Ask Me Help Desk - A friend tried to kiss me and I acted as if I did not understand. Now I feel weird.

A friend tried to kiss me and I acted as if I did not understand. Now I feel weird.

A friend tried to kiss me and I acted as if I did not understand... now I feel weird. I have never been in a relationship, but I still understand certain things... at least I think so. This one is a regular friend, know him for a couple of months now... never thought he was interested in me, for that matter I knew he was interested in a friend of mine, through whom I know him. A part of me says he maybe was just stressed (due to some recent events in his life) and maybe that's why he acted like that (thats the reason I did not react negatively) but at the same time, I feel very weird!! I did not let him do it but also did not react to it that time, I am about to meet him again today and now it feels like I can't! The weirdness of the whole situation is kind of sinking in. HELP!! SOS!! HELP!! :(

How do you feel about him? Are you interested in him?

I never thought of him like that... Seems like a nice person but the way it happenend... Well was more like a friendly fight... apparently though... 'cause I had started to become nervous.

What do you mean you never thought of him that way? Does it mean you could think of him that way?

To solve the wierdness just talk to him about how you feel. And take it from there.

Kiss him and see how you feel afterwards

How old are you?

I never thought about that... liking him, maybe, maybe not! He is a nice and simple guy (thats what I thought about him till last evening, now I have mixed feelings), but I know for sure that he is not my kind of a guy.

About talking to him, after all that pretence from my side... It would be more than just awkward... What do you think? Plus he also din talk about it, how can he expect to just grab someone and kiss?

Quote:

Originally Posted by bjohnrupp

kiss him and see how you feel afterwards

Well! I have always thought there will be my one Mr. Perfect... so even though I really want to experience this, I would want to wait... I have waited for 27 years (thats how old I am) and even though I am curious, I enjoy the romance in waiting... I believe someday I'll meet him...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Perplexed_me

I have never been in a relatonship, but I still understand certain things... at least I think so.

What is your definition of a "relationship"? How can you understand anything if you haven't tried it? Relationships are not something that you learn how to handle from a book. Even trying to learn about them from friends can be misleading.

Quote:

Well! I have always thought there will be my one Mr. Perfect... so even though I really want to experience this, I would want to wait... I have waited for 27 years (thats how old I am) and even though I am curious, I enjoy the romance in waiting... I believe someday I'll meet him...

You have spent 27 years waiting for "Mr. Perfect"? I am sorry but there is no "Mr. Perfect". All men have flaws just as women do. NO MAN can live up to Prince Charming or "Mr. Perfect".

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

What is your definition of a "relationship"? How can you understand anything if you haven't tried it? Relationships are not something that you learn how to handle from a book. Even trying to learn about them from friends can be misleading.

Quote:

You have spent 27 years waiting for "Mr. Perfect"? I am sorry but there is no "Mr. Perfect". All men have flaws just as women do. NO MAN can live up to Prince Charming or "Mr. Perfect".

I have to give rep to cat... you're going to have to be much less picky and give someone a chance and get to know them. Maybe this guy isn't right for you but get out there and live life! Life is too short to be waiting around for the "perfect guy" because like cat says he doesn't exist

Interesting! I sometimes I feel, maybe I really am incapable of love, maybe I never will fall in love with anyone. But then at the end of the day I also know that there will be one person who will be the single most important thing in my life. My Mr. Perfect will be the person who understands me and knows my silence more than my words.

Maybe I really have read a lot of romances or seen too many movies, but somehow there is this feeling that I will meet him someday and till that day, I keep everything that is special only for him. A certain expression on my face, that only he must see nobody else should.

I would be lying if I'd say I never got tempted or never thought of taking chances, but every time the very thought of doing such a thing becomes impossible, This feeling has gone into my blood and has total control over my reactions and reflexes.

As of moment, I don't know if I should meet this guy today or not? Its kind of awkward.

I believe there is Mr/Miss Perfect for everyone. Its true everyone has flaws but how you see someone, is your own judgement. Perfection is in the eyes of the beholder.

Anyway back on topic, awkward situations are the best to get to know someone more. I think you should talk to him about it, who knows you might end up liking him afterwards.

:) I'll try.

What if he gets defensive and denys... It'll be so embarrassing!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Perplexed_me

:) I'll try.

What if he gets defensive and denys... It'll be so embarassing!!!

Lol you go girl! Nah, its never as embarrassing as things seems! You know what he did, and he can't man up and admit it, he won't make a great friend and you ll know he's not the one for you! And worse comes to worse, you don't have to see him again :)

bjohnrupp, I tried that but it feels like cheating myself, at least I must enjoy doing that, I end up feeling like a cheater.

:) you are right... I'll do it, I'll talk to him, lets see what happens. Thanks! I'm feeling a li'l less jittery now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Perplexed_me

:) u r right... I'll do it, I'll talk to him, lets see what happens. Thanks! I'm feeling a li'l less jittery now.

NP! Think of it this way. You have everything to gain. You might gain a lover or a best friend or another friend and nothing to lose. =P

Hmm... Thanks again :)

I'll post here whatever happens next... :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Perplexed_me

Hmm... Thanks again :)

I'll post here whatever happens next... :)

Okay keep us updated!

Guess what!! I was right, He really must be more embaressed than I was awkward... He avoided meeting me yesterday and has'nt called the whole day today either.

Guess I'll just wait and watch, the ball is in his court now, I had been understanding enough by not reacting rudely.

Whatsay?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Perplexed_me

Guess what!!! I was right, He really must be more embaressed than I was awkward... He avoided meeting me yesterday and has'nt called the whole day today either.

Guess I'll just wait and watch, the ball is in his court now, I had been understanding enough by not reacting rudely.

Whatsay?

Is it normal for him to call you often? To me it just seems like you see him as someone you would like. =P

The ball is in his court, just let him contact you, if he doesn't just move on.

You had an awkward situation, and its been handled, ( his advance for something you didn't want, or was unprepared for) so don't read a lot into it, as it could just be an impulsive action on his part.

These are the things you take note of, but don't dwell on them without facts to go along with the action. That has to come from him, so let it go, and don't push, just keep going about your own business, and growing, and learning at your own pace.

Yes its curious, as will many things that catch you off guard. But sometimes answers come later, and not now, when we want them. Just don't assume, and make this incident more than what it is.

So finally he called, I behaved as I would otherwise... Seems like it'll be fine.

Yes I like him, and that is why I did not over-react, but I like him only as a friend. Don't want to spoil a friendship for something which could be so momentary.

:)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Perplexed_me

Yes I like him, and that is why I did not over-react, but I like him only as a fren. Don't want to spoil a frenship for something which could be so momentary.

If that's how you feel about him, then you better let him know, so that you don't lead him on and give him false hope.

I can't tell anything he doesn't want to know... he has to ask me to know that. Rest I believe the way I respond to him should make it clear.

Is'nt it?

He already tried to kiss you. Or he actually did kiss you. That's a pretty clear sign that he's interested in you as more than a friend. I know you might want him to be more unfront and direct about his feelings, but that's just another way of expressing his feeligns. There's an elephant in the room already.

Because of the way you responded to his kiss, he's going to feel reluctuant and shy to bring that up. The ball is actually on your court, because in a way, he's waiting for a definite answer from you.

Ok! Now let me actually share how I felt. I'm an independence freak because of which (this is how I generally feel I get treated by most men), men want to tame me. That's how I felt that day, It wasn't a very delicate, romantic situation... more of a forceful one... I don't think I can do anything else to make him comfortable, I have done my part by being nice enough and talking to him nicely still.

From what I know of relationships, if a guy is really serious, he would be gentle... I think it was totally momentary and I guess what Talaniman suggests is right. Besides, If at all he likes me, then he should know that he'll have to be man enough to say it to me, straight on my face and considering that he's a friend, he has the advantage of saying anything without feeling that I'll over-react and hurt him.

Why not be upfront, and honest, and just tell him its friends only?

You say you're an "independance freak," yet you expect the guy to be "man enough" to say it straight to your face?

So which is it?

Yes I do. If I felt like that I would have said it long time back... without hesitation. He has to be sure and he has to say it 'cause that's what he feels (if at all), not I.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Why not be upfront, and honest, and just tell him its friends only??

Well! That should be clear with the way I respond to everything, if at all there is a doubt, he should raise it... should'nt he?

LOL, if he isn't confident enough to speak his mind, I guess you have a point.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

LOL, if he isn't confident enough to speak his mind, I guess you have a point.

Hmm...

When will men learn that open conversations help more than force?!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Perplexed_me

Hmm...

When will men learn that open conversations help more than force?!!!

That's a huge generalization. You just haven't met the right men.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Perplexed_me

I have never been in a relationship, but I still understand certain things... at least I think so.

Quote:

Interesting! I sometimes I feel, maybe I really am incapable of love, maybe I never will fall in love with anyone. But then at the end of the day I also know that there will be one person who will be the single most important thing in my life. My Mr. Perfect will be the person who understands me and knows my silence more than my words.

Maybe I really have read a lot of romances or seen too many movies, but somehow there is this feeling that I will meet him someday and till that day, I keep everything that is special only for him. A certain expression on my face, that only he must see nobody else should.

Quote:

From what I know of relationships, if a guy is really serious, he would be gentle...

How realistic are your views of relationships? Movies, books, music, etc. are fun to watch but very dangerous to get your view of what's right or wrong in a relationship from.

To me, you are playing games waiting for "Mr. Perfect". If you want a relationship, you have to work to get and keep one. I think you like the pursuit (trying to tame me) and the awkwardness of the almost kiss.

This pretty much sums it up:

Quote:

I enjoy the romance in waiting... I believe someday I'll meet him...

Quote:

Originally Posted by I wish

That's a huge generalization. You just haven't met the right men.

Guess you are right, I have'nt.

Cat, I'm a much simpler person, really.

I don't really play games, I believe you think I provoke men, No! I don't. When I said that they want to tame me, it was because this is not the first time somebody tried this, and it was again as if it meant I'll take you and you will not be able to do anything about it, I'm the man here and I'm going to prove it!

That's just plain unfair. I carry a carefree and strong exterior, but that is most of the time a defence mechanism, I don't want people to think that they can take me for a ride.

As regards getting into a relationship is concerned... Well definitely not until I find theright person. Mybe it is very bookish or inspired by films, but that's how I am, if I have waited for 27 years, it can't be just a fluke, I can be fooling people but can I fool myself? There is romance in imagining how life would be when I find my guy... not in just waiting alone, for nothing... I really believe that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Perplexed_me

I believe you think I provoke men...

...As regards getting into a relationship is concerned... Well definitely not untill I find theright person. Mybe it is very bookish or inspired by films, but thats how I am, if I have waited for 27 years, it can't be just a fluke, I can be fooling people but can I fool myself? There is romance in imagining how life would be when I find my guy... not in just waiting alone, for nothing... I really believe that.

I don't think you "provoke" their actions. I think on some level that is what you are expecting from them. It goes back to romance novels and movies. It's a very common plot device, that doesn't work in reality.

Yes, you can fool yourself. There are lots of people on this board alone who seem to be adept at fooling themselves

What is your definition of relationship?

Well! Two people, who feel complete in themselves but when they are in each other's company they see their true self, they know each other well on an intellectual plane, decide to get together because they feel that the companionship brings beauty to their completeness. They are neither completely same nor different but they compliment each other in every single way.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Perplexed_me

Well! two ppl, who feel complete in themselves but when they are in each other's company they see their true self, they know each other well on an intellectual plane, decide to get together because they feel that the companionship brings beauty to their completeness. They are neither completely same nor different but they compliment each other in every single way.

How do you find that other person?

No idea! :( but hit and trial is certainly no option.