Long story short

Me and my ex dated for 2 and half years I made the mistake of lying to her about talking to my exgf (lesbian couple) over and over she kept giving me chances I NEVER cheated on her (my ex lived in a diff state) I know I was wrong and I regret it every single day I love her and I realize it to late its true you never know what you have till you lose it and I hate it I didn't appreciated her earlier and now that she is DONE with me she already dated someone else and they cheated on her .

The problem is we live together and no I can't move and she can't move we are pretty much stuck living together till November we have been broken up for 8 months , she has made it clear that she cares about me to a Certain extend and no we will never be again and or can be as close friends as we used to , she says she wants me in her life but as a friend .

I know I'm wrong but I text her and try to talk to her all the time I know I need to stop but fighting the urge is so hard , I've gotten a part time job on top of my full time I've been trying to keep busy but I still can't seem to be able to leave her alone completely idont know what else to do I never thought it would be so hard to let her go.

Just keep staying busy. There's nothing you can do until November. By the time you move out, it will get easier. Just bare with it until then.

Just stay busy as much as possible. Hang out with friends and family if possible. Pick up a new hobby, go to the gym, play a sport. Anything so that you can avoid thinking about her or talking to her.

There's no way you can move out? It's too bad because that would be the easiest way to get past this. If you can't, then I wish said it. You're just going to have to stay as busy as possible. If you can spend as much time out of the house as possible. Go hang out with friends, etc. Come home just to sleep.

Nope I am stuck in that house I have tried to get other people to take over my part of the rent but no success , I play soccer I got a second job I go to school and well I can't stay too much out of my house because I have 2 dogs and I got to spend time with them she we stay in our rooms ( we have separate rooms) but it just not talking to her that gets me she tells me to step back and let things happened and she said she wants to be my friend but who knows I know I deserve better I know I need to move on I know I need to let go . It's a matter of doing it

By continually pestering her you are only pushing her away further , unfortunately that's just the way it works.

Leave her alone and give her some space , be cordial when you have to see her , that way at least you get to keep your dignity and she'll see you as a stronger person.

Zippit that's exactly how I'm taking it too and no I don't mind you answering .

I do want to step back and see what happends but its like she tells me step back but yet we will never be as close friends as we used so I feel sort of slap in the face , I also don't know how to stop feeling incredibly jealous because I know she is talking to someone else and she likes this new person regardless I still know her and I know she does like this new person she drier over 3 hrs to spend weekends with this person whom she just met and I can't stop feeling a sense of failure and a lot of jealousy I guess it was easier for her to move on because she found someone because before she found someone we were extremely good friend even if we have already broken up but its like now I feel like since she is finding all this new people in her life she doesn't need me I get kick to the curb and I'm stuck here wanting my best friend back she became family to me , I made the mistake of letting my entire family meet her and nnow everytimei see my family they ask about her so I've been avoiding family reunions.

Overrall I know I should let time heal this one and just let things be but its been 8 months and feelins aren't going away they are stuck there and I even started dating but no one that catches my attention , she is moving out of this city once are lease is over and I can't help but feel sadness because when she leave I know she is taking a huge part of me. I feel so lost I just want to stop it all and be so careless like she is.

Threads merged

So from my last post I told me and my ex who I happened to still live with we have been broke up for 8 months she has already dated someone else for 4 months and that person turned out to be completely bad and they broke up well now my ex is getting close to a new person who she has claims they are just friends , that's what she tells me but I know her and I know she is starting to like this new person and I can't help but to feel great jealousy.

How I see it is how can she trust and talk and want to spend more time with her , when she has knowns me longer when I have been there for her through so many things . I know we are exs and this happends she is moving on but how can I get rid of this jealousy how can I stop myself from wanting to know if she really is after this new person.

I'm sorry if I sound childish but this is a thought that has been killing metoday.

It is quite simple. She is moving on; she shows no interest in a relationship with you and you simply are not moving on yourself. Maybe you shouldn't place her and her relationships in the center of your focus. Your living arrangement is not going to work as your now roommate (ex) has other interests and other pursuits. You are not in the equation anymore an ex is an ex for some reason or another. She sounds like she may be rebounding. You both sound very young.

Let me ask you, how are you supposed to move on with these constant reminders of her and your past relationship? Of course your jealous... your human and you have the basic instincts anyone would have if you cared for that person more then a friend and desiring for closeness again. You need to find another living arrangement... move out and find a new roommate. Center yourself as your focus... create new ideas and a new self image... be confident. I am sure there is someone else out there waiting for you to discover them.

Sometimes we have to let go; sometimes we have to leave the past in the past... end the current to allow for new opportunities, new growth and new and exciting experiences.

Simply, move out and move on. Best of luck.

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Originally Posted by soccergirl0587

how can i get rid of this jealousy how can i stop myself from wanting to know if she really is after this new person.

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Remove yourself from the entire equation. Don't look at her, don't look for her, don't talk to her, don't make any attempt to get in touch with her or whoever she's close with; avoid her, become completely ignorant and indifferent to her life.

Then your jealousy will fade away.

The moving out part is not going to be possible we only have 4 months in our lease and I had been trying to move someone in place but no success and I'm sure you guys have heard it before but its a lot easier said than done to just stop it all .

I am most willing to put myself through the challenge of letting go and I am extremely aware that she has moved on and that I should too , its just a matter of not letting myfeelings take over my mind I'm not going to lie I do a lot of things wihtout thinking and talking to her is one of them it would most certantly be easier if we were apart .

I think the hardest thing is knowing that I couldve avoided the break up , that it was because of my stupid mistake that she broke up with me and its just hard to let go of someone who was amazing to me and that I pretty much brought all this to myself.

Oh and we are in our 20's

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Originally Posted by slapshot_oi

Remove yourself from the entire equation. Don't look at her, don't look for her, don't talk to her, don't make any attempt to get in touch with her or whoever she's close with; avoid her, become completely ignorant and indifferent to her life.

Then your jealousy will fade away.

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I agree with the first part and I get what your saying: "Get busy!" and "Get your mind off of it!". Work, study, read, hobby it out or go to the gym... go for a walk... whatever. But ignoring and becoming indifferent isn't going to solve it... maybe it is the opposite... maybe she needs closure and needs to face the hard cold truth that it is over. Forgive and forget. You can't really move on without realization or acceptance.

You are in charge of your emotions... so take charge and stop the thought in it's tracks and think about how you have learned and experienced from this relationship. People come and go in our lives so much... just hang on and enjoy the ride for the moment. Take the good things and move on.

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Originally Posted by soccergirl0587

The moving out part is not going to be possible we only have 4 months in our lease and i had been trying to move someone in place but no success and im sure you guys have heard it before but its alot easier said than done to just stop it all .

I am most willing to put myself thru the challenge of letting go and i am extremly aware that she has moved on and that i should too , its just a matter of not letting myfeelings take over my mind im not going to lie i do alot of things without thinking and talking to her is one of them it would most certantly be easier if we were apart .

I think the hardest thing is knowing that i couldve avoided the break up , that it was because of my stupid mistake that she broke up with me and its just hard to let go of someone who was amazing to me and that i pretty much brought all this to myself.

oh and we are in our 20's

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I thought you two where young... you have your whole life ahead of you and maybe a few more broken hearts :(. Well, if you can't get out of the contract responsibility you just may have to stick it out there. Only thing I can say is maybe occupy your time, improve yourself, spend time on yourself, spoil yourself and treat yourself kindly, with compassion and do feel the emotions. Observe why you feel the way you do when you think of certain things - this will encourage Awarness. Changing the thoughts before the thoughts start to control your emotions... take back your inner power. You can do it! Nothing is ever a mistake... there is always something to learn in almost every circumstance. It's not OK to hold blame or responsibility at this point... it does not serve you - I am glad you have come to some sort of realization of what not to do next time but don't feel responsible anymore... what is done is done.

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Originally Posted by xoxaprilwine

I agree with the first part and I get what your saying: "Get busy!" and "Get your mind off of it!". Work, study, read, hobby it out or go to the gym...go for a walk...whatever. But ignoring and becoming indifferent isn't going to solve it...maybe it is the opposite...maybe she needs closure and needs to face the hard cold truth that it is over. Forgive and forget. You can't really move on without realization or acceptance.

You are in charge of your emotions...so take charge and stop the thought in it's tracks and think about how you have learned and experienced from this relationship. People come and go in our lives so much...just hang on and enjoy the ride for the moment. Take the good things and move on.

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And I agree with the second part but not the first, only because you said...

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Originally Posted by xoxaprilwine

...maybe she needs closure and needs to face the hard cold truth that it is

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Whether she needs it or not, and whether she gets it or not isn't going to help the OP's cause in any way. Sticking around until she get closure will just prolong his pangs of jealousy and anger.

The hardest one to forgive in a busted relationship is yourself, especially if it ended badly (i.e. cheating).

As far as your lease goes, I don't know what to say. Heartache sucks, but breaking a lease and having it affect your credit report is perhaps worse, but I guess it really just depends on the person.

Don't take your phone with you to work. It will stop you from texting her while at work. Delete her number from your phone is another option, when I went through my break up, I deleted her number and turned off my phone

That is really tough. Been there, done that. I did it with someone for 5 months (I was finishing graduate school) and it was AWFUL.

Definitely stay busy... give her space... don't try to talk and work on developing your own life separate and apart from the house.

I feel your pain, but it's do-able for a short time...

Threads merged

We have been broke up for 8 months she has dated other people , she is interested in someone else and I know she will never come back to me she has said it many times no more chances for me I lied to her and she got tired of giving me chances , I've said I'm sorry over and over nothing will make her want me again and I am aware of this so why do I feel so pathetic that I'm still wishing , hoping and asking her back how do I get rid of this stupid hope I have.

I know I have to give it time , I got a second job besides my full time , I go to school , we live together (untill lease is over in oct ) we hardly see each other she hardly talks to me , how do I make my stupid self let go I can't keep doing it I've cried like I have never cried before... is it the guilt that doesn't let me let go? Is it the fear of being alone? Just the thought of us parting diff way in oct makes me sick to my stomach I love her there is no question about it.

But how? How can someone who once told me they loved me so much can be so coldhearted , so means why does it feal like she is out to get me? How can someone be like that? When I am the one perosn that would be there for her for anything I have been there through anything even after she brought her new LOVE to OUR house for aMONTH how can I be this stupid to let all this happened why can't I be strong enough to say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and not look back .

I've tried everything time isn't helping time is making me grow more desperate because I know time where I won't see her again is coming and I'm scared I'm terrified I miss her just to think about it . I tried talking to her over and over , counless letters and nothing faces her she has said she doesn't care about me so why do I keep on? Why can't I just stop? She gives me the NC treatment how do I deal with it?

This isn't my first break up I've dealt with my pass better this one just really got me , she was my rock I counted on her more than my own family she was my family we had so many plans we had so much together

Any advice ? Any good books? Anything I just know its time to let go for good its time to stop crying.

Forget the good times, forget the plans you made, forget all the times she said I love you forget all of that because that isn't reality anymore. Ask yourself this question why do I want to be with someone who doesn't want me?

It doesn't help that you still live together but it is what it is. As for Oct. You should be looking forward to October to get out of the hell you are living in right now!! Like it or not you have parted ways 8 months ago. You just share the same address now.

Buv
Heyyyy
You OK
Cheer up, smile
I personally think
If you've tried and tried and she is not bothered, not meeting you half way
They its like you chasing after silver when you can have gold
She's the silver, but there's someone who's gold, someone's who's meant for you and only you
You can be half way acrross the world in america, and the girl who your menu be with in australia
Butt by all means if you are menu be you will
Its just this time, you fell for someone, who was never yoursz
Why shead tears over someone who's not yoursz
I think she's a fool for letting you go bruv
I mean, you tried so much to erase what you done
But she put your letters, and various attempts aside
And she hurt you, she must of known her bringing round another guy to stay over for a onth would sitng, hurt you like mad bruv
But she still don't i.e.
Your better then this
You deserver better and you know it
I know it seems like a big moutain, virtaully impsable to climb
But I swear, you will climb it
Not today, not tommrow
But eventually, gradually
Step by step, day by day you'll move on
Smile
Can you please get back into contact with me, I want to see how your getting on bruv
Stay bless
And stay strong
She's not worth your tear
Let it go
Take care

The hardest thing is to try and let go someone you love with no reasons, but she has given you so many reasons to let go... why not take those reasons and just face reality. As long there is a reason to let go and never go back than it should be way easier to do than have no reasons to do so.

Exactly I have every reason to let go but how? How do I stop myself from texting her for wanting to know about her like the title says I feel so pathetic because I know I have to let go I know it and I know it will be the best for me that there is nothing there for us but just when I think I'm strong enough and I'm going to do it I go back to being weak

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We live together (until lease is over in Oct

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She is still there physically, but in no other way, and I understand it sucks right now.

Can't you move in with a friend, until the lease is up? I would have. 8 months of living with someone you loved, is pure torture.

Your not pathetic, or stupid, because if I were in your shoes, I too, would be miserable beyond belief.

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I am having a really hard time letting go , I keep constantly txting her , constantly trying to find out if she is really dating who I suspect she is dating , I keep writing her letters I keep trying to get my best friend back . We have been broken up for 9 months after 3 years together .

I know what I'm doing its not healthy , I know it will not get us back together but I'm scared to let go because I felt so safe with her I knew nothing could ever happened to me and if it did she would be there to make it better how do I let go of that feeling? She has moved on she is on her second relationship and here I am stuck loving someone who has tol dme to my face that they no longer care about me.

We live together ( until october) and then we both go our ways not by choice it was her choice she is moving to another city and just the thought of having to say goodbye having to separate what for so long was "ours" fill my eyes with tears , when I text all she says is to please stop that her life is no longer my business and I know I knows I need to stop I know she isn't my business anymore I know I got to move on that there is someone out there for me , but I don't know where to start I can go one whole day without txting her but then there is just something that just can't stop trying to get something I will never get its over.

She makes me feel so worthless , she treats everyone else sooo much better she gives everyone attention and me she talks to me out of pitty , how do I make her understand that I see my mistakes that got her fed up with me and that all I need is a chance to show her I may be who she wants but she isn't giving any chances she has moved on .

So please I understand I will not find the solution here I have 2 jobs I got to school I try to stay busy but I can't let go I'm scared to know what is like without her this isn't my first love but for some reason she got to me how can I stop myself how can I just at least pretend to move on I've bored my friends talking about this I don't know what else to do it has destroyed my life , I'm tired of crying and feeling miserable and broken.

Please don't flagmy post I am truly asking for advice , any books to read? Anything? I just need to stop I can't continue my life like this.

I am sorry that you are experiencing such heartache. It will get better in time. You are on the right track by letting it be what it is... you will have tough days and good days. Let them come and go. Keeping busy is also good. One day at a time.

Until you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, you will do nothing. I know your stuck, but pack your stuff and leave . Go to a friends house and be done as this has gotten way out of hand and you need out of that situation.

I think you are making yourself not forget her. If you keep on telling yourself that you can't let her go then you never will. Just start trusting yourself and know that there are other people out there for you. You may not find them right away but they are out there. If you keep on with your ex you will never be able to open your eyes and see all the other possibilities out there. We can all see that you and your EX is a done deal. There isn't going to be a seconde chance right now or anytime soon from what it seems like. You can control your own feelings. I read that on this site and it helped me a lot because its really true. You don't have to be sad.

Nobody can hurt you unless you allow yourself to be hurt.we can choose to move on or to remain stuck.where would you rather be? What would you rather be doing?moving out sounds like a good first step.

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As my previous posting we dated for 3 years we have been living together after the breakup for 9 months .

Here is the situation I need help with through out our relationship she bought me several gifts that included a laptop and a dog (one for my birthday one for valentines day) also while in the relationship she got some stuff from bestbuy under her name and the agreement was for me to pay , also while in the relationship she added me to her cellphone plan.

Well around thanksgiving last year I lost my job and got behind on a lot of my own bills including credit cards and such I didn't find a job until May of this year and I have fallen behind on the best buy bill. I told her I have every intention to pay her back for paying my cell phone and to pay of best buy I don't have any intentions to screw her over but last week she got so upset with me I suppose she is beyond mad now .

This past weekend she ended up in the hospital and she doesn't want me there or even to know where she was , I move out of the house this week and the friend that is with her at the hospital has told me that their plan (my exs and her moms) is to Take me to court and hurt me as much as they can she also wants my dog back and the laptop I really don't know what to do I don't have the money ( around 1200.00) to give her I can pay her in payments but not all at once I'm completely scared of their legal threats towards me.

Can someone please give me some advice? And the worst part of all this is through it all I still love her I just wish things didn't end like this

Well for the legal parts, I don't believe you can find information here, you may want to go to another forum. As for the relationship part, cut all contacts with her. They seem to want to hurt you as much as they can and scare you but, just the legal fees could cost a lot for them so I doubt they are going trough this way.
My advice, cut all contact and start healing, you don't need this mess in your life, you need to rebuild your life.

It is unlikely that she will be able to get back the gifts since they were just that, gifts. If you made no agreement to pay for these items at any time before you broke up then I doubt she has much legal ground to take them. As far as the agreement you did make to pay on the bestbuy items, that I'm not sure of. As paxe suggested you should really be looking more into the legal forums for more solid advice in the matter.

This is one of the reasons is is never a good idea to buy a pet for someone as a gift. The animal is usually the one that ends up suffering the most for it in the end.

I hope it all works out and you two can come to some sort of civil agreement, for you and the poor dog.

If you gave your word to pay for certain things do so, but as far as gifts go, those are yours to keep, and she has to prove there was an agreement (oral, or written ) to even get any money for it.

I believe in keeping your word, but that doesn't mean be a doormat. I would end this by doing the right thing, and fighting the rest.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

If you gave your word to pay for certain things do so, but as far as gifts go, those are yours to keep, and she has to prove there was an agreement (oral, or written ) to even get any money for it.

I believe in keeping your word, but that doesn't mean be a doormat.

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THANK YOU!! Exactly what I told her!! I'm tired of being her doormat , I am in no way bailing out of our agreement I am most willingly to pay her but I just don't have the big sum to pay her and she is convinces I am out to screwed her over!

I just want this to end and just have her out of my life for good I love her and I miss her but I'm in love with the person who she used to be not who she was become. Such waster of 3 yrs of my life

Good luck with the finance settlements.I don't think any relationship is a waste of time-some just don't work out but they re still a learning experience-tough as they were.love blinds us to who a person is sometimes and it s hard to come to terms with the fact that they never were that person we thought they were.. try to move on and look after you . It ll take time but you get over this.

Thank you I know in my moments of anger I say it was a waste of time but at somepoint she was who I wanted and I was who she wanted I've come to terms that its over but I just can't believe is ending this way.

I just hope that she regrets it someday