Ask Me Help Desk - Boyfriend material?

Boyfriend material??

I've met a great guy, he SEEMS funny, caring, kind and he's gorgeous. We met in a bar and I ended up staying the night as his place. Bad move maybe, because I didn't exactly know the guy, but he turned out to be genuine. I really do like him, and we've only seen each other twice. But we spent so long just talking, getting to know each other.
Anyway, the last time I met him I asked him where we go from here? In his eyes, "seeing" someone is kind of dating them, but "going out" with someone is like being engaged to them. But to me, if you're just "seeing" someone, it's nothing, just having sex on a regular basis! So we didn't get anywhere, we just left it at that. He's been texting me a lot. But I just don't know how to approach the subject again. I'd like him to be my boyfriend, but I don't want to pressure him.
Obviously I don't know him well at all. But it's like I've met "the one". We just kind of clicked and I think I could really really get to like him.
Should I just leave it as it is and go see him again whenever he asks me? Give it time? I just want to know where I stand, without scaring him away...

Well of course having sex you should be saying is he father material.

I would say the person is saying to you, having a regular girlfriend means I can't go to bed with stangers when I want to.

Bars, staying the night, people date and become serious on people like that, and then wonder 3 years latter why the person they are dating still wants to go to bars and go home with people instead of coming home to them every night

Hmm I honestly do not mean to be coming off as rude... but do you think you were maybe just a "fling" sort of thing to him? If you have feelings for him (which girl in two days it's still just attraction) there is no reason why you should stay confused about where you stand with him. And there should be no reason he should keep from telling you. And if it scares him away well then, the above question I asked would certainly be proven. I say you should talk to him and not wait for him to talk to you when he wants. If he's willing to engage in something that intimate with you he should be able to be man enough to tell you where you stand with him. I'm not saying that you are or that it is that serious... but girl don't be a door mat! =)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lianne20

I've met a great guy, he SEEMS funny, caring, kind and he's gorgeous.

Another thing I will mention is that you don't know this guy and I would be really cautious of how much of your feelings u put out there until you can replace "SEEMS" with "IS".

You ever notice how relationships these days are HIGH SPEED

Like how we live our lives in this "modern" world.

No one takes it slow anymore. We rush headlong into instant gratification. And then we do not want to pay the price for our immediate fix when the bill collecter somes calling.

In my way I am making a suggestion... take it slow or pay the price.

I agree, you need to SLOW down.

You stayed the night. He may not think you are girlfriend material. You were agreeable for a quickie. He may not want someone who will jump in bed with anyone they meet the first or second time.

So maybe you should wonder if you are girlfriend material. Just a thought.

SLOW DOWN!!

You sure do expect a lot from someone who you just met and had a one night stand with. Maybe you should slow down and talk about important stuff like " is it sex or is it sex". Do you really truly and honestly think he cares what you THINK about anything as long as you are BOOTYCall material? Not to be rude but why buy this cow??

However I do think that she has a right to know or he should be man enough to tell her what's up... But she should also realize that her expectations of a man who will sleep with her the first night are a bit high... I agree with that

Yes, to both of your questions.

Ive actually read my post back and can see where you're all coming from... and I can see myself how wrong it must sound! I never jump into bed with a bloke on the first night, but I let my guard down and I did this time! Soooo, here's the deal; this bloke actually told me on that first night (and this was AFTER the sex!) that he thought we'd get along just fine. Now I know that means absolutely nothing but he does seem to care. He called me up last night saying some girl was trying to chat him up so he told her he was with someone. He then said he wants to see me again. So it wasn't a one night thing. But I'm going to ask him today exactly what's going on with us. And I take the point about things happening too quickly; I agree. What I want is to get to know this guy, go on a few dates and then see what happens.
I'll keep you informed! Thanks for the advice xxx

Good Luck.
Sometimes I believe sex isn't the way the start as relationship, as its sex based. There are other important things to learn about that person before having sex.

What you should try and do is for the next few times you date don't have sex and see is the respect is there.

I know! It was just one of those very passionate moments, and one thing just led to another... ;)
BUT I know that I shouldn't have done it because it just portrays me as being "easy" so I'm going to refuse to do it for a while and see if he still wants to know me!

Good on you :D

Your going to push him away by already asking him to be your girlfriend. You've got to give it time.

Yeah, I've realised that... that's why I've decided to just see how it goes and get to know him a bit better, just see what happens.
The last thing I want to do is send him running :rolleyes:

Beware, he may say and do anything for more romps in the sack. Don't fall for the cheap, practiced lines. Action speak louder than words. Be careful.

Totally agree with Krs... but I think its like never instead of sometimes... lol If this guy is showing potential and you really like him and he likes you as much as he says and saying he is seeing someone, then he will no doubt be up for seeing you without sex at the end of the night.

Quote:

Originally Posted by beautifuldiva

Totally agree with Krs... but I think its like never instead of sometimes... lol If this guy is showing potential and you really like him and he likes you as much as he says and saying he is seeing someone, then he will no doubt be up for seeing you without sex at the end of the night.

If he is see someone else isn't that cheating??

Um I thought she meant that he was telling these other girls he was seeing someone (meaning her) right?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lianne20

He called me up last night saying some girl was trying to chat him up so he told her he was with someone. He then said he wants to see me again. So it wasn't a one night thing. But I'm going to ask him today exactly what's going on with us. And I take the point about things happening too quickly; I agree. What I want is to get to know this guy, go on a few dates and then see what happens.
I'll keep you informed! Thanks for the advice xxx

This is what I was referring to. He said to the other girl that he was seeing someone else.. (meaning seeing her)

Slow down siste!! Slow down!!

You still do not even know this guy.

Take it slow.

You want to jump in and date him and you've onl yseen him twice??

Relationships take TIME and effort. You just don't jump into one. It also takes TWO to tango.

Get to know this guy before you jump in .

I read somewhere once "What is wrong with today's society??? Women can't keep their legs closed when they're single and can't keep em open when they're married!..."

I'm so relieved to hear that you realize sleeping with him at lightning speed was not the best choice and that you're going to hold out to see if he sticks around. Great test. If he is into you, or at least very interested in getting to know you, then not having sex with you right now won't even be an issue.

That he said you'll get along fine means nothing either. Stay strong and don't jump the gun. Respect yourself and your choices to do the right thing and others will too. If he doesn't understand why you slept with him on the first night but won't now, he either eventually will or will move on, and either one is okay.

You're young and pretty, don't be in such a hurry.

Quote:

I read somewhere once "What is wrong with today's society??? Women can't keep their legs closed when they're single and can't keep em open when they're married!..."

Loved this response mom, have to send it too all my married friends.

UPDATE! Saw him last night, and we just spent the night at his, talking and watching DVDs. Didn't jump into bed with him and he didn't even ask.
He bought us a pizza and while we were eating he suddenly looked up at me and said "so, what's going on with us then?". Men are so confusing sometimes! I just told him I think he's cool, and I'd like to get to know him, I want to take things slow etc. He agreed!
So we're going on a "proper" date on Friday, he's taking me to a restaurant.
I'll let you know how it goes...

Awesome. That's is the exact way to go. SLOW! Excellent!

How exciting!! Fun, but slow!

Ohhhh I feel so so stupid! It all ended in tears. I should have known better.
He's ignoring me now, told me he had some girl round his house bla bla bla. I just get too attached to people before I even know them. Im just craving a bit of attention I think!
Well, I should have known better and Ive learnt my lesson. Doh!

Chin-up. Now you know what works... and what doesn't.

Well - all I can say is - 'fast and furious' generally leads to 'crash and burn'.

Take it SLOW going forward. No more one night stands. No more. I have women friends who wear their UGLIST pair of underwear out on girls night out to remind them that they aren't that easy - keep their pants on.

See - you make things too easy for a guy and he won't respect you. You obviously can't trust him.

Get to know someone first before jumping into the sack - always. Please for the love of god change.

This is just a learning experience. The guy turned out to be a jerk. You have to kiss a lot of frogs.

I think you should work on yourself now. New hobbies, go to the gym and work out a lot, be with your famil yand friends.

How the hell do you get so attached to someone you know nothing about??

First of all think about how little he will respect you when you had sex with him right after meeting him.. Come on

GO SLOW! Get to know each other This may just be a lust thing

How do I get attached to someone I don't even know? Well, I think its because Ive been in 2 serious relationships since I was 15, and to be honest, Im just not the type of girl who likes to be alone. I kind of don't feel complete without a man in my life, and I know that's wrong!! I know I need to be independent, but I love cuddles too much!
But I know I need to sort it out and Im trying, I really am :o

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lianne20

How do i get attached to someone i dont even know? well, I think its coz Ive been in 2 serious relationships since i was 15, and to be honest, Im just not the type of girl who likes to be alone. I kinda dont feel complete without a man in my life, and I know thats wrong!!! I know I need to be independent, but I love cuddles too much!
But I know I need to sort it out and Im trying, I really am :o

Just slow down and do it right. Your are responsible for your own happiness, no one but you.

Go slow. The guy should EARN the right to sleep with you.

Build barriers. Build tests - they have have to pass them to sleep with you.

Obviously you need to work on your selfesteem. A gal who feels great about her self will not jump into bed.

You need to find a great guy to that again. What like SIX dayes and see how goodf he is.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lianne20

Im just not the type of girl who likes to be alone. I kinda dont feel complete without a man in my life, and I know thats wrong!!!

Actually, this speaks volumes. It shows that you have very low self-esteem. A person with high self-esteem feels complete within herself. A partner then becomes an extension of one's self.

You need to work on things that you are good at. Stay away from men at this point. No more quick jumps in the sack. Make them chase you, if they want you they will chase you.

Wildcat advises this for men, but it works for women also.

You do not like to be alone because you do not feel comfortable with you. Before a healthy relationship can exist you must feel comfortable with who you are.