I love this guy and the feelings are not mutual. We did have a relationship for a while, but he said he didn't feel the same and things ended, but he wanted to be friends. The only contact we have had since is that I sms and ask him how he is about once a month or so, and he does reply. It's been a long while since we ended this, so I have recently asked him twice(sms,email) if he wanted to meet up and he didn't reply. I think about him 99% of the time and I miss all the time. I really love him and my feelings for him are growing stronger even though we haven't seen each in a long time. I don't know how I can move on because my feelings for him are so strong? I also don't know how to have a friendship with him, because everything I try it doesn't work out? I want to have him in my life even if it is as friends, but does he want this? I think if I have him even as a friend, I would be happy. Should I just ask him straight out if he wants to be friends? I feel he is really worth it, because I know that he is a good person.

No, you shouldn't be friends, no you shouldn't ask him anything, and NO you should not contact him again!

You have done NOTHING to get over this, as you have done NOTHING but continually think about his feelings and what you can do to change them. Work on your feelings, starting with going no contact and making yourself happy. His actions have done more than enough to make it clear he wants nothing to do with you.

It's not like I haven't tried to forget him. I have tried a billion times, but it is not easy.

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Originally Posted by ByeBye

It's not like i haven't tried to forget him. I have tried a billion times, but it is not easy.

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Try harder. No one said it is easy. Build a life you enjoy without him in it. Be selfish!

You might still have feelings for him and you've even made attempts to contact him. The fact that he's not responding sends a very strong message.

He doesn't want to talk to you and is moving on with his life. If he chose to respond, it will give you false hope and lead you on, which would be worse for you.

It's time to stop holding onto the past and start moving on with your life.

You might still think about him, but it doesn't mean he feels the same way. You can't force someone to feel a certain way. It definitely is easier said that done, you're going to have to keep trying to bury your feelings by keeping yourself busy and doing other things.

Just a side note, every time you try to contact him, you reset all the progress that you've made in the recovery process. Start by stoping any attemps at contacting him. If you have to, block him from IMs, email, social networks, etc.

I gave my whole heart and soul to him and I just feel like my soul will never recover. I have had other relationships, but I just can't get over this one. I really fought for him.

It doesn't matter how much you like him... he doesn't like YOU. He's not going to magically turn around and say he has these strong feelings for you. He tried dating you, and he wasn't feeling it after a while. Move on.

Obsessing over this isn't going to get him to like you.

When is the last time you had contact with him? You aren't going to start healing until you keep yourself occupied, start doing things you enjoy, and work on YOUR life. He has given you clear signals that he doesn't like you... other than abducting him you are not going to be able to be with him!

My point is, you cannot change his feelings (or lack there of) for you. You can only change yourself and your own life. Your happiness should not revolve completely on another person, especially one who doesn't feel the same way about you.

Thanks for the advise, I will definitely try and follow it! I feel much better after writing what I felt down. I just need to keep thinking he doesn't deserve and I deserve much better.

To experience rejection from someone you want to be with and love is hard! And with enough time you can get over him and leave him in the past!

And yes, you do deserve better! You deserve someone who responds to your emotions and who are as into you as you are into him.

To help yourself heal, you should delete his number and his email address. Him not answering really does say it all, and although that is painful to you. It also holds a significant message in itself. You can't be friends.

This might also be a good thing for you in the long run! Because what you need to do now is to be selfish and think about you and what will make you happy! Keep living your life, hang out with friends, enjoy life and all it has to offer!

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I don't know how I can move on because my feelings for him are so strong?

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That's because your holding out hope he gets with you, and you keep contacting him. Your feelings will fade, and you will cope better with the reality that he doesn't want a relationship, and you MUST stop chasing him.

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I also don't know how to have a friendship with him, because everything I try it doesn't work out?

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Your not trying for a friendship, that's an excuse you use to keep chasing him once a month.

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]I want to have him in my life even if it is as friends, but does he want this?

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He answers your texts and is being friendly, but that's not enough, you want more and he just ain't giving it to you.

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I think if I have him even as a friend, I would be happy. Should I just ask him straight out if he wants to be friends? I feel he is really worth it, because I know that he is a good person.

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No, if you weren't caught up, he is being a friend. Its you that isn't accepting his friendship, because you can't. You want more than friendship.

Stop this charade and be honest with yourself, so you can leave him alone, and get over your unrealistic quest to have him as a boyfriend, and heal, until you can see reality. You won't ever be his friend until then, and maybe never, till you get over him.

I would have to agree with what the others say. I would not contact him at all. What I did with my current ex's phone number in my phone was rename her to "Rosie O'Donnell" (as a suggestion from someone here I believe lol). Perhaps you could change him to some equally unattractive male celebrity :D

Oof. If you don't walk away from this guy, "being friends" with him is going to EAT YOU ALIVE.

You'll always want more. You'll always be thinking, "Hey maybe if I act this way or dress this way when we hang out, he'll start to like me!" or something that will ultimately disappoint you. And then when you realize he's not any more interested in you than at the beginning of the day, you'll go home and cry and ask yourself why you're not good enough. Don't do that to yourself, okay? Trust me. I've been. And I am NOT a pretty cryer. o_o

But seriously. Just say no.

Thanks all of u.u have given me a lot of stuf to think about.I have another problem.I might see him as we both have been invited to attend a common friend birthday supper.how should I act when I see him?should I ignore him or what?

I have always been polite but unavailable for and deep conversations about the past. Hi and bye is enough. No need to be rude or angry, just avoid being sucked into a talk with them.

Threads merged

Hi,I find myself confused.last week a friend and I went out for supper.this friend happens to be the best best friend of my ex.me and her recently became friends and when we are together we do not speak about him.during the meal,out of the blue,she tells me that my ex still speaks about me to her and even has my picture in his flat,but I changed the subject because I didn't know what to say or ask.I know she wouldn't lie.I still care deeply about him,even though it has been a year since we brokeup and within the past two months,I have called him and sms him to try and get a friendship with him.my question is there hope we could get back together and if so how do I approach this situation?should I just be direct with this friend and ask her if he likes me?I just don't know what to do.please help me.

The only person you could ask is your ex and he might or might not want to discuss this.you won't know till you ask him.

I suggest you resist talking about your ex, with this mutual friend, so the confusion, and false hope doesn't play tricks on your mind.

Just keep up the no contact. It might get tougher at first, but it will get easier eventually. Just be patient. Come back here if you ever need support and confirmation that no contact is the way to go.

I'm glad that the thread helped: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...es-351302.html

I find the other stickies very helpful too.

IWish I must say you have come to be a stand out in the advisory world here on AMHD and I am glad you stuck around to help others out! Well done my man!

Hear hear guys -always good advice.:-)

I'm currently in nc with ex,and the healing is going slowly.everything including my career is going downhill and just seem to have no passion for anything anymore.I know from reading previous stickies that some of the advice is to keep yourself busy by going out with friends,etc.firstly,I live in small town where everything is about money and everyone knows everyone else business.I moved here about 18Months ago for a job that I though was my dream job.this is my first job since I graduated.I live in the same complex as my ex.I can't find another place,as this is the only place where the rent is affordable.the move was hard because I have no family around me,and all of my friends live far from this place.anyway,I am a very homely,shy person.I don't drink alcohol and I'm not really into going to the clubs.I do have made 3friends here,but they are very busy with work and their boyfriends,so we don't go out often.there are lot of house parties this side.I attended a few but didn't really enjoy myself because since I don't drink,people tried to force me to drink and everyone goes to these parties to get drunk and show off.so what can I do to get some passion,motivation into my life?? thanks in advance for listening and giving me advice.

You may have to tear down some barriers to build back your passion,I am not saying start drinking,but realistically something has to change drasticallyyou need to build a network outside of where you live,try volunteering if you have any spare time,if you're a christian join somewhere.have you talked to your new friends about this?

I agree with zippit..

You have to make the change,in a year are you still going to say,what am I going to do?

Get out there,join a club,go to the gym,or swimming,try something you have never tried before,be brave,be strong,find like minded people,if their not knocking on your door,go find them..

Check out the paper for local activities..
Start running,there might be a club in your area..

Who says you have to live in this small town? Is there not another job you can get elsewhere? From the way you described it this town is a dead end for social activities.

You find passion by creating passion in things you do. Volunteer, go to grad school, something that allows you to be proud and dedicate your time to. Passion isn't just born, it is created. You have to get up, get out and make things happen. Don't expect the good to just come to you.

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my career is going downhill and just seem to have no passion for anything anymore

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I live in small town where everything is about money

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I do have made 3friends here,but they are very busy with work and their boyfriends,so we don't go out often.

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people tried to force me to drink

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OP, you are living completely in a Me Centered World. You are telling yourself, “Oh, poor me. Poor me. How unfair this situation is.” After the breaking up you started to view your lives as if everything existed as to make things more difficult for you. You are focusing entirely on how the world affects you. It is impossible to live a truly fulfilled life if you are living exclusively in a Me Centered World. You won't be happy because it is all about YOU!

How about finding a way to get involved in your community? Playing sports, going to the gym! You don't have to be outgoing to do so, do you? Engaging activities at loca community center can be a great way to meet people. You therefore can learn a lot from others through conversation and circumstance. No matter how small your current town is, I think if you try you can find a local community!

Good luck! :)

Have you checked out the list of things to do after a breakup?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...kup-78597.html

How many of them have you tried?

You do the things you love!

For example, I love music so I play my guitar and piano all the time.

What about you? Arts? Music? Martial arts? Fitness? TV? video games? THERE ARE TONS OF THINGS OUT THERE TO TRY.

And once you go after those things and involve yourself in it within the community, you will find many friends with the same interests as you.

Hi all.I just need some insight even though I think I know what you'll will say.thanks in advance for helping me out.this site has already helped me out so much.anyway here's my story.about two weeks ago I attended my friends birthday supper.another friend Karen was suppose to pick me up.she is also the best friend of my ex.so like I said she was going to pick me up but instead my ex picked me up.well he picked Karen up first and then me,which doesn't make sense as me and my ex live in the same complex and she lives further from us.well,when I saw him I was shocked,I just wanted to go back to my flat but I pulled myself together and remained composed.well I was in the back seat,the music was loud so I couldn't hear anything that they were talking.that was uncomfortable.then when we arrived at the supper,he sits far away from us,total opposite ends of the table.I knew most of the people at the table,so I keep rotating around the table to talk to everyone and then he was opposite me at the table,so I asked him how work was and when he's going to visit his parents.anyway all of sudden he justs starts talking to the person next to him while I'm talking to him.when we are going back home Karen tells him to leave her first,as my ex and I live in the same complex so it be better.he didn't listen and left me first and then her.I was really sad and shocked by the whole night.I didn't expect to see him and I never expected him to act that way.we always such chatterboxes when we do talk.so anyway the next day Karen asks me how I am and said she was also confused and shocked by his behavior and tells me that there is no excuse for how he behaved.this is his best friend talking.I was confused and knew that the guy I knew wouldn't behave like that,so I called him.I asked him why he ignored me,he said he didn't.he just had not seen them in a long while and wanted to catch up with everyone.I also asked him why he left me first and then Karen since we stay in the same complex.he just said that he wanted to spend time with Karen but Karen told me earlier that he just dropped her of and left.so at the moment I am in NC.I thinks that's all I have got to say.thanks again for reading and advising.

Can't you see your analyzing the actions of your ex? That's a really dead end game, that leads to nothing but more confusion, and questions, of why people do what they do.

You and this mutual friend, are only keeping the confusing feelings stirred up.

Don't make this a mountain you can't climb and be frustrated by not having a clear solution you can understand.

Its clear he did what he did to go out of his way to NOT be alone with you.

Don't go getting false hope.