I'm 33 and been in this relationship for 8 years. Just a few days ago found out he had another cell phone where he kept her number and has been seeing her for the past 3 months. He has been in tears asking for my forgivness and another chanse to make this work. I am hurt my kids have heard him on the phone with this other women and I can't forgive him as well as my children. Don't know what to do.

No trust = no relationship

If he can't earn back your trust; if you're not unsatisfied with his effort and progress, then this relationship will end whether you want it or not.

Crying because he got caught!

He was not thinking about you or the kids when he was talking to the other women.

Get a health check for sti and std's.

Take some time to let the dust settle and decide what YOU want to do.

If YOU decide that you want to try again, there is always counseling.

He has a lot of work to do,for you and the kids, he has betrayed his marriage,broken your heart and your trust... try and get your head together for you and the kids for christmas,and as for him, for now,let him cry,let him cry a river.

In my previous relationship I was cheated on and I never gave him a chance. I don't what to give him a chance but I have never seen him like this I can tell he regrets it but I'm not sure if its because he got caught or he really feels that way. He say he will change all his ways and has reallized that I will not put up with it.

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Originally Posted by PainandSuffer

In my previous relationship I was cheated on and I never gave him a chance. I don't what to give him a chance but I have never seen him like this I can tell he regrets it but I'm not sure if its because he got caught or he really feels that way. He say he will change all his ways and has reallized that i will not put up with it.

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Easy to say,harder to do.

He has realised you will not put up with him cheating, you would think that would have been part of the deal when you got together.

Take some time to think here.

If my significant other cheated, I would be out the door so fast their head would spin. In the back of your mind, you're always going to be wondering if they're going to do it again. That type of paranoia would drive me mad. Once a cheater, always a cheater. He's just upset because you caught him.

Never stay with a cheater.

If he had never got caught, then you would never know, and he would still be doing it.

Leave him completely alone, to stew in his own juices, and pay the consequences of his actions.

Listen to your kids as they will judge you by your actions, and its so important to show them that bad behavior will not be tolerated.

Come on, you can do better than this.

Hello Pain&suffer,

I have to agree with everyone else.

You know, it's not like he went out got drunk, and had a one night stand. Then begs and plea for you back saying how sorry he is and wasn't in the right frame of mind. (Not saying that that excuses cheating, cheating is cheating!) He has been doing this for 3 months, AND had another phone in which he knew that what he was doing is wrong!

His actions were/are wrong! He had no regard for you or the children... Only himself!

Only you can answer that... I think everyone agrees that you should leave him.

Good luck.

I say never stay with a cheater.. my ex (as of last week) and I broke up and got together again so many times. And I just found out he's been cheating on me all along with friends of mine.. cheaters do nothing but hurt you.. if I had known all along that that's what he was doing while I was at work I'd like to think I would have left. Cheating sickens me

Thanks enigma.. I just wish I had seen it sooner.. he'd been cheating on me for two years of our eight year relationship that I know of...

One night stand can be OK to forgive but not a CSP

He's sorry he got caught, that's it.

He'll lay low for a while, be an attentive boyfriend maybe a few months to a year, and then it'll start again. If you let this continue, he might even leave you for her, and think of the damage that would do.

I'm certain you know what to do.

After me finding a hidden cel phone. He admitted what he used it for came out clean and has been working on helping me gain his trust again. We have gone to counseling and sat and have talked of our future and 2days ago asked if I would marry him. I haven't answered yet. I love him but just don't want to give in. What do you think?

What was he using it for?

He was talking to girlfriends which I did not approve of. He has been out of the house since then but continues to come home everyday asking to come back and regrets not telling me because I'm "JEALOUS" he says. I researched the phone and he had purchased not even 3 months prior to me finding it

So did the counseling help? And what do you mean by you won't give in?
Do you still not trust him?

We did 3 sessions of conseling. It did help out somewhat. I don't want to let him seam its OK to hide things from me since we have been a couple for 8 years. Now he wants to show commitment.

Is it that you love him,but if you say yes to the proposel you don't want him to think all is forgiven and that's the end of it,while your still recovering and hurting?

You're in the control seat. If you're happy with his effort, then continue moving forward. If you aren't satisfied with his progress, then make your feelings clear.

If there's no progress, regardless of how much effort you both put it, then maybe it's better to go your separate ways.

Exactly

Then in that case I would suggest you continue working on the relationship,and put off getting married,until you feel the relationship is back on steady ground.

He waited 8 years to ask you to get married,he can wait until your damn well ready.

Unless you can rebuild the trust completely,you shouldn't marry him- just because now he's finally asked you.
Could you go back for a few more counseling sessions?

Love isn't a game... it's not about giving in, losing a battle, or winning a fight...

It's about trust, communication, and honesty.

Simply by that definition, I'd say that you're not ready to get married... not because you'd "give in," but because you don't trust him, you're not communicating what you're feeling, and honesty isn't on the high priority list.

Stay in counseling, try to work out the problems, but above all, talk about what you're feeling. Nothing is going to be resolved until you are both honest about what's going on.

That is what happened to my ex. He and I were together ten years, he left me and started living with a girl I knew he was cheating on me with. He then cheated on her with me, she found out, and less than two months later he proposes to her. He basically is trying to win her trust by feeding her the marriage card. But there is no trust between them, they are planning a wedding, and will get married, however it is based on the wrong reason. Had he not cheated, he would not have proposed. Is that the case with you also?

Do not go back with him because he is going to do it again. He feels bad now but show him you deserve better and as for your kids talk to them and tell them to forgive him, after all he is their father. But do not go back to him it's going to boost his ego. I tell you from my experience from my last relationship.