Well my ex and I were together for about a year and then we broke up. Stayed no contact for about 6 months at that time. I finally wanted to have contact with her and so we did. We talked a lot and even went out on a few dates. Yes there were feelings there and at that time things felt right to me to proceed into a relationship with her. When we made it official, things were going great for about a month and half, but in the last couple weeks things just went downhill. Such things as constant fighting and her ultimatums on what I should be doing. Her whole attitude towards me went downhill, almost as if I was just another person and no one that really mattered much. Also this was all in the span of three months

The love and everything just disappeared from how things were at first. A lot of her actions didn't match what she was saying to me. The affection, care, love, and whole demeanor of hers was completely gone meanwhile mine was still there for her and I kept giving it.

Well today was the day it happened the end of our relationship and it sucks. This is how it went down, she basically said she wanted a break from us to think things through and give her some space and I told her we see each other twice a week maybe, and don't talk as much as we used to so I don't understand how you want space from that. She insisted on taking a break for this month or something to that extent and then coming back when she wanted. I told her I will treat your break as a break up and I will move on with my life, well she didn't like that so out of nowhere she's wants to stay together blah blah.

I honestly didn't think it was right for me to be with someone who can just treat my heart and emotions like a toy. So I told her it wasn't right that she did this and we couldn't any longer be together. It sucked, telling her these words because I love this girl so much. She was my first love, first sexual experience as well, and so many other experiences. I'm 20 only and this is how my first love was supposed to end up, kind of sucks.

I just told her goodbye and that was it. It sucks, Even though I was treated like this and basically yo-yoed around, I still hurt and kind of feel like I'm a horrible person here for ending it.


Should I be feeling all of these emotions?

You did the right thing plain and simple. No one's heart should be played with ever.

Your feelings are normal and will go away in time.allow yourself to feel hurt then you ll heal.

After everything that she has done to me in the past an even now. I admit it's not as if I was a saint of a boyfriend by I treated her really well, yet I still feel sad for her and majorly dissapointed that it had to end this way. Even though I was treated ty I still feel bad for her. I don't even know if this normal

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Originally Posted by mdoli

should I be feeling all of these emotions?

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Yes, these emotions are very typical. Roll with them and try to keep moving forward.

I respect what you did in responding to her, "needing a break...". Healthy relationships don't need breaks. Healthy relationships work through conflict and problems, together.

When someone needs a break, i.e. days, weeks, months, from the relationship consider it a break-up and walk away. They may not come back but you can be damn sure they'll respect you for it.

So I saw her today driving past me in the opposite direction, at the moment it didn't really phase me much but as I came home it kind of just stuck in my mind, her anyway. Thoughts and everything we did, previous memories came back.

A question came to my mind, why do people ask for breaks rather than just break up? Could it be just a cop out to what they will have courage do to you later on while your left there sidelined.

Or it's the easy way to go and spread your legs to someone you had a thing for but don't want to feel bad or consider it cheating?

Ughh frustrations are creeping in on this...

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Originally Posted by mdoli

or it's the easy way to go and spread your legs to someone you had a thing for but don't want to feel bad or consider it cheating?

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That's exactly what my ex girlfriend did.

Well I don't know if that's the case here but lately I can't rule anything out.. just really disappointed in this whole sh*tty situation.

I can tell you, it's probably the case. She wanted you to wait for her while she goes and sows her oats, then when she comes back you, by right, have no reason to ask about her actions during the break. You did the right thing, it sucks but in time you will realize it's for the best

Wow honestly if that's the case that's so messed up, I just don't understand how people can even do things like that. If you want to shag it up with someone else why be with your significant other you know. It's highly illogical to me.

I can say things didn't feel right to me that you would need a break from a relationship when you're having problems. To me it's always been try to work it out together or just end it and continue your life... you're right it sucks plain and simple

This is life my friend. Hang in... keep ducking and swinging.

Update more like a vent

It's been a week now and well the week has been extremely busy with school papers exams and things of that sort. Just when I'm feeling good about things, one of our mutual friends mentions to me that my ex txted him asking for some guys number wanting to get with him and that she is going out partying. Ugh frustrations are creeping in and I'm doiing one of my papers for a class to add to the frustrations.

It's like I hit a brick wall as I heard this news.

Sorry I just rather say it on here than give into the urge of contacting her

Well your doing the right thing by saying it on here! And the right thing by not being with her!

It's tough. Just let it slide.

So yeah I finished up some papers for school. Basically decided I wanted to get out and mingle I guess. I called up one of my friends to come with me and we went out to this club bar. Just my luck I swear, my ex is there hugged up with some guy. Definitely an amazing thing to see.Ugh. I mean come on it's been a week. I can like see I really meant super little to her.

Is this gods way oF showing me how to deal with this and seeing this type of bs.

Btw I just looked at her and walked past her to the table where we knew some people. When I saw her hugged up with the guy I didn't think it was even worth saying hi.

Grr should have just stayed home...

You did the right thing so give yourself a pat on the back.She s shown her true colours and you re one day closer to getting over her.Also you should be going out and enjoying life never mind if you run the risk of bumping in to her.Remember she s an ex for a reason.

Geez guy, she was just being honest, and letting you go, so she could do her thing. That's what young people do. They also like to explore, and experience things. That's natural, and comes with growth.

I can understand your hurt now, but trust me, someday when your feelings change about your partner, you will understand better what she felt, breaking up with you. Take it in stride and move beyond the hurt. I think eventually you will.

I understand what you're saying talaniman an you're right it does hurt, it's not an easy thing to be seeing someone you love and whose said they love you just a week ago hugged up and with someoyher guy all over her. It isn't easy thing to witness at my age but hey that's life I guess, it's how I chose to deal with it that matters.

I think my hardest time during this whole break up might be my weekends because that's when my mind wonders the most and I don't know how to stop it from doing that. How do I go about keeping busy with weekends

Make plans. Sounds simple, but it will allow you to look forward to something, and keep you busy with things you enjoy.

I have to clean my mothers garage next weekend, care to join me???

Yeah my weeks are super busy with school and work. But weekends are not filled with anything, so I really don't even know what to do but I'll try to come up with something to keep me busy.

Honestly at this point I would if you lived close but your probably far away ha ha

Try something you ve never done before where you might meet some new people.:-)

Volunteer somewhere where you can do some good.

Before my current relationship the same thinged happened to me. I was confused and uncertain about certain things.. Know I'm more grounded but I have a slight what if now..

Yeah that's what happened to me. I think all those comments I have read about time taking it's course is true. I'm getting a better grasp on my emotions but I still feel like an emptiness is in my heart. About the only place where I feel good is when I'm at the gym working out and time is just passing by.

I need some opinions on this or advice at least because its starting to be a bothersome thing, Ihave read the sticky as well on such topic.. how do I manage having mutual friend/friends with my ex.

I have mutual friends with my ex, what I'm wondering is how do I go about maintaining a friendship with them because lately I would get news of things about my ex that I really don't ask for or want to know because they do tend to bring me down a bit..

I have asked our mutual friends not to discuss her for the time being as its not a subject that's great for me to hear about.. but yet they still do every once in a while something will be said while in certain conversation topics...

I don't know if its right or not to just shut these friends out for the time being for my own sake at the present moment..

I personally think you should tell them again that to please not discuss or bring up her name and leave her out of the conversation. If it keeps happening you should go out with other friends and meet new people, not saying to ditch your mutal friends with your ex but to just go out and meet new people and possibly more friends maybe even another girl when the time comes when you are ready again.


I had friends that would keep bringing up my ex's name a lot about anything that happened like if she was at a party or they saw her somewhere and I kept getting irritated from it and asked them to please not mention her anymore. After a while and as time passed by when they mentioned her name it didn't bother me anymore. Also because she had started f.. king up her life by drinking and smoking. It just takes time for you to realize everything and put it all behind you and move on with your life. Trust me its hard but its worth it in the end.

Yea, it's horrible as a feeling but in the end you appreciate what you did. My ex is also getting f***ed up with drinking and smoking, while I get better in shape and better mentally. I guess some people want the easy way out and others prefer working for their own good. You have done a very good thing here to stick up to your guts, I wished I did the same thing at the time, I wouldn't have been as hurt.

Well hearing that information about my ex definietly affcted me to the point that later on I couldn't sleep right once I woke up in the middle of the night. My mind just kept running back to what I had heard and thinking about it over and over. I kept getting more upset and upset. This morning on my way to classes I was rather angry which my guess is that it had to do with hearing about her.

About our mutual friends I think it would probably bEst to not be around them as much for the time being.

**I posted this once, but something happened and I don't think it went through. Here goes again:


Hi mdoli. It sounds like you are at a college or university. Most have events on the weekends that you could attend, to keep you busy. Whether it be a sporting event of some sort, a play, concert, art show, etc.

You seem to be doing a good job of filling your time with studies and the gym, and that's great.

Also, I know from experience how easy it is to just go to your classes and leave your classes, and not be social at all or give anyone a second glance. But, perhaps try talking with some classmates and making some new friends. Especially if you are going to try to distance yourself from the mutual friends you share with your ex. Mingling with a new group of friends will really help you get out of your rut, and you could potentially even meet a girl or two you may consider dating down the road.

And I realize this sounds quite played out, but time really does heal all wounds. Just do the best you can to get through this hard part, because soon enough it will all be a distant memory.

Update:

First just want to Thank you all very much for your advice and taking the time to look at my story here and life situation..

Today I'm somehow very proud of myself as I have kept NC for 14 days, in my mind I wanted to break the contact over, over, and over but haven't.

As for other things I think I'm really opening my eyes to what the relationship was and how everything played out in our relationship Time really has a funny way of creeping in these thoughts ha ha.

I also have a lunch get together with a girl, this week that I met on campus, so I'm looking forward to that. I'm just there for friendships nothing remotely to even dating or in that direction as of right now. School, work, and get the life I want to enjoy again are my top priorities, and boy may I say it feels good. :)

Well, here's a proof that NC does work and that we can get much better with time. Finally you are in the right mindset, continue the good work!

Updating this question of mine, but mostly just saying hi.

Things are going good with me and dealing with this situation I was placed under. School, work, and just trying to live life. I must say I ha e held up to nc and I'm at a much better state of mind because hearing this news couple weeks ago would have sucked. The ex girlfriend as I heard from a friend today has a new boyfriend. I must say it really didn't bother me much as I think it would have couple weeks ago.

I must say I didn't quite expect it so soon it hasn't been that long since the break up and I mean we had a history together. I must say it says a lot to how much I mattered to her in my mind anyway because I was replaced so to say within a couple of weeks.

All I can say is it is what it is. Sigh.

Thought I would ask or comment in here rather than ask a different question all together.

So my birthday is coming up on the 26th and well as of yesterday my ex stopped by my place out of the blue to drop off a gift which I'm guessing for my birthday but I wasn't home and my father was there at the time and he basically told her that I wasn't home and she left with the gift for me, but it isn't even here yet my birthday that is, and then later when I get home from night out with my friends I get a call from her around 3 or 4 in the morning. I didn't answer the phone as I was sleeping but my question is why would she do something like this now its been over a month now since the break up.

I have not tried to contact her at all in that time or anything kept my distance with mutual friends and kept busy, so why the heck is she doing this now, I was finally starting to come around to everything being OK with myself and just getting to the part of looking forward to things in my life and this happens to cause a stir with my emotions not a big one but its still there. Are these things supposed to happen. Ugh this sucks.

Any input would be appreciated, thanks

Why would you let this small gesture throw you off? You accept gracefully and keep on trucking.

She is just trying to string you along, she lost the playing groud basically and she doesn't feel empowered as she used to be.

You're doing fine, keep doing what you are doing and don't contact her whatsoever, you will yourself false hope and she will get what she wanted.

Stay strong.

Yeah I will keep doing what I have been so far, I have been in this situation before with her and I messed up by falling for the bs, thus I'm here today. To be honest with you I'm afraid I will screw up and give into temption, or let my feelings out rule my minds thoughts and answer but I will be strong. I made a personal goal to keep nc for 90 days to see what comes of it and how much I personally grow n feel over the course of that time. It's such a long ways from now when I think about it but I hope the reward is great one.

I'll be honest since it everything is fresh within this situation I do sometimes want her back but I know there is a better alternative with another person or just being happy with myself.

You re on the right path-stay strong and listen to your head.

Stay strong, it's her loss and your gain.

So today was a bit of a challenge trying to keep my mind off her and memories and questions sunk in immensely. But amongst that I came up with two questions what's the real deal with letting go? Will time do that for me with my effort. How do I truly know when I'm letting go?

Second does accepting mean the same as letting go? How do I know what I'm doing is on the right track to all of this? I'm just tired from this, I really want to move forward but I feel like there's something hanging onto which is causing me to think this way in a downer mood.

Just some input would be appreciated thank you