Ask Me Help Desk - Afraid she will forget me.

Afraid she will forget me.

Moved to its own thread

hey I'm new this site and I've been reading allot of the sticky. I find allot of this information helpful. I ve been in NC for about 2.5 weeks and we broke up almost a month now. She contacted me right when we broke up and then a week later I contacted her and then a week later she contacted me. I found I was going nuts reading into everything.Then I found this site and been trying to follow these rules. I feel I'm going to lose this person as a friend and we'll soon be just strangers. I really wish I could wish her happy thanks giving. I feel like everyone need someone to lean on and she going to find some other person to do that but me. =/

Yes I have the same fear too for going NC, that she will lean on somebody else for emotional support and soon would forget me

Your post was moved to its own thread so you can get better feedback, so welcome Fear.

First some questions. How old are you both, and how long have you been going together?

Have you agreed to be friends?

Why did you break up?

Hey talaniman and hello everyone,

I've been reading allot of the threads and serious its been a great help.

I'm 25 and my ex is 22. We dated about a year and we saw each other every weekend and we were doing well I thought. Then we went on vacation and when we got back about a week later she broke up with me.Her reasoning was that she wanted to be single. She went to a Halloween party with her girls and the next day she called with the quote " we need to talk". She said she was confused and she needed space. I was quick to react and said we should go our separate ways then. I try to keep busy with all my chores and errands. She later that day called me and said she wanted to hear my voice. My first thought that it was a fluke and a moment of weakness. So I try to keep calm and talk about everything but the relationship. Finally I asked what was going on and she said she wanted to stay single. I said fine and told her we shouldn't talk. As one week went by I started breaking down and I contacted her and try the same approach of talking about everything but the relationship. At the end of conversation I mention if she was certain with her decision and she said yes. I left the conversation open ended and figured this was it. About a week later she started to message me and ask how I been and she did this for three days. I try to be nice and answer everything politely and friendly but deep down it was killing me. Finally the forth time she contacted me I called her and told her to stop contacting me for I;m still emotionally tied into this relationship. A week goes by and I hear nothing from her and she contacted me again asking for me to respond to her but I ignored it and now its been about a week and its been a dead silence. Now I;m starting to have all these crazy thoughts of everything. Seem like these thought are normal because everyone story seem the same but I can't seem to cope with them that well. I sleep every night and wake every morning thinking and hoping ill gte text or a call. I feel she has def moved on and that the book for me with her is a done deal. So how do pple move on from this... I mean I know time is the answer but it feel very bleek. I have all these emotion that I can't comprehend to understand or sort. I feel that other person is going to be her emotional support and she fall into another relationship . The breakup so far is clean so I assume were civil and for the breakup. I think there another guy but that's my mind making things up, I have no concrete information.

Just think of the worse. Think that she has somebody else already and certainly she has moved on because she risked losing you. I am sorry for your loss, but you need to heal now.

Sounds like it's completely over, so why don't you just move on and forget her? It's really hard to be "just friends" after you've been involved in a close relationship.

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Some people think that it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go.

I totally agree.. I don't know my mind knows the answer and I've read so many story on here but yet my heart doesn't want to listen... when will I be normal again . =/

Well, just move on and forget her is very hard to do. It's easier said than done. I know I am guilty of that. I think it, but I have trouble doing it myself. But it's the only way that things will get better really and it is so hard to do.

I can't even compare... I'm really struggling with it... but NC is the answer I assume... even if you want to wish them a happy thanks giving? How do u fight the feeling of being a distant memory,

Forgetting and moving on is tough and it takes some time and patience.
NC helps as no contact whatsoever helps clear the mind and does away with false hope.
Find a routine to get you through the day,stay as busy as you can and come back here when you need to.

Had to spread the rep,

Amicons' plan is solid, and works for most of us. It will take time though, and a lot of hard work, but all the people here that have done it, and gone through this process, and have healed, are glad they did. You will be too.

Yeah I try to stick with that... so frustrating... keep coming in my mind that she with another guy... and I get all this anger and sadness... does anyone else face these emotions too
?

Hey Fear- what you're feeling is very normal... we all feel the same thing after somebody we loved more than anything gets rid of us out of the blue.

Like you my ex fiancé was 22 and when girls are that young there always looking out for someone they think is "better". Mine did the same thing. Sounds like she met someone at the Halloween party and they hit it off and the next day she dumped you.

Its going to take time and eventually you will be OK. Its been 3 1/2 months for me and although I'm doing better it still stings a lot and I still get that ache in my chest.

Anger and sadness are the two emotions that you'll feel the most - just stay no contact and you'll be OK. If you break no contact you're back to square 1 so don't be a fool like me and just stay NC.

You have to figure she's moved on already and very likely with another guy so she doesn't deserve you responding to her ever again.

What do I do if my ex keep IMing every few days... I haven't responded... but should I ever respond?

I think you need to listen to what everyone is saying and stick with NC. Don't respond to anything she sends you. Block her number from your phone. Letting her contact you when she feels is only giving her control of the situation. She knows your hurting and its keeping you hanging on. How long are you going to hang on? Long enough for her to realize some other guy is better and then she does permanent NC? Don't play the game. She wanted to split so let her go. Be strong. Find yourself a new chapter and start fresh.

Thank you 88 sunflower... you definitely said it best~... Do you think that any time she contact me... she trying to get back ? Probably not right? All wish full thinking

Its closer to the truth that she just wants to check on you, and see if she can bait you into the friend zone, so she won't feel so guilty about dumping you.

If you give in she gets to keep you in her life, available to her when she wants you, but with no hope or commitment to romance at all.

Quote:

Originally Posted by fearxfear

thank you 88 sunflower ... you definitely said it best~ ... Do you think that any time she contact me ... she trying to get back ? probably not right? all wish full thinking

I don't think she is trying to get back with you when she calls. I think she is more or less checking on you. Checking to see if you have moved on or whatever it may be. I would be willing to bet if you moved on today she wouldn't like it. She is hovering like this to keep you to herself while she really doesn't want you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Its closer to the truth that she just wants to check on you, and see if she can bait you into the friend zone, so she wont feel so guilty about dumping you.

If you give in she gets to keep you in her life, available to her when she wants you, but with no hope or commitment to romance at all.

Spreading the rep tal.

She is slyly keeping him on the back burner for her needs.

Yeah... She called me like 5 times last night and finally she texted and was like "i always answer your call why can't you answer mine?" I knew it... was a trick to call back and I fell for it.
So I called and I was like what do you want... and she was like are you angry at me? I was like no I'm not angry and it doesn't matter were broken up so we can't be friends right now so please don't call me or contact me. Then she started asking why we can't be friends and I told her I have emotion tied up in this relationship. She was like I still care for you. Blah

Did I screw up NC for myself? I don't feel the sting as badly but it seem like it creeping up on me... does anyone have these kind of feelings? Yea I feel she trying to use me as backup.

No matter why she calls or what she says do the NC. Look what talking to her that one time did to you? Is it going to be worth it every time to suffer the pain over and over?

She is worried your mad at her? Good grief she broke your heart does she want you to shake her hand and say thank you. Who cares if your mad at her. She made a choice.

One day you will get over this, you will move on. Just put one foot in front of the other and repeat...
Don't turn around and loo back.

Thanks 88 sunflower. Honestly when I read other pple post and I think man these pple are getting trampled on by there so "loved ones" and then I look at mine and I realize I'm one of them too!

I need someone to wake me up out of this funk. Thanks I keep forgetting how she hurt me and I keep hoping but its false hope. I'm grateful for this site. I def be in allot worst condition without the stickies

Look at it this way, is she your first girlfriend? Probably not.

Have you broke up with girls before? Probably.

Did you get over it and move on? Yes.

There, done deal. It sucks in this moment and I understand that. It hurts and with Christmas coming it will hurt more. But big deal. Be strong, be tough, be sad, be angry, be hateful, be what ever you need to be to get over it.

Will you date again? Probably.

Will you look back and see her as history? Yes.

Will you be happy for these choices? Yes.

There the 8 Ball has spoken.

Actually guy, you said your peace, and stood up for yourself, but now you have to back up your words with actions, and disappear from her life, while you rebuild your own without her.

Talaniman Rule- When you bump into an ex, keep it brief, and polite, and don't get drawn in to any deep conversations, and be quick about being to busy to talk.

Yeah I'm going to do it~ going to try my best =)

just need to vent... ugh... I'm struggling so much =*( I miss her so much and I hate where we are and I hate how my life is now...

Vent on Fear its allowed, its normal to feel the way you do right now.
It gets better trust me,even though you may not believe me right now.
All breakups suck but we all heal from them. And Ive noticed you re trying to help others by posting on their threads-that's a good thing.
Take care.

I'm so confused, I've been in NC for about a month and I slipped up recently and a friend came by and ask me if I was going to a friend birthday party and then she was like oh nvm... u probably shouldn't come through... ahem is going to swing by. I was like... oh OK that's fine I dun care but then she was like don't worry she probably going to be for a little bit because she has her own thing. Now I'm sitting here and all these thoughts and sadness and feeling are rushing me. I feel the twisting gut wrenching feeling in my stomach as if my soul is being rip from me again. All those crazy thought are coming at me and I fear everything... I don't why. Am I relapsing again? Does anyone else who been through this.. feel this? I dun know why I'm afraid... =*(

Your supposed to be afraid because your still fresh from the break up. Your not supposed to dwell on it though, when you have those feelings because you can ALWAYS change your thoughts, by changing your actions. Over time, when the shock has truly worn off, you won't feel so intense about thoughts of her, or fear seeing her as much, but for now, you have to do something besides think to long. An idle mind is dangerous, and can play tricks on you.

Have a plan of action, that requires you to focus on a task, when these thoughts come up. Before you know it, old habits and routines that alarmed you, will be replaced by the new way of thinking, and acting. Not easy, but over time effective.

Just be patient as you work through the process.

Buddy get a grip on yourself. This self-defeatist attitude of yours is NO GOOD.

She dumped you. It's over and I'm sorry. Time to buckle down. The only way you're going to get through this is to pull yourself together. It's been a month... you need to start letting go. Hell... if anything be angry. Angry she dumped you. Angry she's seeing someone else. Whatever...

There's nothing wrong with a little 'internal' anger to get your mind straight. Just don't act out on it. No emotional out bursts and no crazy mid-night stalkings. Use that anger to improve upon yourself. Learn from this, grow from this. Let her regret it not you.

Thank you... I'm started to calm down again. T_T what a scary feeling.

That's good. Stay calm and focused and don't fear your feelings. You'll be fine.

Hey Fear- I think anyone that has been through getting dumped feel the same things as you. It's going to take a while- sorry to say. Its been 3 1/2 months and I'm still dealing with the pain.

But you'll go from thinking about her ALL the time to half the time to parts of the day. Right now I still think of my ex more than I thought I would at this point. Just hang in there... ever hear the saying "this too shall pass"?

yeah I've heard that... ugh... I just struggle so much. I just woke from a dream and it felt so real... How do people handle these dreams... It just feel awful inside. =(

Amd why do I have urge drive over to her house to see if she even home... I don't understand that... I know if I go there and she home... then nothing happens and if she not there ill feel even more like shiet... stupid

Both the dreams and the urge to drive over to her house are normal after breakups. I think you know that driving over there is pointless so keep fighting that urge.
It gets better with time and patience.

Yeah, I figured that out a few weeks ago... It solves nothing but waste gas and makes me feel even more like . I want this to all go away... I hate it... ugh been feeling lonely lately sucks.

It will go away eventually-I hope you keep busy and try to distract your mind from dwelling in the past. See friends and do something to take your mind off her.

Hey Fear! I couldn't help but to find it funny when you wrote that you have the urge to drive by her house. My ex lives close by me and I usually have that urge but since I decided to go NC, I haven't driven past her house even once. Mind you, passing through her house is the faster route. No excuses for me and I always go a different direction because it is worth it - I am worth it and I love myself. I tend to think of my body and my mind as two different people who work as one. I can push the gas pedal and turn the wheel her direction but I feel bad for my mind because it will suffer. I know my mind is weak and vulnerable and I try very hard to take care of it and not make it go through more than it has to. Its like my job right now to take very good care of my mind especially knowing how emotional and fragile it is right now. I guess that's just me taking care of myself. Take good care of yourself too my friend. Good luck!

Quote:

Originally Posted by fearxfear

amd why do i ahve urge drive over to her house to see if she even home ... i dont understand that ... i know if i go there and she home ... then nothing happens and if she not there ill feel even more like shiet ... stupid

Hey Fear- I still have those dreams and wake up in the middle of the night also. They're never good or bad but the ex is always in them.:rolleyes:

My ex lived 1 1/2 hours from me and I was at a party last weekend that was literally 5 minutes from her house. I had thought about driving over to her but knew I could never do it. All it would have done was gave me much more pain. I really don't need to see some other guys car parked in front of the house where I used to park. I couldn't imagine actually ringing the doorbell- either her or her parents would think I was a stalker.

My point is its normal for everyone to have the dreams and urges to go over to the ex'es house but eventually (and it may take months more) it will stop.

I know you feel lonely- everyone does after they've gotten dumped because its unexpected and you have a big void in your life that needs to be filled. It sounds like you really loved her a lot- I think that's when its harder to get over someone. Hang in there buddy.:cool:

That was great advice thank u emo... seriously that makes allot of sense...

What do you do when you worry about your ex.. esp if its snowing out... do you say anything? Or just keep quiet