I saw a great deal of similar situations as the one I am in currently. My girlfriend and I met and have been going strong for awhile now. I was able to see her all the time but she was worried about dating me initially because I was starting a job in another state in a few months. After she went with me to help me move in, things were going great. We talked everyday, when she came up to see me we did everything together and had so much fun.

The problems we started having later on were a lot due to the distance and the insecurities we both have had due to her past relationships. I started getting upset over things that I knew weren't a big deal and I felt like I was just putting a show in some way. We only have been dating for 6 months and we got very serious and in both of our opinions too soon. I am out working in another state and able to come home often but it is difficult being so far apart from someone you love and care about. She is still in college and has about a year and a half left. I went home for the weekend and it wasn't the best. A lot of fights and she was sick and we weren't able to have the best time. SHe told me she missed me and was balling as I head out the door. On Tuesday morning she called me and talked about taking a temporary break until Thanksgiving. She went out with her friends and had a good time and all her girlfriends said it has been awhile since they have seen that side of her.

SHe said initially we both were so outgoing and so obnoxious together and someone that got lost and we started getting too serious and handcuffing each other. She told me she needed some time and space and wanting to hang out and told me she loved me and could see herself marrying me but a relationship is too much with everything she has in her life (VP of sorority, school, job, lack of money) many other factors. It may be she wants to feel free to party with her friends and if guys hit on her she doesn't feel guilty since we would be guarded and be rude if guys talked to her while we were dating.

I am coming home next week and I plan on not seeing her or not talking to her until her birthday in a month and a half. If she calls me I will say she wanted this break and I owe it to her to give her that or we will never know what we both want. I am really starting to feel better about myself and this situation but I don't want to do anything that will jeaopardize my chances to get back with her.

I plan on going and having but nothing vindictive and I don't want to lose her and I know if we got back together too soon the next break would be a hell of a lot worse than the first.

WHat do you think I should do? How should I handle this moving forward? If she still calls me and texts me a lot (saying hope things are good muaah xoxo) what do I take from that?

Any help would be grateful?

Can someone give me some basic insight on the next steps outside of giving each other space. Because I know she will contact me and want to hang out probably to keep me around so she can have fun with her girlfriends and not be in a relationship right now. Maybe she wants to do her own thing right now nothing wrong with that but her constant contact with me shows me she still loves me and is confused.

So I will give her the space she asked for her and be very aloof.

Good ideas?

You know what they say about long distance relationships. Hard to maintain. Yes give her space and live your own life without her. She will make up her mind but in the meantime don't hold your breathe. Sometimes people hate to let go out of fear or whatever, so move on and if she calls... just be real.

After reading through most of these posts, I know what I am going to do moving forward but I have a few questions.

We just decided to take a break and at first she said temporary but when we talked again I said it probably needs to be more than temporary because her reasoning for the break was we are at different points in our lives with me in a different state working and her in college. I said 3 weeks won't change that and we have to give each other a real break or nothing will ever change.

Her birthday is in a month and half should I call and make it a quick happy birthday?

Also if she calls and wants to hang out or something how do I turn her down without being rude and obnoxious?

I know people will say she asked for the break but it doesn't mean I want to be vindictive. I do want her back but not until I get my life together and she does too and make sure I am not pretending to love or is it real.

Any advice?

you bro

all i think is that it IS a good thing that ur on a break.

Yea, call her, wish her a happy birthday.

If she wanna hang out, tell her that you need time to think bout what u want.

I really dought that she that gonna go all out on u.

hope it works!!!!!

Peace!!!

Well she just called me. I called her back a few hours after and she was like I texted you yesterday. I said I was busy. Then she paused so I said you asked for space, it may hurt but you asked for space and I am doing my best to give you what you want.

I told her that I won elite achiever for October at work, a few quick things on what's up with her. I could tell she was getting mad but then I followed with I know you know I am coming home and you wanted to see me next week, but I think it would be best if we didn't see each other.

We have not seen each other since she asked for a break. Should I call her next week and get a coffee just to see her in person but not make a big deal out of the relationship let her do everything?

The only reason I say that is then I will not call her again until she calls me and even then I might not answer for awhile. I just think I want to give her space but not cut her off completely.

What does everyone think even though I think I know the answer I think this situation may be different? I will be giving her much space just wanted to know if seeing her next week once and then cutting it off just so she sees me and I see her once in person.

well bro, it seems as if she still want to commiunicate with you.

And take that as a good thing!

Cal her just to say hi, ask her how her doing, ask if she maybe wants to come get a bite to eat or like you said coffe.

But what would you do with coffe..think bout it.

If you want to see her. do it. If you don't want to see her it seems as if you are cutting her off.

Peace!!

Hope i helped!!

I do want to see her but she said we were at diffferent points in our lives but I don't want to lose her in my life. Would I take her back right now if she came probably not, not because I don't love her but because I know our next break will be a hell of a lot worse than the first.

What kinds of things would I talk about at coffee? I was planning on just having a good time trying to get a laugh but not really bringing up the relationship? Let her do most of the talking.

WEll all i gota tell you is...

YOU GOY

What i meant to say is you got your head on straight.

She wants to talk let her.

Peace!!

Hope everything goes out right!

I think your handling this correctly - give her space. Don't answer her calls.

I like the fact you did not return her text - your busy. She asked for the break - you shouldn't be there for her now. Don't be the doormat so many guys who come here are.

I'd leave her alone for a while - retunr her calls the next day.

Obviously you did something to push her away - have you identified that? Being TOO available? To jealous? Too needy? Most guys Won't admit that.

This is the first case I can remember reading on this board where the individual posting seems to be handling to problem correctly. Despite her getting angery your showing her repect by giving her exactly what she asked for. I

T makes me wonder if she did this just to test you? I'm not saying that for sure but it seems odd that she expects you to be at her beck and call after saying she wanted space. My advice is to keep doing what your doing because she's obviously concerned that your not falling into that trap of being there all the time for her. Your doing great.

Like many people here I use to be player and always just wanting to have fun. I just can't figure out why I changed so quickly. We use to be obnoxious and just having fun and always had the best time. Sex was great but she waited 8 dates to kiss me and I respected that. She was afraid to jump into a relationship because of the long distance.

It has been tough every weekend we both wonder what the other is doing and it was hard to know someone else was occupying her time. I would sometimes get angry when I didn't get my way the last few weeks but it was tough adjusting to a new place and when I flew home to see her I just wanted to spend time with her and I think I showered her with too much love always trying to do something to make her happy.

I didn't think for myself.I absolutely love her death but I know if we jump back into what will happen. I really need some insight even though you guys think I am handling this well.

I feel better, I am working out and doing good in work but I sometimes ramble on the phone and in person about feelings lately and it is hard for her because I get repetitive. Jealousy could be right always asking questions but I finally realized it doesn't matter what she does. If she loves me she loves me. She went to a bachelorette party last night and I wasn't even mad I was like good for her she needs to have fun with her friends.

I just want to know moving forward what should my words be. I don't want to lose her, but I know she is 20 and I am 22 and we are at different points in our life but we are not the first people to go on a break. You never know.

Give her what she ask for and don't call. She's mad Soooooo! Stay on your healing path. Work on you.

There has got to be more to the old line, "We're at different points in our lives." It seems to me that she still cares for you. Which is understandable. You were emotionally attached to each other. I think that if you want to have a future with her, you really need to get to the bottom of what she's truly feeling deep down inside about the relationship you had. Being a different points in your life can be worked on. Being truly open and honest is what you and she need to be.

Basically what it came down to was this: I went to Michigan this past weekend and we had some huge fights for no reason. When I was leaving it was like so difficult and she has so much on her plate right now as do I. And every time I leave it is so hard. I know that is what relationships are but when you are in college and doing long distance it is difficult sometimes breaks are needed to truly figure out what the other wants.

She loves me and we both haven't ate the past few days so that won't change. SHe just needs to be 20 and enjoy herself and me too without worrying too much what we can't control. In a few months we might start talking more just as friends and go from there because we never started like that anyway. Obviously there will be many things I won't want to hear but I can handle it.

Most people will say if you want her back you need to do this that and that, I know what we have and with time it may change but if it is true love no matter what things circle back. We had a good talk this morning she called and we talked for awhile because we never really talked after the break and I wanted to clarify what space meant for her since I know what it meant for me.

So as tough as it is to let her go, I really won't be, I won't be sitting on my hands feeling sorry for myself. It was the right thing to do and too much and too serious too soon. We are way too young for that right now. She may find someone better she may not but when you are 20 and you haven't had a chance to truly be single and for the past 4 months never went out with her sorority friends that is hard. We depended and clinged too much on each other and it ended up making things worse.

I know you saw how I was doing previously and things are still going well to a certain extent. We talked this morning and finally clarifiied what we both want. We are just too young for a serious relationship right now. Will that change we don't know? She has lost 10 lbs since the breakup and it is killing her. I don't want to lose her in my life but I know time is the only way we have a chance to be together in the long run. College is tough and girls want to be able to party with their girls and not feel handcuffed. For the past 4 months she didn't. She might flirt and what not but what would a single woman not do.

I know her personality and I know she won't do anything vindictive and she doesn't just hook up with anyone and is very self conscience but we both definitely need the break.

Here is the DILEMMA. I love her to death and can't stand to be without her, I can see myself marrying her but I know this break is the only way we have a chance. It is too much right now. How do I go about after giving a good amount of space, to get back into her life by remaining casual friends with an understanding that later on you never know.

The love that we shared and the bond we had together doesn't just waver over time. Other factors may hinder it and you can't predict it but I am willing to let it go. I will still enjoy myself and flirt and have a good time, but I want her.

Is it possible to start being friends for awhile after a long absence and then getting back together? What would I need to do? Also, how can you not look ahead and think how can I wait almost 2 years for another chance. It may be shorter but I know it is basically almost 2 years until a realistic chance in my opinion. I would be back in Michigan getting my MBA and she would be in her senior year or done close.

PLEASE HELP ME!!

Well you love her.

That says it all doesn't it?

Try not to look so far ahead.

You both know what you want.

Her 'realationship' or 'break' is hurting you both.

Do you want other people to date.

Flirting is a way to tell the other people that you care bout them.

Yes! It is possible to be friends if your both willing to try.

Nothing, just be yourself like you where before.

Before dating.

Time is short. Love can last forever.

Peace!

Hoped i helped!

All that matters is that you know what you want if life!!

Peace!!!

Hoped i helped!

Thanks very much, wildcat or tan any insight, you guys seem to be great at putting everything in perspective

Quick Question: You both know my story and I finally understand the role that needs to be played. I am a crazy and obnoxious person and that is what were together. Not like out of control but always smiling and always having fun and nothing would get me down.

The past month changed and emotions started to get into it. She texted me yesterday morning saying I just need time, things just went way too fast. Basically it boils down to I am 22 and she is 20 still wanting to be herself and have fun in college. Serious relationships are too much to deal with right now while your young.

My question is when she calls me and texts me if she does since I know she will before I consider it, how should I play it moving forward. I just want her back but I know this will take time and I know she wants me so bad, I am just HORRIBLE when talking on the phone because I ramble and sometimes become repetitive and occasionally cut her off. She has noticed a difference based on better reflective listening skills but I will never tell her I am changing. She can see it for herself. HER BIRTHDAY IS dec 23rd and mine is Jan 4th, obviously I will be in Michigan in the holidays and it is just way too soon but if she wants to see me what should I do since we haven't seen each other since the break. I was thinking I would say I am busy for awhile and maybe get coffee before I head back to work since I may not come back to MIchigan for a couple months after that.
Funny that I am thinking month and a half ahead just want to make sure I play this out right. New to me
I will move on and have many things to occupy my life. Flying back home for a week and going up to my college to party with my friends and get my mind off things. I will go to NY to meet work friends from another area and just doing anything to occupy my time. I have decided my motivation to get back in shape is that I will try out for Major League baseball this summer and I want to get into the best shape possible. It will set a goal for me and allow me to understand that I can only control what goes on in my life and no one else's.

I'd just do no contact for 2 months. Let the birthdays pass.

Work on other things like oyur baseaball.

Go SLOW moving forward - you rush into thngs nad you crash and burn.

Im not Tal or Cat but I agree with the advice they give and I know what Tals will be.

No contact. Let it go. No messages, no phone calls, no email, no IM. NO CONTACT.

Don't answer her calls.

You need to completely disappear of the face of the planet for a couple of months as far as she is concerned.

In this time you need to work on yourself. Improve yourself. Reflect on what you could have done better. Workout, work hard at school / college. Work hard at your job..

Look at yourself and think how you as a person can be better. Now is agreat time to do some reflecting on yourself and your life.

If you want her back then this is your best option. But if I were you I wouldn't even look at that way.

Thjis time of no contact is about you. To look after you.

Because whether you believe it or not right now after her dropping this on you, you need time to think and space as much as she does.

So no contact for 3 months and work on you. Hard to do but it is better than the outcome you will get if you chase her.. I guarantee you that!

98% of the women don't wan to be chased in that cenario.

Its over, start living a life without her. Pursue your own dreams and let her do whatever. Hey I thought I told you all this before? Buy yourself a birthday present ,buy her nothing,Why would you?

I know it is probably over and in no way am I going to chase her. I was just wondering since I know she will call me especially if she gets president of her sorority.

I will go back to DC January 3rd and may not come back to Michigan for a few months so just wondering if I don't talk to her by the end of December.

Trust me I have a load of friends and always have fun wherever I go. I got 4 phone numbers the other night and one girl said I should take her home.

But it still feels different, I really do miss her and just trying to cope that is all.

Just because one knows the best coarse of action and will follow it to a tee doesn't make it hard.

Kudos for seeing problems ahead and trying to get answers now. No contact may seem cruel or hard to stick with now, but the important thing you need to remember is to get to a place you are healthy and can see things with a clear mind. There will always be feeling for your ex for the rest of your life, but you will be able to deal with those feelings much better after time and healing have done their job. She probably feels the same way, I have little doubt. Its not about her though, it is about you. She knows what she wants, and it is important to give it to her. I think its important not to wait on maybes and to deal with reality. Heal first, everything else is for another time including her birthday, and any reaching out on her part. Stay on the path my fellow Capricorn and make sure you enjoy your birthday without her.

Thanks

Tal - outstanding!

BTW - why are Capricorns so complicated and difficult at times?

Here is the problem Wildcat and Tal with me!

It is not like I can't find something to occupy my time. I have lost 11 pounds in 2 weeks and workout 5 days a week. I go out most nights, have many friends in both my hometown and where I work both coworkers and just randoms.

I play raquetball and basketball and baseball and always seem busy. I think it is more the way it seem to go. Like I know she didn't want it to end but she felt that she couldn't have fun anymore for the next few years without worrying about me and me worrying about her. It is too difficult and too much to deal with right now. When I was 20 I wanted no part of a relationship. I just wanted to have fun. I have no problem understand where she is coming from and we actually left on very good terms, I think it is more that she is in college and I know she will have fun and I don't want to lose her completely from my life regardless of what happens. I have no problem being very distant I just felt like a few months from now if I just constantly ignore her it is like completely cutting her off and I don't think that is fair to her. I will cut off communication but if she calls I owe it to at least call back sometime a few days later but keep it short. But definitely not for awhile.

That is all. I am always finding something to do but I kind of miss my hometown and all my great friends and it is a tough adjustment sometimes.

I wouldn't call back. Don't do it. You won't like the out come. Make her miss you as well.

You need to heal and get over this type of feelings - you need your power BACK!! You need that feeling agan where you be fine if she left, although you'd like her to stay.

Don't contact her on her birthday... that will wake her up for sure! It does seem cruel and mean but if you want her to think of you that will be one day to do it.

I haven't been on in awhile and some know my situation. My girlfriend asked for a break and at first I was hurt but then I realized this was a great opportunity for me. I do love her and would have no problem being her friend somewhere down the road. I have moved on and didn't call her for almost a month.
Yesterday she imed me when I signed on and was about to put an away message. She said I know you don't want to talk to me but I wanted to tell you that I was thinking about you and I missed you. I kept it very short.
Today she called me while I was driving and I answered it in my pocket so when I looked to see who called I had to answer. She said she just wanted to say hi and we talked for a little longer than normal. But not too crazy.
My question is I feel like she doesn't want a serious relationship but wants to be my friend and hang out. I don't want to waver because I have been doing very good. The key all along is I wanted to work into being her friend and that takes time. I need to move on but I also don't want to be a piece of either. It is hard to find a balance. I have made myself very unavailable and I am sure she is having trouble, but it shouldn't be about her but only about what I think is best for me. Overanalyzing everything and trying to plan every talk or event just makes things worse.
I just want some help on the best way to handle it. I want her in my life but I also enjoy being single right now and I have been learning about myself a lot lately. Getting in shape, meeting new people, spending time with family and work. I still miss her but that doesn't mean I need to stress. Please help

I would suggest you stop making yourself so readily available because she made the decision to have some space. It doesn't seem as if she knows what it is that she wants, so continue to find yourself. You don't have to waiver, make the right choice for yourself. You have to take a stand right now, don't be fearful to say what you're feeling. It good to be friends but in being friends, remember there are boundaries!

Would like everyone's thoughts? Not respond... or answer but seem busy and distant or call back a few days later or not at all

We are long distance anyway so when I am in town I don't want to feel like I have to see her because I don't but we broke up over the phone.. so at some point

Any thoughts?

Absence does make the heart grow fonder but I feel like she misses me and that is great to know because it knows I can still do my thing out here and she won't forget about me.

I do agree with Cherri and would add just this... honesty... be honest... exactly what you posted... say to her, be firm, and stick with it. It will save you so much stress on finding ways to avoid and to me head games are never appealing or kind.

Be honest and truthful with her and yourself. If she seems to cling more, deal with that then. You are so right, you do need to focus on the progress you have made, and the only thing that needs to be done is for you to be honest with her. I would think hiding and avoiding will only distract you from the great progress you have made.

Go out there and have fun and way to go on your progress.. good for you!!

I can't understand this thread.
You are contradicting what you said, first you state you ARE in long distance relationship, then you state you don't feel like you have to see her because you broke up over the phone! :confused:

The main question is can you handle being friends with her whilst trying to move on and get over her?

Well firstly. Just because she would be back in your life doesn't mean it has to be as much as it was before, you can easily tell her as a friend that your seeinf her too much, or even just sometimes say your busy if you think your getting too attatched.
Maybe you could get together one day and tell her straight that you don't want to be too close because you like where your at right now
She might be a bit hurt by it but its better than blatantly lying or ignoring her I guess
Hope you got something out of this answer