Well.. here I am at college... and the day my exams start I find out he's been sleeping with my friend... and she had been staying there all weekend.. as the week panned out (last week) I found out more and more lies.. like he was sleeping with another one of my friends while I was at work, that he's never had a girl he didn't cheat on.. that he "loves me" yet likes her the list goes on... I've been dumped over 9 times in the last eight years by this guy.. I now have no home to live in, no way to pay my tuition that is due in January. I don't know what to do. I feel like my life has fallen to pieces. He said he couldn't trust me.. yet now it seems like I couldn't trust him not the other way around. On top of it all he just called to tell me that him and my friend (he was going to spend my birthday with me and my friends as a goodbye since I did want to stay friends with him) are going to the city to the bars and staying in a hotel together.. why is he doing this to hurt me... I don't deserve this... its making my life a living hell.. I can't concentrate, study, sleep, finding it hard to eat... I wish I hadn't kept going back to him.. why did I keep going back to him.. what the heck do I do now... I don't even know any more.

It's time to get out of this toxic relationship and get your life together.

You don't need a boyfriend. You don't need additional and unnecessary stress.

What you need is to take care of yourself and to stabilize your own life.

Hi Binx, I have watched you on other threads so my advice will come as no shock to you, and despite the misery and pain your going through, your smart enough to get rid of this liar and cheater, and get a better class of friends.

Your circle is very toxic, and you have wasted enough of your life on false friends and cheaters.

The world will look a lot better when you change your personal environment and get beyond this colossal betrayal.

Not easy I know, but about time.

I never thought it was as bad as it was until now... I don't even know how I'm going to afford things from now on. I'm 4000 dollars short on tuition... with no job and no time after school for a job because of the requirements and how busy we are... no clue at all where to live... I wish I had opened my eyes and seen this sooner I really do.. maybe then it wouldn't have hurt this much. I've lost ALL my friends from down home, the man I thought I knew and loved wasn't the man I thought he was... why did this all have to happen just when I thought life was getting better?

Its seems you have reached the point of no return..

Finally you have suffered enough, I know right now its cold comfort, but now that he is gone so is misery he brought with him.

He cheated on you,chances are he will treat your ex friend the same...

Tell yourself your glad its over,his bloody stories were boring and he was a jerk of the highest order.

The next thing to do is get proactive... you need a plan.. as best you can park the hurt emotions and use your head.

You need a roof over your head.

And you need food.

I see by your post count that you have been around for a while, so you know the drill...

NO CONTACT... it should be easy knowing what he has done.

As for why you went back again and again, let it go,it does not matter now,your human,forgive yourself, because you need you now... look ahead,make a plan and from now on in HE WILL NEVER HAVE CONTROL OVER YOU AGAIN!

Ever.

This has been so hard what with exams happening at the same time... I have two exams left.. then its christmas break and I still don't know where I'm going to go...

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."


This is your by line... look around, look for the open door of opportunity.

Yes, as redhead said, you need to be proactive. I am sure there is a plan you can make to get your life back on track. This is the time where you need to get control of your life and decide what you need to do.

Write up a plan and stick to it. Apply NC right now and start taking care of yourself.

He was all I had known for eight years ( I'll be 23 on dec 31st) I'm terrified right now because of all this... I know I don't want to date anyone again.. I know I have to talk to him to tell him how I feel.. that I'm sick of his lying and if he asks me back out again. To not bother because I can't handle the pain any more.. we used to be so happy. I wish I could have seen something was wrong... he didn't even have the nerve to tell me to my face... instead he called me and told me.. I always thought I knew him better than that. That things were going to be better... I don't even know if I know myself any more.. I don't trust any of my friends any more.. I don't even want to have anything to do with them...

Binx,what about your family, your really upset now,but at least if you could go home after the exams it might help to be around people who love you... you need some tlc right now... the plan can come later..

Is there someone at home you can call?

My mothers been going through a rough time with her husband being ill... his three kids have moved in with them.. there isn't space for me no matter how much she would like to help. I have family in calgary. I know I might be able to move there.. but I can't afford to fly there for christmas... the ex's family is upset. They have gifts and money for me (for school) I just got a message from his mother.. but I can't bring myself to go there I don't think.. I know they wouldn't ask me over while he was there.. but I know it will hurt. Considering I see them as family and they see me as familya I don't talk to the rest of my family. I haven't for at least 7 years.

8 years is a long time but life continues. If you reread your posts, you will see you need to calm down and take care of yourself first and foremost. We're here to give you advice and you do need to be proactive.There is plenty of good men and women out there, right now you need to straighten your head first.

He's a jerk and you DO NEED TO APPLY NC ASAP. It's really important because you need to get back on your feet fast, especially if you don't know where you are going to live.

The fact that you can't find a place to stay is due to lack of money or lack of space?

I know I do paxe.. its.. its just I'm so stressed I don't even know what to do with myself.. my wildfire suppression exam is tomorrow and I'm so upset I can't seem to study for it. I don't want to fail . I can't afford the 100 dollars to take the supplimental exam... I wish I knew where to start to get my life on track... do I start with tuition... where I'd have a roof over my head.. should I just give up and try again another year... I love it here at forestry college.. more than anything I've ever done before... I've never been by myself. And I am so alone all of a sudden...

Binx,there was a time in my life when I was in serious trouble,I really needed help,and I tried to thinhk of someone I could ask for help,out of all the people I knew there was not one I could trust to help me... it was a sorry day for me I can tell you.

After 2 weeks of misery, I told my mother ( and we never saw eye to eye),and just saying the words helped... call her.. shes your mother,and she loves you.

Even just a call,see what she says.

You not alone, can you not see the calvery here to support you, horse men included!

Take one thing at a time... whats the most important thing right now... the exam tomorrow?

I live in canada so I know the services that the government offers:
1. First go talk to your student advisor and explain your situation
2. All canadian universities have the H1N1 self-reporting form that can be used to defer exams and supplemental exams, you can use it in your case
3. You need to go and visit your bank. RBC, scotia bank and others offer great rates to student seeking loans. Don't worry about not having credit they will offer you one even if you have no history.
4. Apply for the government loan. It offers a good amount of funds for students who are not working and the interest rates are very low.
5. Start looking for an apartment, with a roommate preferably, as soon as you get the loan from the bank.
6. Learn to live alone, it's not the end of the world, we all do it.
7. Apply NC asap and read the stickies up front.

This is what proactive means. Your list should be that or be very similar to that and then you take actions. It is a very rough time but believe us that it will get better. For now take care of these steps and take care of you. You are letting your emotions getting the better of you.

I already have a student loan.. they will not give me any more money until next year... this is a college not a university and it works a bit differently at this one. They don't have a counselor, no financial advisor.. no nurse.. (which I thought was odd).. I've not heard of anything about being able to defer exams...

Part of being proactive, is hunting down the facts that apply to you, and finding out what your options are.

This will be your greatest learning adventure and you should embrace the opportunity to do for yourself, and I think you will find help along they way when you need it.

Your personal signature is so appropriate

Of course you can, by law you must be able. You can go to the doctor and tell him you don't feel well and he'll give you a note, like this you can defer your exam.
Is the student loan from the government or the bank? If it is from the government, you can ask from the bank for some loan. Furthermore, when you say you won't receive it until next year, is next year 2010 January?
You have some vacation time, how hard would it be to work in a fast food joint or another place for some fast cash? That will help you out.
What about the other steps? Do you have some funds or can your mom send you some?

Wow, your ex sounds like a prick. Forget him completely, I know eight years must be a very long time, but you have to. Don't look back sweetheart, cause you already know that path causes nothing but pain. I agree with everyone, that you must get your life on track. Focus on your studies and career to better yourself. He doesn't deserve you and you might not realize it yet, but it's true.

Binx, We "know" each other. I know too that if you are a Forestry student, you are tougher than average. Grit your teeth and make this happen. In YOUR mind, and in HIS ear, tell him to go to hell, and move on.

Take the test, as you are better prepared for it now. Study and then take it.

Do you have some friends, or professors, that you can talk to? Try to find someone to take you in for a couple of weeks.

I know that this seems like the end of the world for you right now, but it's not. Things will get better for you. If you have to take a break from school for now, do it.

I think that you should call your mother and let her know what's going on. She may have some good ideas.

The last thing you need to do right now is give up, or listen to the liar.

There is someone out there right now that will help you. Think of who it is.

I have prayed for you and will again later with my children at bedtime.

You are stronger than you think you are.

God bless you.

Mom has already said she can't afford to help me.. college here is eight hours a day plus a huge amount of assignments... that's why I wouldn't be able to pull off working at the same time. The student loan is from the government.. the bank said I need a co-signer... next year as in next September not January sadly... for summer I have to do a 10 week practicum so I will be working but it will be to cover tuition... I know I won't earn 11,000 in 10 weeks but all I earn is going to have to go to tuition.. I don't know where I'm living and work will have to be in whatever area I will be residing in as I do not have a vehicle any more either. Right now I have 1700 dollars in the bank.. but january's tuition is 5000 so I'm short. Plus I was trying to quit smoking, been so stressed I have giving up on that...

Thank you tal... I know you all are wonderful people and are giving awesome advice.. I just feel so lost and confused. I wish I had some people who could help me.. financially but I don't know of anyone just yet and am still looking.
Krim, I wish I had seen the truth sooner... I've been having problems on and off with him for years but didn't see what was really happening.
Jm... tougher than I think? I don't feel too tough.. sure I can fly through the woods looking at a map and compass, sure I can grit my teeth in the freezing cold and still fill out regeneration surveys but why do I not feel like I can do this? I'm worried if I take a break I won't come back... I'd like to finish this year at least... it's a two year course and my first year will end in April so its not that far from now. I just don't feel strong enough to keep going right now. I'm trying my hardest even though I'm still crying on the inside all the time... I apprechate the prayers.. and I apprechate what all of you are doing for me... even though we are online I feel like you all are good friend. Many of you have heard my problems before.. heck knows I've had quite a few with him.. I just wish I didn't love him like I do... I love him.. and hate him all in one breath... hate for hurting me, lying to me, keeping secrets, but love for the man he was at one point in time. Which I feel he will never be again... the cheating set me on edge... I never expected it.. not with my own friends either. I know I can get through this eventually its just going to be very very hard...

So sorry to hear about the rough time you're having, but I really think you've got a lot of strength and will get through this just fine. Firstly, don't panic. Breath deep and be thankful that you found out that your boyfriend is a sleaze-ball before you married him. Better finding out after dating 8 years than after being married 20 years. Your friends are certainly not real friends or they wouldn't be sleeping with your guy.

You can't remain friends with him - you have to break away completely and have no contact with him, even if it means changing the crowd you run around with. If you don't you break away completely you will never heal. Concentrate on yourself and on completing your education.

I wish I could tell you what to do about your financial problems, but I'm not familiar with the way college loans/grants/etc. work.

--------------------------------------------

Some people think that it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by binx44

he was all i had known for eight years ( i'll be 23 on dec 31st) i'm terrified right now because of all this... i know i dont want to date anyone again.. i know i have to talk to him to tell him how i feel.. that i'm sick of his lieing and if he asks me back out again. to not bother because i can't handle the pain any more.. we used to be so happy. i wish i could have seen something was wrong... he didnt even have the nerve to tell me to my face.... instead he called me and told me.. i always thought i knew him better than that. that things were going to be better... i dont even know if i know myself any more.. i dont trust any of my friends any more.. i dont even want to have anything to do with them...

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Here is where I jump in the thread.

First you don't have to talk to him to tell him how you feel. Did he run it by you when he decided to sleep with your friends to see how you would feel about it? Hmm... doesnt sound it.

He will know your feelings on him when he decides to call you and you don't answer his call. When you don't pick up the phone, read the text, scan over the emails or whatever other way he will try to reach you. When you put the block on for him 100% he will then know how you feel. If you talk to him you will melt, you will cry. Don't give him the satisfaction of seeing you this way. Stand tall and walk away and don't look back. That will bug him more. Leave him to your friends and move on. You will be the better person in the end if you just put a stop to it all now and never look back.

As far as your home and tuition, you will find a way. Everything works out in the end. I say its about time you make it on your own anyway. Your 23 and have been with him since you were 15? Is that what I am reading? Good. Time for you to learn about... YOU. I have a feeling your life has spun around this other person. You have gone through puberty with him and you just never developed in to the person you were meant to be. Now is your chance.

One step at a time. You can do anything if you put your mind to it. Just remember that.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by binx44

my mothers been going through a rough time with her husband being ill... his three kids have moved in with them.. there isnt space for me no matter how much she would like to help. i have family in calgary. i know i might be able to move there .. but i can't afford to fly there for christmas... the ex's family is upset. they have gifts and money for me (for school) i just got a message from his mother.. but i can't bring myself to go there i dont think.. i know they wouldnt ask me over while he was there.. but i know it will hurt. considering i see them as family and they see me as familya i dont talk to the rest of my family. i haven't for at least 7 years.

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Well if you have family you can stay with but can't afford to fly, why not ask for help? Why not suggest the ticket cost as a gift for the holiday? That's a start.

Who cares at this point what his family has for you. If you were to see his mother I see it as equally painful as seeing him. Sometimes when you lose a relationship you do lose so much more. You will lose that extended family to an extent. Learn to deal with that now and learn to stand at a distance with them. If his mom truly in her heart wants you to have those things then she can mail them. If she can't understand your pain at this point the problem is hers not yours.

I had to work my way through college, and know many who have had to work, and go to school also.

You'll get where you want to go by keeping your eyes on the goal, and deal with the obstacles.

There is always a possibility to get out of your situation. Why does the bank need a co-signer? In that case ask for your mom or a friend of yours or even a teacher, it's not hard to ask for help. Secondly, go see several banks, not just one, it is really not that hard to get a loan or even a credit card.

I've been checking with banks all week. All of them want a co-signer and no one I know will or can sign for it.. I also couldn't get a student credit card either..

Binx,if there's one thing I know its hta there is always a way... always.

You just have not come up with it yet..

So nows a good time to brain storm.. yes..

YES!

I'm going to go and see what I can dig up,stay online and wait for someone to come,ill be back.


Department of Education - Student Assistance

Nova Scotia Student Loans Program

http://www.mystfx.ca/services/financ...treduction.pdf

NEADS - Financial Aid Directory

How about these?

Have a look and see what you think.

Redhead.. thank you sooo very much I apprechate all you've done. I'll take a look at those...

Its my birthday today so I'll be busy (even amhd sent me birthday wishes:) ) but I'm going to make some time to sit and look through them

*hugs* you all are so wonderful to me I'm glad I found this site.

Happy birthday binx,happy christmas and happy new year.

I hope you find peace and joy in the coming months...

Happy birthday dear. Have a good one if you can.

Happy birthday fellow Maritimer! :)

Happy birthday fellow canadian!

Happy birthday Binx!

I hope things are getting better for you.

Give yourself a big ol' hug from all of us here.

Let us know how the new year treats you.

Remember that this will get a lot better, and will make you stronger for the trouble.

I'm praying for you.

You should take a long walk where you can reflect. Like in the forest. Where better for a Forester to make sense of things?

Take your Suunto.

Thank you all