All right, my girlfriend was looking at her Facebook on my computer, she saw that she had a new message... and I asked her who it was from, she replied with "oh, i dont look at those messages" and quickly closed the window. I got on my computer right after and went on her Facebook while she was sitting in my room and saw these messages below...

Guy: wusup baby haha... im surprised you rememberd me... how you been?

Girlfriend: yes I remember you! Actually I was looking at Robby's pictures and I saw you so I added you... lol sorry if that's kind of akward... but I'm good how about you?

Guy: I'm real good... wasnt that you boys house, when we met?

Girlfriend: yep that was my boyfriends house where we met.

Guy: u still wit him?

Girlfriend: yeah... but that shouldn't matter to you right? I mean I see
Your in a relationship yourself?

Guy: yeah... so we on da same level... do you remember what could have happened that night wit me and u?

Girlfriend: of course I remember.. that was a good night something would have def happened if the situation had been any different! Who knows... maybe something will happen in the future. ;)

Guy: haha when am I going to c u again babe?


Now... right after I completely flipped out on her and kicked her out of my room, after I punched a hole in my wall. She was crying, hyperventalating, and throwing up... at which time I broke down and let her back in my room and let her sleep on my futon. When I woke up the next morning I let her give the explination that I would not listen to the night before. She said that it was nothing, she was just being polite at first and responding to his messages, but then she got curious as to what he would say and that she absolutely had no intentions of cheating on me. I found this sooo hard to believe, but at the same time... I trusted her ver much because our relationship has been through so much, and never once did I have any suspisions of her. She also says that if I break up with her she would kill herself, she can't live w/o me, I'm the only one she has in the world, etc. Well I told her I did not want to see her right now and to go home. I told her this repedly and she kept begging me to stay. Eventually I grew tired of this, so I told her everything was fine, I forgive her and we will have to talk about it some more... but I trust her. Well, I told her we would go watch the steeler game at her house so we drove over (half hour away) she went in the bathroom, and I left without saying anything. On my way home she called me balling saying the usual things, how much she loved me, the messages where nothing and she is coming down. I told her not to, and a few hours later she showed up and I ended up forgiving her and spending the night with her like I knew I would if she showed up. My question is, what should I do about this? I love her, and I know she loves me.. but I find myself being just disgusted by this behavior, and not trusting her like I used to... I really need help in deciding if I should break it off or not... I do not want to regret staying in this relationship, but at the same time I do love her... what should I DO?

All right, my girlfriend was looking at her Facebook on my computer, she saw that she had a new message... and I asked her who it was from, she replied with "oh, i dont look at those messages" and quickly closed the window. I got on my computer right after and went on her Facebook while she was sitting in my room and saw these messages below...

Guy: wusup baby haha... im surprised you rememberd me... how you been?

Girlfriend: yes I remember you! Actually I was looking at Robby's pictures and I saw you so I added you... lol sorry if that's kind of akward... but I'm good how about you?

Guy: I'm real good... wasnt that you boys house, when we met?

Girlfriend: yep that was my boyfriends house where we met.

Guy: u still wit him?

Girlfriend: yeah... but that shouldn't matter to you right? I mean I see
Your in a relationship yourself?

Guy: yeah... so we on da same level... do you remember what could have happened that night wit me and u?

Girlfriend: of course I remember.. that was a good night something would have def happened if the situation had been any different! Who knows... maybe something will happen in the future.

Guy: haha when am I going to c u again babe?


Now... right after I completely flipped out on her and kicked her out of my room, after I punched a hole in my wall. She was crying, hyperventalating, and throwing up... at which time I broke down and let her back in my room and let her sleep on my futon. When I woke up the next morning I let her give the explination that I would not listen to the night before. She said that it was nothing, she was just being polite at first and responding to his messages, but then she got curious as to what he would say and that she absolutely had no intentions of cheating on me. I found this sooo hard to believe, but at the same time... I trusted her ver much because our relationship has been through so much, and never once did I have any suspisions of her. She also says that if I break up with her she would kill herself, she can't live w/o me, I'm the only one she has in the world, etc. Well I told her I did not want to see her right now and to go home. I told her this repedly and she kept begging me to stay. Eventually I grew tired of this, so I told her everything was fine, I forgive her and we will have to talk about it some more... but I trust her. Well, I told her we would go watch the steeler game at her house so we drove over (half hour away) she went in the bathroom, and I left without saying anything. On my way home she called me balling saying the usual things, how much she loved me, the messages where nothing and she is coming down. I told her not to, and a few hours later she showed up and I ended up forgiving her and spending the night with her like I knew I would if she showed up. My question is, what should I do about this? I love her, and I know she loves me.. but I find myself being just disgusted by this behavior, and not trusting her like I used to... I really need help in deciding if I should break it off or not... I do not want to regret staying in this relationship, but at the same time I do love her... what should I DO?

There will be this little guy sitting on your shoulder, whispering in your ear, "Dont trust her" the doubt will be there for quite awhile.

Your will have to decide what you are going to do>

At one time you say you trust her and then you say at the end that you don't know if you can trust her... HELLO... major red flags here. You obviously caught her red handed. She tried to "squirm" her way out of it. Sounds like your girlfriend has some major mental issues. She is playing games with you. Turn on the "water works" and you will forgive. WRONG! That is the oldest trick in the book. You may be able to forgive her but... you won't be able to forget. Not healthy for a relationship. You say you don't know if you can trust her anymore. You know why... because you can't.

No one should be in a relationship like this. It would have been one thing if you would have confronted her about it and she confessed. It doesn't sound like anything physical happened when they seen each other but if you stay with her, you are going to wonder is something will happen the next time they see each other.

Don't lower your standards. Find a healthy relationship.

She is unstable and Iwould worry about anyone who threatens suicide to get what they want. This is not healthy, and as long as you go along with it I don't think it will get better. The love you have is a questionable under these circumstances and you need to decide stay or go. You are disgusted and have trust issues so why besides love are you staying?

I do love her and want the best for her... and I may have said commit suicide in the wrong way, she said she couldn't live without me and she would want to die... that being said yes she dose have issues and I guess that's why I feel responsible for her, because I have helped her surpass much of them, i.e low self esteem, family problems, death of her aunt (probably closest person in the world to her) for which I was even a pallbearer at the funeral. After which she said she had no one, and I replied with "you will always have me..." The only reason for me to stay now I guess is for love. I guess my question now is, given the information provided do you think she had any intentions with this guy... or just seeking attention and would have left it at that? I have made it perfectly clear to her that I do not tolerate any form of cheating, and if she had intentions to further it, I consider this cheeting. I just caught her before the act could occur.

She's palying games with you. Massive games. Let her play her games - you move on.

And work on that temper - work on yourself right now.

No trust - no relationship.

Yep, she's a liar all right. She can be trusted. Kick her to the curb.

I totally feel like she's like me. Sounds totally and completely honest. You can tell at first she's just being honest, and she was pushing him to see if he liked her in the end. Makes sense because she's insecure about herself and wants love. That's all it is. With love from you, and forgivness this girl will never look at another guy. It seems! One thing I wonder though is it sounds like she added him... why did she even continue contact at all? It could have been just to see what he'd do. Ask her if she's willing to commit to being loyal during your guys' relationship. Of course shell say yes, but then you can always call her on it. But id suggest you ask her to stop contacting him now that she's had "closure" if it was a new friend, no need to be friends anymore... if she's willing to show you her trust.

You won't be able to trust her so I think you have to dump her and move on.
Don't be weak.

Don't let her tell you this BS about killing herself if you leave her.

That's her problem. She go herself in this situation by doing whatever it was that night she met this guy.

I dare say something happened. They probably didn't sleep together but I bet something that would lead to sex did.

It is clear. She cheated. She doesn't deserve your trust.

Kick her to the curb. Be done with her.

She's a cheater. I bet she is still messaging this guy on the computer now.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by blondieinCAN

I totally feel like she's like me. Sounds totally and completly honest. you can tell at first she's just being honest, and she was pushing him to see if he liked her in the end. makes sense because shes insecure about herself and wants love. thats all it is. with love from you, and forgivness this girl will never look at another guy. It seems!! One thing i wonder though is it sounds like she added him.... why did she even continue contact at all? It could have been just to see what he'd do. Ask her if she's willing to commit to being loyal during your guys' relationship. Of course shell say yes, but then you can always call her on it. But id suggest you ask her to stop contacting him now that shes had "closure" if it was a new friend, no need to be friends anymore... if shes willing to show you her trust.

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I disagree. I think she is lying and she doesn't deserve his trust.

I stand by my advice in your other thread with the same post!

Which is here.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...her-41146.html

There is no need to for two threads Firefox. You will get lots of replies over the course of a day or two which I am sure will offer some sound advice!

I would have to say do not split up with her man... Talk to her in a calm conversation... Ask her what she meant by the conversation.

If you love her, you don't want to split up with her, you want to find out what's on her mind, don't put too much pressure on her though. Don't interrupt her, let her talk, don't accuse her of things that you have no proof over as well.

Ok...

Ok... I have posted earlier and received some good advice and I decided to give her a second chance. The link to it is here for those who have not read it. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...her-41114.html

Anyway, I did break up with her but found that I had a lot of doubts about ending this relationship on such terms. We have been dating 7 months and I had taken her virginity and I know she loves me. So I drove up to her house last night and walked in to her room where she was sleeping, the moment I walked in she jumped up and hugged me. She began telling me how she was disgusted with her self, and was only doing these things for attention. She began being very honest with me, and told me about boys she used to try and get attention from (during our relationship) by flirting etc. but it would have never lead to anything. She told me that I made her realize that she dose not want attention from anyone else but me from now on, and evem thinking of what she has done makes her sick. At this point she told me that she had something to tell me, and she was scared to say it before because she did not want me to get in to a fight. She said that a few months ago at a party at my house, a guy (diff guy then in the messages) had touched her and grabbed her breast. Her reaction was not to flip out and tell me or even slap away his hands, rather she kept it to herself and just hung on me the rest of the night. I was taken aback by this new information, but at the same time she did not have to tell me this... I had already came back to her. I can't help but believe she had inticed this behavior by this guy though, because he would not have just grabbed her if he was not given some sort of permission. (reason being if she would have flipped out, it was in my house with a ton of my friends, I doubt it would have been a very good night for him). After this she tells me that she understands if I no longer want to be with her, and that she just wants me to know if I do decide to stay with her she will be a bran new person, she now knows what she is losing and even thinking about another guy to her is out of the question... I'm the only one for her. I stayed the night, and she didn't want me to leave in the morning because she was afraid I might go read the messages and get mad at her again and not come back. She kept telling me she loved me and trying to get as many I love you returns as possible out of me. And she just seemed to be genuinely scared I would not forgive her. I do know that she dose not actually "talk" to other guys at all, she just craves attention because of her own insecurities about herself. She is a very insecure person. I just want to know if you guys think she may be manipulating me in to believing her, by knowing me so damn well. Or if she is being genuine and sincere. I think she is being genuine, but I love her, so my view of the matter is skewed. Basically do think there may be a repeat in her actions further down the road? Or has she actually woken up and changed in fear of losing me? BTW She has never cheated on me I know that for sure.

To tell you the truth and based on all the information you have given us about her I think there is a distinct possibility that this will happen again.

I hope it doesn't. I hope she is sincere and genuine. However should she not be and it happens again I sincerely and genuinely hope that you won't be as forgiving as this time.

A person with self esteem issues and who loves and craves attention from guys is not what I would look for in a partner. It is far from ideal in my opinion.

And if she is with you why can't she try and get the attention she craves form you? Why other boys?

You have made your decision and it isn't my place to advise you to change it. However I would move forward very cautiously and slowly with this girl.

Im sure your trust in her must have been dented and therefore I would make her earn it back. Her actions and not her apologies and words and I love you's will be the true indication of how sincere and genuine she is.

Good luck!

Yes I agree that I will have to proceed cuatiously, but I think I owe her a second chance... I don't know. I am 2 years older then her, she is a senior in high school and I'm a sophomore in college... it might just have been her immaturity?

Hi Firefox!

I think Skell is right. This decision is up to you and you alone. We can't tell you whether you should give her a second chance or not. Sounds as though you are willing to give her a chance and if you do... definitely use caution. Keeps your eyes open and think with your head. Watch for signs but don't be overly cautious just be aware of what is going on.

She is in high school yet and yes... she still is immature and has a lot to learn about relationships.

I know it will happen again. She seems VERY imature, very.

A lot of these types of women need and crave attention - it's a huge flaw in them. And many will take it too far.

YES, she has self esteem issues and constantly needs attention - not good.

I personaly don't like this gal. I think she's a lot of trouble for you.

When the coast is clear I bet $1 million she's up to her same old tricks.

Trust issues.

I think it is a combination of both of your immaturity--your immaturity in having an adult relationship, when, clearly you are not both adults.
Barring some horrible circumstance, the two of you have a lot of time left on this planet. That being the case, the two of you should be enjoying this relationship and each other. And your life!
If she is constantly flirting, maybe it's because she is not even out of high school yet. She is young, she has to find out what is out there for her.

In my opinion, this truly could have been an eye-opening experience for her and it may help her to focus on how lucky she is to have a relationship with a guy like you, willing to work through things, but most importantly, to communicate!
But, unfortunately, as young as she is, her curiosity about the rest of the world and/or her seemingly tremendous need for acceptance, will more than likely be an issue in your relationship until she has solved it FOR HERSELF.

Lastly, it seems that this girl has dependency issues, which do not always equal LOVE, and could explain all the flirting she does. Over half the girls in any psychology course have a crush on the professor. It's called transference. They feel a deep emotion for a person who has affected them so deeply, or changed their thinking so immensely. So it's possible she has more feelings of dependency on you rather than true feelings of romantic love. It is so sweet you can tell her you will always be there, but words don't mean anything in that situation. It ends up being an unfulfillable romantic promise. What she needs to know is that you love her, but you can't always be there. You need to tell her, "I know YOU will be there for yourself if the time comes, because you're strong enough." And she will have to accept you love her and will be there when you can. That is part of a strong, mature, romantic relationship.

Believe me, if you can get that across to her, she will love you more than ever.

I honestly feel she would be better off on her own to figure out who she is, and what she is about. Having said that, and you have made a decision to go back with her, then I can only advise caution as 7 months is too early to be that dependent on some one. Just my opinion.

Take it SLOW if you saty together - SEE if you can trust. Be busy - don't make her your life at all.

My friend, you are walking on a thin line here. I understand you love her, but you Got to make sure she knows how serious you are about this whole thing. Ask her not to explain anything to you anymore about this incident because either way she will just be defensive. Give her time to prove to you she loves you. Don't show any love now, don't be deeply romantic with her until she really proves she is trying to be with you and only you. You also tell her your plan how you will be behaving and you have no controle over it until you feel comfortable once again of trusting her. Once she knows this, she will either work so hard to bring you back or will give up quick. Either way you will get your answer for sure, rather than live your life with her not knowing if she's into you 100% or not.

Good luck.

There is something about your reaction to going through her computer that sends red flags out. Also here begging and pleading and you relenting sets uneasy with me. I suspect you have a few issues to deal with and when you demand others to toe the line you should make the same demands on yourself. This relationship shows no communication or balance as I see it and indicates a lot of work to be done by both of you. If you cannot work together and are clinging on each other just to have someone then I would really think about this love the two of you think you have. If you are to salvage this relationship then please give thought to honestly talking and putting more balance into your lives.

You can't trust her (the possible other guy) and she can't trust you (you going through HER stuff).

This will end. Probably badly.

Without trust there is almost nothing to build a relationship on. And I am very sorry that you had to find that, but if you go looking for dirt you will eventually find it. Sounds like she was being polite but a bit too intrigued, she committed herself to you.

Your reaction to the message you read was very uncalled for, but as you posted it in your question here, I am sure you are aware of that. Was your hand injured, money spent on repairs and some sleep was lost? Not a happy night; things need to move on from this event and if that isn't possible then your relationship will begin to suffer greatly. You should compare the good and the bad about staying with her, then see which one outweighs the other.

And her threat to kill herself is surely not the thing she should say, be it a figure of speech or not. Don't let that keep you with her, love should be doing that, not a threat.

First of all, I doubt this is love on either side. Could be lust, passion, sex, but not love.
Her actions caused a violent reaction and simply put, you are a hazard. IF I was with someone who punched a wall, I would be thinking that could have been my face. Granted, you found out she was flirting with another guy - still that does not warrant your outburst like that. Telling her to leave, showing her the door, closing it behind her and coolling off would have been the way to go. Talking about this whole situation with the computer the next day when you are calm is safer. I am not ignoring her actions - she as much as said to this guy that she would like to get involved with him and the hint was there that she almost did the night they met. So what does that tell you? You and her were already together and if she loved you, why would she even think about "doing it" with another guy - who was involved with someone else at the time? She is not reliable/trustworthy.
For you to go into her computer to check up on her tells me that you do not respect her. She does not respect you. You both lie. She uses suicide as a blackmail. You both use sex to get what you want for the moment and you still think that is love.
Close the door on this girl. She is as much a manipulator as you are. You need to get some of your own issues taken care of. Being unhealthy tends to lead one into unhealthy relationships. Been there, done that, got the badge for it too. Go and take care of yourself.

My thoughts on this. Well first of all you have a temper on you. She is probably afraid of you. Your reaction of punching a whole in the wall probably scared the out of her. Do you really want her to feel that way about you? As well like Tal said anybody that threatens suicide if they did not have you is unbalanced herself and does not sound good. It sounds like you both threaten each other but in different ways. I think you both need help. Maybe eventually help each other. I do think that you need to both communicate with each other. What is good, what is bad, what needs to change. At this point though with you punching the wall and with her threatening suicide I think she is scared of you and you do not want to keep her that way because it will just blow up in your face. Her threatening suicide if she does not have you is threatening to you and herself of course, but you do not want to just stay with her because of that threat. Communication is the key and if you are meant to work out you will communicate better. I also agree with skell that having two different posts on this is not good. Having one post is good enough and less confusing. I also agree with skell that maybe this girl did have some interest in somebody else but that does not mean anything will happen. It could though but you just never know. At the same time you need to let that thought go if you are going to stay with her because if you have that always on your mind and you become paranoid you could ruin the relationship as well or even push her away. Does this sound healthy. No, could it change. It might. You need to be the one to decide whether it is over or not. Remember though do not let anybody influence you eighter way. You're the one that has to make the decision you decide whether you want to continue or not.

Joe

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Firefox555

Alright, my girlfriend was looking at her facebook on my computer, she saw that she had a new message... and i asked her who it ws from, she replied with "oh, i dont look at those messages"

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I read the conversation. She lied to when she said she doesn’t look at those messages.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Firefox555

Now... right after i completely flipped out on her and kicked her out of my room, after i punched a hole in my wall.

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Well, what did that prove? You have anger issues. I think you should look into an exercise program or gym to release some of that pent up frustration.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Firefox555

She was crying, hyperventalating, and throwing up... at which time i broke down and let her back in my room and let her sleep on my futon.

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I think a lot of people are going to disagree with me on this but if you kicked her out you should have stuck to your guns. I think coming back in only upped the anger even if you two went to bed.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Firefox555

When i woke up the next morning i let her give the explination that i would not listen to the night before. She said that it was nothing, she was just being polite at first and responding to his messages, but then she got curious as to what he would say and that she absolutely had no intentions of cheating on me.

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She was emotionally cheating.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Firefox555

I found this sooo hard to believe,

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Me too.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Firefox555

but at the same time... i trusted her ver much because our relationship has been through so much,

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Why do people always say that? What does that even mean? If it’s been a tough relationship why wouldn’t she look outside of it for attention and compassion? If it’s been a great relationship she still might be a cheater.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Firefox555

and never once did i have any suspisions of her. She also says that if i break up with her she would kill herself, she can't live w/o me, im the only one she has in the world, etc.

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Then that’s your second clue she’s not good for you. If she means this she needs help. If she doesn’t she’s holding you hostage and using her life as a weapon.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Firefox555

Well i told her i did not want to see her right now and to go home. I told her this repedly and she kept begging me to stay. Eventually i grew tired of this, so i told her everything was fine, i forgive her and we will have to talk about it some more...

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Good God this is so unhealthy. You get angry and kick her out. She should’ve gone on her own anyway. She refuses to go and begs you to stay and you still upset cave in and say OK stay. Why? If ever two people needed to be away from one another that was a time.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Firefox555

but i trust her.

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I don’t.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Firefox555

Well, i told her we would go watch the steeler game at her house so we drove over (half hour away) she went in the bathroom, and i left without saying anything.

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I don’t know. Some might disagree with me but that may have been a good move. You needed to be away. If she wasn’t interested in giving you some alone time than taking on your own might have been smart except…..

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Firefox555

On my way home she called me balling saying the usual things, how much she loved me, the messages where nothing and she is coming down. I told her not to,

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WHY ON EARTH, DID YOU ANSWER THE PHONE!?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Firefox555

and a few hours later she showed up and i ended up forgiving her and spending the night with her like i knew i would if she showed up. My question is, what should i do about this? I love her, and i know she loves me.. but i find my self being just disgusted by this behavior, and not trusting her like i used to... i really need help in deciding if i should break it off or not... i do not want to regret staying in this relationship, but at the same time i do love her... what should i DO?

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Man, this is such an unhealthy relationship. Both of you have a lot of growing up to do. Quite honestly you need to break up and start to mature and get a grip on who you are and what you demand out of yourself then worry about what you can demand out of a relationship.

When I told her everything was OK, it was just to get her to agree to get in the car so I could take her home where I planned to leave her. I answered the phone obviously because I was not sure of myself about this decision, I was being pulled in two directions. I wanted very bad to forgive her, but I also wanted to leave.
And for me, I may not be in love with her... but I definitely love her very much. Our relationship is not just about lustful sex. Sex would never keep me in a relationship where I did not genuinely care for the person, it is just not that important to me to warrant an emotional attachment. My reaction, I admit was a bit aggressive... I do not see the big deal of punching something other then a human being out of anger. It was better the wall then her face no?
Since then I have actually broken it off but then decided to go back with her after a few days, I realized that I did not feel comfertable with ending the relationship on such terms. I told her that I have yet to forgive her for her actions and she will have to work to regain my trust. She seems very willing to do what ever it takes to keep me with her but I can not take her word for it I just have to wait and see. I feel comfertable with my decision and will stand by it until she proves me wrong. As for my immaturity, I do not see where you are getting that from. I admit I may not have reacted in the proper mature manner, I may not even know what that is. I was not checking her Facebook with any suspicion, and I was not checking it on her computer. I sat down at mine and logged back in to her Facebook for no reason other then to just get her messages for her. She was sitting in my room at the time I was doing this and saw everything going on. I did nothing behind her back to ilicit any thoughts of me having some kind of trust issues with her, I had none. Now I have some, and she will work to regain my trust, and respect. Thank You.

Quote:

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I realized that I did not feel comfertable with ending the relationship on such terms. I told her that I have yet to forgive her for her actions and she will have to work to regain my trust.

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I don't know why this sounds controlling to me, and I don't know why I feel this is not in her best interest. Just me after reading your last post. I think you both have issues that needs to be addressed. Sorry this doesn't sound like a balanced, healthy, honest relationship. You both need some HELP!

There are way to many issues here on both sides to keep going back and forth with you. Obvously you made your own choice, no matter what is said even with most of us saying it is bad bad news. You need to learn this yourself and sometimes people learn the hard way. As far as your temper and not thinking there is anything wrong with punching walls. Yes, there is something wrong. Yes, it is wrong. Yes, there is something emotionally wrong with you to have a temper so strong. I know this from personal experience. When a teenager and going through so much, keeping everything in. I had a bad temper. I even punched a bakery metal oven door. I also punched a wall. Is this normal behaviour, No it is not. There are issues and you need to get a hold of them and deal with them and work through them and also learn how to control your temper or you are going to go down a dark dark road.

Joe

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Firefox555

When i told her everything was ok, it was just to get her to agree to get in the car so i could take her home where i planned to leave her. I answered the phone obviously because i was not sure of my self about this decision, i was being pulled in two directions. I wanted very bad to forgive her, but i also wanted to leave.

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I hear what you’re saying. I agree with you as a matter of fact. If she’s not going to leave on her own then you know you did the right thing tricking her. You had to get rid of her for awhile and have some time to yourself. I don’t think I would have answered the phone but your explanation is valid. It makes perfect sense to me.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Firefox555

And for me, i may not be in love with her... but i definately love her very much. our relationship is not just about lustful sex. Sex would never keep me in a relationship where i did not genuinely care for the person, it is just not that important to me to warrant an emotional attachment.

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Actually I don’t question your lover for her nor do I get the impression this relationship is all about sex or even based on sex. It comes off as a twisted game between two people to see who can manipulate the other’s emotions the most.

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Originally Posted by Firefox555

My reaction, i admit was a bit agressive.... I do not see the big deal of punching something other then a human being out of anger. It was better the wall then her face no?

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Well the fact that you don’t see what’s wrong with punching a wall is part of the problem. Was it better than hitting another human being or any living creature for that matter. Yes it was. Is it the best way to get your aggression out. No. It also speaks to the maturity which I’ll get to in a second.

I’d be willing to bet that deep down that was the kind of reaction she was looking for. In just what you’ve described here on this board. The only way she seems to get a reaction out of you is by pushing your emotional buttons. She loves drama. And she uses drama to get you to react which you do. When you don’t react to something she keeps pestering you until you do. If nothing works at first than she turns it up a notch, then more until finally you lose it.

Anyway I recommend getting a gym membership to work off the aggression. If you can’t just take a walk for an hour a day.

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Originally Posted by Firefox555

Since then i have actually broken it off but then decided to go back with her after a few days, i realized that i did not feel comfertable with ending the relationship on such terms.

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Which begs the question, how would you feel comfortable ending this relationship?

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Originally Posted by Firefox555

I told her that i have yet to forgive her for her actions and she will have to work to regain my trust. She seems very willing to do what ever it takes to keep me with her but i can not take her word for it i just have to wait and see.

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Of course she loves that, it plays right into the drama she seeks.

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Originally Posted by Firefox555

I feel comfertable with my decision and will stand by it until she proves me wrong.

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Time will tell, but don’t wear your heart on you sleave.

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Originally Posted by Firefox555

As for my immaturity, i do not see where you are getting that from. I admit i may not have reacted in the proper mature manner, i may not even know what that is. I was not checking her facebook with any suspicion, and i was not checking it on her computer. I sat down at mine and logged back in to her facebook for no reason other then to just get her messages for her. She was sitting in my room at the time i was doing this and saw everything going on. I did nothing behind her back to ilicit any thoughts of me haveing some kind of trust issues with her, i had none. Now i have some, and she will work to regain my trust, and respect. Thank You.

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As I stated above it you two seem to play this game of who can make the other more needy and dependent upon the other. She has no respect for your boundaries, and I’m not sure you even know where hers are. You just had a fight, and you tell her to leave. Does she. No. It’s your house right? Kick her out and show her that you mean it. Show her that you are not to be pushed around and walked all over. That would give her something to think about. Instead, you hit a wall showing your immaturity about your emotions and invite her back in when you’re obviously still irate about her lying. Then she lies to you some more to cover up the initial lies and you realize this situation isn’t right. You smartly take her home and ditch her. Then when you finally have some time to yourself after this has gone on overnight you immediately let her come back to you via phone. Again, she says she wants to see you and you gave it to her.

This relationship is based on who can one up the other in the drama department. She does something, you react. She reacts to your reaction, you react and on and on it goes. I think you need to get away from her and figure out what you want from yourself, and how you’d like to behave, then you need to figure out what you want from a woman.

Had to spread it around Chuff, but you have described a very unhealthy relationship between two unhealthy people.

It sounds like she's manipulating you with the whole story ; the temper tantrums, threats to kill herself, crying hysterically, on and on. Those are the classic tools of people who resort to these tactics to try and control people. In this case, it consists of her trying to keep you in a relationship that you clearly know is unhealthy. Furthermore, rather than try and get help in dealing with her issues, she chooses to continue down the same path and expect others to join her on that journey. I won't tell you flat-out to break up with her but I think the handwriting's on the wall here.

I absolutely agree.

Someone who is using threats and hysterics to try to control you will NOT STOP doing this later on. It is emotional manupulation performed in a manner to make you feel guilty and make you to be the bad guy.

You are responsible for your own happiness first... I'm not saying there are not reasonable considerations in a relationship that you should give the partner... but you guys are just bf/gf... you're not engaged or married. You can walk away and she's given you reason to doubt her... and you, again, feel like you have to go through her stuff to see whether you can trust her.

I had an awful breakup with a girl I dated for almost 2 years. She was in the shower and I grabbed a notebook by her bed cause I needed a piece of paper to write on... turns out she had been writing in it talking about some guy she was chasing after. I didn't mean to snoop. I just needed some paper. Fantastic way to start the day.

We had a blowup and it was really just the beginning of the end. I really never trusted her after that... and come to find out it was for good cause. She was sneaking around behind my back...

My point is you are always going to wonder if she's running around. Maybe the relationship is worth the grief. Do you really want to spend every day wondering if you should violate her privacy to see if she is violating your trust? Only you can decide that.

Don't let crying and hysterics manipulate you.