have feelings for her, and I'm already over the whole hurting part, I don't know? I guess I'm kind of scared to get hurt again, but then again I still have a lot of feelings for her. I honestly don't know where to go from here. When we saw each other last night, we were both happy. People could tell by the smile on our faces. She even said herself that she would take me back, but we would start slow just to see where things would go from here from what she said. She basically said she doesn't want to lead me on because she got out of a relationship with her ex just recently and that she wants to clear things up as to not hurt me again. I honestly want her back. What do you guys think I should do?

It didn't work out with your replacement and now she wants her backup guy back?

Not a good idea.

She is still pulling your strings and you are letting her.
That's not a good idea either.

Find some selfrespect and let her go sort her own life out.

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She basically said she doesn't want to lead me on because she got out of a relationship with her ex just recently and that she wants to clear things up as to not hurt me again. I honestly want her back. What do you guys think I should do?

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Leave her alone until she clears up her business. Why do I see back up plan written on your forehead?

I honestly think your own feelings are being used against you. I would steer clear of a female who has more important things to do than work with you.

This gal is much to needy of a man in her life, to ever trust her feelings for you.

Think hard my friend as to what your actually getting back.

Is she really pulling my strings? She was really emotional and she actually cried when she was apologizing and talking to me and saying the whole I miss you and love you deal.

Her feelings for you so strong that she easily dated another guy so fast.
And you keep believing every word. Girl is crying, because she is lonely, any guy can fill her void, and she is crying so you be that fill in guy. I think you would be wasting your time. Remember how she told you she didn't want any other guys, but then she starts dating another guy right after that.
How can you trust anything she says, crying or not. Anyone can cry. I can cry on command.

That's exactly how females pull our strings guy, by overwhelming us with emotions. You fell for it instead of the facts.

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Remember how she told you she didn't want any other guys, but then she starts dating another guy right after that.

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Is this a fact, or not?

Yeah that fact is true. She actually explained that part last night. That he was basically just some guy who was there for her when she needed someone. She said he was just a F.buddy and that she realized that she shouldn't have broken up with me. She said she learned that I was actually the better guy when she saw what he did for her on valentines day compared to what I used to do for her and he didn't do much and she left him the next day. She said that the only thing she liked about him and that made her happy was that he would kiss her hand and her forehead and give her kisses every five seconds. I'll admit I wasn't really a guy who would do that a lot, it was every now and then, but I learned from that.

Learn also from the fact she is needy of a guys attention, any guy it seems, who buys her things.

Dude, reread this post, and see the red flags of why she wants you.

A box of chocolates, and she is still with the F' buddy. You don't need that kind of love, do you? That's not love at all.

I wonder why the word shallow comes to mind?

Her most recent ex didn't come up to scratch when it came to showering her with tokens of love on Valentine's Day,so dump him and try to get back with you.

And how delightful of her to regal you with stories of what he did. Not.

Can't you see through the crocodile tears?

Don't get back together with her unless you enjoy emotional rollercoaster rides and merry-go-rounds.

The more you post, the more and more you need to reread your posts and understand why not to go back to her!
Every time you post it just shows her true colors more and more and how worse and worse it actually is. But your buying it?
When you first posted when she didn't want to be with you, you were agreeing with everyone's post here, because they were all right and suggestions you should listen to. Now that she wants you back, your defending everyone of her actions and not listening to our suggestions anymore.. but still in denial.
All this hurt you felt when she broke up with you, if you go back to her, you will feel it a dozen times over. Why go through that?

Don't play the wuss.
No one likes that.

You guys were right. Now that I look at it she is needy of a guys attention. I was just too surprised and overwhelmed by the fact of her wanting me back. She even said herself, the night of the party that she's needy of attention. I don't know I'm not hurting anymore, I don't get that feeling I used to feel in my chest or in my stomach when I think of her. It just makes me mad when she would tell me she misses me, but I know she's just saying that because she's alone. Yesterday she actually asked if I wanted to go out with her, but then she changed her mind saying her "dad" was going to take her out to dinner, but I come to find out later that night on her page that she went with another guy to dinner instead because she posted a picture up. I even left a comment saying, "your dad sure looks different...". That just pissed me off. We've hung out twice this week and when we did I never made a move on her I kept my wall up but she made moves on me. Nothing bothers me at all anymore when we hang out. I was just trying to see if what she felt was really real and if what she really wanted was me, but I guess not. Ughhhhhh! I can't stand anyone who lies.

Time to let her sort her own life out now-let her go lie to somebody else and get on with your own life, Vince.

Time for no contact!