Me and my boyfriend was in relationship for 3 years. Then suddenly he said that he doesn't want to marry me but still wants to be friends. I accepted and we continued to be friends. And on another day he disclosed about his girlfriend with whom he was dating simultaneously when we were dating now is going to marry her. I continued talking to him for 4 months after he declared this to me. Then I stopped because he was showing interest in getting physical with me without the knoweldge of his fiancée and without even leaving her. Now whenever something happens in his life like his engagemnent or something important related to this he comes to me and tell me the same. He says that he still want to be friend with me. I am not understanding this I still love him and his updates about these things make me hurt. Personally I want him back for life but I don't see this possible. I don't know what I should do in this regard?? Please help

He is a weak ediot who cannot see that you still love him, and does not seem aware that you hurt. Can he feel or see what your eyes tell him. But no, do not go back to him, don't even think about it. He will probably never marry the women he is about to marry.

Every time he discusses his fiancé, and the wedding plans to you, you let him. He has even made sexual advances toward you, making it quite clear that he is not marriage material, and he's not friend material.

I think you are very fortunate that you are not engaged to him. If that were the situation, he'd be talking to another girl, and trying to have a fling on the side, while you're sending out the wedding invitations.

The only person who can put a stop to it is you. Think hard about keeping your distance from this man, and thank your lucky stars you are not engaged to him.

Loving him, and wishing for a miracle that he will leave his fiancé, turn into an honourable person, and return to you, is just a dream that will never come true.

He's a cheat and a liar and you should cut him out of your life completely. Don't put up with his BS anymore.

Talaniman Rule- When you get dumped, have the dignity, and self respect to disappear from their life.

That alone will save you a lot of heartache, especially when you figure out he was a lying cheater, and wanted you to be in it with him.

Its been a long time now that we broke up. He dumped me for an another woman and is engaged with her and is going to marry in few months. He always says that he wants to be friend with me and shows interest in getting physical with me. As per the advice received I stopped talking to him. He also did stop calling me and messaging me. I tried but its really difficult for me to forget him after such a long period of relationship. I am very sure that I am in love with person and I think can't love anyone else again like this. I really really want him back in my life but see no way. Last time when I called him few days back he again showed the same interest and said he wants to meet. Should I go and meet him? I don't want any nonsense realtion (without any commitment) but I do want to win him forever. Is there any way I get my love back from this another woman who is his fiancée now? Or should I accept the fact that he is gone forever?? I don't want to spoil anything but its becoming really difficult for me. Every 24 hours he is in mind. I have lost almost everything in my life (no interests) I don't know what to do?? Please help me and advice me how can I get back him and if its not possible how can I get over him?

I stand by the advice I wrote before-see your other thread-this guy is a cheat and a liar. Disappear from his life.

Thanks amicon, I will try my best to follow your advice no matter how difficult its going to be

Thanks to all of you, I will try to follow what you all have advised

You can do it. Go complete no contact and ignore him 100%.
Good luck.

Right now you have to disappear from his life. He has a fiancée, and its off limits. If he called the engagement off, then would be a different story. But it is what it is. When he tries to call you, I would tell him just that. You are not going to be the other women, as long as he is engaged, I am walking away. Then, see what happens, and maintain NC. If for some reason he breaks the engagement then that's a different story.

" shows interest in getting physical with me."

Let's see, he cheated on YOU with her, and now he wants to cheat on HER with you.

He wants one last fling with you before he gets married.

Like he ISN'T going to cheat then too. HA!

He is a tool, and should be avoided like a plague.

You should be mad as hell at him.

Let this other girl deal with him, and his BS.

He wants to be "friends"? Tell him that you don't need friends like him, and you go about your business.

I know it's tough for you. BUT, he is just playing with you, and should be ashamed of himself.

You will be just fine.

Be strong, and stay busy.

Good luck to you.

While I know its hard to just turn those old feedings off, don't do something stupid, because of those feelings. It's a fact he is a lying cheater, and safe to assume he is going to still be a lying cheater. Stop talking to him, no matter how hard that is, or you will be lied to, and cheated on.

He totally doesn't even respect you or his fiancée. There is no reason to want to be with him. He doesn't really care about either of you.

I am trying to do what you all have advised, but anyhow he manage to contact me and keeps on calling me, discussing and reminding me of the old good times we shared together. He keeps on saying that he wants me back, he likes me a lot but at the same time he is firm with his decision of getting married with that girl because he says that in spite of his liking he doesn't see his life partner in me and still doesn't want me out of his life.

Have you got caller id? If so don't pick up when he calls,if not change your number. Please find your selfrespect,and resist all contact. You really DO NOT need this person,and I'm being polite when I call him that, in your life. Be good to YOU and don't let anybody else run your life.

I think you are right ami, this is the best option I am left with to ignore his calls no matter how many times he call. Thanks:) for being there

You're more than welcome-look after yourself-remember, you are in charge of your own life.

He's a player. And you're being played like a fiddle.

You're worth better than this jerk.

I've had to change my phone number before because an ex wouldn't leave me alone. It is hard, but effective.

Don't answer his calls, hon. It only hurts you and breaks your heart a little more. Don't put yourself through that pain.

I have cut all the ways from where he can contact me, but I really miss him. I still love him, I know he don't deserve this but I do. I don't know whether I will be able to forget him or not. Its really very difficult for me.

You will get over him,it just takes time and an active lifestyle where you do your outmost to stay busy,be around people who care for you and generally do your best to be good to yourself.
Take care.

Thanks, it feels good when I talk. I keep on reading the advices given here.

Good thinking! And you'll learn from other people's experiences. :-)

Something you might do to help a bit, is write things out in a diary.

When you are having weak moments, and those strong feelings start to take over, start writing it all out on paper, instead of keeping it inside. This could strike you at any time, and before the feelings lead you down that familiar path of self doubt and what ifs, remind yourself why you are not going to let that happen, and why you are going to keep things honest with yourself.

You could be having a weak moment at work, or you could see something that reminds you of him, or hear something about him. All those things will affect your goal of getting past him, so write them out, as a way of dealing with them. You'll feel better, and you'll read it back and have a second chance to deal with the feeling, and it will boost your resolve.

Each time you deal with the 'moments', and not stuff them away, or think about them in that emotional cloud, you will be stronger. Over time you will see that you have gone beyond reacting to a picture of him on Facebook, for example, with emotion. You will see the man for who he is.

I personally find these notebook writings very helpful, because they are my own thoughts and feelings, and they are what they are, not subject to anybody's interpretation but my own. Each time I write about a loss of any kind, writing it out helps so much to put all that 'stuff' somewhere. Then close the notebook, and get going with the rest of the day.

I hope if you decide to try this, that you get some benefit from writing things out. I have come to rely on my notebooks over the years, for many losses including deaths, relationships, illness, etc. and I have never not felt stronger, after I write.

Cut off all contact with him. He is playing you. He is toying with your emotions, and trying to get physical with you. He is engaged to be married. He is a liar and a cheater, and why go back for more. He spared you the heartache, but now he wants the best of both worlds. Please spare yourself anymore agony and heartache, he isn't worth the time of day. He did you a big favor, that you found out now.

Last night, I had broke your no contact advice which I was following. I know it's a big mistake on my part. I was missing him badly and was crying when I dialled his no. but when I striked the advice I just cut the phone. But he called back immediately. I answered his call. We talked for more than two hours.I had nothing to talk about. He took the initiative and said sorry to me for all his behaviour. He cried over phone and insisted me to take him back as friend at least. I don't know why and how I agreed to him and it was decided between us that we will continue to be friends. I don't see him as a friend and I know if I say him or treat him just as a friend is going to be a cheating on my part, cheating to him and cheating to myself. I love him so much, I can't even hear him talking of some other woman. He is going to tie the knot in months. I am sorry I couldn't follow your advice. If I say him no now, don't know how he is going to feel. I am feeling so helpless. I want to marry him but after accepting his friendship I can't say this to him. I couldn't follow your advice. I am not a good person, I am not.

Don't beat yourself up for being human. You do,however,have to move on-he's marrying someone else-those are the cold hard facts here.
Have you considered seeing a therapist to help you sort this out?

Do the right things and tell his fiancé he is sleeping around. It's the right thing to do. Keeping silent and allowing her to go through life with someone who sleeps around is not fair.

This will then also enforce no contact cause the dude will most likely not appreciate it. So it's a win win. You get over him, he leave you alone and his poor fiancé won't get divorced in a few years

No, I am not considering anyone to sort it out. In fact I don't have any friend with whom I can share all this. Its only here I vent out all I feel.

I don't think telling his fiancé about all this will work. And I don't know his fiancé personally. Have heard from him only.

Ami, I know the fact that he is engaged. And I have no intention of getting into those things again especially when I know he has decided for his life. It just happened he cried and I was also weak emotionally.

Sometimes we get emotional. And then it passes.
I agree with you,no point telling the fiancée.
Presumably she'll find out sooner or later what he is capable of.

Have you nobody you can talk to? Best girlfriend?
Your mum?

Amicon has give you some good advice. See a therapist; it will help you stay strong, and work your way through this.

I agree too with talking this out with your mom, or a girlfriend. Invest some time in sharing your thoughts, so you can get the support you need.

No, when he came in my life I lost contact with all my friends slowly . He was the only friend of mine with whom I shared my all problems, my all happiness, my love. I didn't get time for anybody else, was in madly love with him. We used to meet once in a month or two because of our busy schedules but still we used to knew about every minute spent. We were very close to each other. I never felt any need of knowing new people.

I can't share it with my mom. If I do things will get worse for me and for him. Whatever he has done, has done but I don't want to trouble him or hurt him.

That's sad. Can't you at least try to get in touch with your friends and see if your friendships can be rebuilt?

As long as your around he is ganna be around... stringing you along. Girl if a guy can have two girls and get way with it.. he is ganna do it. Either get him out of your life or fight your best to win him back and then either have a great relationship or get played and have your heart broken and then your learn from your mistake to never be around that kind of person again. I did have a relationship with someone like that and i learned from my mistakes... best of luck

Ami, its been a long time I lost touch with all. I don't know whether its going to work or not.

Lknight, I do want to fight to win him back. But I really don't know how. How can I change his mind, his feelings in my favour. If he has decided this, he must have thought something. I didn't even ask the reason, why he did it to me. His fiancée works near to his workplace and they meet twice or thrice on daily basis. And me, when he broke up, I was so much hurt that I was not able to concentrate on my job and lost it. I haven't seen him from months. It feels like a dream to get back together with him.

On a practical note,have you got yourself another job?

Also,have you thought about seeing a therapist so that you can have a face to face talk with someone about this?

You're living in your confused fantasy, mixed up with his sweet cheating in disguise.

TRY to rebuild some friendship, there is always someone out there to be your friend, just takes the right time to kick in. Trust it, naturally and DO your part!

Not yet, but yes I am looking for it now and will get it soon. And I think I should go for no contact from my side at least.

Yes, right. Go for no contact because you're practically blinded..

He will never change.