Hey all, thank you so much for reading and commenting as I am a 16 year old very hurt person!

2 Days ago (1st November), I walked my girlfriend back to her house from college as I usually do being the gentleman I am lol! She seemed to be very quiet on the way, so when we got there, I gave her a hug and kiss and told her I love her, and she said same back.

Well, we have been together for 7 and 1/2 months, yesterday (2nd November), as soon as she gets into college and see's me she says we need to talk, as we go to somewhere private she says it's bad news... Then she says she wants to go on a small break to clear her head an have a bit of space, to be honest she's quiet busy, things going on in her house, broken wrist, me, a lot of college assignments and going down to her dads who lives in a different city on some weekends.

Later on that day, around 5 o clock, by luck I suppose, I get to the bus stop as she's getting on a bus, and she calls me to get on the bus quick, so I do, we have a little chatter 'how was your day?' kind of thing. But we were both very silent for most of the time, then I ask her once we get off the bus can we talk, and she nodded yes.

Now we are outside of her house, and I say to her 'It's my fault that you want to go on a break.. ' then she cuts me off and says it ain't, she just needs space. I asked her if she still loves me and she said 'apart of me does, I really really care'. At this point we both have very shiny eyes in the dark 'keeping ourselves from crying lol', and she said I have two options, go on a break, or split up altogether, she said she wants to have a small break to think over what she wants with me. I told her that we should have a break, but on Monday (3 days), she tells me if she has changed her mind, she said 'thats not enough time', so I said OK on Monday tell me if you have changed your mind but if you haven't just tell me you need more time. So then we hugged and parted basically.

I know what I have to do I think, just need a bit more help, on Monday when she tells me that she needs more time which I suppose she will unless she wants to call it off altogether or get back with each other, I am going to ask her 'Do you want this break because you don't want to go out with me anymore or is it because you are very busy with your home, college, wrist and your dads, and alls you need is some space to get your head sorted'. Hopefully she will pick because she is busy. Then I will say OK I won't bother you, I will let you sort out your head and you can take as long as you want, just let me know what your thinking from time to time. I will also tell her to not go for any other lads unless she has totally broke it off with me.

Any other suggestions people? Thank you mucho!!

I have a suggestion... let her go. Sounds like she is trying to let you down gently. Take the hint. You are sixteen and she is in college? She is in college-she is experiencing a different world right now. You are so young, and are probably missing out on a lot of experiencing because of your relationship with her. Just give her space and stop giving her time limits to make up her mind because you are only going to push her away. Besides, if you give her the space she is asking for and do your own thing, then that might make her decide that she wants you. But, regardless, please just let her go for now.

Ah I didn't explain good hehe, we are both 16 and we are both in college (I am from the UK).

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Originally Posted by Gazzy

Ah I didn't explain good hehe, we are both 16 and we are both in college (I am from the UK).

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Oh, so sorry about that. You are both young, regardless-so my answer isn't really much different than before (not saying that my answer IS the answer, just my opinion). It only hurts you more by holding on like this, keep yourself busy while she makes up her mind, but stop putting pressure on her to do it. Take a breather... relax. :)

Any other suggestions would be good guys :) One thing though, I am not going to let her go that easy, she's my first love so I ain't going to give up!

I will also ask her to tell me the truth if she is just letting me down gently so I can get on with my life.

Give her the space, no time limits. By constantly asking her what she wants, it is putting too much pressure her and in the end will push her away...

You will be seen as clingy by her if you do this.. Just don't contact her, let her come to you and it may work out for the best for you...

Good Luck.

Thanks mate, I will do as you say :) And hope for the best!

16 is 16, in the Uk, or US. That's the time for fun. After 7-8 months, it maybe too early for things to be so serious, given your ages and school commitments. If someone is not ready, then you can't make them ready. Do as she says and give her the break she ask for, with no pressure from you. If she calls and wants you back great... if not, then accept her choice and move on. Live your life without her.

Don't worry too much about why she says she wants a break. Just give her the space she wants. Don't contact her at all and if she contacts you then cut it short. Get busy with your own life doing the things you enjoy. Being happy and content without her is the surest way to possibly get her back. You'll appear much more attractive to her that way than if you beg, plead and cajole. I can't guarantee any results but I know that's your best shot.

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Originally Posted by Gazzy

Any other suggestions would be good guys :) One thing though, I am not going to let her go that easy, she's my first love so I ain't going to give up!

I will also ask her to tell me the truth if she is just letting me down gently so I can get on with my life.

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Your first statement here is kind of dangerous and will most likely only prove to be self-defeating. An "ain't going to give up" attitude reeks of neediness and insecurity and is the best way to push a woman away from you. Your second sentence should simply read "I will get on with my life", period. Don't worry about asking her to "tell you the truth." Even if you did, there's no guarantee that she will. Remember, women feel, they don't "think" in the same manner that a man does. Asking a woman to articulate herself in this manner is like asking an ice cube not to melt in July. Also, because women are creatures of feeling, the believe that it is more important fro them to spare your feelings rather than "tell you the truth", so to demand that she do so is fruitless and won't get you the result you want.

Thanks for your comments, I guess all's I have to do now is on Monday when she talks to me, I'll just say "take as long as you need to get your head sorted and I'll give you the space you need, when you're ready, you know what to do."

I'll keep you all posted on what happens :)

God this is killing me! I just want to talk to her so much! But I know I can't if I want it to work out like I want, anyone got anymore suggestions about this or how to make myself feel better?

Gazzy,

Sorry to hear that this is getting you down. I understand, I am going through similar torture, but for me, I was with my ex for 3 years and engaged to her and she broke it off 2 months ago. I'm not saying that your situation is not as bad as mine because you obviously do have strong feelings for her, I am just saying that it is understandable how hard it is for you.

You need to give it more time, you have not given it enough time AT ALL.. I broke up with my ex 2 months ago, first 2 weeks, contact, trying to get her back... Does not work, then no contact for 6 weeks, still no contact, she knows where I am right?

I would give anythuing to have her back but the truth is I am having to accept that she probably won't be back no matter what I do, contact her or not...

I am not saying that she won't come back to you because it is still early days but the only thing you can do is keep yourself busy and not contact her..

There is nothing, NOTHING, you can say that will push her into wanting to be with you again.. She needs to make her own mind up, no pressures from anyone..

I really feel for you man, because I know the you are going through and I really do hope that it works out for the best for you!!

Don't think however that by creating any false hope by waiting is going to help because there is also a chance that she won't be back.. Keep your options open!!

I really hope you follow this advice because it is so easy to ignore what others say and follow your own instincts which are always driven by what you want to happen but not based on how you should realistically handle the situation...

Oh, forgot to say, you are 16 right?? Great, I am 26, When I was your age, I was going out and having a whale of a time, having fun, a great time to get on and experience the world... I'm not an old codger yet LOL, should be doing that now... Point is, you have fun and good things will happen..

Sorry if I am rambling but hopefully, there is at least one good point here that will help...

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Originally Posted by Gazzy

God this is killing me! I just want to talk to her so much! But I know I can't if I want it to work out like I want, anyone got anymore suggestions about this or how to make myself feel better?

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It is so normal for a break-up to bring out a lot of hurt and pain. As others have said staying busy and doing the things you like is a good way to start putting those feelings behind you. If this is the first true love the first few months will be agony. You must work through this process to ge to a place where you can see things clearly and deal with the emotions. Stay on the path.

Yeah you guys right, even though I don't want you to be you are lol. What I don't get is she says she still loves me, but wants a small break, not sure how long small is. I'll try and stay away from her, let her come to me, maybe she will see what she's missing. :)

I will probably see her tomorrow, as we are on the same course in college, but not in the same class... But times are the sameish... I'll just stay clear, and let her come to me if she does.

She also said to me the other night, if we proper split up you ain't going to speak to me ever again are you, and I just nodded. She didn't seem happy with that.

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Originally Posted by Gazzy

She also said to me the other night, if we proper split up you ain't going to speak to me ever again are you, and I just nodded. She didn't seem happy with that.

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Try not to read into things too much Gazzy and be careful about how much you try and be around her, avoiding places where she is going to be will be better.

No such thing as a small break.

Thank you guys, if she asks why am I avoiding her or anything, I'll just say you're the one who asked for the space and time to think about things. I don't want to pressure her into making any decision, I'll tell her that if she comes up to me as well.

Tomorrow is judgement day anyway for me lol, as soon as I finish a lesson she is in the room I was in... So I will deffo see her... But I'll just walk right past her and if she makes contact... Well, I'll just look at her an see what she has to say lol.

I only have hope now right? Lol

Thanks all, you're cheering me up with every post :) Keep it up! Hehe!

Also, I don't understand why it was so sudden, everything seemed fine the day before... Then she just dropped a bomb on me the next morning... Was like noooooo! :o

Yep give her space and leaver her alone.

Chasing her will only pus her away. Trust me here.

Just find as many other things as possible to do to keep your mind off her. Work on yourself. Workout at the gym, run, school etc. School probably should be No. 1 priority.

Your 16, I know it still hurts but enjoy being young. Enjoy yourself and others will enjoy you too!

:) Thanks for the support, if anyone is interested I will tell you what happens tomorrow and stuff, you never know... We might not even talk all.

~Hey gazza! My girlfriend on tues 31 oct ( day before u ) also said to me about a "break". We have been going out for 3 mnths nw and she said bascialy what yours said.. she still reali likes me but needs time.. I duno what for she mentioned friends etc. anyway it also hit me pretty hard since we had been getting on so wel! I haven't seen her in nearly a week nw. I have onli spoke to her once on the fne the day aftr as she emailed saying hw she was soz about the night before etc and I quickly rang her and she told me tat she still wants to go out ( although I don't think she means it) but just needs time! I have bascialy dne what she wanted and given her tat space, I am also 16 n she is at my school but I don't intend to bump into her when I go bac on tues , I will let her come to me as others suggested. She broke up wit me so its up to her. I still think though tat she mayb is trying to let me dwn gwntly tats why I am trying nt to c her so when she does tell me wats happening she will have made her mind up once and for al. hpe this has helped u.

Today sucked lol... Came out of class and I saw her, I felt like dying there and then lol... I just walked past... I think she was looking at me but I just ignored her and walked past. Same again outside, I was texting on my mobile an I looked up and she was by the door looking my way a little bit, I just smiled at my text and walked out and chatted to one of my mates for a bit. She was with all her mates (boys and girls from her class, about 15 of them) outside and they were all looking at me for some reason. :(

Oh yeah I forgot to mention... The other night when we broke up she did say 'I really can't be bothered with boys at the moment with all the stuff going on in my life'. - This is a bit annoying really :( - At least she won't be going out with any other lads lol.

Well, I need to keep myself busy so I don't dwell on it for too long, anyone got anymore suggestions? Suggestions make me feel better for some reason. :)

Gazzy,

I don't want to sound patronising in any way because I know it must be hard for you but you are both very young, 16!!

I don't think she is ready for a serious relationship and do you know what, I don't think you are either..

How do I know this, well read my thread, my ex was 17 when I met her, I was 23.. We spent 3 years together and she is now 20. She broke up with me and do you know why, she was too young to be in a serious relationship..

I mean at 16, you are both really not aware of who you are and what you want, things change and as you get older you will learn from situations. I am 26 and believe me, although I have come on a journey, I am still learning and will be for some time..

What I can say is that you sound like a good thoughtful young man and you will have good things to come, trust me!!

Maybe she will want to be with you in time! But the fact is she has made it clear that she does not have time for boyfriends at the moment. Respect that Gazzy and leave her alone just for now, enjoy yourself. It's up to you but you have got years of fun ahead of you!

Take it easy!

I think you're on the right track. Showing her that you've moved on (even though you want to hold her every time you see her) will make your ex think. She either thinks "He's moved on, so should I" or "I can't stand to be without him". If it's one, the pain won't be as bad because you've already moved on yourself. If it's the other, she knows where to find you and let her come to you if she wants to have you back.

Yeah true... I know I'm still very young... But you can't help loving someone, it doesn't matter if your 16 or 36... You still hurt as much as each other. Also, I am leaving her alone... If anyone's to talk to who, it will be her to me.

But you guys are right on what your saying :)

Also, an iccle question from me...

She says she still loves me, she cried when she broke up with me, she's always said to me that she wants us to last for a long time, then all of a sudden she can't be bothered with boys and she wants a break from me... It's like her mind changed overnight, what's with that? Lol

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Originally Posted by Gazzy

Yeah true... I know I'm still very young... But you can't help loving someone, it doesn't matter if your 16 or 36... You still hurt as much as each other. Also, I am leaving her alone... If anyones to talk to who, it will be her to me.

But you guys are right on what your saying :)

Also, an iccle question from me...

She says she still loves me, she cried when she broke up with me, she's always said to me that she wants us to last for a long time, then all of a sudden she can't be bothered with boys and she wants a break from me... It's like her mind changed overnight, whats with that? lol

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Yes, and that's why I said I don't want to be patronising in any way. Your feelings are going to hurt just as much and you are very right to say that.. The point is, youth should be about fun, exploring yourself.

Reference to your question. I afraid it does boil down to youth again, people change their minds and get confused about what it is they want, I'm not saying that when you get older, that does not happen either because life is a long process of change and developing and I believe that it is a lifelong thing.

Try not to get to caught up in her motives for what she has decided but think about yourself, I know it is difficult, with all the advice I am giving you, I am not much different, confused also.. And the answers are the same for me too!!

It is all about keeping busy, no contact and enjoy living life, especially you buddy! I guarantee you that you will have quite a few girlfriends before the right one turns up.

Well, hope this helps! Just tell me to shut up if I'm not helping!

If you had any certain emotional connection, she is going to love you and she is going to miss you. Emotions sometimes even make you cry. Try not to look into as much as her actions and what she says right now when she brings emotions into it.

You are going through the same things. She let you know she just needs time and a serious relationship is not something she wants right now. There is nothing wrong with that. You aren't the first couple to decide to go on a break or decide it is going too fast.

Time is the only thing that will help. She may not come back, she might. I recommend staying away from awhile and not giving any contact. If she calls, be busy and call her back in the next day or two. Give it a few months then give her a short very short email seeing how she is doing and maybe start talking but never again bring up relationships or feelings again even if she does. It will start to put the pressure back on her.

What you need to realize is that both of you first need " TO be able to stand on two feet separately" before you can even consider to stand on four feet together. Time will answer all your questions trust me. I am going through the same questions and I know what the right thing to do is but love fogs up your eyes and doesn't let you do what is best for both of you right now. BE PATIENT!! You are 16 everyone falls in love or thinks they are that young, experience life and you never know a few years later you might be back in it.

Remember this, even if you got back together right away college will probably be another breakup and maybe even worse than this. You both feel good about each other right now, why ruin it by pressuring her and forcing her into something she isn't ready for

Yeah you are both right, makes sense as well, I have promised myself not to talk to her unless she comes to me anyway. I'll just do the things I enjoy until I start feeling better, I'm pretty sure she will talk to me first... Or she'll moan at me and say 'Why have you been ignoring me?'... Then I'll just say you're the one who wanted the break, I'm giving you the space you asked for.

But who knows, she might not even talk to me again... I know this ain't 'the end of the world' for me even though it feels like it lol... I know a lot of people who have found new and better people after breaking up, but right now, I can't even think of going out with anyone else.

Yes..

It will take time...

And I hope it all works out for you..

:( Just found out something crap :(

About a month ago, when we were going out, someone told me that they had seen her smoking, an I asked her about it and stuff and she was like 'I only had a little bit of one I'll never do it again I promise'... Thinking I was going to split up with her or something.

Then when we were breaking up the other night she was like 'I bet you wouldn't like me as much if I smoked and drinked all the time' and I said back, 'I wouldn't really care I would still like you the same'.

My mate has just told me he seen her smoking this morning outside of college while I was in lesson... I'm sure she's doing this to me on purpose... I'm starting to hate her :(

Actually... I hate to love her.

I don't mind if she smokes, I won't like it but still... The thing I hate is that she lied to me:(

But what I don't understand is.. Why is she smoking all of a sudden, when everything was fine between us, I knew she didn't smoke, well, I had a doubt about it... But she never seemed to get into a mood or anything when she was with me for a whole day, now I know what people are like when they don't get to smoke for a day... She never seemed to have smokes on her... :(

Don't over obsess over things you can't control. She asked for a break and even though you still love her and harbor feelings the worse you will be because whatever she does right now is no reflection on you. Let her be herself and do whatever the hell she wants.

You need to go away and figure out what you want outside of women and then it will make it easier to figure out what you want in a woman.

I know what I want... That's why I'm going to college, to be able to get the things I want in life.

I'm starting to wonder if she meant it when she said 'I love you still'.

I have no clue in why she would smoke like that, she has always promised me she hasn't and won't again... Then as soon as we're on a break... She's smoking, strange.

Is it possible that she's been smoking a little longer than you thought?? Also, you do seem to be pretty preoccupied with the notion that she's smoking, and that she lied about it, so, you are bothered a bit more than you're willing to admit to her that you don't like it. You are entitled to have a non-smoking partner you know..

Nonetheless, you guys are on a break right now, so if she chooses to smoke, drink or paint her face blue, it has no bearing on you since you are not together right now, that's her prerogative. Women can be fickle. They tell you to go away right now, but an hour later are pulling you in, swearing their undying love to you and then 5 minutes after you reciprocate, they're mad at you for invading their space... I know, we're kind of weird that way. So, don't let her pull you in or she'll pull away harder and farther than before.

Personally, despite the intense emotions you feel for her, I think you are better off diving right back into your studies and the rest of your life for a while. It will make you more resilient. 16 is awfully young to devote so much time to a relationship, slow things down a bit and stay straight on the things that truly matter and will shape your life in the future. I'm not saying don't date, just have fun without getting so terribly involved.

:) I hate it when you guys are right lol

To tell you the truth I wouldn't be surprised if she has been smoking longer then what I thought, she has always denied it to me... But she could have been lying.

It's hard to have fun really when she's always on my mind, everything was fine... She would tell me everything about her life, trust me the most... Then all of a sudden she wants a break.

I have a feeling that we ain't going to talk again... I believe she isn't going to come up to me and talk, and I ain't going to talk to her until she makes the first move... I wonder what she would think of that, she was reluctant to fully break up with me because she said she still wants to talk to me.

Life is crap lol.

Okay, life is not crap! Change your attitude if you want life to take you somewhere other than in circles. The reason she's always on your mind is because you allow her to be. If you truly focus on other things, and kept yourself busy (and concentrate on the task at hand by giving it importance) you would find there would be little time to think about her so much.

Sometimes not letting go of someone, despite the pain it causes us to feel, is easier than accepting that they are gone and starting over new with someone else, the fear of the unknown is a powerful thing.

So, even if she never approaches you again, life is still not crap, it can take us down a tough and tricky road sometimes, but not crap. It can be as beautiful as you make it, you drive the car remember...

Yep, I just don't understand, everything I've put is so confusing, why is she doing this to me? :(:(

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Originally Posted by Gazzy

Yep, I just don't understand, everything I've put is so confusing, why is she doing this to me?? :(:(

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You will be confused as Momincali has said until you get busy working on yourself and focusing on your own life and forgeting about her ,her motives, or what she's doing. That pity pot routine does not work here.

Because she can. It's simple really. She knows how much you love her and that you're like a puppy dog waiting for it's master to come home and throw him a few scraps of food and lavish him with attention. So, she can tell you I need a little break, get on with her life, and be secure in the fact that you will be there waiting for her faithfully, regardless!

If she wants a little break, than respect her wishes, give her that break full force. No texting, no I'm, no emails, calls, visits, notes, NOTHING! If she asks why the sudden silent treatment, tell her you respect her wishes and needs and realized it may be a good idea for you as well. Don't do this for a day or two, it needs to go on for sometime. This will also give you the distance you need to reorganize your life. I frequently read on this site, in situations like yours, "she is not your life, she is only a part of it.." very true. She may find herself thinking she must be careful what she wishes for. You are not a door mat, or a puppy dog, you're a confident young man with a full life ahead of him that demands respect. Respect yourself and others will follow.

Yeah good advice, well I'm actually in two of her lessons on Wednesday, a 2 hour lesson in the morning... Then an hour lesson in the afternoon... So maybe we will see each other... But I ain't going to acknowledge her, I'll just wait until she wants to talk to me really.

Doggonit mom You know good and well I have to spread it

Lol I'm good, I'm real good, everybody, come see how good I am.

I probably know why her mates was looking at me outside today... She probably wanted a smoke but I was there so she left it.

I hope everything turns out fine, I would love to just talk to her, find out what's on her mind and all that, see if she wants to fully split up or just find out how she is and stuff, but I know I can't if I'm wanting to get anywhere with her.

I hope I don't seem like a little baby to anyone here lol, can people keep on posting advice and just basic thoughts please, every time I read a new comment on here you guys cheer me up for some reason, I love you all! Lol.