Hi AMHD Members

I was hoping for some help, I was seeing a guy for 2 months last yr and all of a sudden he wanted to end it because he couldn't give me 100% which I accepted and moved on. The thing is he keeps coming in and out of my life every 3 months. This is killing me as he knows I love him so much. We got back together in November last yr and then I found out that he was seeing another woman behind my back so I ended it.

He just keeps appearing and disappearing from my life, his friends have told me to be careful as he tells lies all the time, I've since discovered loads of lies he has told me. He tells me that he always thinks of me and whom I'm with, its like he don't want me really be don't want anyone else on the scene??

I found out last week that whilst he was asking me to get back together with him that he slept with another girl, when I found out he said that it was a drunken mistake and that it meant nothing.

Im just so hurt and confused, he tells me he loves me then goes and sleeps with another woman, I'm so suicidal over this guy

You really need to seek the help of a professional if you feel as though you may kill yourself.

Also, cut this guy out of your life NOW. No more contact, no more talking about him, no NOTHING! He is dead to you, so make it happen.

A loser is a loser, period, so let the loser go, and get help for yourself.

He just comes into my life every so often and its killing me, I'm trying so hard to let him go but its so hard. How do you stop loving someone??

How? IGNORE HIM

You really need to stop talking to him. If he contacts you, don't pick up. If you didn't know he was calling, as soon as you recognize it's him, tell him you're busy and hang up.

You really need to stop getting updates about his life. It just prolongs your pain and suffering.

Block him entirely out of your life until you stop having feelings for him.

Drastic problems call for drastic mesures.

He only keeps coming back into your life because your allowing him to so you need to stop it. You're the cause for your own misery and this emotional rollercoaster ride. So the question is "when will you learn?"

Also, nobody is worth killing yourself over and whenever these thoughts enter your mind call 1-800-273-talk(national suicide number)

No one just appears in peoples lives, you let them appear. Simply ( I know it is not simple) stop answering his calls, stop reading emails, texts, IM's, if he comes to your door don't answer. And I agree with KC you need to get some help after only being with him for 2 months you are suicidal that says a lot.

Maybe tough love isn't the way to go for you. But you really need to stop allowing him back into your life. It's just causing you unnecessary miseray. If he really did lie so many times, then you shouldn't be able to trust him anymore.

I don't think it's him that you love. It's an imagine of him that doesn't really exisit. Realize his flaws and you will see that he's not the perfect guy that you feel that he his.

I know that you are all right, I try sooo hard to ignore me, I feel like he has this hold over me and that makes me try even harder to ignore him.

I know that he makes me a bad person as when I was around him I became a different person that I didn't like.

He thinks he can show up and I come running, I know that klling myself is not the answer, I know no man is worth that

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Originally Posted by I wish

Maybe tough love isn't the way to go for you. But you really need to stop allowing him back into your life. It's just causing you unnecessary miseray. If he really did lie so many times, then you shouldn't be able to trust him anymore.

I don't think it's him that you love. It's an imagine of him that doesn't really exisit. Realize his flaws and you will see that he's not the perfect guy that you feel that he his.

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You are so right, we were only together for 2 months but we have been friends for over 2 yrs now. The silly thing is that I know I can't trust him so I know that there can never be a relationship in the future.

I think the thing that screws with my head is that I'm intelligent enough to know that he is bad news and there can never be anything between us ever again as the trust has gone, but I still love him and would love to know how you just turn off your feelings??

You turn off your feelings by getting him out of your life for good. You can't just get over someone while continuing to talk to them and see them. It takes self control and will power. Fact of the matter is, you need to change your attituded about this. Instead of saying "he can" say "I can." Better yet... say "I will!"

You already know what type of person he is and the hold he has over you so your best bet is to stay away from him. It's not as hard as your making it out to be.

For some reason your addicted to him and addictions are hard to break but you can overcome it with a lot of willpower.

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Originally Posted by kctiger

You turn off your feelings by getting him out of your life for good. You can't just get over someone while continuing to talk to them and see them. It takes self control and will power. Fact of the matter is, you need to change your attituded about this. Instead of saying "he can" say "I can." Better yet...say "I will!"

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I'm really doing my best to fight this, the thought of him and this girl kills me inside, when it enters my head I try and switch off and think of something else.

It killed me inside when I found out that he was in a relationship with girl when he told me that they were just mates and "just there for each other at a difficult time", I mean how do you forgive someone for that type of behaviour.

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Originally Posted by liz28

You already know what type of person he is and the hold he has over you so your best bet is to stay away from him. It's not as hard as your making it out to be.

For some reason your addicted to him and addictions are hard to break but you can overcome it with alot of willpower.

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liz28 you are right, it seems that I'm addicted to him and the lovely things he does say to me (occassionally), I do realise that he is a bad influence and I suppose that's a start. When he realises that I'm seeing someone else he is back on the scene again saying that he loves me. Im going to have to try harder to block him out of my life. I do not want to be a wash over for any man

He regulary phones me up and puts the phone down on me when things are not going his way, he rang me the other night when I found out about him sleeping with this woman and I said that we should meet, he said lets meet in a pub and I responded by saying why don't I come round to yours (he still lives at home aged 30!! ), he said no we must meet at the pub and when I said il come to yours he put the phone down. It made me think that his parents know about his girlfriend and so it would be awkward me being there. I just had a really bad gut feeling. He also often ignores me texts for days at a time as well??

All of that is in the past now but you can work on changing the present and the future.

No more worrying about who is he screwing, whether if he has a girlfriend or not, no more taking his texts, or meeting up with him. Time to focus on you!

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Originally Posted by liz28

All of that is in the past now but you can work on changing the present and the future.

No more worrying about who is he screwing, whether or not if he has a girlfriend or not, no more taking his texts, or meeting up with him. Time to focus on you!

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How do you turn off your feelings just like that?? Any tips?? Is it just a case of bloody good will power?? I know we can never have a future but it still hurts like hell

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Originally Posted by imhurtingsomuch

how do you turn off your feelings just like that ???? any tips ??? is it just a case of bloody good will power ??? i know we can never have a future but it still hurts like hell

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There is no light switch or a magic potion. You just got to stop talking to the person. Distance yourself, pretend they don't exist. No contact is the best way to help you get over the person. Time and patience are the key.

You should also go out and meet new people and hang around friends as much as possible.

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Originally Posted by I wish

There is no light switch or a magic potion. You just gotta stop talking to the person. Distance yourself, pretend they don't exist. No contact is the best way to help you get over the person. Time and patience are the key.

You should also go out and meet new people and hang around friends as much as possible.

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I did go no contact and then he kept texting me and saying he loved me, I really don't want to have to change my number because of him. He knows that I really love him and am feeling rather weak at the moment, its like he prays on my vunrability!! I'm trying so hard, I just get to where I'm feeling OK and then il get a text from him... he makes me so mad

Well if you don't want to change your number, then you're just going to have to accept his texts. If you want to take a more drastic measure, then when you see that you get a text from him, don't open it. Have your sister/brother/friend/parents/grandma/cousin/grandpa/aunt/uncle/neighbor/(anyone else I left off the list), open the text for you and help you delete it right away.

If you can manage, you should start to date someone else whom you can trust. It is good to be around a sincere person, and it will help you to move on. (Please do not use the person though. It has to be a real relationship.) When you are lonely, you can be weak for the temptation. Tell him you are seeing someone else, you are happy, and you should not be bothered. Period.

FAIR WARNING THIS WILL BE HARSH.

START SAYING NO, SPAMMING HIS TEXTS, AND BLOCK HIS PHONE CALL.

ABOVE ALL QUIT MAKING EXCUSES FOR YOUR SELF, WHY YOU KEEP LETTING HIM F'K UP YOUR LIFE.

HE IS ONLY AMUSING HIMSELF, AND MAKING AN IDIOT OUT OF YOU, BECAUSE YOU LET HIM. THATS ALL YOUR FAULT, SO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, AND QUIT WHINING!

Click on the link in my signature, and read the stickies. Work on yourself, your a mess. Hang up on the b4st4d, and don't talk to him.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

FAIR WARNING THIS WILL BE HARSH.

START SAYING NO, SPAMMING HIS TEXTS, AND BLOCK HIS PHONE CALL.

ABOVE ALL QUIT MAKING EXCUSES FOR YOUR SELF, WHY YOU KEEP LETTING HIM F'K UP YOUR LIFE.

HE IS ONLY AMUSING HIMSELF, AND MAKING AN IDIOT OUT OF YOU, BECAUSE YOU LET HIM. THATS ALL YOUR FAULT, SO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, AND QUIT WHINING!

Click on the link in my signature, and read the stickies. Work on yourself, your a mess. Hang up on the b4st4d, and don't talk to him.

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Your right talaniman I am a mess, a complete and utter mess!! I've not seen him since nov 08 s I just get the gut instinct to stay away, he still text and rings me though and always asks to meet up with me.
Im changing my mobile number today and going to try and move on even though I'm dying inside with the thought of him and another.

I suppose when I sit and think I'm letting him use me by answering his texts and calls, he did ring me the other day and I just ignored is as I thought "why answer it to get the phone put down on me again". I thought that I'm worth better than the way he treats me.

I just wanted to give you all a quick update and say thank you for all your help and support. Ive now changed my mobile number, when my ex found out I was changing my number (as I've been talking about doing it for a while now) he text me and said "ive not got your new mobile number"!! I thought he was having a laugh at first but he really meant it.
He thought I was going to give him my new number so he could call me up/text me and be abusive and put the phone down on me!! I think he thinks that I've got door mat written on my head. Anyway I haven't responded and just changed my number, I've took the voicemail off my old number so the only way he can reach me is by texting my old number.

Lets just hope I'm doing the right thing folks, I miss him already but I can't keep living like I've been doing, its no good for my health and sanity

Thanks again for all your advice - you are true angels

He sounds like a real , NOT SOMEONE YOU WANT TO BE WITH!!


It's probably because you do go running back, tell him to fk OFF! They always want what they can't have... make yourself unavailable


And please seek professional help

YAY!

& yea you'll miss him, that's normal... but time heals everything

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Originally Posted by imhurtingsomuch

i just wanted to give you all a quick update and say thank you for all your help and support. Ive now changed my mobile number, when my ex found out i was changing my number (as ive been talking about doing it for a while now) he text me and said "ive not got your new mobile number" !!!!! i thought he was having a laugh at first but he really meant it.
He thought i was going to give him my new number so he could call me up/text me and be abusive and put the phone down on me !!!! I think he thinks that ive got door mat written on my head. Anyway i havnt responded and just changed my number, ive took the voicemail off my old number so the only way he can reach me is by texting my old number.

Lets just hope im doing the right thing folks, i miss him already but i can't keep living like ive been doing, its no good for my health and sanity

thanks again for all your advice - you are true angels

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You're definintely doing the right. He's messed around with you long enough. Just keep in mind, you're not trying to punish him. You're helping YOURSELF. You need to get over him and move on with your life. This might feel tough at first and might get tougher for a little while, but with time, it will get better. You just have to be patient. If you can't handle how much you miss him, then just come back here and we will knock some sense into you.

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Originally Posted by I wish

You're definintely doing the right. He's messed around with you long enough. Just keep in mind, you're not trying to punish him. You're helping YOURSELF. You need to get over him and move on with your life. This might feel tough at first and might get tougher for a little while, but with time, it will get better. You just have to be patient. If you can't handle how much you miss him, then just come back here and we will knock some sense into you.

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Your right I wish. I am doing the right thing. Another of his little games was to tell me he loved me and then arange to meet up with girls he never met on Facebook, one of my mates set him up for a false meeting and he went!! Only two hours before that he was professing his undying love for me??

Im so glad to be away from the lies, the only thing that bothers me is that he still has a slight hold on me (we used to work together and that's how we met), he says that he knows somebody that he works with that knows me but won't tell me who they are, I don't know if he is lying or what but he has been telling me things (who I've been owt with) that he must have got from somewhere?? It makes me creepy to think that he can still have this hold over me. I don't think this friend is a direct friend of mine as I know where my mates work, but someone that knows someone that knows me (if you follow)

Its like he gets his kicks out of knowing what I'm doing, he says he thinks of me 24/7, whom I'm with and what I'm doing etc etc

You should tell him to think about my foot going horizontally up his a$$ 24/7... that should change his thinking. :cool:

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Originally Posted by kctiger

You should tell him to think about my foot going horizontally up his a$$ 24/7...that should change his thinking. :cool:

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The thing with him is that he don't care, he is so rude to me, telling me that I'm a liar(thought that was a good one coming from him), and that I cry wolf (just because I had a very scary lump and didn't tell him about it as I didn't want to worry him). If you love someone would you call them a lair and accuse them of crying wolf?? I was only protecting him from the truth

Wait a second am I missing something? How did he get your new number?

When I changed my number in the past it didn't matter if something called or text my old number they couldn't reach me. When they would call the old number the disconnected message could be heard. Text messages got sent back to the person as undeliverable.

Once you change your number nobody can get it unless it was given to them. Did you state in your voicemail you were changing your number + left the number? Did you tell your carrier you wanted your changed number private?

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Originally Posted by liz28

Wait a second am I missing something? How did he get your new number?

When I changed my number in the past it didn't matter if something called or text my old number they couldn't reach me. When they would call the old number the disconnected message could be heard. Text messages got sent back to the person as undeliverable.

Once you change your number nobody can get it unless it was given to them. Did you state in your voicemail you were changing your number + left the number? Did you tell your carrier you wanted your changed number private?

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No he hasn't got my new number, he texted my old number saying that I haven't sent him my new number - not that I'm going to send him my new number - sorry for the confusion

He knows that I love him so much, I hate the mind games that he plays with me and I'm going to stop putting myself in a position to let him. He turned up at my house last yr on my birthday in June with a present for me he said but didn't want to bother me. That's probably a lie. He also recently said that he sent me a letter explaining his feelings and guess what I didn't reciee a thing, another of his lies I think.
His lies just go on and on, I'm surprised that he can keep up with them all

Just wanted to come on here and vent rather than text the ex. Its killing me right now but hope you don't mind me coming on here and venting. I told him that I wanted him to forget our past and that its for the best, I hope that I did the right thing ? Ive got a horrible feeling that I've made the wrong decision but on the other hand I just can't trust him and he tells too many lies?

God I'm so confused right now, I've been trying to keep myself busy, I've even mowed the front and back grass!! I just can't get him out of my head ? Why? After he treated me so badley and slept with someone else (fair enough we were not together at the time, but he was asking me to get back with him) have I right to feel bad even though we were not together but he was still asking me to get back with him??

I'm just so confused right now and don't know where to turn

Turn to us. Venting is great, and I even think healthy. This whole process of ridding yourself of him is like detox for emotions. You will be fine. I know it is hard to have the faith, but believe me, you will. Hang tough and keep venting on here, as much as it takes.

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Originally Posted by kctiger

Turn to us. Venting is great, and I even think healthy. This whole process of ridding yourself of him is like detox for emotions. You will be fine. I know it is hard to have the faith, but believe me, you will. Hang tough and keep venting on here, as much as it takes.

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Thanks kctiger, the thing that really hurts me is that when we got back in touch I found out that he was "friends" with this woman and asked her to go on holiday with him. He told me that they were just mates that were going through a rough time and enjoyed each others company. Then he turned and said to me that he did like her and that you never know what may happen if they went on holiday together, that was like a knife in the heart to me.

I didn't have any contact with him for a couple of weeks and the next time we spoke I found out that he had slept with her, so all along he was getting on with her and asking me to get back with him. The thing is that after he slept with her he told me it didn't felt right and that he told her he wanted to be mates, again another lie as I know for sure that she was on Facebook gushing that they are in a relationship and she "thinks she maybe in love". How this broke my heart, why do we want to find these things out when we know that the answers will brake our hearts?

This is why I have cut off all communication with him, it hurts too much to know who he is with and what they are doing, just knowing that they are together eats me up inside.

If he had just been honest from the start and said that he had liked this girl so he can't get involved with me then I would have respected him and moved on, but he just lied lied lied.

Its like I'm his back up plan if/when things go wrong, e.g he slept with the woman to get some booty and then because it didn't feel right he thought he could give me the old line of I thought I loved her but then realised I didn't, its you that I love gggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrr

It sucks to know someone you deeply love is being intimate with another person, I know the feeling. Look, he is a lying no good person and you deserve better. Do not give him the satisfaction of your being upset. Few months down the road, you will see how much he wasn't worth all of this, trust me.

This is a great first step, coming her to release those feelings, instead of listening tp more of his yada. You can get him out of your life, just keep making the right decisions for yourself.

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Originally Posted by kctiger

It sucks to know someone you deeply love is being intimate with another person, I know the feeling. Look, he is a lying no good person and you deserve better. Do not give him the satisfaction of your being upset. Few months down the road, you will see how much he wasn't worth all of this, trust me.

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Please could you answer the following questions as I'm a bit confused as to what to think right now - thanks

Should I feel angry that he slept with someone even though we were not together but he was asking to get back together? Saying he loved me and wanted a future with me

Would someone who loves you call you a liar and say that your crying wolf (over the lump I didn't tell him about because I didn't want to worry him)

I'm sorry to keep venting, I know that thee are a lot of people on here wanting help and advice, not just myself. Im just finding hard to move withou the above questions being answered. The guy has a way of making it feel my fault.

Basically I told him to forget our past as its for the best, so he now completley ignores me, even when I said that I didn't want to end it badley and it would be nice if he said goodbye via text. He isn't ignoring me because he is hurting (the is a circle we repeat time and time again) he is doing it out of spite and being petty. I just wanted to end it politley not with him sulking because I told him I'm leaving. Im so confused, on one hand I'm glad he hasn't text me but on the other it would have been nice for him too wish me the best for the future

Omigosh, stop worrying about him, his feelings, or what he thinks.

That goody two shoes, fantasy ending, ain't happening so let that go.

Grow up, and get a real life, and look forward, not backward. How many times you going to break up with this guy, enough is enough.