Hi guys,

New in this forum. Was in a relationship in 2004 with this girl, but she asked for a breakup in 2006. Reasons given was too much pressure in life - work, from her mum, feeling cooked up. So to deal with it, she went out with this friend of hers who fetched her from work everyday and dinner together. We fought over it and she called it over. Straight after that, she was seeking solace with this guy. She said she did not cheat on me in the first place. Fine, I am already over by now. So not much of a problem. Anyway took around 1.5 months to get over her.

In 2006 got into another relationship with this girl. She was much better than the first. Patient, loving, funny, cute everything a guy wants for. Not much quarrel at the first place. Had our first major quarrel 6 months down the road when she wanted to meet up with this friend of hers for a drink. I said fine but don't come back too late. She got offended by it and thus lead to our quarrel. 3 yrs down the road, she asked for a break suddenly saying staying together is too much for her - no freedom to go out with her friends for drinks(guys I mean, she has not much girlfriends). Tried to get over her then, but 2 months down the road, she asked for reconciliation. But after 3 weeks she called it off, saying its finally over. However, now and then we still go out occasionally and she still said sometimes she cries when she thinks of it. I thought maybe we still have chances of getting back. But recently, she turned cold and did not contact me ever since.


Its been 6 months after the first break. Guys, I know you will ask me to forget about her, but it's hard. Please advise.

It seems she is playing with you like a yo-yo, back and forth and it doesn't seem you have the courage to call it quits. You need to learn from both failure. Probably you need some time alone and let her go. It may be hard but you know down the road you need to heal and get better. This is why NC is best for you right now.

Quite honestly if you were able to move on from the first break up, you will also move on from this one.

Time to focus on yourself and go out and do something for others. Like volunteering.

Do not move into another relationship just to be in a relationship.

Thanks... am trying the NC now. But it's still hard especially in the evenings or weekends when I have sweet flashbacks.

Anyway it's weird that during our break, we went for a vacation but I paid most of it. And during our breakup, we went for yet another vacation and this time I paid for everything. And when she was left alone by herself, she would call me sometimes and sms saying she missed me a bit.

But I think recently she has indulged herself in online chatting and get to know this guy and has been drinking after work all night with her colleagues. I sent an sms saying ' I hope you know what you are doing". And she got seriuosly pissed off with that and that's when our contact ends. She said that I am crazy and she said her colleagues said I am crazy too. Damn, that pisses off also. Its been 2 weeks of NC now. I should be forgetting about her but why is it so hard.

Actually at both times, my ex's mentioned that I am a good person but they are no good for me.

Well actually I have taken care of them quite well, showering them with lots of attention and spend time together almost every day. Probably that's a mistake?

Now I am thinking probably its my fault all along.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you will probably break up again, and again, and again, until you find the person that is truly compatible with you. It is life. Rejection of yourself, rejection of others... they are all hard, the break ups, but it just means that this wasn't the right time or person, or both, for you.

You're alive, you will be fine, and it takes time. Give yourself the time. I would suggest that in future relationships you give a little more balance, and a little more love to yourself. Showering someone with gifts tends to loose its luster after awhile, so shower yourself with gifts as well.

thanks you are right. U guys out there are great. I wonder how you cope with all these especially when the girl you once love did so many great things together.

anyway she already admitted she's got a guy now, but she said it's just recently. But I know he's a random stranger she met on the web. Just can't believe it.

at one point of time, she is so adamant in marrying me. Now is a twist of fate.

"at one point of time, she is so adamant in marrying me. now is a twist of fate. "

When every relationship ends.. its always sad. If you think that some months ago, you were the best couple of the world.. and then some time later, she or he doesn´t even want to see you or talk to you.. it´s kind of sad.. it´s actually VERY sad, but as all the wise guys and girls said already here in this forum... it will happen until we find the right person that´s in the same page as you are. In the meantime, we will date, marry, whatever, and if it´s not the person, it will go to hell sooner or later.

So yeah... just focus on the positive part.. you will always have yourself, take care of yourself cause it might be the ONLY person in the world that will NEVER harm you.

Good luck!

You never got over her the first time, or you wouldn't have been sucked back in dude. Stay away from her, and heal, for real this time, and don't get sucked back in. Your healing will take long while, but you will heal if you stay out of her life.

Yea... I think I made a terrible mistake by sending her sms regarding the relationship - saying how much I have cared for her but she has turned her back on me.

Now I am feeling worse off. I think I should try to not to pursue any point of contact anymore. Anyway she said she is better off without me now.

I feel damn terrible now. Can't concentrate in work and life. But I tink I well have to deal with it slowly and come out a stronger man, hopefully.

It's not easy it just takes time , but if you contact her the time stops and you go back to square one , stay NC and keep going forward.

Hi guys,

Just got a wonderful job offer with good pay and all. I hope this is my turning point. But if only I could celebrate with her. Guess can't get all the good package in life.

Sorry turning sentimental again. I hope I won't dwelve back in the memories again. But it seriously feels good posting here every time. Hope it doesn't bother you guys out there.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by loyalfoolz

hi guys,

just got a wonderful job offer with good pay and all. i hope this is my turning point. but if only i could celebrate with her. guess can't get all the good package in life.

sorry turning sentimental again. i hope i wont dwelve back in the memories again. but it seriously feels good posting here every time. hope it doesn't bother you guys out there.

---

Good news! Celebrate by going shopping, or whatever it is. Spoil yourself. You are moving in the right direction so keep it up.

Keep posting, keep venting, whatever it is you have to do to feel better. Break ups suck, but living in pain and sorrow afterwards sucks worse!

Stop the contact, the games, the overall ignorance of not being able to see that this is over. You owe it to yourself to be happy! We have all gotten dumped and have all had to move on. Yes it is hard, but once you truly commit and truly erase her from your life, trust me, it makes it ten times easier.

Got into another relapse again yesterday night.. it was damn depressing. Alone in the room before going into bed. I guess it was tough because we were practically sleeping together, doing stuff together, walking the dog, have the same taste of food, doing groceries, playing video games together. WE WERE PRACTICALLY MARRIED. Its like suffering from a bad divorce. The impact is so huge.

It gets worse if I think of the guy she is out with now. I know she's like a drug which I depended on last time and now suffering from withdrawal symptoms. Sometimes secretly hoping that a miracle will happen.

But judging from one of my pals experience - his girlfriend dumped him for another guy, then he went into depression for 6 months. His girlfriend rang him back and practically hounded him and begged him to be with her again. They went on for another 2-3 yrs, he finally cheated on her.

I guess if she comes back to me (coz I know her new relationship with this guy won't work. He's a foreigner and she only know him for a few weeks), almost 100% the relationship won't work.

Actually most people say a temporary rebound girl would work, but feelings should not be played and manipulated. But whatever it is, I will try to spend time with myself and grow stronger. I hope it will get better each day.

Thinking about who she's with and what she's doing is just a complete waste of energy because you have no control over it.

I know its hard not to but your only punishing yourself for no reason with no possible gain.

You're going to be having sweet flashbacks for a while, buddy. Which completely sucks. But you know what the remedy for sweet flashbacks is? Keepin' busy. But Torrid13, what do you mean? Well, I'm glad you asked!

Go to the gym. Go out with your buddies. Work on a car, or another hobby you have. Go on a trip with sightseeing or sailing or something, preferably with friends, so you don't find yourself wishing she were there.

You'll never be able to change her. If she does want to try again, it'll end up in another break up. Why? Because humans are creatures of habit.

You sound like a nice guy. You'll catch the eye of another lady soon. Don't rush it, but you will. Optimism, angry music, and epic movies like 300 are your best friend.

Good luck.

Well said torrid13... but some of my friends said she is really a good catch, she is a nice girl compared to my previous ex (well that's really true); ask me to get her back.

They are right in the sense that she was a nice girl until she asked for a break. The thing is afer the break we are still staying in the same house but different rooms! And 2 things that brough us back together momentarily, which was one week before valentines - I) somehow we managed to made love and she said she got back her feelings after that ii) she went back to her parents place for a week and her mum told her off for wasting a good opportunity and she also thought to herself that probably she wouldn't get any partner in future who would be that nice to her. And she said she is ready to get married and ask me to propose to her somewhere in June when we go for our next vacation somewhere in Salzburg under the glittering sky of Austria

So there you go - made a mistake of going back with her because after 3 weeks she was out with her guy friends again and I think she realise she should be having a good time out there with her friends instead of wasting time with me. Thus contributed to our final break up. And she wanted us to be best friends still after that. I think it would be quite hard to be considering that I have been lower graded to one level below. She admitted she has split personality - she would be so nice to me at one time, but yet she likes to hang out with guy friends and flirt with them while out drinking, which I don't mind actually as long as they don't bed each other. But 2 weeks ago she has found new found love, she totally stopped contacting me. So that's when I try to maintain my NC.

Anyway the saying goes - nice guys don't get good girls don't they. Nice guys will just end up getting hurt while the not so nice guys will get all the girls they want.

Actually I still can't forget a few weeks before the break that she mentioned about the venues for our future wedding - a romantic beach wedding, how would the decorations be, how many guest to invite. How our dog would be the ring bearer, how she would propose to me if I don't do it?!

I wonder anyone out there has this similar situation. This is really unbelievable. But I am healing slowly with the occasional flashbacks.

Loyalfoolz, there are people have been in a similar situation. Namely, myself. Except, of course, I'm a girl, and the "man" that broke my heart was the one who decided on a warm March, 2009 day that he didn't love me anymore, athough we had been planning to get married, have kids, etc etc. He had already started saving for the marriage.

He had started going out with his friends a lot, and wouldn't call me when he said he would, or would just completely ignore me, saying he never had time because he worked so much. Of course, it took me a while to see it for what it really was because I was so in love and he treated me a like a princess for a while before he started to change.

He wanted to be "best friends" because I was the most "loyal, true" friend he had ever had. He topped it off by saying that I "should be grateful" he broke up with me when he did, and that he "could date me 10 years and STILL never have the intention of marrying me, or EVER wanting to."

His family called me everyday until last week when I told them to stop or I'd change my number, and his friends called him a moron. Everyone knew I wasn't such a bad catch after all except him.

So yes, I do know what you mean and how you feel. There's people on this site that have been through much, much worse. I figure if they can get through such hard times and heartache, hey, me and you can get through our pain, too.

I'm not minimizing your pain at all. I'm very sorry you have to go through this. But what I'm saying is that it does get better. And thank God it does. Takes time, but you'll be back on your feet in no time. :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by loyalfoolz

anyway the saying goes - nice guys dont get good girls dont they. nice guys will just end up getting hurt while the not so nice guys will get all the girls they want.

i wonder anyone out there has this similar situation. this is really unbelievable. but i am healing slowly with the occasional flashbacks.

---

I can say with 100% certainty I will get the girl I want, and I am a nice guy (contrary to popular belief from my friends and a few others on this site ;)). I just refuse to settle and refuse to believe that any woman can make or break me... yet, anyway.

Yes, I know what you are going through. I came here torn down, heartbroken, a mess... an absolute mess. Won't go through the details, but you aren't alone.

At any rate, worrying about getting the "right" girl is pointless. People come along when you least expect it, when you are just enjoying your life and not worried about finding Ms. Right. Find your own happiness and then you will be prepared to share it with a wonderful woman who will appreciate you. Just because this didn't work out doesn't mean your ex was evil. This is life, take the good with the bad.

I don't understand why you just didn't join her for drinks if you are so uncomfortable with her hanging out with her guy friends. Get to know them so you won't be so insecure about her hanging out with other people.

Don't worry about the right girl, worry about making yourself someone YOU can love, and the rest will all fall into place. If you have a strong center, then nothing can stop you.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by wontgohomewou

I don't understand why you just didn't join her for drinks if you are so uncomfortable with her hanging out with her guy friends. Get to know them so you won't be so insecure about her hanging out with other people.

---

Oh you regarding that, actually the first year of our relationship, she always asked me to follow her whenever she goes out for a drink/clubbing. Never fail. I do know her guy friends. But after that it just sizzles out, and when we were on a break, she would go for drinks after work at least 2-3 times a week till 4-5am in the morning. I don't know how she manage to work the next day but she did :>

Well, I don't really mind that but the thing is now she already has a new guy whom she just met on the internet and yesterday coincidentally I bumped into them in the mall. So that makes it hard again to heal. Sigh.

Today her brother just called me and asked whether I can help in finding a better job for him. I will be getting a good job soon and they are looking for people under me, so I said I can try asking for him.

I don't know why I did that but I guess I have no ill feelings towards him, so why not. If he works with me, I don't think that would bring back any painful memories. I am cool with her bro.

We did talked briefly about her and he said her family is also quite worried about her, her sudden change in behaviour and told me it's not my fault and they feel me.

I don't know whether I am healing or not but I guess I am able to cope better today. Weekend is approaching soon and I know the depressed feeling will come trrow. I hope I will be OK. I used to spend lots of time with her during weekend - from breakfast till lunch and dinner and will talk the whole night and share the laughters and joy.

We have a beautiful dog together, but now she doesn't seem to care for her dog anymore and caring for the dog myself brings painful memories. Should I just give it back to her but I don't think she would be able to take good care of the dog.

Another thing is we have also bought a house together and she is also not paying anything yet and in the future I guess. Taking her name off from the loan and house agreements would just incur additional legal costs, which I think I should not bear the cost.

Quote:

---

We have a beautiful dog together,

---

If she can't take it, and you don't want it, sell it.

Quote:

---

Another thing is we have also bought a house together

---

Whether you like it or not, getting her name off the property is well worth it, no matter the costs.

Its part of bearing resonsibility, for handling your business, and cutting her from your life.

Thanks for all the advice.

It has been a yo yo feeling inside me. There are days when I just hate her, but sometimes I miss her a lot, and occasionally I think I would just be nice to her if I bump into her.

As predicted, weekend was the worst for me, even though I hang out with friends, went for drinks, met a few girls, went on dates. But the happy feeling is not there.

It's like as if I can't just click or connect well with any other girls. I would be happy momentarily going out with friends and girls, but once that is over, I think of her again. I still have dreams about my ex which is still not going away.

Hopefully I won't go crazy. How can a girl just forget about all the good times they have gone through with ease. I hope I can do that easily.

Quote:

---

how can a girl just forget about all the good times they have gone through with ease. I hope I can do that easily.

---

Most time we are in shock and hurt, but the one that dumped us has a head start on healing just because they have given it plenty of thought before they dumped you so not only did they avoid the shock, but are ready to move on once they tell you its over. Dumpees are the last to know and often, there is little warning.

That's why nothing works to change their mind, and they are ready to be friends while your still out in limbo over the whole mess.

Recently I met a great girl in a posh club at bangkok. We hit it off quite fast and now we are in constant contact.

Really feel good after that and this has totally taken off my mind from my ex. So is this considered a rebound which is consider dangerous waters to thread in? But I really feel top of the world and this has really help tremendously in forgetting about my ex.

But I know meeting your potential partners in clubs usually won't last long. What should I do

Exactly what you are doing! :) enjoying life.
Good on you man.

Enjoy yourself. The thing is most people enjoy themselves so much, they get carried away, and fail to see things that they should, or make the right adjustments. Nothing last when you use it to death.

Well I did enjoy myself, much to the extent that I met another nice girl again (a korean this time) in my home country a few days ago.

Much to my chagrin, I could not bring myself to fully like any girl or pursue a long term relationship as still deep inside I still miss my ex girlfriend and fully treasure our past relationship.

Every time I meet a new girl, there would be this hindrance in my heart to fully commit to another relationship as I don't know why I still think of my ex at times, especially when I am alone.

I hope this feeling will go away soon.

It's too early in my opinion to pursue a long-term relationship with someone else.

Just sit back, enjoy life, and heal.
Everything else will happen when it's meant to.

Sorry for your pain.am there too.and its going to hurt for some time.you wake up crying and its part of the healing process. It gets better.

Yes. You may have made a mistake but no-one is perfect during a break-up.

Reading your thread, she is just playing with you. She says and does things so she has the control during the break-up, because it will make her feel better. You have to remember she will be feeling bad about things too, its not just you.

No Contact is the best thing to do, otherwise it just gets messy. If she insists on keeping in touch with you, make sure it is on your terms and not hers.

Hi guys,

I have been happy for one and half month until 2 days ago till now I feel so depressed and down. I guess I didn't tell that my ex has still been staying in the same rented house but different room. I don't see her at all and she banked in rental through online so that is fine as long as we don't cross each other's path. When I asked her whether she would like to move out 2 months ago, she said she wanted to stay till dec so I said fine.

2 days ago, we had some major tiff due to some petty issue and she immediately moved her things out.(this time permanent) so we argued again due to the non paying of rental and notice period of 2 months.

But somehow deep inside I feel sad that she moves out. I don't know why am I still thinking of her. It's almost one year since when she said she wanted a break ! For those who didn't follow my thread - we got back together in feb for 3 weeks and permanent break at end of feb till now.

And I am currently dating a girl and yet I still think of her at times.

Should this be a good sign that she moves out? At least I can be free from bumping into her ever again and think of her again. Why is it so hard to forget about her? It took me less than 2 months to forget about my previous ex.

Yes it s good she s moved out now you can truly start the healing process.its not a good thing staying under the same roof if you re split up.as for dating someone else I don't think that's wise until you re completely over your ex.rebounds don't really work.

The good thing, she has moved out. The bad thing, you are dating someone else while still harboring feelings for your ex. That isn't fair to you and especially to the person you date. People are all too often to be alone... being alone doesn't mean you have to be lonely. We HAVE to find out what its like to take care of ourselves and rely on ourselves. Be single, learn how to be single, learn to be on your own, truly. That's my advice.

Very true. Appreciate the advice folks.

I enjoyed being alone for a while and moving into another relationship because I thought I was fully over my ex. Then it hit me when I listened to certain songs or go to certain places that I thought of my ex again. Or when I walked my dog or looked at my dog that I remember her again.

I realised this is not fair for both of us. Will try to work things out. Thanks again!

Anyway it's been so long since we broke off, but every time I bumped into my ex, I don't understand why she don't even give a slight smile or acknowledgement. It's like I am her enemy now. There was once, I bought lots of chocolate at the airport and out of thoughtfulness, I gave her a few and hung outside her door. She messaged me the next day and said "are these chocolates for me? if yes, thank you. i appreciate it a lot:>" but then the next time I bumped into her, she gave a bored sigh "haizzz". Sometimes, she comes home she banged her room door loudly while closing it. But sometimes, when she sees me she asked "how's things?" it's weird. I don't understand her behaviour. We already broken off, why still act this way if she wants to remain friends.

It all started after she got into a new relationship in June. Ever since then, she said I am stranger to her.

Before that, once in a while, she will call me or asked whether we would like to meet up for a drink, which of course I try to avoid.

Now it's a different story.

Just shows how affective NC is which you haven't been able to fully maintain due to her being under the same roof. Confusion reigns because you can never trully let go properly.

So nows your chance to go complete NC seeing as she's moved out.

No Contact = No confusion