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Me and my ex dated for almost two years and we broke up because we argued so much. Its been about 4 months and we've had sex and hung out since then. But never got back together. She wanted to but I was afraid it would just be the same. Well yesterday she told me she found another boyfriend. And told me he's hotter than me to make me jealous. I'm devastated. I love her so much and I didn't realize how much I needed her until she told me that. Any advice would be appreciated.
Caution: harsh reply
Time to move on. You can't keep hanging on to someone who doesn't feel the same way. She had a change of heart, so it's time to accept reality.
She lead you on by keeping you on as friends with benefits after you broke up. Furthermore, while you were broken up, she was looking for someone else better than you. Once she found someone better, she can easily cut contact with you. If she couldn't find someone better, then she can always fallback to you.
Be done with being her backup/fall-back guy. Stop letting her mess with your mind. It's time for you to move on.
I know what your saying. She told me she still wants to talk to me because she doesn't know what she want right now. But yesterday I went NC with her and I'm trying my best to keep to it. Didn't think it'd be this hard though
Its tough but it works NC I mean. I ll keep my fingers crossed for you and all the best.
Of course it's hard to go into NC. But just believe us when we say that you're better off. You don't want to keep talking to her and let her lead you on. This is called putting your foot down and showing her that you won't let her drag you around and be her safety net.Quote:
Originally Posted by ibleedblue23
If she wanted something to happen with you, she will have to make the effort and come find you. Then you will know that she's really into you and that you're not just her backup in case things don't work out with her boyfriend.
You're making the right choice! We'll support you all the way!
I overreacted when I first heard her say it. I told her I still loved her and then got the whole its too late I had when chance. Then made the huge mistake of pulling the ima kick his type of thng. Which made it all so much worse. We talked about it yesterday and I told her itd be best not to talk. She started crying and said its up to me but that she didn't want it. I'm as so confused right now.
You're confused because you broke the rules. The point of no contact is so that she can figure things out without your influence. AND for you to start moving on with your life. If she comes to you, then great! But if she doesn't, then you will be in a better position to recover from this experience. You don't need to explain why you are going NC, just do it. She will get the picture when you don't respond a few times.Quote:
Originally Posted by ibleedblue23
If you break the rules and talk to her, you will over-analyze all these little signs and details.
SHE ALREADY KNOWS HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT HER. So you don't need to remind her or give her any extra pressure. Just leave her alone and do your own thing.
Let her sort out her problem first become coming to you. Until she BREAKS UP with her boyfriend, there's nothing you can do, which is why you have to go NC until she actually breaks up. But as you know, if she never breaks up with her boyfriend, then you'll have to go NC forever, unless you're willing to just stay regular friends, which is not recommended.
As for you, you've already said some things that you've regretted. So during this no contact time, you should focus on your personality. Maybe during NC, you will find someone better too.
Once she's figured things out and you've worked on your personality, both of you will be in a better position to move forward, whether as friends, bf/gf or nothing at all.
I know your right. She called me earlier and I ignored her phone call. I feel bad about it though. Should I?
Nope. It's OK to feel bad, but remember the reason you have to ignore her. So that she can figure things out without your influence and so that you can work on yourself.
When both of you have settled things down, you will both be in a better position to talk to each other without over-analyzing every little detail. It will be better for the long run. It's kind of those "the ends justify the means."
I got the worst luck ever. I went down to the store to get me an energy drink for the gym and she was there. She came up to me and we talked for a couple minutes about everything. She asked me if not talking to her is really what I wanted. I of course said not really but its for the best. So we said goodbye and I left. I'm just wanting to make sure I'm doing the right thing.
Yes you are believe me.next time you see her just say a polite hi.you re doing well.
I've been thinking about her all day. I can't stop. Its killing me knowing she could be out with him right now. I've tried to keep pretty busy today though it don't help much. Anyone got some advice on watd help me forget her?
All break ups are hard in the beginning especially the first few days. What you need is to GET BUSY! Read the stickies on top of the forum it will help.
We all go through this. What helps, is to focus on the fact that you will be fine in a while. I am also going through the motions, up and down, but sure that I will be better, thinking about that helps. Thinking about her with loverboy does not...
Well guys I'm off to the bar to drink till I forget about her. Wish me luck.
Yea... that's actually one of the worst thing you can do during break ups... what about sports, activities and socializing with friends? I mean it's still fun and your liver doesn't suffer that much. Also it's quite normal you're suffering this much if you're keeping contact with her. It's just common sense.Quote:
Originally Posted by ibleedblue23
Don't go get wasted, that is a terrible thing to do. When I was in the process of my ex breaking up with me we were talking to each other on the phone (about a week or so after she said we had different goals, roads, blah blah, etc... ) and then we txt'd a bit. I got upset and pounded 4 beers in like a half hour (I rarely drink at all) and then sent a couple more text messages (nothing terrible, but she didn't want to talk any further). She then said the next day we could talk "if I was sober" like I'm some sort of damn alcoholic (when I drink like 12 beers a MONTH at the time). I called her on that at a later date and she did say she said that just to kind of rub it in on me. Well I tell you what, for some reason that has really stuck with me since we've not been together. I have hit the gym insanely hard and have only had about 3 beers in over 3 months (those were all in a night - out with the boys- they 'made' me lol). You're going to find that you get way leaner (I'm by no means fat, but you see an extra layer of muscle when you don't drink - I'm shooting for 6% body fat).
Don't go get wasted and get a beer gut and drunk dial / text her anything, you'll only be confirming in her mind that she made the right decision in her dumping you. Instead give up alcohol and bust your @$$ in the gym and get absolutely ripped. Because the next time she sees you with her friends they're going to be wait... that's who you dumped? At which point you will not care. This is the point I am getting to :)
Hang in there man.
Damm... you're shooting for 6% body fat, I was happy with getting 10% and less and I've been hitting the gym almost everyday, with kung fu and stopping all fat. Well I did lose 12% of my body weight in fat so it's not so bad.Quote:
Originally Posted by CanIBuyAClue
Nice man, yeah I'm not content with just being lean and mean and chiseled, I want to be absolutely cut in the midsection. I'm probably around 10-11% right now, I do cardio in the mornings before work 70% of the time (I say 70% because sometimes I'm guilty of sleeping in :) ), and then I also do weights/cardio after work. I workout every day, with a day of rest thrown in there every couple of weeks. There is no better motivator than a woman telling you in different words that basically 'you're not good enough.' I kind of have this thing for proving people wrong... :)Quote:
Originally Posted by paxe
But Ibleedblue... seriously don't waste your time drinking, it's not going to help you out any. I say cut the booze and hit the gym!
Your right man. I need to get absolutely ripped and make her see that she shouldn't have left. I think ill start first thing in the morning. Thanks for the advice.
I'm depressed now because I broke the rules of NC. She called and wanted to see me. I went and we talked and I noticed she was wearing the ring I bought her. I thought it was weird but oh well you know. She left and now I'm thinking about her more than ever. She told me that she's happier now and the guy treats her good and she don't want to break his heart. I mean I told her I'm happy for her but she said she knows I want her back. She just keeps apologizing and she don't want to stop talking to me again because she said it made her sad. I don't know what to do anymore.
Let me get the story straight:
Your ex is with someone else and she wants you to stick around so that SHE is not sad? She is using you and I don't think you are seeing it. Leave her alone and start healing already. You will feel much better very fast.
Go back to NC, and don't break it.Quote:
I'm depressed now because I broke the rules of NC.
I'm seriously worried about her. She said she don't know why but she hates her life now and she doesn't care about anything. She says she hates her new boyfriend but misses me. She is so angry at everything but me which is pretty weird. I want to help her but don't know how.
So if that is the case then you should remove yourself from the situation. From what I've gathered reading the couple previous posts... you want your ex back, she is with somebody new, but wants to keep you around. It sounds like you're doing half the work for the new guy. You're becoming the emotional support while he is getting the other stuff that you want. I say disappear and go NC. Maybe she'll realize what she is missing and come back, maybe not. Don't worry about that. Just start doing your own thing, it will help you in the end. I tried pointing out to my ex concerns for her and trying to help her do the best for her, but you can't control people. People are going to do what they want to do, and if they get smacked in the head doing it... it really serves them right. NC and don't break it! It's time to take care of numero uno.
Threads merged
Me and my ex are planning on getting back together. She has a new boyfriend that she is going to break up with to be with me. I don't know how old he is. I'm 18. And I just need some advice on what I should do if he tries to start crap over it. I've never really been in a fight... and I'm 5'11 and 189 pounds. I've never met the guy but I heard he's tall and really skinny.
Fighting really isn't, and shouldn't be the answer. If your ex is planning on breaking up with him then make sure she does this in a 'nice' way but in a way to let him know it is OVER.
Were you and your ex dating for a while before she started dating this new guy?
You we dated for two years. We had planned on moving in together after she graduated but we started arguing over stupid crap so we eventually broke up
I was wondering how / why?
She was talking to you intimatly when she was still going out with him and what make you sure she will not do this to you
The adult thing to do in a relationship is break up clean before you have talked to anyone about dating and you should really spend some Me Time to think about the relationship the pro's and con's what you learned from it.
It sounds like you'r past and future girlfriend just jumps in and out of relationships without giving it much thought
So if things won't work with you and her, she'll go back with him- back and forth?
If he hits you then just understand the feeling of being used and cheated on. Call help if he harasses you.
You broke up over stupid stuff, she got another b/f, who she goes behind his back, and gets you to take her back, and now your ready to fight over her?!
That's as stupid as it gets young fella, and you better think hard about this, or you will look crazy, and immature. She used him to make you jealous, and she cheated on him. Maybe she was cheating on you too!
What do you gain by fighting over a girl? NOTHING AT ALL. That's what kids do, and your way to old for that aren't you?
Threads merged
OK so me and my ex broke up about five months ago after dating for about two years. Well during that time she dated a guy. We had kept in contact and I told her I wanted her back. She said she had a boyfriend and couldn't. Well they broke up two days ago and yesterday she came over and we had sex and such. We talked about getting back together and that she loved me. Well today she met him to give him his stuff back. She called me afterwards and said she just wanted to be friends. Apparently she's not over him. I just need some advice on what I should do. I love this girl and need her back.
You don't need her, you don't need anybody to live your life. Basically after breaking up with her boyfriend, she goes to you and you accept her with open arms... I'm feeling there is something wrong there.
As soon as you realize she is using you (consciously or unconsciously) well the sooner you will feel better. You need to go No Contact with her so that you feel better. She told you she just want to stay "friends". Well don't stay even friend with her, she'll get better and you'll get worse, it will only be a repeat of your previous break up.
You need to get rid of her, she is not good for you. Someone so indecisive is not worth the trouble! Delete her from your life (delete her #, Facebook, myspace, etc) and just don't contact her anymore, I know its hard but it needs to be done you have to get over her so you can start living your life and healing.
Both you and her need to get yourselves in order and neither of you should be dating anyone at the moment.
It's amazing how much our emotions get the best of us. Once you think rationally you will see reality.
Why would you want to be with someone who will break up with one guy two days before she has sex with you? You are a crying shoulder. A crutch. I would suggest moving on. You did OK without her, right? Well, just keep on keeping on.
She probably only came over 2 days later to see you because she needed some "emotional support". Right now she is in no condition to go out with anyone - especially not you. You would be her rebound, and that isn't want you want. You want a real relationship with her, which you won't be able to get right now. In essence she would be using you, so she can forget the other guy. You guys would break up, and you would be left at square 1 dealing with this all over again.
Who knows maybe ina few months or years once you are both emotionally sound, a spark might fly that could be real - but right now, you are both emotionally needy, and need to stay away from each other.
She is lying, and cheating, on both of you, because your both thinking with your little heads. That's how she bounces so easily between two guys. She wins, you both lose.
Your getting played.
Threads merged
OK so my girlfriend has told me reapetedly recently that she loves abs. well lets face it I don't have abs but she looks at me and says I need to get some. I want to get them for her but I'm just kind of worried that she's not accepting me for me.
Don't get abs just because she wants you to... if she told you she loves scars would you cut yourself? (bridge analogy way overused) haha.. but you get the point. First it will be abs, and then it will lead to more demands in the future.
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