My girlfriend of 29 months broke up with me on Thursday.. I know that a lot of it was my fault. I'm having a hard time absorbing this sudden decision. I still love and care about her more than anything in the world! She says she just wants some time away. The main reason I think we broke up was because we never really talked the last 6 months. I mean we talked, but never like we used to. Now it was mainly about our relationship and I think we both got annoyed. We used to talk about everything.. absolutely everything and I was never drawn to her more! If we are able to talk again like we used to.. do you think that she will come back to me? If so how long will this take?

No, talking might not work but if you realize that was a problem 6 months why didn't you do something then?

Well its been exactly a week. I recently found out that she was planning to break up with me before prom. The thing is is that prom was great! We slept together, had sex, did everything we have enjoyed.. she said she loved me. She had said she loved me every day until the breakup! Was I being used? I'm getting over the whole break up as of now.. but still find myself thinking about her all the time. She has talked to me a little bit and looks and smiles at me in the hallway. I have been giving her space and the freedom she needs.. the freedom I need too.. are things heading in the right direction? Her friends say she still cares about me a lot.. I care about her too.. are things taking a turn into the right direction?

The right direction? It depends upon what your definition of "right" is. I can't really answer this .You are doing the right thing by giving her space. Continue to do that, and live your life youngin'. You are in high school for God's sake, enjoy yourself and don't be fawing over a WOMAN!!

Damn! You beat me to it. I want to know his definition of "right" direction

I think for him, the right direction right now leads to them getting back together. Let me go ahead and put up a few detour signs...

OK kid, time for reality. You need to realize that this person is only a part of your life, not your entire life. What you are going through is normal, and everyone on here has felt the same way you do right now. Your best bet is to let her live her life, and in the process live your own. Don't worry about getting back together, because then you will end up changing your life and losing sight of what you want.

Go hang out with some friends, and if you don't have that many friends join a team, band, or club. The more confident you are in yourself, and the less you care about controlling the situation, the happier you will be.

Read my signature. It might help put things in perspective for you.

~ Tee

Well my view of right direction is getting back together.. all of her friends say she just needs to see that life is better with me.. see both sides of the hill and to see that my side is greener. They say she that she's says she cares and loves me.. I don't know

So... she likes you enough to break up with you to "test" life and make sure there isn't anything better out there... sound right to you?

Here puppy? Come on, come on... Never mind there is a better puppy next door.

OK.. you.. I want her more than anything.. "but i told her i agree with it all.. sorry if i hurt you in anyway".. and said goodbye until you realize what it is you want.. sound good?

No. Why are you saying you're sorry?

Goodbye until you realize what it is you want... that sounds like this:

I'll be here, always, waiting for you to return because I have no life of my own and no one else will want to go out with me.


I realize you miss your girlfriend. I'm not being mean. Just wanted you to know what that really sounds like... to a girl.

Just leave her alone, and get your own life together. Break ups happen all the time and you have to learn to deal with it, and keep your dignity and self respect.

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"but i told her i agree with it all.. sorry if i hurt you in anyway".. and said goodbye until you realize what it is you want.. sound good?

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She may not know what she wants, but she has made it clear what she doesn't want, and that's you.

That's why you don't deliver those sappy, corny love notes, to get someone back.

Threads merged again, its not necessary to start a new question, when responding to your feedback. Just scroll down to the Answer This Question, box


You.. so my ex's friend told me to "forget about her.. to forget everythign that happened and move on. she is never coming back to you" and that's what I am doing.. I feel like she used me.. this is what she told her friend:

"she said for prom that she didnt wanna break up because she didnt want to find a new date and then you would hate the guy. she didnt want to have to put him through what she has been with me."
"what made her annoyed was the letters. going to her house and work. talking to her on facebook. talking to people in the lobby about it." (all of this in the first week after breakup)

You the first week was terrible.. I was crazy because I wanted her back so bad.. instead of talking to her I talked to her friends.. and now I can't trust them because they told her everything.. the friend says she is never coming back no matter what. With no communication and space will she come back to me? I mean idc about a relationship anymore.. I just want her in my life.. after awhile will she talk to me? What do you think? This is so hard right now:(

You really should stop acting like an immature kid and accept that this is over and learn to cope with your feelings like a mature adult.

You screwed up, and now you must really show yourself you can do better. It may not get her back in your life, but may help you to leave her alone, and rebuild your own life without her.

I know this is going to be hard, but I think you need to back off, give her time, and MAYBE she will let you know what happened... going to her friends for answers won't help... because you don't know if the information is coming from her or them... sorry, but I think you will just have to wait this one out...

The friends are right. She knew you were getting dumped, but needed you for prom so she kept you around. Once that was done, she didn't need you so she dumped you. It's a hard lesson to learn about women at your age, but it's true. She's not coming back, so I would back off her friends and start loving yourself more then anything because you deserve it and she does not.

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Originally Posted by chuff

start loving yourself more then anything because you deserve it and she does not.

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Chuff is right...

Sadly, if she doesn't want to be with you anymore, there is nothing you can do about it.

It's hard and it hurts, but you have to live with the uncertainty that she may not contact you again. Your life does not depend on her - don't let her make you look like a fool again.

Try and behave with maturity and restraint and quit the texting.

Chuff is right...

Comments on this post
chuff agrees:... As Always.<<<<<<HEY! Can you do that?! Lmaoooooo:D

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but you're grasping at straws. If she still had feelings for you and ONLY wanted space, she would not have gone out with another guy. She would have been by herself, reflecting on her life.

While she's out having fun with other guys, you're sitting at home disecting all her signs. The fact that she went with another guy means that her feelings for you have changed. You're still in the early stages of the break up, so you're still twisting all her signs into her still having feelings for you.

I know this is very difficult for you to hear, but you're just dragging out your pain and suffering. You need to let her go and move on with your life. Maybe you did have true love before, but people's feelings change. Asking for a break is kind of a lighter way of breaking up, but in fact it just lead you on.

If she comes back, then she comes back, but there's no point putting your life on hold and continue to torture yourself.

Let her go! It's over. Make peace with yourself regarding her and the relationship. Let it be done. Move forward in your life.

If you ever run into her again, be nothing but a gentleman. In your heart, let her have her new relationship. If it ends and she comes back to you it will be partly because she respects you for the way you handled this moment.

Tao

So I just received a text from my ex girlfriend who has not talked to me in 5 months. Over the summer she has been with 2 guys I guess? I tried to not pay much attention to her. One is my buddy and when he talks to me all he says is that she talked about me all the time.. she broke up with me. But I got a text that said "hey! how are you doing?" what should I say to her to sort of get her talking to me again? She said that she "heard" that since the break up I have said crap about her. She says we could "become friends" if I can prove to her that I've matured since may. I have matured in my mind a ton! I just haven't been able to show her. Please help me with something I could say to her!

Well, what was the reason for the break up? Who initiated the break up? Was there another person involved? If so, don't be someone's second choice. I think we need more info to help you.

After I merged your posts as they were all the same thing, I found it interesting all the hoops she made you jump through after the prom, and how you tortured yourself, after the break up.

In my opinion, if a female used me, and then dumped me, and I made an idiot out of myself over being dumped, I would never speak to her again, especially not answer a cheap text.

Unfortunately, since I know how open your nose was for her back then, you will probably see a simple text as a reason to have hope she changed her mind, and wants you back.

She doesn't!!! Sorry!!!! She is just curious to see if her long lost puppy is still jumping at her commands.

My apologies for the blunt answer to your question, but I noticed you ignored the nicer responses before, and I didn't want you to make a fool of yourself this time.

Its been 5 months zacho6124! Wake up!! U really got to realise that you are not what she wanted and you shall not change yourself to what she wanted! Keep everything that reminds you about her. You sound very *tender in life. I couldn't imagine things are so harsh. Everything that reminds u about her, change it. For example, passwords that contain some special dates, photos, usernames... I'd like to know how you did no contact in the past 5 months.

So I just received a text from my ex girlfriend who has not talked to me in 5 months. Over the summer she has been with 2 guys I guess? I tried to not pay much attention to her. One is my buddy and when he talks to me all he says is that she talked about me all the time.. she broke up with me. But I got a text that said "hey! how are you doing?" what should I say to her to sort of get her talking to me again? She said that she "heard" that since the break up I have said crap about her. She says we could "become friends" if I can prove to her that I've matured since may. I have matured in my mind a ton! I just haven't been able to show her. Please help me with something I could say to her!

You don't have to say anything to and you don't have to prove anything to her. She is your ex, and does not deserve to know what is going on in your life. She must live with that. Simply ignore her and don't contact her ever again.

Here's a lesson for you, you seem like you're a good kid, and you mean well.

First of all, don't listen to what anybody tells you what "she said". She didn't tell you that, did she? Only trust the words that come out of her mouth when she's not talking to you, and then, only if you actually trust the girl... which I certainly would not. She is an ex. She will say things to manipulate and try to control you.

Which leads me to my second point. You don't have to prove to her anything my man. She is not your girlfriend anymore, and, by her words, you two aren't even "friends". Re-evaluate what you want... do you really want to be friends with someone that used you just for a prom date?

What do you really want from this? Do you want her to beg you to come back, get back together, and then the same stuff happen... yet again? You sound like you're in high school. You should be focusing on getting the best grades you can, enjoying your last years with your friends before you go to college/wherever, and focus on how many girls you will meet IN COLLEGE!

It's a whole other game out there than high school. Some say it's better, but let me tell you this, there are tons of girls out there, and one is going to treat you right. Until you meet that girl (which, I don't think this girl is it), focus on your priorities. Stay focused and don't let a girl take away from what you want in life.

This girl had her chance, and she blew it. You know it too, otherwise you wouldn't be posting on this forum.

Back to no contact for you if you want what's best. First relationships are hard to get over, but it gets better. Trust me. Until then, enjoy your life as much as possible. Go out with friends. High school is almost over, which means soon you'll be out with the big dogs in the tall grass. You've given this girl enough worrying and time... it's time you got something out of this.

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Originally Posted by zacho6124

so i just received a text from my ex girlfriend who has not talked to me in 5 months. over the summer she has been with 2 guys i guess?

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So why would you want her?

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Originally Posted by zacho6124

i tried to not pay much attention to her. one is my buddy and when he talks to me all he says is that she talked about me all the time..

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No sh*t? Uh?

Do you know why she talks about you to your friend? Chuff does. Everyone reading this does. She talks about you to him because she controls you and even when you don't talk to her, the way she can control you is by talking about you to friends. She can screw at least 2 (but let's be real, probably more) other guys but say nice things about you and you still stay interested. Your actions and thoughts are being controlled by someone outside of you, who doesn't even talk to you.

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Originally Posted by zacho6124

she broke up with me.

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Getting dumped sucks, but sometimes we don't realize what a favor the other person is actually doing for us. Consider this a favor she did for you. Trust me, this is not someone you want in your life.

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Originally Posted by zacho6124

but i got a text that said "hey! how are you doing?" what should i say to her to sort of get her talking to me again?

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You should tell her to F the hell off.

Actually what you should do is man up and not even respond. We tell people how to treat us by our actions. Your actions have told her you have no self respect and will allow her to sleep with other guys and you'll wait for her. Stop that right now, you are worth more then this woman and this situation. You want to speak to this woman, you ignore her. You don't answer. You tell her with your actions that she is the one who mis-judged you. You tell her that while she may have had some control over you for a time, your time is now and you are the one in control.

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Originally Posted by zacho6124

she said that she "heard" that since the break up i have said crap about her. she says we could "become friends" if i can prove to her that i've matured since may.

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She dumped you, then she actually told you that you talked bad about her, but she will let you be her friend if YOU can prove yourself to her.

I need to rewrite that.

She dumped you, then she actually told you that you talked bad about her, but she will let you be her friend if YOU can prove yourself to her.

The time for self respect is now, Zach. You wouldn't let me talk to and treat you like that, and I like you. I relate to you. I understand you. Yourself respect is not worth her love or time.

I need to rewrite that.

Yourself respect is not worth her love or time.

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Originally Posted by zacho6124

i have matured in my mind a ton!

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Your maturity is not the problem. You are 1 million times more mature then she is. You don't use people or keep them living under false hope.

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Originally Posted by zacho6124

i just havent been able to show her. please help me with something i could say to her!

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Say silence and let her know you rule your life now, not her.

Threads merged again, please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread.

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Originally Posted by zacho6124

so i just received a text from my ex girlfriend who has not talked to me in 5 months. over the summer she has been with 2 guys i guess? i tried to not pay much attention to her. one is my buddy and when he talks to me all he says is that she talked about me all the time.. she broke up with me. but i got a text that said "hey! how are you doing?" what should i say to her to sort of get her talking to me again? she said that she "heard" that since the break up i have said crap about her. she says we could "become friends" if i can prove to her that i've matured since may. i have matured in my mind a ton! i just havent been able to show her. please help me with something i could say to her!

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She's your ex now, leave each other alone until you've recovered from this break up. The fact that you asked this question sounds like you still have some false hope with her.

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Originally Posted by zacho6124 https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/amhd_i...s/viewpost.gif
she said that she "heard" that since the break up i have said crap about her. she says we could "become friends" if i can prove to her that i've matured since may.

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If you weren't still hurting, and have false hope, you would be highly insulted. How dare she offer you crumbs on her terms. Keep your dignity, and self respect, by disappearing from her life.

Honestly guy, a real woman would be better don't you think?? Especially if you've matured as you say you have.

You have nothing to prove to her, nothing to talk about.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

If you weren't still hurting, and have false hope, you would be highly insulted. How dare she offer you crumbs on her terms. Keep your dignity, and self respect, by disappearing from her life.

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I had to spread it, but I as a fellow male am insulted by that. Who in the hell does she think she is that she can treat people, especially people that care for her like that?