Hello Everyone,
I haven't posted on here in awhile. I've been concentrating on my work and spending time with friends and family. The advice and answers I have gotten from previous sitations has helped me grow, understand, and know what I want and what I DON'T want.
I've been trying to avoid the bar/club scene as the women I find there always seem to have problems... Well I found one at a grocery store and she is already acting funny... so here it goes...
I meet a girl about 2 weeks ago. We exchanged numbers and started talking a few days later. We txted a few times. We made plans to go out. I said I would take her out to dinner. I asked her what food she liked or if she had any specific place in mind. She said no. I picked the place. A nice, quiet, italian restaurant 5 minutes. From our area. She said fine and asked what to wear... I said it's a wide range of attire. Jeans, suits, dresses... it all goes.
So... I went to pick her up... I'm half way to her house and she calls me saying "Hey, I think im too over dressed. I'm wearing a dress and heels. I said thats fine. She said "Well can we go to the Olive Garden instead"? I said fine...Now...keep in mind that The Olive Garden is 45 mins from us. And when I got there she decided to change back into jeans anyways.
We had a good time and all. She txts me everyday. We talk and hung out a few times. I met her friends bc they wanted to meet me and all was well. Today is when she made me mad. We had plans to hang out tonight. She was gonna come over and I was going to cook for her and we were gonna watch a movie.
She txt me today asking if I wanted to stop by her work on my way home from practice...So I did...Spent about 2 hours with her. She said she would be over later if she wasnt too tired cause she works earlier tomorrow.
She calls me and says shes going home bc she has a headache. And that I can txt her tonight if I want. I said ok...
I txt her later on to see how her headache was doing....she said Ok.
I said well i guess your gonna get to bed soon. And she responded "Well I just took an energy so I have a lot of energy. Then she told me she was out with her girlfriend.
I got a little mad since we had plans. I just simply said OK, well gnight.
I didn't want to argue or say anything ill regret... So I left it at at that. Then she text me about 8 times saying what's wrong? Are you mad? Answer me. Are you ignoring me? What's your problem?
She called twice.. actually just 10 minutes ago after she said she didn't want to stay up late. I am doing NC until I decide what to do.
Any advice or help?

Ummm... I was under the impression NC was for breakups and stuff...

This just seems like she kind of ditched you for her girlfriend, and now you are giving her the cold shoulder... Not the best way to deal with it if you asked me..

My advice is to respond to her, because it seems she likes you and you like her. Don't ignore her, that's never the right way to go, and she didn't do anything that wrong in the first place. Maybe let her know gently you were a little sad that she ditched you, but you are OK about it. Or don't mention it at all and just let it go. Its not a big deal...

Basically, contact her and talk to her. Don't let this little thing spoil what you have so early in the relationship...

Well, I do think she did something wrong. We had plans and she totally blew me off and then acting like I should be OK with it. What she did was not OK. It was inconsiderate and disrepectful. I mean I wouldn't do something like that to her.

That's right, you wouldn't, but did she do it intentionally?

Maybe she just forgot you guys had plans. It happens.

I still don't think it is grounds for NC.

I agree here too buddy. NC seems a tad harsh for the early stages of a relationship like this perhaps something a little less drastic. Maybe politely point out that you guys had plans or ask her in A NICE way why she bailed on the plans previously made?

A few observations -

1. You met her two weeks ago, but how much time have you spent apart with your own friends in those two weeks? From your post, it sounds like you've spent a decent bit of time together. Maybe she wanted some space?

2. You have a right to be a little upset about her actions here, but you seem to be taking a small issue very personally. You shouldn't just let it blow over, but cutting her out and ignoring her will only make this situation worse. You need to meet with her face to face and discuss your misunderstanding of the situation, and try to communicate better with each other.

3. There is always a three :P

No Contact is the process of removing someone from your life after you've developed a strong emotional bond with him or her and have to cope with letting him or her go. It's a way to refocus on your own life so that you can become stronger without being distracted by your ex. In this case, you aren't using NC - you're simply ignoring her.

~ Tee

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Originally Posted by BlackVY

Thats right, you wouldn't, but did she do it intentionally?

Maybe she just forgot you guys had plans. It happens.

I still don't think it is grounds for NC.

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She def. didn't forget. She called me at 10pm and she was out at 1045pm. We had plans set for 3 days and also confirmed plans when I stopped off at her work.

I guess I shouldn't use NC as a means of what I did... I simply did not want to talk to her cause I didn't feel like arguing or saying something out of anger. So I just tried to relax.

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Originally Posted by Triysle

A few observations -

1. You met her two weeks ago, but how much time have you spent apart with your own friends in those two weeks? From your post, it sounds like you've spent a decent bit of time together. Maybe she wanted some space?

~ Tee

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We hung out 3 days out of over 2 weeks.
She is with her friends EVERYDAY! No lie... They either get lunch or dinner together.
So far... every single day I talked to her she was with her friends. Right before we hung out, she was with her friends


Well , I text her earlier. I told her the reason I didn't want to talk lastnight was because I was upset at the fact she dissed me when we had plans. She simply replied "Oh".
We had plans tonight to go see a movie. I bought the tickets yesterday. I text her the times and asked if she wanted to still go tonight... and no word or text back from her.

Hmmm.. don't think she was all too impressed with you being upset before...

Her "Oh" reply should kind of tell you that.

Anyway, I doubt she will be coming with you for the movie, and if your don't apologize to her in a big way, I think this will be one of the last messages you get from this girl...

If you do come back, let us know how it went. Thanks and Good luck

Next time this happens, take a little tip from my book. A simple response to her text "I am a little hurt about the breaking of our plans but I will get over it. Please let me cool off for the rest of the night and I will text you tomorrow or maybe later tonight. Enjoy your night" and then go about your business, if you like this girl, don't do NC with her over something like this

Yo man,

She's nuts. Ditch Her.

Nothing else needs to be said.

Love,
LCM

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Originally Posted by LifeChangesMan

Yo man,

She's nuts. Ditch Her.

Nothing else needs to be said.

Love,
LCM

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Dude... long time...

But nah... not great advice... She hasn't really done something so bad or unforgivable yet, nothing that warrants NC anyway, so it is way too early to "ditch her"...

That's your opinion beautiful, but in other words why are you going to deal with a girl that clingy after two weeks? Ten texts and two calls? Like seriously... "some girls try too hard"

Just let it come baby!


P.S. - Check my thread man I posted, an update https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ke-280105.html

I don't know if the OP was talking about the girl being clingy, he seemed more interested in the fact she ditched him to hang out with her friend. I think that's the opposite of clingy.

And the relationship is still fresh and new, so they would want to keep in contact now, because they are just getting to know each other... and they enjoy each other's company, so there is no reason why they can't talk a lot and stuff...

Hey, everyone... So I have a HUGE update since my last post. So Friday we had plans to go to the movies. I text her around 3pm and said "Hey, i would still like to go to the movies later on. Do you still want to go? Let me know by 7pm" She text me at 6pm and said, OK, what are the times? I told her and never heard back from her. The times were 940 and 1040. I made other plans at 9 since I didn't hear back from her. She calls me at 1015. Then text me twice. I was away from my phone, so I responded about 15 minutes later. She was asking me, where are you? Who are you with? I said out with friends. She said "Oh, well have fun" Then she text me again saying "Did you forget we had plans to go see a movie tonight? I told her I txt her to let me know by 7pm if she still wanted to go...Her excuse was that she was working, but she answered my txt when I said that.
We also had plans to get together saturday...Again, she txt me first saturday morning. She said that her new room was painted and that she had to move stuff in. So I assumed we werent getting together. I asked and she said. Well, I have to get stuff done in my room, but maybe later. I simply said in a nice way that we had plans. She said "Well I just said we can hang out later. We can watch a movie or something". So I expected to see her later. She txts me around 8 saying "Me and my dad are at home depo"
"I'm sorry I've been in a really miserable mood all week and if I hang out with you I know illl be a B*tch and take it out on you and I don't want that. I don't mean to blow you off, I do want to hang out. I do like you. I get weird in the beg. I'm not canceling plans because I don't want to hang out, I just have to get stuff out of my old room. But we can probably watch a movie later". So I left it at that. I called her around 11 to see how her room was coming along....She's hanging out with her friend Jessica again...just in her house. I asked if we were still hanging out she said "Huhhh... let me call you back" She called back and said "Hey would you want to come to Jess's BBQ tomorrow? I said I'm not sure and headed out with my friends.
The next day she text me again. Saying "Hey" "Are you mad at me?" "Are you mad at me from lastnight?" I do want to see you... Well the BBQ party got cancelled because of the rain... I didn't see her yesterday either... so... ADVICE!! Please!!
I mean I'm not doing anything wrong. I treat her w respect... I make an effort to see her.

Stop texting, TALK in person. If you have a problem, meet her and talk like adults, it's the only way to resolve the issue. Also don't be mad when you talk and try to be as calm as you can be.

You two have an obvious problem of failure to communicate. Maybe you should TALK about it, in a mature way?

I am trying to. Every time we make plans she makes excuses. I'm getting tired of just texting all the time and not seeing her. I told her this and she said I know. I'm sorry. I'll understand if you don't want to talk to me again.

How about face to face, now that's where communications can start, not texting or calling over the phone, IN PERSON. If dating is that hard for you with her, your with the wrong partner. You can't build on nothing.

Talaniman rule- If getting to know someone by dating them is no fun, why date them???

Talaniman Rule- It takes more than a few dates to have a relationship.

Talaniman Rule- No communications, No relationship.

Talaniman Rule- You don't run head first into a brick wall. Thats crazy.

Talaniman Rule- Date 'em all, then pick one.

I agree, I mean I always make an effort to see her in person or to go out on dates. Movies, dinner etc. She always comes up with an excuse. But, she's always txting and calling me. But that gets us nowhere. How long should I put up with this until I move on and forget it?

I think using no contact would be a great way to find out her true intentions.

No contact is not about punishing, ignoring, or "removing" anyone from your life... these are ALL misconceptions.

It is a strategy that when used correctly will 'flip" a switch in your mates head and gently force them to make a decision.

Sometimes it is the 'wake up" call they needed to appreciate what they have before it's gone for good.

If you really want to find out what her true feelings are then properly initiate NC with the appropriate NC message, and watch what happens.

If you don't care to find out, stop worrying about her and move on.

Since this is a young relationship the damage will not be that bad, right?

Geturexback... I do agree. I used the term NC earlier in my posts... not to put her out of my life or to punish her... but just to calm down, relax, and see what her next move was and to see what her intentions were. I did NC for 2 days in which she txted me about 6 times asking if I was mad, she's sorry, she called me a few times, but then when I go back to talking with her, it's the same thing over and over again. She puts no effort into seeing me. It's always texts and phone calls... Keep in mind she lives 10 minutes away and only works 4 days a week

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Originally Posted by letmeknowtruth

I did NC for 2 days in which she txted me about 6 times asking if I was mad, she's sorry, she called me a few times, but then when I go back to talking with her, its the same thing over and over again.

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You are not using no contact correctly, it was working but you broke NC way too soon.

You see when you exercise no contact you take the control away from them, this causes panic and they want it back right away.

You need to initiate NC with the right kind of message either emailed, or text to her.

Believe once you see the real power of properly using NC you'll be amazed.

Her attempts to have you break NC shows she has some strong feelings for you, make her admit to them so she will see them herself.

I have written a lot of articles about no contact and how to use it properly, I also provide a free step by step plan to follow in my forum.

Why did I do this?

Because I saw too many people buying books and not knowing how to use them... see a need, fill a need.

If you want help using NC to get to the bottom of this contact me... OK?

You can listen to a would be player, or honest adults. Up to you.

It sounds like the games are being tossed back and forth.

It also sounds like she isn't being truthful to you.

Don't bother with this one.

Actually, I'd be upfront with her and tell her why you were upset with her. You made plans together then she ditched you and went out with her girlfriend instead. You have a right to be upset and since she opened the door you should tell her. She sounds a little ditzy but she's still entitled to the truth. Then go with the NC, after you've spoken your piece. If she's the least bit smart she'll learn from it. If not, then she was never worth it to begin with.

Guys, again, I don't think she is playing games or anything that bad.

All the OP has to do is talk to the girl. Try to understand the relationship is still relatively new. You are both just trying to get to know each other.

Just calm down, talk about it like adults, and don't get angry at the girl for not hanging out with you that one night.

Seems to me she already feels weird that you didn't contact her after she "ditched" you one time. She might be feeling you are a clingy or controlling guy, so you need to prove to her you are not

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You can listen to a would be player, or honest adults. Up to you.

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If you want someone with a solution or just more random opinions that's up to you.

Maybe talaniman would like to come to my forum and ask my members if I am for real or not... but that would take more courage than a random unproven accusation... wouldn't it?:rolleyes:

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Originally Posted by getyourexback

If you want someone with a solution or just more random opinions that's up to you.

Maybe talaniman would like to come to my forum and ask my members if I am for real or not...but that would take more courage than a random unproven accusation...wouldn't it?:rolleyes:

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Oooooook... Chill... nobody is calling anyone out...

Tal is the resident relationship guru, so his opinions are usually the most accurate. Its best not to contest what he says.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion and it is up to OP to take it or not.

I don't know if we are here to really give solutions to problems, more like advice and opinions of what we think is best. If you are handing out solutions, you better be 100% sure you are right.

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Originally Posted by BlackVY

Guys, again, I don't think she is playing games or anything that bad.


Just calm down, talk about it like adults, and don't get angry at the girl for not hanging out with you that one night.

Seems to me she already feels weird that you didn't contact her after she "ditched" you one time. She might be feeling you are a clingy or controlling guy, so you need to prove to her you are not

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Its not like she ditched me just that one time... It's about 4-5 times now we had plans and she made up studpid excuses not to. I am trying to talk to her in person like an adult but I haven't seen her in a week. I am not clingy at all... She is the one usually texts me first.
When I don't answer she will call and keep txting.

I am trying to see where this relationship is going, but its hard when she keeps cancelling plans.

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Originally Posted by letmeknowtruth

Its not like she ditched me just that one time...It's about 4-5 times now we had plans and she made up studpid excuses not to. I am trying to talk to her in person like an adult but I haven't seen her in a week. I am not clingy at all...She is the one usually txts me first.
When I dont answer she will call and keep txting.

I am trying to see where this relationship is going, but its hard when she keeps cancelling plans.

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Hmmm... just read back on some of the stuff you said.

It seems like the two of you are missing each other. Not in the lovey dovey sense, but like when you want to see her, she is busy, and when she wants to see you, you are out. It happens. Its just bad timing.

She has said more than once that she does want to see you, does want to hang out, does like you. She wouldn't say all this if she was playing around. She would simply have said "Too bad, I was busy, catch you later" or something like that...

She also seems interested because she does call and txt you quite a bit, so that's another sign for you.

I guess the two of you need to sit down and talk properly. Discuss what is going on and not be so short with each other. Hope it works out.

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Originally Posted by BlackVY

Hmmm... just read back on some of the stuff you said.

It seems like the two of you are missing each other. Not in the lovey dovey sense, but like when you want to see her, she is busy, and when she wants to see you, you are out. It happens. Its just bad timing.

not be so short with each other. Hope it works out.

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We aren't missing each other at all... she just makes no effort... and I will give examples including what just happened tonight.

1) She text me today saying "Hey" What's UP" the usual stuff. I asked if we were gonna hang out tonight she said "Ya, I'm having dinner with my mom and then I'll be over after"
I said "Cool, just give me a call let me know when" She said "ok"
She texts me at 10pm saying "
She txts me at 10pm saying " What's up"... the same old stuff she usually does. I said hey, I just got out of the shower you? She said " Whats up"I will def. see you Friday or Saturday before you leave"Just at home watching some tv, then gonna take a shower. Keep in mind her mom lives 4 mins from my house. So...she made absolutely no effort to see me. Nor did she apologize or give me a reason why she didn't come over.

2) Before I left out of the country she said "oh I'm out with my dad at walmart, I'm going to go grab something to eat. She calls me at 9pm and we talk for 30 minutes... then I asked well what do you want to do. She says... oh well I'm tired... im sorry I'm not going to see you before you leave

3) Thursday is the day she totally ditched me for her friend

4) Friday is when she didn't get back to me to go to the movies

5) She text me the next day and said she felt bad and was sorry and that she wanted to see me that night. I said I could after 10pm. And she said that was perfect.
I called her at 9 and she said... oh well I'm hanging with Jessica right now... um... can we just hang out tomorrow. You can come to her BBQ...

So... what else can I do?

Hmmm I see...

When you put it all up like that, it doesn't look so good for her.

I still don't know for sure if she is playing games or something, but she doesn't seem super serious about your relationship

I'm still confused as to why she tells you she is sorry and is not blowing you off if she wasn't interested. I must admit, this girl is hard to figure out.

Maybe you should take it easy with her, give her some time and space, and let her come to you. Do your thing for a while, don't ask her to hang out, let her make the first move, let her come to you.

Just try keeping things right and easy, don't get mad or upset if she doesn't come after you right away. But the bad thing about this approach is she might think you are not interested in here, so do talk to her sometimes, don't go NC yet, just let her know she is still on your mind, but that you are waiting for her to make the first move.

Hope this helps...

Yeah it does... she is hard to figure out... I mean I could see if she didn't text me EVERYDAY but she does. I just got off the phone with her now... txting as always... I was getting upset, but she was just being so weird I simple told her "Well I am going to go, this situation is stressing me out. We really need to talk and work on our communication or this isn't gonna work" she said "Ok"

But get this... She text me at 10pm tonight saying the usual stuff like I said... I specifically said to her yesterda "You can come over and we can watch the movie that you wanted to see" I rented a movie she wanted to see on Saturday. I text her back tonight at 11 and said... Well I thought we were going to hang out tonight. She said "So did I" I said "Well what happened"? She said "Idk you tell me"
I told her stated numerous times I wanted to see her... She said "Well I was going to ask you if you wanted to come over tonight for a little but you have plans... and I didn't know you wanted me to come over.
If she wanted me to come over , why not call or text me right away? She says that an hour later...
What does everybody think about that?
Bc I'm just straight up confused!

Yup, I guess you are right, she is one confusing girl.

Somebody needs to sit this girl down and talk to her, tell her to get her head on straight, because not only can she not hold down a relationship like this, but doing anything in life will be difficult for her with this attitude...

Sorry dude...

Yes, I agree...
What I should I do... Just lay low for awhile..

Well how much do you like this girl?

It depends... if you think she isn't worth it, then break it off with her properly, tell her why, and be done with it, then go NC.

If you do like her, then you need to sit her down and have a real proper talk with her, and try not to accept 1 word answers or "I don't know" as a response. Get her talking and you talk too. Communication...

Man this girl would drive me crazy and I would most likely not talk to her as much. To be honest she just sounds weird to me and I would just step back and not put so much thought into her anymore. I would go out and meet new friends and lay off this girl for a while. I mean still be polite and cool but I wouldn't invite her out anymore. If she wanted to hang out or see me then she would have to be the one to say something. You have asked her to hangout plenty of times. Its time for her to ask YOU!

Yeah, I agree. She actually txt me today and asked what I was doing. I said I was in the studio till 6pm. But I could do something after. She wanted to know if I wanted to go to the mall. I asked if she wanted to hang out later on and she said she might go to bed early... haha
I just can't win

Hmmm... that's pretty messed up... Oh well, her loss...

Yeah, that was around 4pm.
She said before that she wanted to start working out with me. So I said, when do you want to start working out with me? She still hasn't responded... I think she's just playing games