Ask Me Help Desk - She still doesn't know what she wants.

She still doesn't know what she wants.

Moved to its own thread and edited.

I'm hoping that we will get back together but it has been a couple of weeks and it doesn't look to good I don't know what to do at this point she hasn't called or done anything... I feel like I've lost the love of my life... she told me that she just needed time and I asked her what I could do and she just said wait for me... then the last time I talked to her I asked her if she wanted to see me again and she said she didn't know... I'm so confused does anyone have any suggestions? The hardest part is not knowing what she's thinking I think I could move on better if I just knew she didn't want to get back together

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Originally Posted by lonelyman123

Hey rainman...how are you doing does it get any better..this has recently just happened to me and i feel so lost.....did you ever reconcile and get back together with your ex? I'm hoping that we will get back together but it has been a couple of weeks and it doesn't look to good I don't know what to do at this point she hasn't called or done anything...i feel like I've lost the love of my life...she told me that she just needed time and I asked her what I could do and she just said wait for me...then the last time i talked to her I asked her if she wanted to see me again and she said she didn't know...I'm so confused does anyone have any suggestions? The hardest part is not knowing what she's thinking I think I could move on better if I just knew she didn't want to get back together

All right bud, I know EXACTLY how you feel right now. The betrayal, hurt, and emotional rape you are going through is unbearable. But please be stronger than I was and DO NOT contact her for any reason. She WILL come to you but in order to have any chance at all you need to play your cards right and gain some composure. Be relaxed and do not ask her any questions, when she does call, do not act excited or needy she will run if she senses this. If you have the patience and perservirence wait this out, there is a slim chance she might change her mind. What I would suggest is to fully cut all contact with her, and heal. Mine did not come back and it was only recent that I got closure out of her and an answer that even if we were to live in the same town, it wouldn't mean we could ever get back together.
By her telling you "wait for me" she is saying "I am having second thoughts, but I am to scared to leave you without another viable option. So until I find that option, you stay put." Don't settle for that as I did, its just not worth it man. Once the floor falls out from underneath you and her feelings have changed, it is very hard to go back.
Im not going to lie it is going to SUCK for the first month or two, but it does get better. It still hurts me, and I'm already 4 months out of mine, but I am light years ahead of where I was in the beginning. We are all here to help you through this, let me know if you need more explanation/detail on my case, because our stories are almost identical.

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Quote by lonelyman,

I'm hoping that we will get back together but it has been a couple of weeks and it doesn't look to good

Your own thread was started so you could get feedback. You have been sitting in limbo hoping she changes her mind for weeks, and the more time that passes the more anxious you get.

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I don't know what to do at this point she hasn't called or done anything..

She is healing, getting over you and moving on. You have not.

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I feel like I've lost the love of my life... she told me that she just needed time and I asked her what I could do and she just said wait for me

That's a god way of putting you off until she knows you will see no hope and leave her alone. Cowardly, but the easy way out, instead of just setting you free to move on yourself.

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then the last time I talked to her I asked her if she wanted to see me again, and she said she didn't know

Again, the easy way out. She may be doing other things with other people but keeping you waiting like this is unfair to you.

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I'm so confused does anyone have any suggestions?

I suggest you stop waiting, as you have already wasted enough time on someone who dumped you, for whatever reason, and keeps you hanging and to false hope. That's not only unfair, but selfish.

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The hardest part is not knowing what she's thinking I think I could move on better if I just knew she didn't want to get back together

Her words say she doesn't know, but her actions are crystal clear, she doesn't want to try to get back together, that's why she doesn't call you. I think you take the hint, and just move on yourself, and leave her alone. That's not the easy way, as she has chosen, but the best way for you. It's a break up, it sucks, but for your own good, you leave her alone and do your thing. Read my entire signature and respect her NO Contact rule that she is doing to you. There is a link in my signature that explains No Contact, and how you move beyond your limbo. It helps you understand that your not alone and everyone here has had to deal with exactly what your going through.

Sorry for your loss.

Don't know what to do!

Hello all!. I'll try to keep this as short as I can.. any feedback would be much appreciated. So my girlfriend.. well I guess now she's my ex girlfriend decided about a month ago that she needed to take a break. So I unhappily agreed to this break... well anyway we have since talked about things and she tells me that I'm the only one for her she just needs some time to see that she can really do things on her own. But the thing is every time there is a crisis that's going on in her life I am the first person that she calls. Do you guys think that we will ever get back together she is telling me that she isn't sure how much time it will take but she is thinking it will be about a month more. Should I wait about a month and then talk to her and tell her that she either needs to decided to be with me or to go... that is if she hasn't decided already for herself. I really love this girl with all my heart and am sure of the way I feel about her and know that their isn't anyone else I'd rather spend the rest of my life with... so just dropping her out of my life at this point isn't an option we've both put way too much time into this relationship about 3.5 years to give up this soon... what do you guys think would be the best course of action to take?

Leave her alone, and get a life that you enjoy without her. Your problem now is your waiting for her to change her mind, but she won't. So make up yours, and stop being so available.

I wouldn't wait. If after 3.5 years she is not sure she wants to be with you, it's time to go!

She's moving on with her life. You're just going to have to accept that, you can't force her back into a relationship with you.

It's time for you to start moving on with your life.

I'm not so sure that she doesn't know if she wants to be with me. She tells me that she can't see herself with anyone else but that we had just become to dependent on each other and she needed some space. I really don't think that she has given up either.. I just know in my heart that we are suppose to be together

After 3.5 years, you must have developed a way to cope with obstacles. After 3.5 years, you wouldn't be playing mind games with each other anymore.

So if she wanted to be with you, she wouldn't break up with you, nor would she ask for space.

The fact is, she's letting you down easy. Does she really need to come out and say: "Dude, I don't love you anymore, leave me alone." --- I would hope not.

After 3.5 years, you've built a strong connection that isn't going to break overnight. You're still in the early stages of the break up, so you're still a little dependent on each other. But don't mix this up with false hope of reconciliation.

When we met to talk about things she told me that she still loved me :( and after 3.5 years I know when she is sincere

How long have you been waiting... a month? How much longer are you prepared to wait, another month, a year, 5 years.

There comes a point where you have to draw the line for yourself, wake up, and refuse to let her string you along, because that's what she is doing right now. She is living life, experiencing the world, and meeting other people, while you sit and wait for the "one you're meant to be with" to come back.

If she felt that you were both meant to be together, she would be with you right now, instead of giving you the space crap.

Wake up and don't wait. Next thing you know, she will be saying she met someone else, or that she hooked up with another guy. Do you want to be waiting around for that? I wouldn't! I already have. When you hear about that, imagine everything inside of you feeling like it's going to explode and then realizing there is nothing you can do, and that she didn't cheat because you were on a break (up). That's exactly what this is a break-up.

How long do you wait? How long do you suffer at her mercy?

Pick yourself up off the floor and say to yourself "She is doesn't know what she is leaving behind!" and leave her in the dust!

She needs to realize the mistake she is making. You need to realize there are plenty of other women out there.

She is the one that does all the contacting to I rarely contact her its all just so confusing

Sorry I'm such a wreck guys I know I should like a pittfull puppy dog being dragged along

Does it make a difference that I was her first boyfriend?

I know it hurts and it hard to see everything clearly right now. It definitely takes a long time to see her and the situation for what they really are.

Seriously, even though I know you're not going to listen, you need to ignore her calls. Ignore them until you are at a point where you get your dignity and respect for yourself back and get rid of the feelings of rejection. That will take a few weeks or months. Once you get to that point, then see if you even want to talk to her.

Maybe... It's always hard to get over a first love, until you meet someone else.

If you want to keep playing with her games, then go ahead.

If she really did love you, then she wouldn't be dragging you around.

I know I sound pitiful maybe that is at least a start

No, you sound like every other poster on here after they first got dumped.

It's normal to feel this way. Just don't drag it out.

I don't think I'll be able to move on completely for a long time :(

It's just part of the healing process. So don't worry too much.

Here are the no contact rules: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-332732.html

Don't pick up her calls anymore, so that she can't mess with your mind anymore.

By keeping in touch, you will prolong the pain and suffering.

There's no magic potion to heal, but no contact definitely helps.

Fight the urge to break the no contact rules: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...es-351302.html

I don't think I can do no contact right now... for some reason I just feel like we are close to getting back together... I know it sounds crazy

You may not. Everyone heals differently, but the fact is you will heal. It just takes time.

Start rebuilding your life by contacting old friends, starting new hobbies, going to the gym, planning trips, and meeting new people. Most of all do something that is fun, although not much will seem fun right now, but eventually it will.

Do what you want. Just be prepared!

That's the thing I don't have a lot of friends to hang out with we pretty much spent all of our time together and most of my old friends have moved away

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Originally Posted by lonelyman123

I don't think I can do no contact right now...for some reason i just feel like we are close to getting back together...i know it sounds crazy

You mean you want her to keep dragging you around and leading you on? (i.e. fall for the demon of false hope)

I know it's tough. So grieve as long as you need. Go at your pace. Just be prepared to continue to suffer more heartbreak.

When you're done wanting to suffer, then you can go into no contact and heal properly.

Yea.. im not ready for no contact yet.. ill keep suffering for awhile:(

I did the same thing you are about to do. I ended up getting my heart broken a second time when I found out she was seeing someone else. I thought we were "meant to be". I treated her like gold and got sh-- in return.

It took me about a year to get over my 3.5 year relationship. Of course I got weak over that period and talked to her. I woke up 3 weeks ago and finally walked away for good.

What happened three weeks ago that made u realize this?

I really only plan to hold on for about another month... I'm setting a hard date of the first of the year and then giving up for good... she's told me that she won't keep me waiting past this point because it isn't fair to me... so if she hasn't decided by then then ill know in my mind its over

I've got to go for now but I'll check back in later

We started talking again back in August, after her new ex-bf dumped her. We would talk a few times a week. It was going pretty well. I started getting what is known as false hope.

I actually brought up possibly working things out between us. She told me she didn't want to have a boyfriend right now. (Tip #1)

I thought whatever. Then as we kept talking daily, she ended up telling me she hooked up with some other looser she was hanging around with recently. (Tip #2) That made me red in the face, but I didn't say anything. I just laughed.

Then we made plans to go out on Halloween. I went out with her and her friend to basically watch her flirt, hit on, and dance with other guys. (Tip #3) I told myself later that evening I shouldn't put myself through this anymore. I dropped her and her friend at the house they were staying at and told her never to call, text, or email me again. It still hurt, but I knew it had to be done. I left and didn't look back.

My whole saga is documented here:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...re-261536.html

Don't put your life on hold-and don't allow somebody else's confusion to stop you from getting your life back on track.
Keep busy-do things you like to do and that make you feel better.

She isn't the type that would be out flirting or hooking up with guys that's not who she was before we started dating and its not who she is now so that's not what I'm worried about I know her well enough to figure out if there was someone else... I really believe in my heart we will be one of those 3% that get back together

^^ I thought this same thing right after my ex put me on a "break"... Boy was I wrong. She is completely different now... I was stuck seeing the way she used to be. Now, it's almost like my ex is lost and on some kind of soul searching mission... It's weird!

People in the 18-25 year age group change immensely from year to year.

Seeing some progress I think... thanks for the support guys

I need a pick me up guys I'm feeling a little down today :(

What happened to make you feel so down?

Remember, it was your choice to drag out the pain and suffering.

I know its my choice... its just hard because I want things to work out between us and truly believe that she wants to work things out she has told me that she does... even told me that she loves me... she's just not ready yet... but she wants it to work out... just having a hard time accepting her not being totally committed yet and just waiting until that point

Waiting for someone to be ready for what you want is a big downer, so stop waiting and get out into the real world and take advantage of better options and opportunities.

Her actions don't match her words, so what is it your waiting on?