To all who post here. Natalie 25 and Natalie 26 are the same person so know the threads have been merged, and edited.

HELP! I love him. We have been dating for 6 months and life has been amazing. When we met he told me how later on he would start an internship and be very busy. That means he would be working full time, school full time and a internship. He thought back then he could deal with it. But I guess now he is just getting so stressed out. This last month we have been hanging once a week on Fridays. And that has been fine with me but I guess not with him. He wants to see me more and he thinks once a week or less is unfair. I guess I do understand but I don't. If he cared wouldn't he do anything to make it work? But I know he cares so much for his career and that goes first. He told me he was torn inside and didn't want to but juts doesn't have the time. I know he cares for me a lot. And really there isn't much time. But I'm just so heartbroken. I decided we can still be friends. And he said who knows what the future holds. Is there a chance he'll miss me later on and want me back? I decided to be friends but I'm not going to contact him he can do that right? Is there any chance he'll start missing me and want me back and think it will work? Please help!

I'm afraid you're going to have to move on. Don't put your life on hold because he surely won't. I don't think being friends with him would be the greatest idea either since you have such strong feelings for him, and it would only cause you pain.

If I was in love with someone, I would do anything to keep them.

This guy has one busy schedule and a relationship for him right now is not a priority. In fact it is probably more of a distraction. He is ultimately required to find quality time for you and even just fitting you in once a week probably leaves him feeling guilty that he is already asking you to put your life on hold, while he focuses primarily on his goals.

I think that what's best is to not contact him and allow yourself the time to heal. This relationship has broken up and maintaining a friendship at this time is not in your best interest, because you want more from him than he is able to give. Let him fulfill his goals, it is admirable that he is that structured. I agree, do not put your life on hold, this isn't a situation that will work out quickly and your relationship wasn't long enough to merit such devotion on your part.

I think you're right, if he really cared about you, he would find a way to make it work. Seeing each other once a week is no different than a long distance relationship.

It sounds like he's not even willing to give the relationship a chance while he's temporarily busy. Sounds like he just used the intership as an excuse to break up with you.

There's always a chance that he would come back to you, but from the looks of things, don't expect him to come back, you'd just be setting yourself up for disappointment.

You sound needy and clingy ,neither of which is an attractive trait.
Men like strong independent women,not someone who has to have a guy there all the time to justify who they are.
Don't mean to be harsh but that just the way I am reading it.

Working and studying put a lot of pressure on my old relationship. So we had a break, time apart made me see how much I loved her and wanted her back (unfortunately things weren't the same for her... )

In short, focus on you. If he does love you he'll be back.

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Originally Posted by azif

Working and studying put a lot of pressure on my old relationship. So we had a break, time apart made me see how much i loved her and wanted her back (unfortunately things werent the same for her...)

In short, focus on you. If he does love you he'll be back.

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I agree with you azif. Move on with your life, as impossible as this may seem. Distract yourself if you have to. Keep in mind that he may end up back with you, but don't count on it just in case. When and if he does, you may find yourself at a different point in life as it is, and that may be a good thing. I went through some of that and it was not the same in the end but I grew a lot in the process. I know you don't want to hear this and maybe it will be different for you. In the meanwhile you must push on.

This happened with the love of my life and he keeps coming back and coming back to me after I broke up with him. Im trying to be "tough" and just pretend to move on but I know deep down we'll end up together again when the time is right. And for that time... who knows how long it will take, but keep faith if its true love you'll be together in the end and forget about all that's happened in between. Xoxox

There are some really great stickies in the relationship thread,by starting no contact and giving yourself time to heal,perhaps in time you will see that,things were not as good as you thought.

If he wants to focus on his career there's not a lot you can do... as you said moving on is probably the best thing.

I know it's hard, but if he's not willing to be with you, the worst thing you can do is try to get him back. This is because at this point, he is not willing, and you will be hurting yourself more. He probably could fit you into his schedule, but he doesn't want to, otherwise he would try harder. His career is his priority right now. This unfortunately really hurts. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with this.
The best thing that I can say for you to do is this. Move on. Do not contact him, an dstick to it. If he calls, either ignore it or tell him that you're busy. Hang out with friends that you don't see often, join clubs, focus on school or work or find a hobby. Whatever it takes. No matter what though, it will take some time.

You were only together for 6 months.
This is not enough time to really get to know someone or decide that you love them.

Is it bad I said we can be friends.

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Originally Posted by natalie25

is it bad i said we can be friends.

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He's not going to want to have the time to be just your friend, if he doesn't have the time to be your boyfriend. And I think it would make it more difficult on him because he'll feel like you're still pursuing him by trying to be friends. I promise, not talking to him is the easiest way to deal with these things.

You I understand. He told me he really wanted to be friends so I said OK. But what if he calls or something later on what should I do?

You can be friends after you've recovered from the break up. For now it's better to stay away from each other to avoid adding to the confusion and prolonging the healing process.

Thanks for your guys help! I just don't understand why he can't be busy and have a relationship? I can do it. So he's just going to throw what we had away. Obviously I wasn't a priority to him :(

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Originally Posted by natalie25

I just don't understand why he can't be busy and have a relationship?

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Being busy is just an excuse. He just doesn't feel the same way about you anymore, so he's letting you down easy by telling you that he's busy.

Avoid talking to him, so that you don't get confused anymore. Just focus on yourself and focus on recovering from this break up.

Thanks. What about tips on getting back to being happy when single. And it sucks when all my friends are in relationships, I feel so alone now.

Sometimes it's easier for a partner to make up an excuse to try and let you down easy, rather than just be up front about it. For some reason they think that saying "I just don't have time" makes it easier for you, when in reality, those words cause you to hold on to false hope. Because the reason isn't "I don't feel the same way about you" people tend to think that maybe they still have feelings for them, and that there's a chance in the future, when there really isn't. It does more harm than good.
He probably thinks he's doing a good thing by sparing your feelings, but he only says it that way because it makes him feel better. He doesn't want to look like a jerk because he doesn't have feelings for you, so he makes up lies.
He's not doing the right thing, he's doing the easy thing, so he doesn't look bad, whether he knows he's doing it or not. His excuses are just something for him to hide behind.

The fact is, is that he doesn't love you anymore, and you shouldn't waste your time trying to be with someone who does not want to be with you. It's not healthy.
Find someone who does have time with you, and has enough respect for you to tell you the truth, instead of being a coward.

You are totally right and thanks for all your advice. I appreciate it. But I don't think him telling me he's busy is an excuse. Because actually soon he really will be. There will be barely any time for me. With him working, school and interning everyday. I think he's scared since we won't see each other a lot. In my head I want to think maybe later on he'll think it can work. But I know I need to start letting go. Any stories about being busy with school and work in a relationship? Do people just get scared can it work? Any success stories? Or should I just completely let go now.

That could be part of it, but if he REALLY wanted to make it work, he would put more effort in to it.
My boyfriend goes to college 3 hours away. I only get to see him on weekends, sometimes only every-other weekend. We're doing just fine. The key is effort and communication. If he's not willing to put that in, you're not going anywhere.

Are some men really just too busy to date? Its hard to understand.

If they care enough for you they will find the time-its that simple.
Im sorry if that sounds harsh but he s making excuses.
Enjoy being single and date other guys!

I couldn't agree more.
Being the super busy person that I was, I found SO MUCH TIME to hang out with a guy I wanted to see. I still don't know where I found the time lol.

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Originally Posted by amicon

If they care enough for you they will find the time-its that simple.
Im sorry if that sounds harsh but he s making excuses.
Enjoy being single and date other guys!

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I'm starting to get better. But still in the back of my head, I think it isn't possible to meet another good guy like this. Because he treated me extremely well.. yah OK he didn't have a lot of time for me. But otherwise he was perfect. How do I get my mind to believe there is someone better out there? Has this happened to anyone??

THis comes with time. I've felt like that before. I got over it, and then I actually DID end up finding someone better. :)

Thanks u give me hope.

I'm glad it helped you. Maybe you've truly loved him, but his love for wasn't this way. I know it's hard, but you've just learned that people come to your life as well as they leave. But don't worry, everything will be fine. I know it's annoying, you're probably still thinking of him. But if you want to get him back just try it. But there's no guarantee that you'll be OK then. :| If my girlfriend left me, I would try to get her back no matter what xD I know in my head that it's not the right thing to do, but my heart would say, you can do this. I'm really sorry for you, hope you'll be fine... best wishes

I don't think it would be worth it to try it. Id make a fool of myself. He really is very busy and there isn't much time to fit me in. I'm starting to understand even though its very hard. I'm just not much of a priority to him like school is. :( which does hurt a lot.

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Originally Posted by natalie25

i dont think it would be worth it to try it. id make a fool of myself. he really is very busy and there isnt much time to fit me in. im starting to understand even tho its very hard. im just not much of a priority to him like school is. :( which does hurt alot.

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Work full-time
School full-time plus studying and other class related projects
Internship

There really isn't any time left for self maintenance-eating, sleeping, grooming, etc.

I give him some respect for realizing that he couldn't give you the attention and care that you deserve. If he had tried to keep up that crazy schedule and your relationship, one or both of you would have started resenting the other person and the demands he/she made or couldn't keep up with.

It may not feel like it, but it is better to break up now than later after the relationship is so damaged that you are hurting each other.

Wow you are totally right. Just makes me upset that earlier he said we would work it out. And than when the time came he realized he couldn't I guess. Just sucks when you think you are meant to be and crap gets in the way. Its so hard to move on. It makes me feel like I've had much stronger feelings for him than he has for me. Like he didn't care.

You've only been together 6 months. There's plenty of time and other guys that will be able to be there with you. Just be patient. Healing doesn't usually happen automatically.

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Originally Posted by natalie25

wow you are totally right. just makes me upset that earlier he said we would work it out. and than when the time came he realized he couldn't i guess. just sucks when you think you are meant to be and crap gets in the way. its so hard to move on. it makes me feel like ive had much stronger feelings for him than he has for me. like he didnt care.

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It sounds like he cares enough to understand that the pressures you're talking about would have had you at each other's throats in a fairly short time.

I have watched it happen before when couples have conflicting schedules or one person has obligations that take up almost all of their time-free or otherwise.

It's not going to be easy to forget this one because there really is no one at fault. No bad experiences. No he did this/he did that. It is just plain bad timing on when you got together.

Give yourself time and permission to heal. You will come out stronger and ready for the relationship that is meant to be long term.

You are totally right. I keep telling myself that later on the relationship would just get worse since he is so busy. But I feel like its harder to get over him because he never treated me bad and I thought I was in love. He and people tell me who knows how the future will be. But he isn't done with all that for a dang year! I can't wait that long even though I want him to come back. It just sucks like you said that it happened when it did. I wish he could handle it. Do you think its harder to get over someone when the break up is clean or bad? Cause I like can't hate him I have no reason to. But maybe he didn't love me like I loved him. Relationships sucks! I think I'm done with them lol

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Originally Posted by natalie25

relationships sucks! i think im done with them lol

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That's not cliché at all. *sarcasm*
Everyone says that from time to time. But if you keep going then you're a lot closer to finding love then you would if you just gave up,

Haha I know. And I know I'm young. I need to stop dwelling on him. Someone slap me!

*slap* you're welcome

Why do guys stop talking to you after they break up with you? Is this normal for awhile? We dated six months and really cared for each other. He soon got really busy with school and work. So he ended it because he thought their wouldn't be enough time and it wouldn't be fair. I know it was hard for him and he does care for me. But its been a week and we haven't talked. Is he just a baby to say anything? Or is he just going to wait awhile until we can talk as friends? I know its good for me cause it helps me get over him. But any guys out there that want to answer this? Why doesn't he try to contact me. Is he really just busy or to scared to say anything. Just wondering what he's going through Thanks! :)

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Originally Posted by natalie25

Why do guys stop talking to you after they break up with you? Is this normal for awhile? We dated six months and really cared for eachother. He soon got really busy with school and work. So he ended it because he thought their wouldnt be enough time and it wouldnt be fair. i know it was hard for him and he does care for me. But its been a week and we havent talked. Is he just a baby to say anything? Or is he just gonna wait awhile until we can talk as friends? i know its good for me cause it helps me get over him. But any guys out there that wanna answer this? Why doesnt he try to contact me. Is he really just busy or to scared to say anything. Just wondering what hes going through Thanks!! :)

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It's called No Contact, and it's the recommended way to break off a relationship.

You said it yourself, it's helping you get over him, well, it's doing the same for him.

He may call one day, try to be friends, but he may just move on with his life, leave you in the past.

Coming from a guy, yes we do have feelings..

Breaking up with someone and then still talking to them and keeping in contact with them does not help with the break up and moving on...

No Contact does help because it doesn't allow you to be around the person or talk to them, therefore less chance of you trying to get back with them.

The guy has made the right move, and as you said, it was hard for him, so this is what is best for him too. He is not being a baby, he is trying to deal with his pain, so once he is able to get his feelings in-check, he might contact you again and you can be friends.

But to the original question, yes, guys have feelings...

I am in the exact position as you Natalie! Our stories are pretty much identical. My ex and I dated for six months cared deeply for each other and he was very emotional when we broke up because he had a lot of other things going on. I tried no contact then gave into it. He was very friendly and promised me we would meet up once school started. That never happened and I have been in no contact with him for 3 weeks now. I'm still very hurt and care for him very much, but your ex probably does have feelings but is just trying to get his life in order. Maybe you guys can be friends eventually but the best solution is patience and if it happens then great, if it doesn't then it's his loss.