Hey people,

So I am in a new relationship of 2 months now and we have a lot of feelings for each other. I am 20 and he is a few years older. So he has told me that he has been unfaithful a quite a few times in past relationships and of course this scared me and still scares me. I told myself I would never date someone who has been unfaithful because then its difficult to ultimately trust them which is a horrible thing to not trust someone. But he has said he is older now and over that stupid stuff he did. He says he really wants to be with me and he wants to make it really work with me. And from the look in his eyes and body language I believe him and trust him, also because I am very sensitive so I can feel how someone feels. But sometimes I still worry and think what if... so how do I ultimately trust my boyfriend so I can just move on and enjoy our relationship??

Would be great with some advice because I want to feel good with him and make it work.
Thanks!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by RNM

...which is a horrible thing to not trust someone.

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Why?

Telling you about his rap-sheet wasn't a very smart thing to say. I'm a believer in don't ask don't tell. Also, it's only been two months, you'll need more time to really know this guy.

I wouldn't trust him either. There's something wrong with him when telling you this so soon at the first place. Watch out for yourself, OK?

I'm going to give the guy the benefit of the doubt. He either thought that you might find out from someone else about his infidelity, or that he was just coming clean so you can start with a clean slate. Either way, as long as he was sincere, you have to admire his honesty.

If this guy hasn't done anything for you to question his comittment to your relationship, then you should trust him.

There are no guarantees in love, but we all make mistakes, and shouldn't receive a life sentence for them.

I was once a cheater myself. I ruined several relationships because I couldn't behave. But now I am happily married(10 years) to a wonderful woman, and would never think of compromising her trust in me. She knows about my past, to a certain degree, through her friends, and myself. And she trusts me. She is a flight attendant, so she NEEDS to be able to trust me.

You see, some people can, and do, change. I hope that you found one of them.

Good luck to you.

You have only known him a very short time-its too soon to be thinking too deeply, so l say just enjoy getting to know each other and having fun. Until he gives you real reason not to trust him, whatever his past has been like, give him the benefit of the doubt.

I think its way to early to give this guy your heart, but no reason not to have fun getting to know him. His honesty was a sign he has changed, or a warning. Regardless, protect your heart, and pay attention which is what you should be doing any way after only a few months.

I really think its too soon to date this guy exclusively, or skip the process that he will have to earn your trust. Benefit of a doubt is okay to give someone, but not a reason to get carried away. Neither are the intense feelings of attraction.

RNM, I just read your thread from June asking about your then boyfriend of four months and a dating site. How long were you together after that before you got involved with this person who you have been dating for two months?

If you want honest advice:

After reading the past questions you have asked, I recommend that you examine yourself and relationships and what you really want in one.

Until you know yourself and what you want and need, this relationship and every other one you try to create out of nothing but hopes and a fantasies will fail and you will be back here in a matter of weeks or a couple of months asking the same questions about the next "Mr. Right".

Hey,

I have a boyfriend of 27 years old and Im wondering how my boyfriend feels about me because he has not yet said I love you to me and neither have I, but he still talks seriously about marrying me and wanting to have my kids. Does this mean he may be falling in love with me?
We both love kids and we talk about having kids a lot, but first in some years, but I'm just wondering how big his feelings are for me then.

Thanks!

Hey,

My boyfriend is working in another country for a month now, and I miss him and think of him all the time. What cute messages can I write to him or send him? What can I do over here to him over there to make him feel cared about and loved?

This is personal, from you to him.

You know him better then we do. You're also the one with feelings for him whereas we don't know him and don't care about him.

Write what's in your heart, not what's in ours.

Why not ask him?

My crystal ball is not working right now so I really can't see what he's feeling for you. Asking him will solve the problem and get you out of the dark.

Good luck.

I suggest you ask him that as he is the only one who can tell you.

I suggest you tell him whatever cute things you normally tell him.

An easy way to do this is grab him, give him a big fat kiss, look him right in the eye and say, "I love you!", and if he says it back, he probably does.

Some guys find it very difficult to say ;i love you'... but his actions will show you if he does...

Jake has a good idea... you say it!

I have a question...

How long have you been together?

Yes. Looks like he really loves you, and chooses to show it rather than say it. But you can ask him and find out. I am sure he will answer you in the POSITIVE.

Hi,
So my boyfriend and I have now been together for about 5 months and we are in our twenties. But the problem is he is travelling a lot due to his job and we don't wonna be sad anymore but I get really sad when I miss him, so I don't know what to do, should I stay with him or should I just call it quits?

My other problem is that I am quite jellous often because I wonna be all I can be for my boyfriend and just if he says something like this other girl is pretty makes me feel jellous or if he talks with all these friends of his that are girls I get jellous even though he says they are just friends and that's it. But it all worries me when he is travelling because he has cheated before in his past relationships but now he says that he has changed and he doesn't wonna mess it up this time. So how do I get rid of my jellousy?

My other problem is that he has said he is not in love with me but that he doesn't know if he will fall in love with me because he didn't wonna promise anything.. but does that mean he knows he won't ever fall in love with me?

I would really appreciate some advice.. thanks!

Well first of I want to know how long the two of you knew each other before you became boyfriend/Grilfriend!

And why he decided to go into a relastionship with you if he is unsure of the whole falling in love with you thing.

Secondly I want to comment on the jealousy... I see jealousy as a sign of INSECURITY... and even though he is yours as in your BF, no wonder that you get jealous if you've only been together for such a short amount of time. But this jealousy def has to be worked on!

Since I don't know at this point how long you've known each other I can't make an esstimate of how well you know each other as people, since this is something that takes time and is a prosess.

If you could answer my questions and maybe tell me if you feel insecure or not... I will be happy to give you more specific advice!

Hope this was, a little bit helpful at least ;-)

Thanks for that ! Well actually we only knew each other a few weeks before we were in a relationship. We were both really attracted to each other and we felt as though we had known each other for years! We felt so comfortable in each others company so quick and we were together like all the time. We are still together often as much as possible. He said he is not opening himself up for falling in love right now. But he says that I would be the perfect woman to fall in love with. So all in all we've known each other for 5 months. I know its not long.. no I do not feel insecure with myself, its just because he has cheated in some past relationships, which makes me just a bit worried when he is away.

He travels a lot due to his job and yoou know this and if you can't accept this then maybe you should quit while your ahead. Missing someone isn't a bad thing and while he is away you should do something to keep yourself busy.

You shoouldn't be disappointed because he isn't in love with you yet. Love takes time and 5 months isn't a long a time. However, you should pay attention to his words when he said "he isn't opening himself up for falling in love right now".

We all heard the saying once a cheater always a cheater, however, people do change and his past is his past. And if you can't accept it then again it is time to quit while your ahead.

You have some insecurities but yet you say your not insecure with yourself. So if and when he comment of a girl being pretty it shouldn't get to you. If doesn't get to me when my husband say these things in front of me nor does it bother him when I comment on guys.

I think the two of you should be having fun right now and your getting a taste of what your future would be like if this thing work. So the question is "can you handle it"?

Hi,

I have been in a relationship with this guy for half a year and we are in our early twenties. We broke up a few weeks ago because he always had to leave out of the country for work and then he's leave I guess worried me and I grew some anxcieties in me that made me very upset while he was away. He knew he was hurting me and that our relationship was not looking too good, so we broke up, it was me who just said that we had to break up for the best. Then we had been talking on the phone every 3rd or 4th day and he was leaving again for work but we wanted to meet up as friends and talk because we didn't know when we'd see each other again. But after that meeting things happened and feelings kind of came again and then he said he missed me and he felt empty with out me and he doesn't find anyone else interesting or they are boring. He has now been out of the country for two weeks and we still talk more often now, he says he wants to think about us because he keeps thinking about us. But yet again he is gone and I'm contemplating a lot about us, whether it is a good idea to get back together even if there is some sort of feelings there.. it may not be a good idea because I have always felt like he will let me down and I will get upset again as I did in the past.. but I'm so torn, confused and frustrated in my head that I don't know what to do. I would like to be with him, but I think it would only work out if it was under completely different circumstances. Yet I do not know what to do , because I need some wise words telling me what to do, where to go and how I can be strong with this?? Help me.

Thanks.

Hello RNM,

This is how I see it, you guys broke up because of his "work" and having to leave the country as often as he does... It's not like you guys were really having any other problems, right?

Have you two considered just being close friends for the time being?

You never know what could happen in the future... You guys are still young. Perhaps at the moment, you two remain good friends, but see other people.

I see that according to your post, that you two have strong feelings for one another.

However, you do have to realize that his situation may not change. He may be the type where he always travels for business, and that you have to make that decission whether you can handle that or not.

Let me ask you this, how long does he go at a time? I know you mentioned at one point in your post "2 weeks". Is that all of the time though?

Now, let's say that you two do get back together. Do you think that you can put your trust and faith in him?

These are all questions that you have to think about. I can sit here and tell you how I would handle it, however, when it all comes down to it, it's what you want and what you can handle...

If it were ME, I would remain close friends with him and try to build a good foundation with him. Build up that trust and communication. Yeah, I might, perhaps, date other men... (you are young) I would keep the lines of communication open with him, and maybe up the road, possibly get back together, and take it day by day. I would only do so, really understaning that he would leve the country for business, and putting my trust in him.

That's just me though. I am also a little older then you, so I have been there done that, and I don't push issues and I am also very secure. People are going to do what they want to do.

I understand that you care for him, as well as he does for you. Just take it day by day. I hope that helps you a little.

Good luck.

This is the guy from your January thread I take it?

Stay broken up-why try to get back with someone who only causes confusion?

Move on and find someone who is there and who wants a committed relationship.