How do I begin?I am so broken hearted.me and my boy friend been best friends for over 4 years and he was my only best best friend that I share my secrets with.But we start dating about 14 month .things were very good in the beginning but later he start abusing me and hit me several times.now I am hurting because I lost my best friend at the same time my boy friend that I really love.I don't want forgot to mention he has a child with other woman.But he really hate a woman and abuse her and kick her out of my huise when she came to look for him in my place.I love him now I can't sleep or eat I lost my appitate I don't know what to do?I am very skinny I lost a lot of wait.I can't sleep good at night I take vacation from work for one week I because emotionally sick I cry a lot I through up a lot.so tell me what can I do to get over him?I am 29 no childern I live alone I feel so lonely because he was my best friend that I use to tell every thing.now I don't have no body help me.thank you for taking to read my story

Lisa, you need to get away from this man, he is abusing you. OMG.. why would you love someone like this. Don't you think you deserve better than that, and think more of yourself. Go seek help at the battered women's shelter or go to the proper authorities. Your 29 years old your not a kid. He doesn't respect you and that isn't love. He is physically abusing you and if you went to the police he would be in jail for domestic violence. Get a restraining order!

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me and my boy friend been best friends for over 4 years and he was my only best best friend that I share my secrets with.But we start dating about 14 month .things were very good in the beginning but later he start abusing me and hit me several times.

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WAKE UP!
Do you call a man who hits you as best friend?? A friend never hurts friends.
You are VERY CONFUSED, because you are lonely & have not eaten & slept enough lately.
Run fast from this abuser, and stay away from this monster for the rest of your life. Start a new life without him, make real friends, and eventually meet a nice guy for your future. He is nothing but abuser! Look how he treats other people. He is the LAST PERSON you want to call as frined or lover.
PLEASE WAKE UP!

Yes-please understand that a person who abuses you is NOT a friend nor a person who loves you.you haven't l o s t your best friend-hopefully you can get rid of one of your worst nightmares. Seek help. For your own sake.

I can see your pain as if he was abusive he was also probably controlling and stopped you from fostering other realthonships with others, but you have to stay away from him . At the moment you think you can't go on without him but being 29 you have years and years to go, you need to start looking for new friends or reconnecting with old friends to help get you through this , siblings as well so that you can prepare yourself to move on and when you do move an find someone new keep your friendships strong as your safety net so you never feel this way again

You should get as far away from this guy as possible. Only a coward hits a woman. You can do WAAAYYYY better! And if you don't mind, post his address on here so I can go rough him up a little bit and teach him some manners :)

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Originally Posted by canibuyaclue

you should get as far away from this guy as possible. Only a coward hits a woman. You can do waaayyyy better! And if you don't mind, post his address on here so i can go rough him up a little bit and teach him some manners :)

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Lol

Please do as the others have suggested, you need to get away, and get help to heal.

Thank you guys for your advice.But can you tell me where to get a stength to get over him.he is also make me happy when we are together.but some times he hits and he put me down.and also goes to see his child with his ex.But I am afreind if I let him go he will go back to her and she will be very happy that she took him back from me.and he abuse her also I heard him severla times and he hit her too in front of me.I am so broken heart I put myself in so hard situation.I can't stop crying.and his ex tald him she will let him see his child if he go to me.so I don't know if he is with he for his child.he left her when she was pregnant.but now he love his child.but he hate her.he don't even like to mention her name.if he can only stay with I can take his abuse every now and then.I hate been lonely.I don't have good friends.but I am a proftional social worker. Help me I can't work I can't eat I can't sleep.I am misereble. Tell me how to get him back

Find the strength in you never having bruises again. You never having to worry if he is going to hit you for some stupid reason. You never having to deal with being put down. You having a enough respect for yourself to say I can't make myself happy.

OK- I ll not mince my words-you could end up killed.In the UK where I live 2 women are killed by their scumbag partners EVERY WEEK.VIOLENCE and ABUSE escalates.you need to seek help and PRONTO. This man or poor excuse for one should be locked up!Please stop doing this to yourself-leave -run-dont ever see him again.

The problem is you have your mind set on getting him back... you need to keep him as far away from you as possible, part of the healing process though hard is depression sadness and being miserable this might seem odd but do not run from those feelings embrace them and get and cry all your sadness and anger out only then can you truly recover, no one never gets over someone it will happen I suggest reading up on forums books and everything possible to speed up this process,

-also for sleep I suggest herbal sleeping pills which are non-additive I have them called seditol and melotonin I take 2 of each and I'm set , I get no craving or neccesity for them afterwards.
- exercise though hard when depressed will help considerable and when I execute myself when I have a lot to think about you'd be surprised how much you can do, I prefer runs for thinking I'm having a hard time with my girlfriend at the moment and yesterday I amazed myself by running 14 k through a forest all stepply hilled , inculding chest high grass and shallow river jumps though when I got home I felt like I was fainting but I didn't notice the tiredness because I had my mind preocuppied the whole time, trust me try it
- Eat healthy (youd be surprised how much it helps)
- Use momentary escapes such as immersive books or movies

A lot of times on here we say sorry for your loss etc. but that's not the case here.

He is an abuser and they are the worst type of partner to have and it won't stop , you haven't lost anything but it seems to me your just afraid of being alone.

Let this guy go and find some real friends , then you can get on and eventually have a happy life like we all deserve. It's not easy Lisa but in the end you'll see that it's the best in the long run for you.

Good Luck!

Lisa27,
You are still confused, and not getting at all. How can you possibly love someone who hit you multiple times already and will hit you continuously? Are you brain damaged?? (I am really serious)

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can you tell me where to get a strength to get over him.

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You have strength in you, you have used it for others as social worker, and now it is the time you have to use it for yourself. You need to manage yourself to RUN from this man completely. Move far away from him, start over, and stop all the communications. Disappear from him for the rest of your life. Don't look back. Period. You do not need him to survive.
Right now, please go out, get some fresh air, have a nice meal at any restaurant. Hit the church, talk to nice people with your situation. Reconnect to your old friends. It is doable. Please stop acting like a baby. You are a social worker who helps other people. Right now, you need to help yourself just you did for others. What is your problem now?

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he is also make me happy when we are together. But some times he hits and he put me down.

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Lisa, Murderers do not kill people 24 hours. They kill sometimes, but we call them murderer, and we put them in jail, because they are dangerous when they are in rage. Same thing goes to abusers. Abusers do not abuse people all the time, but they abuse people when they have urge to abuse other! Nobody knows when, where and how his rage will be triggered and how severely he will abuse you. One thing sure is once he hits you, he will hit you again and gain more severely and more often for any reasons. It is not getting any better, but getting worse.

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But I am afraid if I let him go he will go back to her and she will be very happy that she took him back from me.

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It is a totally wrong reason you want to keep the abuser in your life. He can go back to anyone he choose to victimize. If his ex keeps the abuser, it will be her problem. You better thank god you are free from him now, and have a good chance to run away. Are you saying you will be jealous if he abuses her not you? Are you out of mind?

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but I am a professional social worker.

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If you are a social worker, you should seen very similar cases, but you still do not understand your abusive situation. Let's be honest. Do you drink? Do you have any kind of mental illness? Are you taking any medication? I start to wonder our social workers qualification... They should guide people... right?

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tell me how to get him back

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OMG. You are not getting at all. You should NOT have him back! You SHOULD BE AFRAID him come back to your life again. RUN for your safety!! PLEASE WAKE UP!

Abusers brainwash people into thinking the abuse is their fault.they also manage to work on your selfesteem.this is probably why you can't see this situation for what it is.he s not your friend he s not your lover he s an abuser.he doesn't love you nor anyone else.seek help.Now.

I really want thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for your support.You will not understand how much improvement I made since I read your advice.finally I can say oooofffffffff and start relaxing.I was so blind to see how my situation was to bad.I was just in love with him.I think also not only that I love him but I was addicted to his abuse,he was blaming me for every thing that goes wrong.I was so stressed and confused I was trying to be the best for him,by giving my time and myself after long day work.and he was coming over and just sit with us as a king.I shop and cook and clean and do every thing and look good for him.But after all I was not good enough for him.he make feel I am less than others and not lovable.I felt like no body love me.because I trusted him.I thought he was my best friend for a such a long time.But now thanks God and thanks you guys,I can come home cook for myself and eat good like I use to do before I start dating him.and see the positive things that are in my life and try to take care of myself.But one thing I should tell you guys,when it gets dark or early in the morning I think of him and feel unwanted .and I take my dairy I write all my thoughts that comes on my head.every now and then I get jealous maybe he is with some one else even though I know he is going to abuse them.I guess I couldn't get over a man I thought he was.I forget to tell you guys couple days ago he call me every day for 3 days and I didn't showed him that I missed him I was talking with happily over something else like nothing happens between us.he said to me wow you are happy what is going on.and I did not reply and we just say bye and hung up the phone.after that he didn't call and I am not planing to call ever again.If u please guys be there for me when I am down.your advice gave me a lot strength.
One thing that make may situation worse is that I am in a foreign country which are very few people from my country and he is one of them.
Thank you guys what more can I do to forget him more and not thinking about him at all.
Thank you very much for taking to time to read my misery and reply

I'm glad we've helped.just stay away from this man.see the friends you have-make new friends and heal.you need to see that you re not in the wrong here-you were in a relationship with an abuser-never speak to him again is my advice. All the best to you and take care.

This is me again lisa the broken hearted.I thought I was over him.but it is not true.it a weekend and I try to make myself busy and stop thinkng about him.But he is constantly on my mind.he been calling from Tuesday till frida 2 3 times a day we where talinking noramal (out of the reltionship)like nothing happen between us.and then On Friday I sew him passing through and he peep peep his car and I sew hem and he waved his hands and I did the same.what it hurt me is I sew his chiar behind back sit.then remind me that he is still seen his baby mama.even though in several times he confess to the he regreat he has a child with her.and he hate her he can not even communicate with her more than 2hours.But he said he love his child.and the baby mama also has a child with onther man who is not with her and he don't want be part of his child.now my problem is I am very jelouse and angry that he left me.I don't know if he is sleeping with her but I know for sure he every day going to see his child.I am sorry guys maybe I sound stupid.the reson I bokeup with him is.one day we have a little argument and he did talk one Sunday.because we are all ways together.and then the day after I called him and he answer me and he said call me later.But he did not call.and I call him over and over and this baby mama answer his moblie and called names and I was very agry and upset.and I left a lot of angry messages on the mobile for her to hear.but later on he called he said I dontknow that she answers my mobile phone.he came over to me and took me for a drink and I was devastated that she answers his mobli.but any way we home and we spend night together. I couldn't sleep at night.but what I did is I call so eary with my boy friends moblie and she answer the phone and I called names and I proved her that he sleeps with me.after he went to his place I tald what I did and he was very angry.if you care about me you wouldn't do that.few day later he broke up with me.and he tald me he wants to raice his child good.but he is not leaving for her.and she is not a good mother that's why I want see him all the time.if you are with me thing gets harder.my qustion am I selfesh when she answers me his phone and call name it is OK?when I took his phone and call her name is not OK and I am dumped for that.so can you guys help me.I love this man I know he abuse and abuse her too.but more than I lose him,I am angry that I lose him to her and her child. Answer me what is my problem I am very confused.some time I think I am over him the next time when I think abut the baby mama I get emotionall.I don't what is worng with me help

Lisa-let me remind you-this guy s an abuser.stay away from him.dont fall into yet another trap of taking him back.read all our previous posts.he s a bomb waiting to go off.see sense and leave this alone.

amicon,I am really thank you for all advice and support you guys are giving me.But tell me why is that I am feelling in some way I am responsple for the breakup.and feeling I am not good enough.if that abuser who I take good of and give my time shower him with love left me for his baby mama I believe then who will be with me?I don't know what is worng with maybe I am getting mentally ill. Tell why it going on with me.thank you

Abusers work at taking away your selfesteem and sense of normality.you re not at fault HE did this to you.I suggest you try to find a good therapist who can work with you to help you rebuild yourself.you re a good person who unfortunately met the boyfriend from hell.its time to move on and take care of you now.

Lisa, don't you think more of yourself than that. First of all to put yourself in danger, with an abuser. He is doing the same thing he did to you as he is probably doing to this new girl. You just don't see it. Why are you talking to him, don't you think more of yourself to put yourself out there with a man like this. Life isn't just having a man, you have to put yourself first... think more of you. You deserve better. You keep on going back, and down the road the consequences you will face with this man, aren't going to be good. Run, away from him, why are you allowing this.

Lisa, I am going to be more blunt than any one on here has seen me. So, get ready to get on your high-horse because I know that's what you are about to do. However, please think before you respond.

You are responsible.
You are responsible for standing up for yourself and your well-being.
You are responsible for making sure that he never hits you again.
You are responsible for moving away from an abusive situation.
You are responsible for not making a police complaint when he abused you.
You are responsible for stalking him and his whatever she is besides "baby momma".
You are responsible for your own actions.
You are responsible for getting a life that doesn't include this individual.
You are responsible for getting a new support system that doesn't include him.
You are responsible for finding a support group for abused women and getting more help than I think we can give.
You are responsible for listening and actually putting the great advice that you have been given here into practice.

You are doing everything in your power to keep this person who doesn't want you. He wants a target. If she wants to be that target, I feel sorry for their kid. Be glad you don't have one that would see daddy beating up mommy.

He isn't your life as you seem to want him to be even now. Sometimes, you have to move on even from "best friends". Though, if you knew about the abuse before you got into a relationship with him. You need to rethink what you believe a "good" relationship is.

What does this guy have that you can't find anywhere else? Other men can be good lovers and listeners and they don't use their fists. Other men can be good fathers. This one isn't.

PLEASE FIND A SUPPORT GROUP FOR BATTERED WOMEN IN YOUR AREA!!! They have seen it all. Even what you are going through. Let them help you rebuild the self-esteem that this person took away from you.

If you let him back in your house, Lisa, which CSI show do you want to be the inspiration for?

Either you will be dead or he will.

It's that simple. It may take longer to happen than to write, but it's that simple.

I don't what to say guys any more,I don't know if I am emotionlly sick or just low self steem as you guys said.I hope you will not be angry of I am going to tell you.this weekend I was so sad and I close my mobile phone and I did not fill like talking to any body.youwhat happen he was calling my mobile phone and when he couldn't talk to me,he come home and he ring the bel several times but I did not open him.and I am very proud of me I did not open him.But I am very happy that he keep calling me and finally in door step.I know I sound stupid but I am happy that he realize he lose some one in his life.Thank you guys can you comment about I am feeling happy when I know he is abuser

It will be easier to refuse him next time. You did well.

Please be strong Lisa, like your doing. WE all wouldn't be telling you the same thing, if we thought he was a good person for you. If you want to live a normal life stay away from this man. As we all told you he will hurt you or you will be dead. Do you have family nearby, you can go too, or move away so he doesn't know where you will go to?

Lisa, It isn't going to be easy. It will take time. Each time that you don't answer his phone call or the door, you get stronger. Each time you look in the mirror and there are no bruises, you get stronger.

I don't think you are mentally ill. I do think you need the support of other women who have been in the same place you are now.

It always seems harder for women who know they should have been smarter in the first place, but there is no shame in admitting that you need help. You did that here. Time to take the next step.

I am v.confused and angry at myself.for the whole week he keep calling me and sms 4 to 5 times a day and he wants to come over.I was making excuses to let him not to come over.but to day he was waitting near my apartment and he says Hello,and he just inter with me I couldn't tell him no.then he was pretending like been so friendly and talking with me normal.what I believe is like he has a problem with his baby mama.and he keep asking me who I am dating and exc.But he did not tell me he wants to get back with me.he just spent the whole evening with me.and when he left I was very angry.idont know what happen to me.I called him how bad he hurt me and I still feel hur from him.and he was just saying OK OK and that even make me more heart broken.I feel sorry that I let him in.now I am more angry because now he know I am not over him.I am sorry I should be lesen for your advice.but my heart goes wild for this abusive guy.what is my problem. Do you have any more advice?

DO NOT PICK UP THE PHONE.

It doesn't matter how many times he sms you or call you. Just don't give him any attention. If you give him attention, he will get some false hope. Just pretend he doesn't exist. If you ignore him long enough, he will stop. Just stay strong.

If you are getting scared, then contact the police and get a restraining order against him. If he shows up at your door and just stands there all day, then just call the police and catch him in the act.

Just don't respond to him whatsoever. I know it's tough, but you got to stay strong. You can do this. We all support you!

Don't be angry with yourself. A little backsliding is to expected. This isn't easy. Take a deep breath and tell yourself that you will move forward.

It doesn't matter what he knows or thinks he knows. What matters is that you know you can move on without him.

Have you read the stickies about NC at the top of this forum? They may give you some ideas on how to handle next times and what ifs.

Hi Guys thank you thank you for asking about my situation.wel I think I am doing a lot of beter than before.but I still miss the good side of him and I am miss when he is in good mood talkig to me nice and lovnig me .But when I think he his abuse and the way he treat me at times I feel happy that I am not longer with him.but he keep contacting me and that makes hardon me to completely forget him and get over him.sorry now he is on my door.I will let you know what happen

I thought you d decided to stay away from this guy? Are you actually letting him in your house? Not a good idea.

Hi Amicon,u know he is here with me write now while I am writing to u.It is funny he is all that sweet to me like nothing happened between us.I feellike something die inside me I don't even want look at his face.I have a lot of anger to words him.how could he destroy my trust and my love and friendship this way?now I am having a problem trusting any body.

Just remember this man s abused you.
Please reread the advice you ve been given.

I know he is an abuser and he abused a lot.because of him I suffered and I went through depression and low self esteem.But it just so hard to let go of something that was so special to.thats way I keep going back when he contact me.yesterday he was really want be close to me.but I made myself strong and I did not give him a chance.I am really moving on I am much better of with out him.I start seeing good friends and talking to men.But I keep going back because,I gave a lot in this relationship right from the beginning I gave my trust,love and time.and ended up losing myself.but I am getting myself back one day at time.and thanks for your help.with out you I will never make it to this stage.thanks from my heart.finally I see myself smiling a lot without him:eek::)

He will keep coming back as long as you let him , remember he is an abuser and is now also using manipulation to try and get back.

Don't trust him , him being nice is all a huge act.

Keep strong like your doing and just come back here and vent when you need to , we're all behind you.

Lisa, you have to take the bulls by its horn, and walk away. Please! No more excuses! He is manipulating you, and your allowing it. Put a stop to it, before its too late. Get your self-esteem back, seek support groups, anything that will put you in a better frame of mind.

Thanku Guys for your advice.what I realize is more he contact me more I feel miserble and think of him.but if ignore him by not answering his call then I feel lonely but not miserble.even though so hard to just let go of relationship of 5 years and love and trust that I add the past years.I am slowly getting where I want be with out him.even though my emotions are up and down.I know that one day I will completely OK.with help of God and you guys.thanks again. Don't get tired of my problems.I need your support.thanky again

Just let this go-be strong and ignore him. You deserve a life not this continued drama.