Ask Me Help Desk - Is it time to text the ex yet?

Is it time to text the ex yet?

Hey guys I don't know what it is. Is it the lateness of the night? Is it the couple bottle of beers I just have? Whatever it is I have this urge to text the ex.

Long story short, ex left me for another guy. Its been 4 months of NC that I have disappeared from her life. I was about to text her. "With the love of your life yet? I was with mine but now shes gone." Bad idea isn't it? Or could it be good?

I don't know but the thought of that scares me because I still have feelings for her and I don't want to start all over again after this 4 months of not contacting her progress I've made. I've become more healthy emotionally and physically.

Have more time to work on my music, been working out and working and spending time with family and friends and chasing after my dreams which she never supported which when I was with her, I never had time for any of those.

What am I thinking? The possibility of being with her again is out of the question. I can't be with her anymore after what she's done to me but at the same time I still have that small thread of hope holding on and is reluctant to let go. Still want the good times back. Sigh got to keep moving on.

What are your thoughts about this? Is it time to text her? What should I do? Where do I go from here?

BAD IDEA.

Don't even think about it, buddy. We'll just say it's the beers talking and you're lonely. STAY disappeared from her life. Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing you miss her.

You'll also set your healing back! 4 months of NC isn't very long, really, and you're obviously not over it.

YOU'VE COME THIS FAR; DON'T SABOTAGE YOURSELF MAN!

You are better off not contacting her until you can be more calm. It's not showing a very nice side of you. Do you really want her to start saying, "I'm glad I dumped that sarcastic jerk, can you believe the text he just sent me?" No one will want to date you when that text gets forwarded to everyone you know.

But if you handle it like a man and realize that you need to heal, then you will attract respect.

Drunk dialing has been replaced by trashed texting.Neither one of which is a good idea.

Quote:

What should I do? Where do I go from here?

Continue on the road your on.If you give in now,all the work of the past four months will be wasted and you will just be rubbing salt into your wound.

You still want her but I think right now ,you want to hurt her and remind her how she broke your heart. Understandable ,but you should still refrain from back stepping.

She didn't care when she did it and if you text her,it will just give her the upper hand.

Go to a chat room and find someone else to talk to. Make sure to take two Tylenol and a big glass of water before bed,it will ease any potential hangover.

Have a good night and stay committed to making your life better!

You could text her. But strictly as friends. Ask her how's she's been? Ask her if she's happy. If she was slowing you down before she will just do it again. She doesn't appritiate you so don't act like she's your world.

No texting, no contact. Noney, you're doing so well, don't give up.

If you text her now you start all over again. You go back to the beginning, and you worked really hard to get here.

Stick to no contact.

Noney
You give people advice on here...

What would you tell YOU??

Stay NC or I'll get Alty onto you ;)

Wow... if I were you, I'd throw my phone out the window for Alty... :p

You are in no condition to handle a text from your ex, with that kind of messege you want to send. She left you for another guy, she doesn't deserve your attention, not even a drunk text.

It's the beer talking! Don't do it!

You'll only feel like an idiot afterwards and flagellate yourself for being such a jerk.

Four months of NC is great, but 4 months is still only 4 months and there is a way to go. Of course you still have feelings for her - hell, you're human, you're sensitive and you have to go through the process of grieving and mourning a finished relationship.

This is part of that process. People that you've loved don't just automatically disappear from your mind in a poof of smoke. Our memories and our hope and dreams stay with us - and come back to torture us and haunt us. As you're now finding!

It's not time to text the Ex yet while you've still got hope in your heart. Stick to the NC and there will be rewards - good times to come and that ache in your heart fading.

As Artlady says, trashed texting will just leave you feeling miserable and her feeling powerful.

Quote:

Originally Posted by none12345

"With the love of your life yet? I was with mine but now shes gone." Bad idea isnt it? Or could it be good?

I cannot begin to tell you what a waste of time this is, and how desperate you would look by sending it. You are the winner, remember that! Who's the big winner tonight Noney? YOU ARE!!

I am thankful you at least had the sense enough to ask us the advice before doing something totally irrational. See what alcohol can do to you? Continue the NC road, and read my words VERY carefully:

When someone leaves you for someone else, THEY had better do EVERYTHING they can to get you back...YOU do NOTHING...EVER!!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by none12345

I was about to text her. "With the love of your life yet? I was with mine but now shes gone." Bad idea isnt it? Or could it be good?

Bad idea is an understatement.

There's no "time to text" or to put in effort to make any sort of contact with an ex. It's life, not a waiting game, if you cross paths at some point so be it but let it happen, don't arrange it yourself. Until that time comes, don't worry about it.

Thanks for all the comment guys I really needed. Instead of texting her last night I was reading your encouragments. I am so glad I didn't plus it was the beers!! (my excuse) lol
But to be honest I am so much better off without her in my life. I am actually doing something for myself this time =P I guess I just had a weak moment >_<

We all have weak moments, even those of us who have been broken-up for longer periods.

Those feelings will fade given the proper amount of time.

Thank God my man, thank God you came to your senses.

I was just going to say how desperate that text would sound, especially after 4 months. 4months of N/C is not all that much, however, you sending that would obviously mean the last 4 months have been spent thinking about her.

Never do anything drunk or whatever your pleasure may be, nothing!! Sit and stare.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BMI

Thank God my man, thank God you came to your senses.

I was just going to say how desperate that text would sound, especially after 4 months. 4months of N/C is not all that much, however, you sending that would obviously mean the last 4 months have been spent thinking about her.

Never do anything drunk or whatever your pleasure may be, nothing!!! Sit and stare.

I know! I was happy too instead of sending that text to her I came on here so people can set me straight again. And I wouldn't say I was drunk I only had 2 bottles I would say more tipsy lol

Dang I am glad I didn't respond then. I'd have been like DO IT! If you can do it and feel NO remorse whatsoever, why not. Then I realized the last drunk text I sent to a guy was," Go ahead and throw away the bra I left over there, I'd rather vomit than wear it again and think of you." Soooo yeah... my advice would have been horrible. But I feel your pain, drunk texting can be a raw deal. Hope this made you laugh at least, you aren't in that boat alone!

[QUOTE=none12345;1856496]

I was about to text her. "With the love of your life yet? I was with mine but now shes gone."

It sounds like you'r hoping to catch her at a time when she's weak,or things aren't right with the two of them,but even if that was the case it doesn't mean she's going to come running back to you.

[QUOTE=zippit;1857219]

Quote:

Originally Posted by none12345

I was about to text her. "With the love of your life yet? I was with mine but now shes gone."

it sounds like you'r hoping to catch her at a time when shes weak,or things arent right with the two of them,but even if that was the case it doesnt mean shes going to come running back to you.

That was the initial intention last night when I was half drunk. Now that I see the light again. Hell no.

My fingers cannot even bring themselves to text my ex... I would have to have someone else do it.

Congratulations! You didn't board the "OH GOD I FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT" Train! :D

Way to have willpower! *high five*
Life is good man. Life is good.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Torrid13

Congratulations! You didn't board the "OH GOD I FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT" Train! :D

Way to have willpower! *high five*
Life is good man. Life is good.

Is life really good man? Honestly I don't see anything good in life. In mine anyway.

Quote:

Originally Posted by none12345

Is life really good man? Honestly i dont see anything good in life. In mine anyways.

Re-evaluate your life then. I see a TON of good in my life, as I create it. Being single should be all about fun. Are you not having fun?

These types of urges can happen. The trick is to overcome these urges and you will emerge strong. I say stronger because the next time you get such an urge, you will be in a better position to withstand it.

Good job on not giving in. If you get the urge again, just come straight back here and we'll snap you back to reality.

The last thing we want is for you to reset all the progress you've made!

Quote:

Originally Posted by kctiger

Re-evaluate your life then. I see a TON of good in my life, as I create it. Being single should be all about fun. Are you not having fun?

I honestly don't know.

Quote:

Originally Posted by none12345

Is life really good man? Honestly i dont see anything good in life. In mine anyways.

Aw, don't be like that. I'm going on 4 months of NC, too. There's plenty of things that are good in your life, I'm sure!

You got up this morning, didn't you? You could breathe in fresh air, right? You had the strength to say "no" to your emotions and be the strong person and put the phone down last night. You're on the road to healing: 4 months NC! There's a lot of people out there that can't even go a week without contacting their ex! You should be proud. There are people on this site that care enough about you to try to help you when you're feeling down! You have friends! You have a life!

What's so bad about that?

You hurt now, yes, and the pain sucks. The flashbacks, the lonely nights, the questions of why you weren't enough for someone else. I understand. But we've got to stay positive. We have to believe it gets better, and believe that we will find someone that thinks we're the cat's pajamas (which is a good thing, by the way). Keep your head up! Look for the positive! I know you can find it.

The coolest thing about being single:

YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT! So get busy... start dating any all and women who will go out with you! Seriously... live... it... UP!

Okay Guys! Thanks a lot!

Quote:

Originally Posted by none12345

Is life really good man? Honestly i dont see anything good in life. In mine anyways.

I hear you, life gets boring quick.

Granted your healing, but chances are your bored too because you just don't know what to do with your time. So, it's time for something new then.

Move on from your ex, move on from bad habits, move on from the same ol' sh*t and start fresh with everything. Use this time as a foundation to change your life completely, not only to adjust to being single again.

I know it sucks... I've been there. I still get random texts from the ex (it's been 2 years of NC). It's the best feeling in the world to not respond to them now. I don't need that crap in my life. I wish him the best and that is it... After spending thousands of dollars to keep him out of jail (:rolleyes: <--*SUCKER*) and essentially doing anything he wanted... I would rather not talk to him at all than to ask for any money back. In fact, I consider it a PAYOFF for never speaking to me again.

Look there is no magical cure for this. You can only try your best to overcome your emotional pull to contact them. If you have some close friends let them know you need to keep yourself REALLY occupied with stuff. I mean it... don't sit at home alone, get out there and have some fun, do everything you wanted to do while you were in a relationship. Whatever you do, don't sit home and throw back some beers while you are alone... especially when you are in a fragile state soon.

You did the right thing by posting to the board pre-text nightmare though!

Quote:

Originally Posted by none12345

progress i've made. I've become more healthy emotionally and physically.

Have more time to work on my music, been working out and working and spending time with family and friends and chasing after my dreams which she never supported which when i was with her, i never had time for any of those.

You already know what you have going for you.

Maybe you should step out of your comfort zone and try something new and weird. Like Salsa dance lessons or learn how to make sushi. Oddly enough you will meet some interesting people doing things like this.

You said sushi, YUMMMMM!

I just want to say kudos Noney. Not too many sober people have enough will power to do what is emotionally healthiest for them and you had enough will power and you were drunk. Many kudos.

Just thinking about it seems to have set you back and you were moving forward.

I would love to get out more and meet new people but I have no idea on how abouts to doing that =P any suggestions?

Check you paper or local community college for activities.
Join leagues at your local bowling alley/bar. I made the greatest friends out of my dart league.
Try the things you enjoy. I deal poker, make great money and have met tons of great new friends.
You just have to find your passion.

Pool league!! Well, only if you want to hang with the crazies. I hear the dart leagues are awesome, but I suck at darts so I have no clue. Personally, I would quell the nerd in me and join a local RPG... I know.. dice/paper... what a nerd.

Quote:

Originally Posted by none12345

i would love to get out more and meet new people but i have no idea on how abouts to doing that =P any suggestions?

If you like animals for example volunteer for your local Pet shelter , you'll meet genuine people who have the same interests , and you'll be doing something that'll make you feel good about yourself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by none12345

i would love to get out more and meet new people but i have no idea on how abouts to doing that =P any suggestions?

You like music don't you?

How about put an ad in the local papers to find people to form a band? That could be fun... :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by friend4u178

If you like animals for example volunteer for your local Pet shelter , you'll meet genuine people who have the same interests , and you'll be doing something that'll make you feel good about yourself.

I love animals! I never had that idea before =P

And I love music, it would be nice to have a band. Black, do you know where and how I can start a band?

Dude, pop by any music store and ask one of the guys who work there, that or they should have a board up somewhere people post,"I give guitar lessons," and "need a drummer," on those all the time.