Hello everyone.

So I'm a 23 year old male who is madly in love with a 21 year old women :)... but...

So I have been engaged for 8 months now. Everything was going great. We would have little arguments here and there but nothing ever crazy or hurtfull. Recently about a month ago I got a new job, which was one of the worst mistakes I have ever made.

I love talking to people and being social. So my current job pretty much takes all of that away. So in return I have been getting very stressed out and just not as happy as I should be. So naturally I would look for support from my wonderful fiancé.

She does her best to be there for me always does. But she gets really sad when she falls asleep and misses one of my calls. So the other day on Sunday to be exact she was really sad and I asked her what was wrong.

She said she is not certain about life. I got more info out of her and she said She thought I was to good for her and that she does not deserve to be loved by the man of her dreams. This blew my mind of course. She also felt she could not give the support I needed when yet she was doing an amazing job!

So some back story to her life. She while young (17-18) dated for the fun of it and never had anything last for over a 3 month stand. She also has a rocky home life with little support. That's the jist of it. So I can fully understand why she might be scared of a wedding and such.

But I'm just really confused in what she said before she left. I asked "should I take the ring back" she said "No, I like it where it is" She then said" Thanks for being so good to me and being everyting in my life. I never want to lose you" which confused me even more. But in the end I figured something out.

I figured she needed some space to think and see what she has is a good thing. She needs to see she is in love and deserves to have love in her life. But she is pretty independent and such... so I decided that we need to break contact for 5 days.

And this Friday we plan to meet where we met (starbucks) at noon. If someone doesn't show up... then its done. So of course I'm very anxious. I plan on showing up for sure.

I'm just very confused in why she would think I'm to good for her or she's not good enough for me. I don't think I ever smotherd her or anything. Not sure if there is any reason to this at all. I'm just looking for some thoughts on this. So feel free to say what you think.

Thanks everyone for reading this long post :) love to all.

p.s.

I really miss her allot. I love this women with so much heart and soul.

I think she was just looking for a declaration of your love and for you to reassure her that she is your dream girl.

She sounds like she needed some ego massaging.
For you to tell her she is worthy ,etc. and that you will never leave her.

Love and commitment is scary for some people.If they don't love and commit them self ,they can't be hurt by love.

She sounds as if she feels insecure about your commitment to her.
Let her know how special she is to you.

Hmm.
Well I make she to tell her everyday that she is amazing,Beautiful etc and that I love her and I always tell her she is my dream girl.

Before we parted ways on Sunday I made sure she knew I loved her and she was my dream girl. So lets hope for the best come Friday. :)

Fingers crossed.good luck. :-)

Like others have said. All a woman wants is to know that her man loves her and wants her there by his side at all times. Good luck, hope she shows up! Give updates! Love to hear what happens.

:) I'm feeling pretty confident she will show up. But I am however ready if she does not (as ready as I can be) . I will let everyone know ASAP!

I have told her so much that I love her so I'm really hoping my gut feeling is true haha.

Thanks everyone :)

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Originally Posted by BrentDude33

:) I'm feeling pretty confident she will show up. But i am however ready if she does not (as ready as I can be) . I will let everyone know ASAP!

I have told her so much that I love her so I'm really hoping my gut feeling is true haha.

thanks everyone :)

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When you do see her ,you really need to get to the bottom of what appears to be her insecurity about your relationship.
Communication is the key to a healthy relationship.
Open honest talking is the foundation that will unite you and see you through the hardships that any relationship inevitably faces.
Good luck :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by artlady

When you do see her ,you really need to get to the bottom of what appears to be her insecurity about your relationship.
Communication is the key to a healthy relationship.
Open honest talking is the foundation that will unite you and see you through the hardships that any relationship inevitably faces.
Good luck :)

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Had to spread the rep, but yeah... I agree. Its important to talk about this and get to the bottom of it! Communication is important on so many lvls in a relationship!

Best of luck though! :)

Well if she shows up on Friday we will be doing allot of talking I know. Lets just hope she shows up... but you know even if she does not I must at least contact her.

What time today?

I do not see any issues you guys have in the post, and I am pretty sure she will show up. Give her a big hug & kiss, and appologized you were too busy, and could not give her all the attention she needed as a fiancé. Promise her you would do better, but let her know all your job related stress, and will need her support. Happy Friday!

Update.
This is a very sad very upsetting update.

She has left me.

She said very little but what she did say was very selfish I feel.

Basckilly she said this.
That She feels like she can't give me the love and support that I need and that there is some other girl out there that can. Also she really wants to find out who she is her self. And she doesn't want me to help her along the way.

It really sounds like to me that she just gave up. We had a fight to go through and she waved the white flag before the battle begun. That battle was life and deeling with changes. I guess it was too much for her to be loved by her apparent prince charming and dream guy.

She however will not give me back the engagement ring which makes me really confused.

Sorry for the bad news everyone :(

wow.. just wow =(

Maybe she is keeping it because she hopes that you two can be together in the future. I know from what you've said that she loves you, but she really needs to do some soul searching. Be supportive of her, and try to communicate with her if she allows it. I hope everything turns out okay in the end. She's scared she wouldn't be a good wife to you, she has low self esteem. No amount of reassuring can convince her unless she chooses to believe it. I also suggest trying to get another job, one that makes you happier. Then maybe she won't feel like she's failing you. Even though she hasn't until today. I'm very sorry about your circumstances. I wish you the best. If anything changes, let us know. People like happy stories. :)

It really boggles my mind that she called it off with really not much of a explanation. After two years of being engaged you would think at least we would try.

I have asked for the ring back and she is willing to give it back so...

Good news though. My hockey team has been flooding my phone with support I play on a co-ed team so It's a nice mix of girls and guys calling :) plus they want to take me out tomorrow night and just be there for me.

Funny thing... I really didn't think I had that many friends and today has been one day of elarning who is actually there for me and such. Its been really good to see so much support.

Thanks for everything.

I will keep optimistic that one day perhaps we could be together again... but honestly I'm not holding my breath.

I can honestly said I have felt this waybefore with me and my boyfriend before. And No it's not that you ever smothered her! It's that females including me, fear losing what we love the most!! Her coming from a bad past. And guys that only use her. Get use to it... And when we finally find something good. Question it. Constantly! When we find the guy of our dreams or a guy that we really want to be with... we constantly try to be the best that we can. And, when we mess up we feel bad. We get emotional. Because we're afraid of making the guy we love mad. Obviously she loves you! Or she wouldn't have said what she did. She wouldn't tell you she likes where the ring is. If she didn't want it! Deep down that's the best thing ever because engagements don't come around often! And when they do they are something deeply treasured! I wouldn't end it for anything! Tell her how you feel! Because it's obvious your a very caring guy! I wish yal the best! Any questions? Let me know

Oops didn't read the other replys till after I posted that guess I was wrong... she had a bad choice of words than

That sucks dude. And it does seem like she is selfish. She knows exactly what she is doing... and she will come back with something to say, somehow. Just be strong. Don't be strung along, and have the self-respect to stand up to her.

There is nothing more confusing than a girl who is making the transition to womanhood, and is trying to find her way, as you have.

She is young and confused, but is keeping the ring to somehow hold on to you, in case she changes her mind. You have to give her the space she needs, but she should return the engagement ring, since that's off right now. If you can live without it, do so, and let her do her thing, and you do yours.

Its called growing pains, and you have to make some adjustments to being without her in your life. It sucks for sure, and I understand the pain, and confusion. We all have been down this path, now its your turn.

So space would be the best thing then eh?
This sucks allot and I mean there is ways to go about being a women and still having someone in your life right?

I agree with what you said Panthers13
I can't help but feel that she knows there is someone in her life that will love her and stuff and it really just scares her of losing it I guess and hurting me or something.

It sucks when a female isn't wanting what you want for them, but she will eventually figure it out, with you, or someone else. So will you.

I am sorry for you pain. It stinks when you invest so much into a relationship, and then it falls apart. Sounds too me, she is confused, and she is having second thoughts. Leave her be for right now, she needs space. I know its not what you want, but if you crowd her in or make anytime of contact, it will just make things worse. Sometimes the dust has to settle. She might come back and realize she misses you, but for right now try to concentrate on you. I know its easier said than done, and its something you didn't expect. It's actually like a divorce the pain hurts, and it doesn't go away If she does contact you, tell her you understand, and if she needs time your willing to give it to her.. good luck

Thanks for the support everyone. Finding this site and all you has helped so much.

Here is a update! On my life though.

So I went out with my hockey team last night and we just sat around and talked allot. The girls on my team are amazing and are older than me and just have their stuff together allot more than me.

But this really confuses me here. We all got talking and we kind of figured out that I have been kind of loving the wrong person for the last 2 years.

There is this other girl I have always had feelings for but she does not live in canada. She lives in the USA so I have always kind of not tahought too much about her

But last night I was talking to the girl in the states and I told her that I think I love her. She said she loved me back and always has. And for the last 3 years she has seen girls come and go in my life and me getting hurt always. That this hurt her to see me getting hurt all the time.

But she waited for me cause she has always supported me like nobody else. I guess I just really needed something to happen for me to relize this girl has always been in front of me but I always just passed her by cause of the distance.

I'm not to sure what to do now. I think I do love her and I do not want to hurt this girl by being a potental rebound.

Any help on this would be great!

p.s. after I said I loved her and she said it back... I felt my stress and some of the weight fall of my shoulders. I don't hurt nearly as much as I have in the last 2 days. So maybe this is what life was pushing me towards. I just hope I handle this right.

Brent you can't move too fast, this is a rebound relationship. It's way too soon. You can't possibly love someone unless you have been with them and dated them. She might have been supported of you, but you haven't healed from this relationship. You have to work on you, and only you. You need time by yourself to get your stuff together, and time will only heal you. As for this new girl, its not the right time. Rebounds very rarely work, few and far in between.

I guess its just I have had feelings for her for along time now and I never really realized how special she is to me. We have met on a couple occasionsand every time we do there is huge chemistry and there is this I guess you could say tension between. I think we both have wanted to be together for awhile but I was to stubborn with the hole distance thing.

I'm sure this looks really bad and that it is a rebound. But I can't help but think its more at the moment. Its just a really bad timing I suppose.

I hope that clears up a little more about the situation. Allot of my friends here are telling me to go for this. I do feel confused obviously I mean I just lost my Fiancé.

I will give this time and I'm not going to jump into anything fast with this new girl. But I will make sure she knows that I care for her cause I think she deserves that.

When you have a hole in your soul, the first thing you do is try to fill it as soon as possible. Like all things though, and especially in relationships between people, time is the test of what's works, and what doesn't.

Caution is advised when intense feelings are involved, as just as you were hurt, so can you hurt others when your feelings change, or the intensity becomes less.

Usually when the patient heals, they leave, because they no longer need the doctor, or the nurse.

ADVICE- Proceed with extreme caution.

Its way to early to start dating even though you think you love this girl.its like the hair of the dog-you re just postponing the hangover.

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Originally Posted by BrentDude33

But I will make sure she knows that I care for her cause I think she deserves that.

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She deserves your honesty, that's a sign of caring.

I think instead of using the word love, you be very honest, about your hurt, and need to feel better, to this new female. She may be glad she finally has a chance, and jumps at the opportunity, but its up to you to be forthright, and straight up with her. You need time.

If you care as you say, why would you take a chance of her feeling like you did, when you got dumped? That's just not right. Make it right!!

Threads merged

Hello everyone,

I'm going to make this brief. Me and my fiancé broke up back in Aug.
Ever since then I have been growing and becoming stronger than ever. Except in one area. My dreams at night.
Every night I dream about my ex-fiance. I wake up every morning feeling sad and I have to work myself back up to feel good in the morning. Luckily I have become stronger and can get over the dream faster than ever. But I do not know why I keep dreaming of her every night. I never use to dream of her all that much when we were together. Why now?

The dream kind of scares me to. I have been known for things in my dreams coming true to a degree. The dream I usually have about her is she is in trouble. However she is the one causeing her self to be in trouble. In the dream I have seen signs of her dying and even in some cases see her die. It usually has to do with drugs and booze. She use to have a problem drinking and did drugs before I met her. I helped her get out of that and clean up... I now know though since the breakup she is back into drinking... not sure about the drugs.

I just do not understand why I keep having this dream of her hurting her self. I try to help in the dreams but like in real life I get pushed away or am on the outside looking in.

I feel like I should talk to her about this dream. Not sure if I should though.
I'm pretty confused on this one. Ask for me details if this sounds confusing.
Any help is great!
Thanks everyone :)

Your dreams aren't predicting the future...

I'm not a psychologist but aren't dreams just your subconscious coming out, you still obviously care, just keep moving on she's chosen her path

Your thread sounds very familiar. My fiancé also dumped me in August and I have dreams about my ex as well. It sucks because when I wake up I get depressed because they feel so real. Did she dump you? If so then I wouldn't tell her about the dreams you're having. She probably won't care or just think you're weird for bringing it up.

Your mind is just adjusting to getting over her. This used to happen to me when my boyfriend and I broke up. The more you think about her, the more your going to dream about her.

Yes my fiancé broke up with me.
Yeah that makes sense not to tell her. Good call :)
My dreams honestly have a weird way of coming true to a degree somehow... thats moreless why I'm worried. I'm not BSing about this. Haha I know it may sound crazy though.

I will however just keep moving on. She still has the ring I gave her and we have been talking and such cause I want it back and so forth. So perhaps I just need this ring back and to cut contact then.

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Originally Posted by BrentDude33

Yes my fiance broke up with me.
Yeah that makes sence not to tell her. good call :)
My dreams honestly have a weird way of coming true to a degree somehow...thats moreless why I'm worried. I'm not BSing about this. Haha I know it may sound crazy though.

I will however just keep movin on. She still has the ring I gave her and we have been talking and such cause I want it back and so forth. so perhaps I just need this ring back and to cut contact then.

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Yea I don't blame you for wanting to tell her about the dreams but the thing is she'll just think its an excuse to talk to her again. I got the ring back 2 weeks after my ex dumped me and it was the hardest/ most akward thing I had to go through but you're better off getting it over with and getting it back.

You will have those dreams until your issues (the ring) are resolved and you can move on with your life. Is there a way you can forget the ring? That would at least allow you a clean break, and No MORE Contact.

Forget telling her your dream and find a way to stop any contact with her.

Maybe you both are using this ring as an excuse to keep each other around.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You will have those dreams until yur issues (the ring) are resolved and you can move on with your life. Is there a way you can forget the ring? That would at least allow you a clean break, and No MORE Contact.

Forget telling her your dream and find a way to stop any contact with her.

Maybe you both are using this ring as an excuse to keep each other around.

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Tal's right- I was using the ring as an excuse to keep her around but I realized after a while that I'm better off getting it back sooner rather than later to start healing.

When you do get it back hold your head up high and don't try to get her back or talk about the relationship- no matter what you say it won't matter.

Hmm well every time I ask her about the ring she always asks why I want it back. I tell her my reason. She always sais she is nervous to give it back to me. And she finds escuses to not give back to me. Like she will know I'm busy o a day and she will say come over that day but I can cause I'm busy.

Whenever we talk usually through texting. We have a really good conversation. But as soon as the ring is brought up she gets really nervous sounding and backs off. I tell her I want the back for closure.

So I think untell I can get it back these dreams will keep happening. :S

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Originally Posted by BrentDude33

Hmm well everytime I ask her about the ring she always asks why I want it back. I tell her my reason. She always sais she is nervous to give it back to me. And she finds escuses to not give back to me. Like she will know i'm busy o a day and she will say come over that day but I can cause i'm busy.

Whenever we talk usually through texting. We have a really good conversation. But as soon as the ring is brought up she gets really nervous sounding and backs off. I tell her I want the back for closure.

so I think untell I can get it back these dreams will keep happening. :S

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Hmm.. thats kind of weird that she doesn't want to give it back just yet. My ex was doing the same thing- every time I asked when I could come get it she made up an excuse. Finally since I knew she worked until 5 I showed up at her house right after 5 without telling her and got it back. Your ex may just be nervous in seeing you because she dumped you. That's what I think but it could possibly be she's still not 100% sure if she wants it to be over with. She sounds confused.

I think the best thing for you to do is get the ring, sell it, and then spoil yourself with the money. You most certainly deserve it.

That way, the "possibility" of her coming back would be out of your head. If she wants to come back, she'll have to deal with the consequences of her actions, i.e. her dumping you and you selling the ring.

I think it's very reasonable for you to get the ring back. An engagement ring is like a promise, and a promise that she didn't keep to.