My girlfriend of 5 years left me for another guy because of LDR, what do i do now?
My ex and I have been together for 5 years already. During that period, we had a lot of big fights.
4 things that I considered really big:
1. She saw my cellular phone and saw a message from one of my friends from school. It was harmless. But she overreacted.
2.she caught me cheating online, talking to other girls. This was bad and terrible for my part. That was 2 years ago. We decided to work on it again.
3.I caught her having a pot session in the flat of 2 random guys that she just met with her friend.
4.we almost broke up because she wanted to go to an event of a guy that she met in the office. She keeps on insisting that he's just a friend, but she went ballistic when we couldn't go to his event.
I left my country after graduation to work for 2 years in singapore. She's been working at this company for almost a year now and I've been really supportive of what she does. I would always fetch her and bring her home from work and on weekends we would always be together. There are a lot of things that I did that I am really ashamed of and I keep blaming myself for the whole mess.
before I left, we talked about marriage already, saying that we weren't ready yet because we're not yet stable in life. But if we're talking about the person involved, we are the right one for each other, so all we needed was time. When I left, I gave her all the means to communicate with me knowing that I am a very big part of her life and that she is very dependent on me. She never used any of the things that I gave her and she insisted that we just keep the communication to emails.
I never saw it coming, I'm stupid I know there were a lot of signs already, but because she would say I love you to me and continue to do what we did before. Until the day she broke up with me.
for the longest time, I tried to get an answer from her as to why we broke up. She told me its because of the trust issues and the distance. At some point she even told me that if I went back then we could work things out. A few days later she told me it was bound to happen even if I stayed. Then each time I would try to ask why we broke up, she would get really pissed. She made my life a living hell for a month so I decided to come home to settle things once and for all.
when I got back, it seemed like we were together again. We were like a couple again. She told me she still loves me and that the reason why we broke up was because she couldn't bare the distance. I could see that she went through depression and that it really affected her health. She even asked me if we should try the relationship once again. I knew it would be really hard on her, so I told her that maybe we should deal with her problems first and then try to the relationship once again. I would never want to see her suffer like that again so I had to muster up the courage to say no. which I did. It felt good and at the same time depressing, but I knew it was the right thing to do. When I brought her home, a friend told me all about what she was doing behind my back. She had another guy already a month before we broke up. Aside from that she went out with several other people. One of them the guy that she met from the office that we fought about. One of them was my friend and the others I didn't really know. All along she kept insisting that it wasn't about the other guy and she told the other guys to back off already.
I was so heartbroken, and at the same time really mad. I didn't have the appropriate time to think of what to do. I quickly went to her and lashed out. I said a lot of horrible things that I now regret. After that, I apologized and we sat down to talk about what happened. It ended up well. I told her I was willing to help her still with all the issues that surround her. (she has a lot and I really don't want to see her in this position especially since I know she relies on me so much). But then a day after, she became cold again and this time she told me she doesn't love me anymore. She was really guilty of what she did and I could tell.
now I'm back here in singapore and I am really devastated with the situation. I feel like its my fault that I pushed her to do this. Also I can't seem to understand why I still want her back after my studies here. Its like I want a plan, I want a plan that would make her want me back. Last week however, she started dating one of the guys again, exclusively. When I found out, I told her we couldn't talk anymore and that its going to be hard to be friends. I told her that I forgave her for whatever she did. The next day she sent me a message asking for help about some of her problems, not concerning the relationship. I didn't talk to her, for a while, and then I just gave in. I couldn't help it.
now I am all eyes on NC, and I know that I made huge mistakes before. I don't know what to think, I don't know what to do. I just want to be better. I don't know if I should want her back, is there a chance that this will happen? Please help me out.