Hey I'm 26 mynow ex girlfriend is 24we were together for eight years 5 days ago she said she wanted to break up and wanted me to move out said that we are no longer compatible and that we both need to make changes in our lifes also that we are to comfortable with each other and it is not healthy at such a young age. I feel lost I can't sleep or eat I'm am a mess. We just moved in together finally about 8 months ago I am confused as the first two days it was as if we were broken up she did not stay here and we were apart the third day she did stop in we did talked a little bit about changing bills over to her name for utilities that sort of thing as I'm moving and she was crying saying she needed me in her life as a friend and that if there is anything I need to call her and said she will be looking forward to seeing me the next night then the next two nights we slept together in the same bed and cuddled and she was crying saying she will miss me but this is something that needs to happen clearly she still loves me but maybe she is not in love with me anymore? She did mention she doesn't know how to be her and us and has never had the chance to be her as she was always her parents daughter and then my girlfriend also she said she wants to meet people and experience new things and she doenst know how to do that with me. Its just don't know how to go about this situation as I do love her and want her back it is just now sinking in that its really over as I moved out and we haven't spoke in about a week 8yrs is such a long time and for me to just move out not take time apart and work on things just end it does not make sense. It has been a week since I moved out and I don't know if I should call her or wait for her to call me the last thing she said to me was she does love me and we will talk soon any advice or help would be appreciated

Wow guy, sorry for your loss, but what happened that it took 8 years to decide to move in together to go poof in 8 months?

Hi ask her to tell you the truth. And mary her

You do not call, she broke up with you and it's not clear to you yet. She's giving you mixed signals, comforting HERSELF by using you to cuddle and what-not. She wants to leave and not be with you anymore, sorry to say.

The best thing for you to do now, is to try and move on. Any way that is, it's definitely not keeping in contact with her... that will only make your life miserable. Keep up the NC and you'll see the light ahead... we've all been there.

From the way you've explained it, I would do some digging on this girl's background. It seems as though maybe there's a little guilt showing up here. From what you've said (and clearly, I don't know the whole story, I'm going by what I've read here... )it's possible that she had other relations while you were together and that's why she wants to "meet new people." It seems as though she was possibly (keyword: possibly) lying to you, which is why she is so hysterical about leaving. I don't know, it just seems as though she feels guilty to me.

8 years is a long time, but a break up is a break up, it hurts and it sucks (been there). Trust me we all felt the pain, it's horrible (diarrhea, loss of hair, hair turned white due to shock... you name it). Since it has been a long time, it looks like it is over between you and her.

You have 2 options, cling to false hope or move on. Read the stickies, take care of your life, move on. Be selfish, go to the gym, start doing the things you want alone. Being single can be the greatest thing that ever happened to you, it just depends how you do it.

Don't forget to post here how you are doing and how you are coping, we'll help you every step of the way.

You it just doesn't make sense if your that hurt and upset when you break up with someone why do it it idont think I can do nc I will wait a few more days if she doesn't call ima try calling her and then that will tell I guess if nc is really the best its just so confusing

I totally agree with ajGambino. Your girlfriend has had time to work through this in her head and heart, whereas it's a shock to you. You two cannot be "just friends" now after eight years as a couple and finally living together.

Like aj said, NO CONTACT. Make yourself the center of your life.

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Originally Posted by boblawblaw

ya it just doesnt make sense if your that hurt and upset when you break up with someone why do it it idont think i can do nc i will wait a few more days if she doesnt call ima try calling her and then that will tell i guess if nc is really the best its just so confusing

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Exactly, you are confused and in shock so you cannot make decisions. You are trying to understand why she broke up and you are over analyzing everything. As hard as it is, you have to go completely NC, or you WILL be in pain for a very long time.

Whatever answer you will get, will give you some comfort and it will make you stay by her side. That will comfort her and you will be her security blanket. She is weak and it is horrible that breaker do this to the breakee, but I rarely heard of someone who didn't pass by that.

Trust me, we passed by the pain and suffering so that we can help others in their paths. We are here to teach you from our own mistakes, and so that you don't do the same. NC is what you need to apply ASAP.

I will prrolly stay by her side no matter what I spent eight years with this women I love her, it does seem like NC is good advice for the time being everyone I talk to seems it's a good idea she did call today and we chatted for a bit it almost didn't really bother me as long as she is happy and in my life even as a friend who knows its really not even a week I could really still be in shock but for NC should I be ignoring her calls as she was the one who contacted me first seems kind of cold to ignore her calls aftter all we have both been civil through this whole thing

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Originally Posted by boblawblaw

i will prrolly stay by her side no matter what i spent eight years with this women i love her, it does seem like NC is good advice for the time being everyone i talk to seems its a good idea she did call today and we chatted for a bit it almost didnt really bother me as long as she is happy and in my life even as a friend who knows its really not even a week i could really still be in shock but for NC should i be ignoring her calls as she was the one who contacted me first seems kinda cold to ignore her calls aftter all we have both been civil through this whole thing

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I still say go NC. Are you still going to be friends with her when she parades a new boyfriend in front of you? And when you see her look into his eyes like she used to look into yours?

She calls you because she feels guilty.

You nc is the best thanks for all the advice everyone appreciate from today forward its nc

OMG ! I feel so sorry for YOU ! I just broke up with my girlfriend last weekend too, we were dating for like 2 and half years, and I'm so depressing right now. But your relationship is 8 years! That is really hurt for you and I know that. Good luck to you !

Sounds like your ex has some growing up to do. Maybe you should give her some time to do that, while sustaining NC. After she stops trying to contact you, let her have some time to find herself and if she comes back to you later, (and you've found yourself again) you can decide for yourself whether you want to pursue the relationship again.

8 years is a long time, I don't think it would be ridiculous to try to make things work somewhere down the line. But maybe do some growing up first ;]

She just called I didn't answer we haven't talked in about five days I'm fighting the urge to call her back this nc doesn't seem to civil ignoring calls seems immature I'm just so confused as to why she called should I call her back should I continue nc so confusing this is messed up

Keeping NC and ignoring her calls is what you do to protect yourself so you can heal and move on with your life. That's not being rude nor immature-you do that for yourself.
Any contact now will set you back and confuse you so stay strong and stay silent.

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Originally Posted by boblawblaw

she just called i didnt answer we havent talked in about five days im fighting the urge to call her back this nc doesnt seem to civil ignoring calls seems immature im just so confused as to why she called should i call her back should i continue nc so confusing this is messed up

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She's the one who is not civil and doesn't respect your space. Why do you think she is calling you?? She wanted the breakup. That means each of you go your merry way. Continue with NC.

Been waiting for her call and when I get it I don't answer it I'm pretty surre that was just plain stupid and now she's going to wonder why I didn't call her back and know I'm ignoring her and her calls

Wow. SoooO many stories on this RELATIONSHIP FORUM and I really hate to be GENERIC and say the same thing over and over but all these situations are really PRETTY MUCH THE SAME!

OMG! I just can't believe it!

You 2 lovebirds are together and everything is great!

Then all of a sudden, something happens ( as it always does... That's LIFE! ) , and the 2 love birds break up.

You two been together for 8 years then all of a sudden she wants to break up? BULLSH**~!

Too comfortable?? After 8 years , and all of a sudden she says this BULL? HA! HAHAHAHH!. Your suppose to be comfortable! Its been 8 years!

Read between the lines my friend. I really don't want to be SEXIST. But you must agree with me that MALES + FEMALES are different creatures. God made us like this.

She's telling you this as an EXCUSE. She is trying to let you go without telling you its PROBABLY because of another MAN.

If you treated her the way a WOMAN is suppose to be treated and you were faithful and provided everything she needed from a MAN to her for the past 8 years, then there's DEF another reason. I am assuming it could be another man and she's just not telling you fearing it might kill you inside.

Not knowing that what's she's doing now is hurting you just as much.
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I will teach you the fastest way to move on while sparring your manhood.

She is probably thinking

" The grass is greener on the other side. "

But know this.

" The Grass is only greener on the other side at first glance. " MY QUOTE...

1) You must be a mAN and accept what she wants. You must NOT beg and plea for her. I know it hurts. I been through exactly what you did and it hurt sooo Much. Apply No Contact and move ON. No contact means no cheating. No contact whatsoever. Never talk to her again. Walk away with your pride and head held high LIKE A REAL MAN! Easier said than done and I know this is NOT what you want to hear. But this will save you much heartache later and you will look back and thank me.

If she says she wants to keep you as a friend = that translates into = SHE WANTS TO KEEP YOU ON THE BACK BURNER to USE AS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT WHEN SHE NEEDS IT! She cuddles with you at night telling you all these sweet LIES! She's using you when she needs you as her ROCK... Please don't forget this.

She is Selfish. She is NOT RESPECTING YOU as a man. She is playing you. Don't let her do this to you.

2) While you are hurting inside, use this time and hurt to BETTER YOURSELF. Better your inner self. EXERCISE, Learn new skills, Buy new clothes, Get a tan, Learn to dance, Exercise some more, do anything you want to occupy your time so you won't WASTE IT thinking about her.

Doing step #2 is Imperative! You will have accomplished 2 things if you do step #2.

a) Bettered yourself = you will be a more confident man. You rebuilt your confidence that she destroyed. You feel better about yourself. You stand taller. You are smarter for next time. You project that Confident AURA to other females. It's a WIN/WIN situation.

b) If she really loved you in the 1st place, she may see all of this and MISS YOU SO BAD shell want you back. ( or she may never come back ). Then its up to you to say if you'll take her back.. YOU JUST FLIPPED THE TABLES ON HER~ With you holding the power and making the decisions.

3) If she does come back, Never believe her words. Only observe her actions. Words amount to = ZERO.

Good LucK.

Do you see what's happening? Its simple.

If you truly want her back, 2 things will inevitably happen.

1) She really, truly loves you and she comes back.
2) She never really loved you, or has moved on to bigger, better things and NEVER COMES BACK.

Either way you can't control it.

The only thing you could do is PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT! If you play your cards right, you UPP YOU CHANCES into getting what you want.

When you apply no contact = you are letting the fishing line loose. = the fish slowly swims towards you and comes back to you.

When you call her = you break no contact = you are pulling the fishing line and = the fish pulls even harder AWAY FROM YOU!

I am sorry, that is a long time to spend with someone. But I would NC her, she thinks by calling you it will be OK, and then she can go on her merry way. She probably knows your hurting by you letting her no that. I would act the complete opposite it was her choice and this is what she wanted, and you respect her for that. Let time go by for awhile, you showing her you are moving on. It will either show her she still loves you, or she is looking elsewhere. IT will be hard to stay strong but his what you need to do right now.

I also agree with supermannnn on this one!

Agreed but she's calling me maybe there is no chance at all at getting back together maybe there is but I feel no contact is def making sure there isn't a chance its basically saying leave me a alone so I can get over you and move on with my life with out you seems cold as hell that call really messed me up

Sighh... You don't listen to good advise.

I know you want her back. And maybe in the near future , that could happen. But right now, the problem is , she wants to break up!.

And you feel that no contact is DEFINITELY making sure there is not a chance.

But your wrong.

No contact does many things.

It gives you time to heal...

It gives you time to think...

It gives you time to better yourself...

It makes you let the fishing line loose...

It gives her time to MISS YOU...

It give her time to WANT YOU...

It gives her time to see how life is without you...

It does many things...

Thanks for the advice much appreciated

That's what were here for.

I guess I really don't listen to good advice went out to the club (her suggestion) with the ex and some friends had a blast ended up staying at her place on the couch we both ended up passing out on the couch never did anything I guess at some point she woke up in middle of night was like am I doing and went to bed I woke up hungover as hell and confused I am back in the friendzone not sure if its good or bad because the advice I got her saying am I going to be her friend when she has a new boyfriend makes sense to me that would probably kill me NC is so hard she called last night to make sure I made it in all right as traveled back home said for me to call her sometime this week what a mess

Thanks everyone for all the advice much appreciation have been thinking and realized I will only grow and learn from this experience as I did not need her in my life nor was she my life however I did want her in my life and did want her to be a part of my life. I strongly believe for any relationship to work one must love and be happy with oneself and be happy alone so you can share that with a partner and not depend on someone for happiness or a sense of worth/identity life is short you have to live it to the fullest and experience it try new things say yes when you would normally say no strive to learn every day a day without learning at least one thing is a waste grow don't let excuses or fear stop you from doing anything trust and believe in yourself. Its easy to let emotions get the best of us especially when going through a break up due to the fact there a just so many pain hate rejection sadness maybe even happiness briefly if you have false hope or she calls. Life is hard but always try to smile and keep your head up

Great insights Bob, keep going and take care.

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Originally Posted by boblawblaw

thanks everyone for all the advice much appreciation have been thinking and realized i will only grow and learn from this experience as i did not need her in my life nor was she my life however i did want her in my life and did want her to be a part of my life. i strongly believe for any relationship to work one must love and be happy with oneself and be happy alone so you can share that with a partner and not depend on someone for happiness or a sense of worth/identity life is short you have to live it to the fullest and experience it try new things say yes when you would normally say no strive to learn each and every day a day without learning at least one thing is a waste grow don't let excuses or fear stop you from doing anything trust and believe in yourself. its easy to let emotions get the best of us especially when going through a break up due to the fact there a just so many pain hate rejection sadness maybe even happiness briefly if you have false hope or she calls. life is hard but always try to smile and keep your head up

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Good advice! (and I plan to give you punctuation marks and a few capital letters for Christmas this year)

Lol thank you

Hey I posted on here aabout 7 months ago as I had a break up with a girl I was with for 8 years since then I have been doing really well never went nc but semi moved on and didn't think about my ex or worry about her every single day. Last week something changed I called on Wednesday after I haven't talked to her in about two weeks we chatted for a min then said she had to go and for me to call her later I said sure ill try but I was going out for supper and might be back late we hung up she called back about three minutes later said sorry she hadto go and gave me a reason and to call her later I thaught that was weird we just talked she sad she had to go but anyway I didn't call she called that night at midnight I didn't answer was half asleep then she called first thing in the morning at 8 am I wasn't home sshe then called me Friday saying she missed me and also on Monday saying she wanted to call me on Sunday to stay the night . I just don't get it its like every time I get moving on she pulls me back but then it seems like she doesn't want to be with me its like it's a unintentional head game I don't call she calls me all the time if I call she doesn't seem interested its confusing the hell out of me any advice as to what to do or say would be appreciated thanks... sorry for the novel

She doesn't want to be with you, just available for her when she needs an emotional tampon.

Its really up to you whether you want to play this role with her and be dragged back into the same old thing, that she has gotten comfortable with. That's exactly why we recommended NC from the beginning, so you wouldn't stay confused by her, or available for her when she has the time, or need.

See? You were doing well, starting Nc, then she reeled you back in & you caved.

I guess she wanted to show you what she wants.
To move one, try & keep you as a pal, then whatever...

Get the picture?

Time for really investing in NC. The only way here.

When we get dumped, we realize not to waste another second on that person. How much time do you want to waste?

Its all up to you.

I guess it was a year and a half that I wanted to waste in rereading this it was really good advice I wish I would have listened in the start.

What happened? We need an update.

Well I tried to take every ones advice and go NC to heal, it would only last a few days then one of us would break it finally I gave up and remained in contact. In the last year and a half we remained in contact when we were together it was like we were together it was good although unhealthy for us both and all it did was make me keep false hope. Things were going good so a month ago I asked her if she wanted to give it another shot she said she wanted to remain how things were I said I don't want to waste anymore time if this is not going anywhere and I think nothing will change and we will be both in the same place 6 months from now, I gave her time to think about it and she still didn't know two days ago, so I said I guess this is it between us because whatever we have is not healthy she started crying said she wanted it more than anything but is confused and doesn't want to be pressured and that I wasn't pressuring her but she wanted to do it for the right reasons(which I understand it makes sense)and that we will finish the conversation last night. Well she wants a three month no contact break for both of us to think and that right now she feels there is still a connection that never broke and it may be the reason we are not together and that she sometimes feels like we are still together and that she includes me in her decisions still and feels like she has to let me know what she is up to and that I don't make her feel that way but she does for some reason still. Anyway three months of NC it is and one and a half year wasted I think it is for the best though I can finally move on. I believe she wants to take this time for both of us to get over each other so we can maintain some sort of friendship after three months. I invested too much time into this person that I believe doesn't feel the same way about me anymore sometimes things just don't work out no matter how much we want them to. Good advice all and I appreciate it, I wish I would have listened. Thanks again

Thanks a lot my friend, for giving us a clear update. Sorry it didn't work out the way you want it to.

I do have some questions about this "undefined" year and a half relationship, which you don't have to answer, but here goes,

Were you seeing others of the opposite sex, or friends?

Was there never any talk about where this was headed in that year and half that things were seemingly going so good?

Finally, were you intimate, as in sex?

I tried to see other people, I myself started seeing someone like four months after the split it only lasted two months as I didn't want to commit party because I thaught me and me ex would work things out and partly because I did not want her to find out I was in a relationship other than that I have been with one or two women but I always compare them to my ex and my heart just was not in it, as for her she was seeing someone she said she wasn't ready for a relationship and the guy got bored and moved on after a month or two so she says and I do believe that either that or he slept with her a few times and moved on whatever the case is. I was clear on my intentions of getting back together and she was aware of my intentions it was semi discussed but to tell you the truth we both were basically like lets just see where things go but I was hoping it would end up being together or trying to see if it could work and yes we were intimate.

Thanks, I just wanted to know what the whole story was and am sure others will find it enlightening.

How have you been coping?