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So my girlfriend I've been going out with 8 months told me that she got no more feelings for me, and so, we broke up. But my question is, what does that really mean? :/
I know she doesn't have another guy or anything either. Is she just confued? Or what?
This happens and it is feelings, it can hardly be explained. The only thing for you to do is to move on and apply NC.
Hey whatislove- my fiancé said the same thing to me! I think what are ex'es mean is that they don't feel anything romantically towards up- they put us down to the lowest form of friend level.
How do you know she doesn't have another guy? I thought the same thing but unfortunately they usually do. They just know how to hide the other guy.
No she's not confused- she dumped you and she feels nothing for you so its over. Im real sorry for the bad news but she's completely moved on and now you're going to have to also.
I know she does not have another guy because we are very honest to each other. I know that she would tell me...
But all I could say is that I'm crushed.
But being weak, I have to talk to her, NC is too hard :(
Her feelings changed and much as you re hurting you should work on getting your life back on track.
At the top of the relationship page there are stickies with lots of good advice on how to handle a breakup.
Look I'm not here to sugarcoat anything- just here to give great advice... I thought my ex was honest also- do you really think she's going to tell you she has another guy? She doesn't have to tell you now since you two aren't together so she won't. She'll deny it to the end.Quote:
Originally Posted by whatislove
Don't BE WEAK- she told you she has no feelings for you and you have to talk to her still? Do you have any respect for yourself? She doesn't care AT ALL anymore about you so why do you still care? Apply no contact immediately.
I know its going to kill inside and you will have a slow dull aching pain in your gut for a few months but this is life. We've all been through it.:(
Thanks for all the advice guys. I don't know how a woman can be so curel...
I loved her so much, cared for her, and everything
Then she just turns around and abandon everything we have built together?
I know she doesn't even care anymore, it just breaks me :(
Why? I ask myself...
But no one would give me an answer nor a reason. I'm so lost right now...
Listen bro- How do you think I feel? I met a beautiful sexy young thing and we got engaged and 2 weeks before a big engagement party she dumped me for her ex from high school that she has always had feelings for. Not to mention she ho'ed around and did a handful of other guys which I found out later on!
There are tons of cruel, lying, manipulative girls that will play guys until someone else comes around. However there are some good ones out there. I have hope so you should too. When you first meet someone and have feelings for them ask a lot of questions.
Its going to hurt real bad and no matter what you do the pain will be there but there's nothing you can do except try to stay busy and avoid her like the plague.
Man...
Sorry to hear what u experienced.
I guess this is just life, not everything is perfect..
Tell me some more details- how old are you two? Did she say anything else when she broke up with you? Did you see it coming? Were there any red flags?Quote:
Originally Posted by whatislove
All right
I'm 17, and she's 15, we are both very young, and I realize that.
But I also realize that we were in love, and sadly, I still love her
First love as well.
I know this was coming, we stopped what we use to do all the time before.
But every time when we wanted to break up, we both didn't want to let go, and this presisted for over a month until today, until she no longer cares...
Don't worry about it- you had some fun with this girl but she is sooo young that she's moving on. Don't hate on her- this is very typical for a girl her age- she still has so much life to live.
I know that...
Our timing is just not right
She's not ready to commit anything, plus I think we have a different notion of what a relationship should be like
But, I really love her, I even pretended that Ive moved on when I talked to her. How sad
I fully understand that I'm only making a fool of myself, but, I just can't seem to control it
Just realize that there's going to be many more girls coming into your life... girls aren't emotionally mature until there 30. Most girls even in there low 20's won't commit to anything long term. My ex was 22 and everyone told me she's too young to be in anything serious.
I know you're hurting but just try to hang with your friends and when you're ready a few months from now try talking to a girl you may like. Hope this hepls you
Hey, thanks. Your advices are great
There are times when I'm fully aware of what I'm doing, but its bad when I just sit there and thinking of the past (at night)
Trust me man... these last 2-3 months have been very hard on me- I know exactly how you feel. I have looked at tons of our pics on my computer from our vacations and have thought of all the incredible times we had together. It will hurt for a while:( You'll eventually meet someone new- just have faith. Always cherish the memories you had with her and eventually you won't hate her.Quote:
Originally Posted by whatislove
I don't hate her, not even one bit. I know she tried hard, but it just didn't work. I value everything we have went through together...
but you know, u just want everything to last forever, right? Its stupid :/
but that's just what we all want
Yes you are right... we all want that. I wanted to be with my ex forever- that's why I asked her to marry me. That was the best day of my life when she said yes so you have so much to look forward to in the future. You too will meet someone that one day you'll want to marry and it's the best feeling ever. Hang in there buddy- were all here for you!!
Hey thanks. I hope ull get better soon as well. Its great to have someone to talk to...
Anyway, got to sleep. I guess ill give a little update here and there.
Wish everyone luck!
Good luck man!
OK, it has almost been 20 days. And . I tried to do NC, but then she texted. And we texted and talked on MSN everyday since, like before...
And we even agreed that we would meet up, but of course that did not fall through, and I'm kind of hurt.
I feel like I should do NC, but I still can't let go
I don't think she wants to either, but who knows what is on her mind.
Sorry to hear about your being dumped. The best thing you can do is to move on with your life. Don't contact her at all (no e-mail, calls, or texts).
Go out with your friends, go out on a date, and have a good tme. Maybe once she sees that you are doing great without her and thinks you're moving along without her, she'll change her mind.
Good luck!
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A break up is like a broken mirror.
It is better to leave it broken
than hurt yourself trying to fix it.
Hey whatislove----its been 3 1/2 months for me and for 6 weeks I did no contact but like you we talked on Yahoo IM and texted and my ex also stood me up a few weeks ago after she said she wanted to meet up!
So the reason are ex'es do this to us is because we are no longer important to them- we are ex'es. They don't care about making time with us or anything. The only reason they contact us is to relieve their own guilt.
So don't talk to her ever again! Don't talk to her on MSN and don't answer her texts. She's not worthy of that from you- don't help her out. Just stay NC and you'll start to heal.
I would be busy doing my own thing, and less available for her thing, no matter what that may be.
Don't have your own thing to do? You can solve that by finding it now. No need to be miserable, it's a really big world out there, and many interesting people.
Sooo
Talked to her
And got a clear signal that everythings over.
Great. Maybe that is the only escape.
I realize that I'm really young ever since day 1, as days passed by, I feel less pain. Maybe our relationship is slowly turning into friendship? I don't know, perhaps? Anyway, ill implement NC if I see fit, but for now, I don't see why I would cut her off. Thanks for everyone's advice
You cut her off so that you become better and that you don't give yourself false hope. If you don't apply NC it may take a long time before you become better.
well, I mean we are still friends after all. I don't want to simply lose a friend.
I don't know... =/
How you handle it is up to you is your choice of course- but ask yourself if you're really ready to be friends?
So if she dates someone else, what does that do to the friendship?
What if she has no more time for friends because she has another romantic interest?
Well then she will have no time for friends. I'm not friends with her because I'm holding on, its just because I don't want to lose her as a friend.
I know, its contridicting.. :S
Hey whatislove- trust me when I tell you that's its going to be next to impossible to be friends with her. I tried it with my ex and you will only repreatedly get disappointed.
She'll make plans- then break them... she'll say she'll call and then won't. If she has a new man (which is usually the case) she really doesn't care how she treats you because all she cares about is her new man- not her ex.
Sorry but it's the truth. I learned this the hard way- you will too in time.
I guess...
But its really hard to do NC, any tips?
Yep it's hard but it does get easier day by day.
For tips read the stickies on top. My personal favorite is sport. Set yourself a goal when you train (you want to lose 10 pounds, you want to get great arms or great chest, you want to get 6 or 8 packs). Everyday you will see result, you will change the focus from her to yourself and you will feel better everyday.
I trained and set a goal for myself (lose 20 pounds), and everyday I lost a little. The most important thing is that I could see results everyday and it actually changed the focus from her to me, which speeded up my recovery. You can always use this web page as your personal agenda, to tell us how you feel and how you are doing.
All I can say is don't let it get you down a women can mess tons of things up in a mans mind. Be social being by yourself is a sin when it comes to things like that
What works for me is just think about all the hurt that she has left on you and how she's likely with another guy. Next time she contacts you- you won't even want to respond.
Remember she's only contacting you to make herself feel better because of her own guilt for dumping you. Maybe a small part of her misses you but its more just to make herself feel better.
You know, the reason I talk to her is because it eases my pain, I just simply miss her a lot; I want to have a spot in her heart, still.
Its like taking morphine, it kills the pain, but the pain is even greater afterwards...
I can understand why you feel the need to still be seeing her- but as you said the pain comes back.
That's why we talk about cutting the contact 100%-see that as a detox-which will hurt for some time,but which will in the long run help you recover as the confusion and the pain will ebb away.
By keeping in contact you continue to open up the wound -and you slow down your own healing process.
You are using you're head right, you're just going to ease the pain a bit, but then you will fall back into more.
You are the only one who can implement NC. You can continue contacting her and stay in pain. Or you can follow our advice. You have a lot of proof of people getting better with themselves once they start NC. It's no magic at all.
whatislove- I totally understand what you are saying- it does ease the pain BUT only temporarily. Then you're left with false hope and even more pain.
I don't know if your ex is like mine but they'll text when its convenient for them and then after a little bit they disappear and you won't hear from them for another week or two. So you have to ask yourself if you are worth more then a few texts once a week or once every few weeks.
the thing is we keep texting everyday and all the time. As thought we are virtaully together...
I'm so used to that as well, that's like all we did if we can't meet up and stuff when we were still together...
it has almost became a habit =/
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