My ex girlfriend Michelle broke up with me mid June and have been broken up for about 4 months now. During our breakup I have been seeing someone else but all I think about is Michelle. Michelle and I agreed and continued to be best friends. We talked almost everyday and hangout when we could. About 2 weeks ago Michelle met her new boyfriend and a few days after the girl I was seeing broke up with me. I love Michelle and miss her so much and she know this I believe but I'm trying not to show it. I tell her I'm happy for her and her new boyfriend. But as of lately Michelle has barely noticed me and she doesn't seem to interact wit me. I do see her everyday and shell say the occasional hello. Other than that she does glance at me to see me smiling and having a good time but I don't know if that means something or not. Anyway our friendship seems like she doesn't want to be in my life or whatever... I'm not sure. She did ask me to go to the Celtics game with her but she asked before she met her new boyfriend. I don't know what to do. She means so much to me.

You're no longer together. She's moved on. She's letting you off easy. You need to move on as well.

It's time to let her go.

You are very close to having an obsession for your ex if she is all you think about when you are dating another girl. That is very disrespectful of the girl who wanted your attention and not to be a stand-in for the ex.

The ex has made her choice and is obviously trying not to flaunt her new status in front of you. Respect her boundaries and give yourself time to heal and get rid of the baggage from the relationship before you get into another rebound situation. No woman deserves to be treated like she is less desirable than another one.

It was this contact, after you two had broken up, that didn't allow you to move on. She knows if she had contact with you, her new relationship would end like yours did. I know its hard, but in time you will not miss her as much. Your next relationship will have a shot if you let yourself get over this one first.

Well maybe she was keeping contact with you to be polite and not to hurt your feelings so much.

Maybe she is uncomfortable with the feelings you still have for her while she is moving on and is happy. For this she may have decided no contact with you is the best rule to follow. Do you really want contact with her while she is with another man? Won't you want to ask questions and make statements in hopes she will come back to you?

I think you need to get over her and be comfortable with her moving on before you become friends and hang out. She doesn't want to be with you, she moved on. I am sorry your holding feelings for her, but at this point the only one hurting is you and you need to heal.

Keep an open mind when your dating and you may find yourself happy with another woman.

Sounds like she was trying to let you down easy. She has moved on with a boyfriend into a new relationship. That's what you need to do! Keep seeing her and trying to talk to her won't let you heal, and she has moved on. You can't be friends that soon, the relationship just broke up a few months ago, that take time.

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

It's time to let her go.

You are very close to having an obsession for your ex if she is all you think about when you are dating another girl. That is very disrespectful of the girl who wanted your attention and not to be a stand-in for the ex.

The ex has made her choice and is obviously trying not to flaunt her new status in front of you. Respect her boundaries and give yourself time to heal and get rid of the baggage from the relationship before you get into another rebound situation. No woman deserves to be treated like she is less desirable than another one.

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Okay first of all I haved moved on just not entirely because I do care about this girl. Secondly she is flauting her new boyfriend and its pissing me off. Quite frankly I think she's being a little rude about it like she's trying to get under my skin. Epecially on Facebook. Maybe she's trying to make me feel bad by seeing all her new found love for her boyfriend but I'm not letting it break me. And if she cut me off completely then why is she still taking me to the Celtics game? When I'm with another girl I show that I'm having a good time and all my attention is towards them instead of michelle. But there's the fact that I still care/ love her and prob always will. I don't like giving up on someone and if there's a way then maybe ill find it. Anyway I'm not obessed with this girl and if there's any type of shot I have with her then my friendship needs to be like it used to.

You have not moved on. If you haven't move on entirely, you haven't moved on. No contact is best to heal. Stop talking to her period.

How is she flaunting her new relationship if she's not in contact with you? And if you were over her, why would you care?

I don't think that you have another chance with Michelle. She is trying to tell you that by her actions. If you are over her, again, why do you care?

You need to cut all contact and give yourself time to heal and get over her.

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Originally Posted by chargerssuck101

when I'm with another girl I show that I'm having a good time and all my attension is towards them instead of michelle. But there's the fact that I still care/ love her and prob always will. I don't like giving up on someone and if there's a way then maybe ill find it. Anyway I'm not obessed with this girl and if there's any type of shot I have with her then my friendship needs to be like it used to.

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I have been seeing someone else but all i think about is Michelle

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Your full attention is not for the new girl if Michelle is the one in your thoughts.

You haven't given up on Michelle, but what about your rebound relationship? If you have moved on from Michelle, then you should be wondering why it didn't work the girl after her. Instead, you sound like that girl barely existed.

You won't find another healthy relationship until you let Michelle go and allow yourself to heal.

Be honest with yourself. Go No Contact at all.

Michelle hasn't been acknowledging you because she doesn't want to!
Staying friends was her way of easing her guilt after breaking up with you, she didn't really want to be friends, because if she did, you two would still be friends.
She broke up with you, and while you were harbouring false hopes of a reunion, you were making it easier for her to move on, because you kept giving her your support and time and friendship.

Let her go, you can't have an obsession like that, it's unhealthy.
Just think of it this way, you have made yourself availabke to her, and she knows how you feel - and she's still moved on anyway.
Now it's your turn to move on.
You and Michelle are over.

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Originally Posted by ChihuahuaMomma

You have not moved on. If you haven't move on entirely, you haven't moved on. No contact is best to heal. Stop talking to her period.

How is she flaunting her new realtionship if she's not in contact with you? And if you were over her, why would you care?

I don't think that you have another chance with Michelle. She is trying to tell you that by her actions. If you are over her, again, why do you care?

You need to cut all contact and give yourself time to heal and get over her.

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Thanks for the advice... For the most part I can say all of you are wrong. I did go to the Celtics game and I was treated as if I was her boyfriend or like she didn't have one. Michelle was flirting with me and hanging on me the whole time. Later that night she told me she had an amazing time with me and that she is confused. She said she had the best time with me and that she hasn't had that in a while. Then asked me how I felt when I'm with her. She said she loved me. I know she has feelings for me and that she loves me. I can see it when I look at her. I asked if her and her boyfriend were okay and she said yes but I doubt it. Michelle just has a better time with me. I just don't know where to go from here. I told her that she try to fix things between her boyfriend if there is any problems

Yeah... OK we're all wrong.

Michelle didn't dump you. Michelle isn't spending time with the other guy. I'm sure when Michelle is sleeping with the other guy she's thinking about you too.

You got it all figured out. I'm happy for you. Good luck with that eh.

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Originally Posted by chargerssuck101

thanks for the advice... For the most part I can say all of you are wrong. I did go to the Celtics game and I was treated as if I was her boyfriend or like she didn't have one. Michelle was flirting with me and hanging on me the whole time. Later that night she told me she had an amazing time with me and that she is confused. She said she had the best time with me and that she hasn't had that in a while. Then asked me how I felt when I'm with her. She said she loved me. I know she has feelings for me and that she loves me. I can see it when I look at her. I asked if her and her boyfriend were okay and she said yes but I doubt it. Michelle just has a better time with me. I just don't know where to go from here. I told her that she try to fix things between her boyfriend if there is any problems

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I find it amusing when people come here for advice, get the truth and then say we're all wrong.

Michelle may still be in love with you, but obviously not enough to date you because she's still with the new guy. If she really cared about you she'd break up with him and come running back into your arms.

As for you, could you be more confusing? You say you love her, you want her back, you can't stop thinking about her and then, when you claim she's professed her love for you, you say;

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told her that she try to fix things between her boyfriend if there is any problems

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When Michelle finally goes to No Contact because she's done, let us know, we'll be here.

You asked her if she is happy with her new boyfriend and she said yes but you doubt it.

I love how not only do you know better than everyone on here, you also know better than she does about her own feelings.

I can only hope that someday I have this wonderful relationship that you have. An ex who flirts with me and keeps me hanging on whilst sleeping with someone else and giving me mixed messages about her own confused feelings. Dream come true.

Love has you blind and seeing whatever makes you happy. That's not reality, that's DENIAL and FALSE HOPE making your mind play tricks on you. Read some of the other threads on this forum, and you will see this happens a lot, until reality sets in, and the healing starts.

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Originally Posted by chargerssuck101 https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/amhd_i...s/viewpost.gif
thanks for the advice... For the most part i can say all of you are wrong.

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Buddy, I wish I was, so everyone in your situation could feel better, BUT..!

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Originally Posted by chargerssuck101

thanks for the advice... For the most part i can say all of you are wrong.

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Maybe I was wrong before and instead of caring about your feelings and setting boundaries, she is, instead, a manipulative user who doesn't want to take a chance on being alone so she needs you to be her lap dog that comes to heel when she lifts a finger and can be left at the kennel while she plays with her other puppies. Her 'confusion' is just an act to keep you licking her boots while she walks all over you.

Is that a better way to view your relationship with her? I don't mind being wrong every so often. Especially, when I prefer to see better motives than what this is starting to look like.

Hey man buy me tickets to a game and I'd actually pretend I like you too. Long as you comp me dinner and drinks while your at it.

You're a good bitc...

I'm sorry for everone who reads this. I'm just PO'd at the fact the guy asks our opinion and then craps on us. How about just a simple thanks and resolve in yourself you choose your own way. Again... sorry AMH regulars.

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Originally Posted by Imabadman

Hey man buy me tickets to a game and I'd actually pretend I like you too. Long as you comp me dinner and drinks while your at it.

You're a good bitc......

I'm sorry for everone who reads this. I'm just PO'd at the fact the guy asks our opinion and then craps on us. How about just a simple thanks and resolve in yourself you choose your own way. Again... sorry AMH regulars.

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You people are terrible advice givers. I'm getting a sarcastic vibe from some of you and other still think I'm in denial when she clearly told me that she loves me and continues to say it. Also she asked me to come hangout with her for the first time ina while and is double texting if I don't answer within 5 min. And by the way I never bought the tickets... she bought them. Seems to me like you people are thinking way to hard about how she actually feels.

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Originally Posted by chargerssuck101

you people are terrible advice givers. im getting a sarcastic vibe from some of you and other still think im in denial when she clearly told me that she loves me and continues to say it. Also she asked me to come hangout with her for the first time ina while and is double texting if i dont answer within 5 min. And btw i never bought the tickets... she bought them. seems to me like you people are thinking way to hard about how she actually feels.

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Seems to me that you're the one that asked the question in the first place.

Also, you should remember that we're all volunteers here, we do this because we want to help people, and instead of being gracious about the time we spent to give you advice you argued and acted like a jerk.

Have fun with your disfunctional relationship. As for me, I'm out. I'll let you learn like everyone else, the hard way.

See Imabadman, I can be a bit mad too. ;)

I really wanted to be sarcastic. Unfortunately, I couldn't because if I was wrong in the first place then she is using you.

If she loves you, she has a very poor way of showing it. It is up to you to stop throwing hissyfits and tantrums like a three year old who had his toy taken away and grow up. You don't like our advice, because, unlike you, we aren't blinded by our libidos, emotions, or history with this female.

Our advice is based on what YOU tell us. We are only Jiminy Crickets to your Pinocchio.

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

I really wanted to be sarcastic. Unfortunately, I couldn't because if I was wrong in the first place then she is using you.

If she loves you, she has a very poor way of showing it. It is up to you to stop throwing hissyfits and tantrums like a three year old who had his toy taken away and grow up. You don't like our advice, because, unlike you, we aren't blinded by our libidos, emotions, or history with this female.

Our advice is based on what YOU tell us. We are only Jiminy Crickets to your Pinocchio.

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I have to spread the rep, but here's a greenie. :D

Cat is right. We went by what you told us.

Bottom line, if she loves you, wants to be with you, why is she with someone else? Why doesn't she dump him and date you?

Why?

Enquiring minds want to know.

I agree with everyone's advice. You are clearly not over your ex. The girl you dated after your ex was just a fling, a rebound. She is just using you to easer her pain. She is dating someone else. Why not have an extra piece on the side? Also, how does her current boyfriend feel about you, an ex, spending time with her? Obviously she is not happy with neither of you.

Ps. Don't be rude to those who give advice. They have nothing to gain and are just volunteers offering their time and thoughts to answer a question you posted. Be respectful. If you don't like the truth, don't ask the question.

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Seems to me like you people are thinking way to hard about how she actually feels.

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That makes it unanimous as that's what we think your doing.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

That makes it unanimous as thats what we think your doing.

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Why do I always have to spread the rep?

Stop saying so many accurate things Tal! ;)

Anyway, I agree, here's your greenie. :D

Uh Yea.. reading peoples answers you all seem to be heartless, you're all either bitter or are in a relationship and forgot how hard it can be to someone who loves another and is having difficulties. Lighten the f**ck up & stay out of the romance department.
P.s don't tell someone to just simply "move on" as if it's like drinking water... (not as easy as you make it seem)
Or "get over it"

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Originally Posted by itsamor

uh Yea..reading peoples answers you all seem to be heartless, you're all either bitter or are in a relationship and forgot how hard it can be to someone who loves another and is having difficulties. lighten the f**ck up & stay out of the romance department.
P.s don't tell someone to just simply "move on" as if it's like drinking water...(not as easy as you make it seem)
or "get over it"

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Heartless? No.

Bitter? No.

I haven't forgotten how hard it is to get your heart broken, been there, done that. That's why I give the advice that I do, that's why we all give the advice that we do.

Live a few more years, go through a few more break ups, then you'll see the pattern. Heck, just stick around here for a while and then you'll see it without having to go through it.

As for lightening the up, watch you mouth.

As for staying out of the romance department, if you want to run the site, then buy it, or start your own. As is, you cannot dictate who answers and who doesn't.

The OP got very valuable advice, now he's giving us attitude, when he's the one that asked the question to begin with.

No Contact is the way to go. No, it's not easy, but it is necessary.

Maybe you're willing to lie to him, but I'm not.

Yes NO CONTACT is a good way to go, But people should more so give him ways to go about it. Such as... picking up a new hobby, going out to meet new people (don't get hopes up early cause your most likely not going to fall in love with another for a long time) but don't let that fact make you stick to your past love. But he seems to go to school with this girl so no contact might be rather hard.
The big question to the OP is... Why did she break up with you? And if he doesn't know maybe he needs to figure that out for closure and better understanding.

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Originally Posted by itsamor

uh Yea..reading peoples answers you all seem to be heartless, you're all either bitter or are in a relationship and forgot how hard it can be to someone who loves another and is having difficulties. lighten the f**ck up & stay out of the romance department.
P.s don't tell someone to just simply "move on" as if it's like drinking water...(not as easy as you make it seem)
or "get over it"

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No way do you forget getting dumped, it lingers forever, no matter how well you handled it. But instead of jumping on those who are trying to help with the truth, how about some helpful pearls of wisdom from you since you know more than the rest of us and think you can reach out to someone who is so carried away by his emotions, that he can't see straight.

Go ahead its your turn to do something besides criticize!! Shhheesh!

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Originally Posted by itsamor

P.s don't tell someone to just simply "move on" as if it's like drinking water...(not as easy as you make it seem)
or "get over it"

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itsamor, I think you and Charger both need to hear this. I never tell someone to 'move on' as though it is easy to do. There is always a part of me that wishes I could I find a way to tell the person, 'it will all work out.' However, I have to be realistic when I give advice to someone whether it is on-line or in my living room. It would be unethical of me to give false hope when the person asking for advice says that his ex is ignoring him.

In my second post on this thread, I mentioned No Contact. If Charger had been open to discussing ways of going forward, I would be more than willing to sit here and give him as much support as I can. I still am. However, he has to want to hear the truth before he can even think about the methods for letting her go.

Bottom line is that he can't find the person who really cares about him and shows it until he walks away from Michelle and her games. No magic wands. No easy answers. LOTS of pain and hurt. A lot of baggage to destroy before trying to find a new girlfriend.

Okay I understand I was being rude and I just want to say I'm sorry. It was wrong of me and thank you for the advice. Despite the fact that I love this girl, all I really wanted was to get my best friend back. Sorry if I seem rude here but I wasn't going to go for the "no contact" advice. But now I have her falling for me again and she's been ignoring her boyfriend. Why she hasn't broken up with him yet is strange to me. I believe she's still confused about it all and a sudden change in feelings I don't know. Anyway if she won't leave him for me or keeps playing me for a fool then yes, the no contact will come into play.

Maybe you're confused about why we suggest no contact. Here's the breakdown:

1) She ALREADY KNOWS that you still love her.

2) She has a NEW BOYFRIEND.

3) Continuously talking to her gives you FALSE HOPE and makes you OVER-ANALYZE all her actions.

This is very unhealthy for you. If you want to continue to suffer, no one is going to stop. You can talk to her as much as you want. You can continue over-analyzing all the details and fall for the demon of false hope.

But if you decide one day that you want to stop torturing yourself. Then we suggest that you go with no contact.

No contact is a tool to help you recover from the break up. No one is forcing you to use this tool. Some people don't even use it to get over their ex. But you should know that no contact is always available and very effective in helping you heal.

Once you've healed properly, you will be more objective about the situation and will be in a better position to approach the situation.

If you were meant to be friends, a period of no contact isn't going to stop you from being friends. But at least after no contact, you will be in a better position to build a friendship because all the emotional dust will have settled down.

Apologies if we were sarcastic or off putting in return. Bottom line is we'd all like to save you from torturing yourself. At this point, I think you know what kind of answers you're going to receive on this site. It's because we've all been there, done that or seen similar scenarios play out with other people. Of course there are no hard and fast rules to how relationships can go (much as it often sounds like it here). The only things I can say for certain is that it's very difficult to act level heading when you're in the thick of it, and that most happy relationships don't seem to have these kind of back and forth elements. That's not to say there aren't plenty of long lasting relationships that do have them, because there are, but I don't know that I'd describe them as healthy. It becomes a question of whether you want that in your life.

What you may not be getting is that regardless of whether either of you consciously knows it, by being with her in whatever form at this point you are tacitly telling each other that this arrangement is okay and can continue.

I wish summed it up. No Contact lets all that stuff clouding your judgment settle, and then you're able to see and act more clearly. It will not be easy. Doing the right thing rarely is.

Just for the record shhe doesn't know that I love her. If anything she can only assume that I do.

And just one more question. Michelle says that things have been going good with her boyfriend yet she has been ignoring him for the most part. What does this mean since I know her and I having been together most of the time?

Did you ever consider this is your part of the cycle? What I mean is a few weeks back he got all of her attention and you were left out... now your getting the attention and he's left out. There just never seems to be a definite move one way or the other. Some like to say, "Having their cake and eating it too."

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Originally Posted by chargerssuck101

just for the record shhe doesnt know that i love her. if anything she can only assume that i do.

and just one more question. Michelle says that things have been going good with her bf yet she has been ignoring him for the most part. what does this mean since i know her and i having been together most of the time?

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It means that she was bored with him and wanted to mess with someone else's emotions. If you want to get hurt then play into her games, if you don't want to get hurt then start No Contact and move on.

Everyone here is giving you great advice, PROVEN SUCCESSFUL advice. You choose to ignore it, so what happens you asked for.

If you keep wanting to suffer, then we're not going to stop you.

If you want to continue to over-analyze everything, we're not going to stop you.

If you want to fall for the demon of false hope, then we're not going to stop you.

If you want to continue to grieve, we're not going to stop you.

If you still think that you have a chance, then keep putting your life on hold and wait for her to come around.

But if you want to open up your eyes and realize that:

1) If she still cared about you, then she wouldn't be with a new guy.

2) If she still cared about you, she wouldn't mess around with your mind. Especially after a 3 year relationship, you must have had a good communication system, you wouldn't have to guess so much.

3) If she cared about you, she wouldn't risk losing you by making you to put your life on hold.

4) You've become her backup plan, because while she's experimenting with this other guy, she knows that you're her safety net in case it fails.

5) If you want to begin healing, start with no contact.

Remember, you're not forced to do anything. It's your CHOICE.

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Originally Posted by chargerssuck101

I love Michelle and miss her so much and she know this i believe but im trying not to show it.

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You have already said that she knows.

Charger, do you know the difference between loving some one and being in love with someone?

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

You have already said that she knows.

Charger, do you know the difference between loving some one and being in love with someone?

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I never said she knew. I wrote I believe that she know. And please what is the difference between loving and in love with someone since it's a matter of opinion.

Get here back. I know what your going through its rough but if you fight hard enough you'll get her back. I promise you. But she can't see what your not telling her darlin/ you have to tell her.:D

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Originally Posted by chargerssuck101

I never said she knew. I wrote I belive that she know. and please what is the difference between loving and in love with someone since its a matter of opinion.

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Loving someone is caring about them like a relative or friend.

Being in love with someone is more of how you feel about a mate or lover.

You love your brother, but you are in love with your spouse.

I really hope that someday you find a woman who can hold up her half of a relationship with you. I think you are a great guy who deserves to be happy, in love, and content in a relationship. I just don't see that happening with Michelle.

I will be honest if Michelle were the one asking what to do, I would be telling her to go No Contact with both of you and find out who she is and what she wants before she gets into another relationship. If she is confused, she isn't helping herself get off the merry-go-round as long as she keeps holding on to both of you. Even if she did choose, I don't think it would be long before another male came into the equation. At best, she is looking for something and not finding it with both of you. She needs to find whatever it is inside herself.

You deserve a mate who knows what she wants and can find happiness, love and contentment with you and only you.