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Hi I am a 20 yr old that did a horrible thing 4 days ago. Me and my ex girlfriend got drunk and got into a fight. She ended up punching me in my face 10 times and then threw beer on me and spit in my face. I lost control of my anger and blacked out and ended up hitting her. I'm not here to ask for help for the pain I'm going through because I deserve it. I'm just scared that I'm never going to be able to find someone else because I'm afraid of what if I black out again. What should I do
Well, there are two sides to this. Personally, I don't condone any hitting of a woman of any type, but she definitely crossed a line in the abuse as well. I know most people will say that women aren't as strong as men, but that's a load of bull anymore. I think you are both having trouble handling your anger and doing it apart would be best. First, you need to seek out counseling or support groups. Second, stop drinking because it obviously elevated the situation and finally, get some reading material on the issue. There are several books about how to handle anger and aggression
I'm so depressed right now I'm actually scared I have thoughts that I never would have dreamed to think of I've been pretty much crying for the past 3 days for the fact I hit her.
We have all made mistakes, at least you recognize it and want to change, give yourself some credit there. A lot of people who act like this, never want to change and never realize there is a problem
I just don't think I'm going to be able to live without her she was my love of my life.
Everyone has felt like that, but the good thing about life, it goes on. You will feel like crap for awhile, you will have good days and bad days, but eventually the pain goes away, little by little each day.
What does your girlfriend say about the situation?
I'd stop drinking. Period. If that is what lowers your inhibitions and helps set you off, it is NOT worth it.
Then, I'd start seeing a counselor or a group session-type thing. Anger management is a process; but, if you're committed to getting control of it, you'll be able to conquer it.
In my opinion, hitting is never acceptable, by a man OR a woman. Ever. Sounds like you don't need to be around her.
We all get angry at our exes at one time or another, but this crossed the line.
You can manage and control your anger - you just have to be willing to take the necessary steps.
I wish you the best of luck!
I haven't been in touch with her since. I doubt she would want to talk to me I know I wouldn't.
Well, that being said, she did hit you, too.
I'd concentrate on getting yourself put back together. You know your problem and desire to fix it. That is the first step.
You're on the right track!
My life is falling apart around me I don't know what to do with myself anymore I haven't been this lonely before.
Find someone to talk to in person,a friend or family member. And maybe you should look into counselling.
You should not be drinking.
Your problem is alcohol.
Your anger and your reaction may have been quite different had you not been intoxicated.
It is good that you feel remorse but that alone is not enough to prevent this from happening again.
Get educated about the effects of alcohol on the brain and know that some people simply can not drink without bad results.You sound like one of those people.
This is your wake up call! Listen to it and make a promise to yourself that you will not put yourself in that position again.
Next time ,it could be deadly.
I know for a fact I would have just walked away if I was sober but I'm not going to make alcohol my excuse. Right now I'm just trying to do something stupid to myself. I am going to get help I just need to get the money first.
Now why would you want to do something stupid to yourself?Quote:
Originally Posted by icemantj
What are you thinking?
That is going to solve nothing.
Tell me what you mean by doing something stupid to yourself.
I meant to say not do something stupid like hurting myself. I just feel so bad because my little sister saw all this happened and a preeched to her not to ever let a man talk down to her or put a hand on her and here I am doing what I told her not to let ever happen.
You screwed up ,you explain that to your sister and begin a new chapter in your life where you make darn sure it never happens again.Quote:
Originally Posted by icemantj
Beating yourself up will change nothing.
Get educated and stay away from something you clearly cannot handle.
Life goes on my friend.
Thank you for your great advice I txted my ex earlier telling her that if she could forgive me we could eventually maybe be friends again and see where it goes from there but for now I'm focusing on me and the problems I have to fix.
Hang in there.It can only get better from here.Quote:
Originally Posted by icemantj
Just remember how you are feeling at this moment the next time you decide to drink.
Your very welcome,I hope it all works out for you :)
Any advise on getting over her I am afraid to go to sleep because ill have a dream about her with someone else so I haven't slept for almost 48 hours now. I'm starting to think I'm in serious trouble
Stay sober... no booze or weed or anything. Go to sleep. If you dream about her then deal with it. You are a man?
The less you sleep the more depressed you will be. Get sleeping pills if you have to, but don't take more than 2. A few days proper rest and you will start thinking straight again.
Well I smoke a little weed to help me keep eating but the dreams just hurt me so damn bad and I don't have friends or family to talk to so I'm really alone right now
I wouldn't start taking sleeping pills. Those things are easy to get addicted to, and you don't need that on top of all that's going on in your life.
Do you have anyone that you can talk to about this? Any friends or family that can help?
What about getting to the gym. I know that it helps to burn off the steam AND makes you tired as all get out! Have you tried that?
You've got to start taking control of your own emotions. Emotions are like a roller coaster, they're fun for a while when you ride them to the exhilerating highs of life, but when you hit the crashing lows, they can be rough. But the thing about roller coasters? You have to get off.
You have to choose to stop dwelling on this. I've been through horrific break ups (basically left at the altar by the man I thought was my dream), but there comes a time when I had to get up, wipe off my tears, and start taking control of my life. It's a choice. Only YOU can make it.
No I don't really got any friends the only one I got which is my childhood friend is in the navy. I haven't really been in touch with him for awhile and I don't talk to family
Then start doing things that are productive and will help you get over this.
Go to the gym. Run. Start some kind of physical activity that will take your mind off it, help burn off steam, and help you sleep.
You've got to take control of yourself. Only you can do it.
Yea I know but I just don't know where to start and when she finds someone else and I'm not over her by then ill have no clue how ill be able to handle it.
Stay off the weed for a bit. As a regular smoker myself I can honestly say that its good to go clean for a while. It will force you to deal with your emotions and you will soon feel the urge to be more social.
Instead of thinking about not having anyone close to talk to, go out and meet new people. Join a group, hiking, climbing, jogging, yoga... whatever. Easiest way to meet new people.
Your 20 and I know its super bad to lose love, you have your whole life in front of you.
But most important for now stay off the weed for a few days. It will also give you something else to focus on. Keep in mind after 7 days of no smoking you will be more depressed than usual for a few days. Just keep reminding yourself it's the emotional dependency you have for the spliff.
If you want to chat to someone I can give you my msn addy. Not sure if that's allowed here.
You start by finding a gym close to you. If you can't find a gym, then put your sweats and sneakers on and go for a walk or a run. You start being active.
You have to choose to get over this. Right now, all you're doing is thinking about it over and over and of course it's killing you inside! I know that pain! It is devastating.
But, you MUST take that first step - it's a literal step toward the door.
Google gyms in your area. Find a YMCA, something that you can DO. When you find it, GO.
No gyms? Sign off the computer, get your sweats and sneakers on, and go take a run.
I don't think it is but I don't got msn anyway. But it will be kind of tough to stay clean because it makes me feel so much better and I feel it would make it easier and help me sleep also. I'm kind of limited to physical stuff because I got a torn tendon in my ankle. Maybe ill just go drive around since I love to drive.
There you go. Go drive. Take your camera with you and take a few pictures. You can upload them onto this thread. Show us what you found!Quote:
Originally Posted by icemantj
Its little and silly, but its something.
Shoot us a picture! :)
And about the weed. It's destroying your brain and is dreadfully bad for your health. You should stop. Period. Both of you (LJDK), actually! :)
This might sound dumb but I've also been chillen with my cat lol he is my best buddy I've had him since I was 8 but he makes me feel better. So maybe ill go volunteer at a pet shelter to keep my mind of her. I don't know I guess your right I got to just try new things.
That's an AWESOME idea!! Wow! What a cool thing to do.Quote:
Originally Posted by icemantj
I completely understand though. My cat is my buddy. They know just what to do when we're upset, don't they! :)
I'd Google shelters in the area and sign up! That's a great thought.
New things = Best way to meet new people.
Yea ill try all the things you guys told me so far I think I'm going to see a therapist to once I get the money because I think I have a lot of stuffed build up in me right now and I need someone to talk to that will listen.
Just remember a therapist is going to ask you if you smoke spliff. Be truthful as it does have an effect on our moods.
The link I am giving you is for a site called meetup.Maybe you have heard of it.
Different events are posted throughout the U.S. and I believe Canada as well.
It just where people meet for various clubs, support groups volunteer projects ,hobbyist's and collectors.All kinds of things.And it's a cool way to meet like minded people who share your interest.
Check it out.
http://www.meetup.com/
Most cities have a sliding scale mental health program.Quote:
Originally Posted by icemantj
Call your local department of mental health and ask them what ,if any programs are available for you because of your lack of income.
There is also pastoral counseling and often you do not have to be a parishioner.A small donation of 10 dollars to the church is acceptable.Call your local churches.
There are resources out there if you are asking for mental health treatment.You can also apply for state funded medical coverage.Medicaid.
Sometimes its just the matter of finding the right person to listen to you to get you help.
Many mens shelters also offer pastoral counseling.
There is always someone at Alcoholics Anonymous to guide you in the right direction. She has a problem also, so drop the guilt, and self pity, and get busy getting facts, to get solutions.
Update... I'm still talking to my ex but I am not hurting as much tonight as I was yesturday. I finnaly slept but I still feel really tired so I might try to sleep a little more to let my body recover. We decided that we need to go her own way but she is upset and keeps thinking I am talking to other girls and starts insulting me. I am not talking to any girls but she doesn't beleave me. She says she crys every night because she says I am sleeping with other people already. I don't know what to do I don't want to cause her any pain but she is kind of bringing her own pain on since she won't beleave me
You really need to stop talking to her, since you have decided to go your own way.
Read the stickies, they will give you some good ideas about how to get through a break up. There is a link in my signature.
Ice, its time for NC.
Stop talking to the ex,its not going to make any of you feel better. Time to live your own life
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