Well it happened, I broke NC
Guys I don't even know where to begin, I just am a ing mess right now.
This is what she told me:


Because I've met somebody who I'm kind of seeing and I wanted to be the one to tell you and not have you have to find out through somebody else
So you that's all I have to tell you
I'm sorry... I hope you find everything we had and more with somebody, I did want that person to be you but we're just not right for each other
And that's just life, I hope you're okay
Don't hate me, I'm happy and I wasn't looking to move on with someone else it just happened that way, when I least expected it. I'm not doing it to spite you or for any other reason than I', happy. I just needed to tell you because I didn't want you to find out from someone else anyway I won't contact you you can contact me if you need or want to talk, I want to be mature about this and I understand
How hard it must be and for that I'm really sorry because I care about you
Goodnight



I guess I deserved it, I broke the NC rule, I just had a really bad day I needed to talk to my best friend and this is the outcome.

It's a tragedy that you've broken NC just to find this out. All you can do now is stay away, and I highly recommend it. She will keep you in a state where you're not happy, so move away from her and try to move on.

NC is hard, but it gets easier in time. Good luck buddy.

Man... that mail could have totally been written by my ex! Same cold tone all around! I hate people like that! When I break up with somebody I try to be a bit nicer. We go from being the best thing in their world to having the flu or a bad disease and they don't even want to see us. These guys/girls SUCK!

Its done man... move on. Now STICK to NC totally and don't even bother what she´s doing! Redo your life and be happy without her. Difficult to believe right now, but its better that way... I feel your pain!

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Originally Posted by chetatkinsLA

man...that mail could have totally been written by my ex! Same cold tone all around! I hate people like that! When I break up with somebody I try to be a bit nicer. We go from being the best thing in their world to having the flu or a bad disease and they dont even wanna see us. These guys/girls SUCK!

Its done man...move on. now STICK to NC totally and dont even bother what she´s doin! Redo your life and be happy without her. Difficult to believe right now, but its better that way...I feel your pain!

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I don't see how she was cold. He broke NC and she nicely told him that she's seeing somebody and how sorry she is that he's unhappy, because she cares for him. Further, she wishes him future happiness with somebody else.

Lesson learned... move on and find other avenues of release.

Now that you've seen how devastating it can be to break NC, hopefully it will deter you from doing it again.

Get out there with your friends and have fun.

All in all, that's a pretty fair response from her. She is trying to be as sensitive to your feelings as she can be without leading you on. Everyone is right, you need to absolutely move on. At least she obviously still cares about you. You can walk away from this knowing that your ex still respects you. That's huge. Keep it by respecting her and staying away and moving on.

Trust me, it could be so much uglier. There's no room for games, misinterpretation or lies here. She obviously has a soft spot for you so let her remember you fondly and don't bother her anymore. As far as break ups go, this is about as good as it gets.

I hear you guys, moving on was something I felt pretty good about, and I was doing well, NC for a month.she texted but I shouldn't have texted back. Lesson definitely learned.

Nc?

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Originally Posted by Holly23

nc?

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No contact

Sounds just like what my ex told me last year. I've found out things awhile back about her that I didn't want to know, so I know how you feel. Just get back on the NC wagon and get distracted with something fun.

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Originally Posted by Ren6

I don't see how she was cold. He broke NC and she nicely told him that she's seeing somebody and how sorry she is that he's unhappy, because she cares for him. Further, she wishes him future happiness with somebody else.

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TO me the overall tone of the message is very cold... sincere, honest, yes.. but COLD as ice. Maybe that´s just me!

To me having somebody that was my "all" telling me to find happiness in somebody else´s arms... doesn´t make any sense. I even think it´s just a passphrase you use to make the other person feel better.. I don´t think she really wants that.. but again, maybe that´s just me! My ex said exactly the SAME things and I would never have considered it a nice answer. If she cared for me, she would have taken a bit longer in redoing her life, she would have listened to me when I was f-ed up... instead of ignoring me and blowing me off. I guess maybe for you guys that's the "correct" way to do it, but I hate her so much for doing that you can't imagine. AGain, if I breakup with somebody, I would NEVER act so cold.

There's always pros and cons to everything:

Cons:

1) You did break the rules and probably feel a lot more pain by finding out that there was another guy

Pros:

1) She's right that it's better to find out from her than from someone else, because it means that she was honest with you

I can tell you from first hand experience that it sucks to find out from someone else, because it will feel that your ex lied to you the entire time by keeping such a big secret (but even this type of situation has its debatable pros and cons)

2) At least now you know she kept the door open to a friendship in the future, but don't attempt a friendship unless you're completely over her

3) Now that she put the nail in the coffin, you can finally move on, no more doubts or "what ifs" on your mind

-- I would say that the pros outweigh the cons. So keep your head up. It's not that bad.

What are your options though? If you called off a relationship and happened to meet someone shortly thereafter, how would you react to the ex? It's not a race to get over someone. Trust me man, it could be so much worse than this. Would you rather be lead on until they met someone? What would you think of them if they still gave you so much time while they were with someone else? I'd be disgusted and I would wonder if they did that while they were dating me. At least she isn't dating someone to spite him, that hurts a lot worse. She wants him to find happiness because she cares about him and doesn't want him to pine over her. That shows more love and respect than leading him on (just in case).

It certainly hurts to know your ex has found someone else, but if they do it and they still treat you with respect, there is no reason to hate them. Mourn them, but at least you don't have to question their integrity. My ex dated my friend a week after we broke up. I found out through her best friend. The entire relationship became a huge "what happened?" "did she cheat?" etc.

I'd rather know an honest caring person fell out of love than a spiteful, insecure and manipulative person wanted to hurt me.

I'm sorry you're in pain. That's why NC is the best way: it avoids a lot of pain. But you've learned your lesson, and I hope you keep this in mind for the future.

But the other posters are right: it could have been a lot worse. She could have told you off and been very hateful. But she handled it with a lot of care, and with your feelings in mind.

I'm sorry you hurt; broken hearts are cruel. But now's the time to put on the big boy pants and shoes, and walk away from the situation so you can find happiness elsewhere.

Good luck.

"But now's the time to put on the big boy pants and shoes,"

A bit derogatory, don't you think?

Nope. He's got to accept that it's over and move on.

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Originally Posted by Torrid13

Nope. He's got to accept that it's over and move on.

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Read his last post. I think he's working on that. I'd understand if he was arguing with everyone telling us they are meant to be, but I don't see it. The guy's just hurting, that's all. Now put on your big girl lipstick and show some tact.

I never said he was arguing and being stubborn. I can clearly see he's hurting. He made a mistake, and has learned and grown from it. That's what we have to do when we make mistakes: grow from them. Thus, putting on the bigger pants of experience and moving on with life.

Aw, Inertia, you make me feel all fuzzy inside. :)

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Originally Posted by chetatkinsLA

TO me the overall tone of the message is very cold...sincere, honest, yes..but COLD as ice. Maybe that´s just me!

To me having somebody that was my "all" telling me to find happiness in somebody else´s arms...doesn´t make any sense. I even think it´s just a passphrase you use to make the other person feel better..I don´t think she really wants that..but again, maybe that´s just me! My ex said exactly the SAME things and I would never have considered it a nice answer. If she cared for me, she would have taken a bit longer in redoing her life, she would have listened to me when I was f-ed up...instead of ignoring me and blowing me off. I guess maybe for you guys thats the "correct" way to do it, but I hate her so much for doing that you can't imagine. AGain, if I breakup with somebody, I would NEVER act so cold.

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What would you do then? Would you say "let's be friends, I still love you, I care about you, I wish we could work it out"?

That's not helpful at all. She wasn't cold, she was honest, if that hurts then maybe that's what's needed for him to move on.

As for the "redoing her life" and listen when you were f-ed up, she was your ex, you were no longer her responsibility. What was she supposed to do? Hold your hand? That's no longer her job, if it ever was to begin with.

They call it no contact for a reason.

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Originally Posted by Torrid13

Aw, Inertia, you make me feel all fuzzy inside. :)

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Antibiotics will clear that right up.

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

What would you do then? Would you say "let's be friends, I still love you, I care about you, I wish we could work it out"?

That's not helpful at all. She wasn't cold, she was honest, if that hurts then maybe that's what's needed for him to move on.

As for the "redoing her life" and listen when you were f-ed up, she was your ex, you were no longer her responsibility. What was she supposed to do? Hold your hand? That's no longer her job, if it ever was to begin with.

They call it no contact for a reason.

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We are not going to agree on this... so let it be :) I don´t act like that when I dump a girl. It hurts a lot to see how somebody that loves you suddenly doesn't want to see you ever again. It's a process, and it has to go with time.. I don't think people should move on THAT quickly like a lot of people do. But if that's the correct thing, next time I dump a girl, I´ll just do that... that way she can hate me forever for erasing her and skipping to another girl, like if nothing had happened between us and whatever we had didn't mean a crap. I´m sure she "loves" that :)

And although I was not her "responsibility" anymore.. I believe in forgiving and being KIND to people (even more when a LOVELY relationship has happened in between those 2 persons)... and just for that I would allow to talk with a girl I just dumped... if that makes her feel better. Acting like you don't know someone isn´t nice at all, In my opinion!

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Originally Posted by chetatkinsLA

We are not gonna agree on this...so let it be :) I don´t act like that when I dump a girl. It hurts a lot to see how somebody that loves you suddenly doesnt want to see you ever again. Its a process, and it has to go with time..I dont think people should move on THAT quickly like a lot of people do. But if thats the correct thing, next time I dump a girl, I´ll just do that...that way she can hate me forever for erasing her and skipping to another girl, like if nothing had happened between us and whatever we had didnt mean a crap. I´m sure she "loves" that :)

And although I was not her "responsibility" anymore..I believe in forgiving and being KIND to people (even more when a LOVELY relationship has happened in between those 2 persons)...and just for that I would allow to talk with a girl I just dumped...if that makes her feel better. Acting like you dont know someone isn´t nice at all, IMHO!

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You're right, we won't agree, but I won't let it be, because you didn't.

The fact is that most people have to cut their ex out of their lives in order to move on. You, as the ex, don't have to like it, but that's the way it is.

Not all exes can be friends, not all exes can talk after a break up. There's a reason that no contact is recommended after breaking up, because it works.

Everyone handles a breakup differently. Obviously your ex wanted you out of her life and wanted to cut all ties, you're only angry because that's not what you wanted, but you can't always get what you want.

How you treat future breakups is up to you, not me.

I can tell that this breakup of yours is recent and you're still not over it, for that I'm sorry, but being upset at the girl because she doesn't want contact with you and she's moved on, that's not fair, In my opinion!

Thanks guys, just reading this makes me feel like I'm definitely not alone... I think she did do it the best way she could have. Too me, it seems a bit quick. But maybe that's because I'm in this position. Maybe its easier for her to fall for someone quickly so she doesn't have to feel much pain from the breakup. I am not sure, all I know is the love we had, and I am really trying to see what we had and the great times we spent together. I should have known better not to give in to her attempt to communicate with me, because by doing so, I found out some bad news. And it only tore things wide open for me. I have better experience now, and know for the future to avoid contact at all costs.

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

What would you do then? Would you say "let's be friends, I still love you, I care about you, I wish we could work it out"?

That's not helpful at all. She wasn't cold, she was honest, if that hurts then maybe that's what's needed for him to move on.

As for the "redoing her life" and listen when you were f-ed up, she was your ex, you were no longer her responsibility. What was she supposed to do? Hold your hand? That's no longer her job, if it ever was to begin with.

They call it no contact for a reason.

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You guys are intense haha, relax!

I am going to agree with Alty, it took me FOUR years to finally talk to my ex that broke my heart and put it through a blender. My latest ex I went 5 months without talking to her and we worked together, and to this day we rarely talk. Just recently we ended up at the same bar, one seat away from each other, and not even a word was spoken to each other.

She wrote me a letter, a really nice heart felt letter, which I still have as motivation for the gym. I'd much rather have left things at "I think we should break up" rather than a letter telling me how great I was but that we still need to break up

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

You're right, we won't agree, but I won't let it be, because you didn't.

The fact is that most people have to cut their ex out of their lives in order to move on. You, as the ex, don't have to like it, but that's the way it is.

Not all exes can be friends, not all exes can talk after a break up. There's a reason that no contact is recommended after breaking up, because it works.

Everyone handles a breakup differently. Obviously your ex wanted you out of her life and wanted to cut all ties, you're only angry because that's not what you wanted, but you can't always get what you want.

How you treat future breakups is up to you, not me.

I can tell that this breakup of yours is recent and you're still not over it, for that I'm sorry, but being upset at the girl because she doesn't want contact with you and she's moved on, that's not fair, IMHO!

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Agree, except with:

My ex didn't see us working together cause we weren´t compatible... I understand that, and I accept it. The problem I have with her is HOW she dealt with it (or should I say, how she DIDN´t want to deal with it). Once you realise that something is not working you talk things like grown ups. She acted just the way you guys say is correct to act in these situations and to me it sounds SO selfish and SO inmature. I got all those same things that wutangpaul got. The thing is I don't think that's the correct way to do it. I am ALL for honesty, but there is a factor in relationships that make us human and not machines: CARE, KINDNESS. If you have loved a person you still have to have some GOOD Intentions towards that person, and HELPING that person should be a good thing to do. And NO, I´m not referring to... " I want you to know that I have moved on already, and you have to redo your life without me". NO! That SUCKS! The fact that somebody is not your "responsibility" anymore, doesn´t mean you can piss all over her/him! Respect is VERY important.

The overall problem I see here is that people don´t know how to be ALONE. The fact that a girl (or guy) breaks-up with a guy, and two months later, has a new one, makes me mad! I don't do that! If I REALLY love someone, it takes time to deattach from that person, and 2, 3 or 5 months TO ME is not enough. My opinion is that these kind of girls (or guys) who do this have a REAL problem being alone and what they do is this... "boyfriend hopping".

And yes, I think I´m kind of over my ex (its been 5 months and I don't give a crap about her or what's she doing)... but if being over her means FORGIVING her for how she has acted, and saying that she has done the best thing for me... well, yeah, maybe I'm NOT over her. I have passed from loving her to hating her in a real short period... I have had 5 GFs in my life and I have ended up in good terms with all of them, except this one. I don't think she has even tried to make things right. She´s just one of those girls I see all the time in this forum (they don't write, people just write about them since they are the breakers) that try with a guy... if it works, cool, if not, just erase him ,and try a different one.. like if it was a game and nothing had happened. To me, I'm sorry, but this is COLD. Maybe I'm a romantic, but I think when love has been for a while in a place, it should be difficult to get rid of it...

Anyway, I don´t want to screw the thread anymore, I´m glad that wutangpaul has realised all the good stuff he has, and I´m happy for him that he has learned his lesson. Good luck to you, man!

Sometimes its best to stifle impulses, and leave well enough alone.

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Originally Posted by chetatkinsLA

Agree, except with:

And yes, I think I´m kinda over my ex (its been 5 months and I dont give a crap about her or whats she doing)...but if being over her means FORGIVING her for how she has acted, and saying that she has done the best thing for me...well, yeah, maybe im NOT over her. I have passed from loving her to hating her in a real short period of time...I have had 5 GFs in my life and I have ended up in good terms with all of them, except this one. I dont think she has even tried to make things right. She´s just one of those girls I see all the time in this forum (they dont write, people just write about them since they are the breakers) that try with a guy...if it works, cool, if not, just erase him ,and try a different one..like if it was a game and nothing had happened. To me, im sorry, but this is COLD. Maybe im a romantic, but I think when love has been for a while in a place, it should be difficult to get rid of it...

!

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OOhhh reading this made me cry, I am crying my heart out rite now, my ex broke up with me around 5 months ago and I'm still not over him, I still get so emotional when I read some of these threads, maybe because I feel identified with some of them for what happened to me, sometimes I feel like he just played with me, I feel used and betrayed, how cam someone that supposly really loved you just break up with you out of the blue, over the phone, showing you how he didn't cared about you. I feel like I got stabbed in the back by my best friend, my companion, my lover. How can you go from loving one person so damn much to hating him with all your soul? How messed up is that. And I also hated that after the break up he kept saying that through his eyes I was still perfect.. but even though he said that he didn't want to be with me, that hurt me so much, and it made me hate him even more. I just want the pain to go away. I hated how he was so cool right away and I've been feeling like crap all this time.

Yeah, its hard to believe. I just don't know how people can flip a switch and be on to the next person like the last 2 years are gone and meant nothing. I guess some people deal with things different than others and that's why we come to these forums because we want to know why? I mean obviously it means you have to look at yourself because you weren't meeting the needs or what not, but why not sit down like people and talk about it. I guess the easy way is just to move on quickly and try to forget about the feelings. I gave her the time and space and understanding that she wanted 4 weeks ago, and the meanwhile she was pursuing somebody else.I know Im not over her, and I'm fine admitting that. So I broke NC , yep, and it backfired on me so quick my head is still spinning. The only thing left to do is move forward.. so much easier said than done.

I think she did it very respectfully , unlike a lot of the stories we hear on here.

As one of my friends told me, "I didn't choose to let go, I just choose to not care anymore." It's a good way to live by... you don't have to give up or move on, just don't care what happened because at one point of life, she'll regret all the mistakes she's made, cause sometimes grass isn't greener on the other side and people don't realize that until they jumped into another relationship... realizing that guy might be all that but no relationship is perfect. First one or 2 months will be like ALL PERFECT cause it's fresh but than after that... only time can tell and if you just don't care much about what happened than when she comes back to you (if she does) than you got the upper hand to do what you need to do.

Of course exes who dump us can seem to move on quickly. That's because they have detached themselves emotionally before the break up, while you go into shock when you find out the truth. Happens to us all.

Some people have trouble letting go. That's okay too, but it takes time to get over all the emotions and feelings.

Until you experience dumping someone, for whatever reason, you'll never know how she feels, and why.

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Originally Posted by xdarkninja

As one of my friends told me, "I didn't choose to let go, I just choose to not care anymore." It's a good way to live by...

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I take issue with this a bit. I think that as life goes on you eventually learn to "let go." I would find it hard to not care about something that I still hold on to. Break ups happen, and trying to keep the attitude that "they will come back; they will realize their mistakes" blah, blah blah, is just another way of holding on. Who does that help? The point I am making is that people's feelings change, and to the dumpee yes it sucks but that doesn't mean you vilify the person who dumped you... of course, with time, you eventually see that.

Im not trying to flame it or have a debate, but I personally believe it's rather both persons fault, the breaker and breakee. But the fact the main thing is to understand the reason why it happened. Everything happens for a reason with a cause and effect. No one knows what's going to happen tomorrow or the day after... and so on. I'm not saying to carry on the hope or realize they're mistake because who knows what's going to happen. KC is right, people's feeling do change but if it's "true love" that will never change... sometimes just taking a break will strengthen up the relationship again if it does happen again. If not, than it was never meant to be but the next person in line would be better than the last. Just like what they say, "dont plan things because when you plan things 99.9% of the time it wont work." So don't plan, just make goal's and keep living life cause no one knows what might happen tomorrow. One day things might be the end of the world but the next it's like another beautiful day. You're only your own happiness, she doesn't make you happy. It's when you are together that's when you two share the happiness. But either way... at the end, it's who you have always been happy with or without her. So just keep living it up and making every moment worth it. And that's how I got through my tough break even though I'm the breaker... well she broke up first than got back with me and I couldn't stand the coldness so I Broke it off with her, but it's due to the fact of summer class (college) starting, grandfather passed away, long distance, and she liking another guy that's just like me and wanting "experience" (Not that way)... but w/e. So either way something we break up with someone we truly love is for others sake or for a reason that no one really knows and she is really honest with you so I believe that took a lot of courage to face and speak out. Got to give her some credit for that part and yea it hurts to hear all those things but keep your head up high cause if it's "true love" than she'll come back, if not... just don't worry about it. The next one will be better than the last with or without her.

Sorry if its confuzzled.. I just got out of a 9 hour work shift and bombed out -_-