Ask Me Help Desk - All right, what did I do wrong?

All right, what did I do wrong?

This woman has been interested in me for a couple of weeks. I've been playing it cool, teasing her hard(Yes that does wonders, thank you Wildcat) and being extremely cocky. I've gone to visit her a couple of times at her work and kept the visits short and then that night or the next day she comes to see me at work and she talks to me for about 45 minutes to an hour. Three days ago we went out to lunch and had a good time. After that lunch date I didn't call her or visit her at work. Well tonight she comes to see me at work and things seemily were going well and then I thought I smelled cigarette smoke (she doesn't smoke) and I leaned in to smell her breath. ( I was about 6 inches from her face, so not too close. She pulled back and I joking said, "I wasn't going to kiss you, I'm not that kind of guy. Can't we wait so that it will be special?" She then said, "well with that comment, I'm leaving." She then turned around and walked out.

First even if I was serious that comment doesn't seem like that justify that response. Second, I was clearly joking. So my question to you all is what or where did I go wrong?

Perhaps you took the cockiness and teasing too far and turned her off?

I think if a guy leaned in to smell my breath and made a remark like that, I may have walked away as well.

Sorry Chuff but I will have to agree with K_3 and NeedKarma here!

Also... when I take interest in a guy... I'm not attracted to "cockiness"!

"CONFIDENCE IS HOT... COCKINESS IS NOT"

I'm really not sure what you did wrong, if anything. If you're really still interested in her, wait 1-2 weeks then call her as if absolutely nothing had happened. Her response will be your cue as to whether there's still any potential there or not.

In response to the previous posts, I'm not sure his behavior was actually "cocky." After all, it was she who pulled away from him. All he did was disarm her, which was appropriate.

s_cianic, read his post again. He clearly said he was being cocky.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chuff

teasing her hard(Yes that does wonders, thank you Wildcat) and being extremely cocky.

I am sorry chuff, but I have to agree with the others. If my guy bent over to smell my breath and made a remark like that I would have left like that too.

I don't know who suggested that you be extremely cocky, but cockiness is a real turnoff.

Us women want men who are real. Who are not afraid to be themselves. Don't play games with us, we can read right through it. Just be yourself!!

Everyone has their own personalities. You can change your reactions and your actions. Your personality is still yours. Someone that is naturally cocky can pull it off. Some women may like it, some won't. Do not confuse cocky with rude and flippant remarks. Cocky is more actions, not words. When you try to act a way that you are not, it usually comes off all wrong. Because it is not your natural way. You can come off as a jerk or a moran. If you want to know what a woman wants, it is best to listen to a woman. J-9 is right. Confidence. If you do not know what to say, give her an endearing smile, don't open mouth and insert foot.
Would it bother you that she smokes? Why would you decide to smell her breathe anyway?

You say you were playing it cool, teasing her hard and acting cocky and that does wonders.
Really, where is she?

Hey all thanks for your answers. Want to correct a misconception that I left. The first was that I was playing it cocky when we were just visiting each other at work before our lunch date. Not last night.

That being said, I guess I can see now by what you have all posted that she took it as a comment on her breath, which I took it as a comment on kissing her and was turning it into a joke. And, I'd like to point out that we were both joking around - this was not a serious conversation we were having last night. So I guess we both were looking at the situation with two different view points.

S cianci, I appreciate you sticking up for me but I'm not going to pursue her. If she comes to see me or calls I'll talk to her but if not I'm not losing sleep over her.

She may have been mad you didn't kiss her.

But that was a little too much.

Being TOO cocky is a huge turn off to women. Confidence is king.

"but I'm not going to pursue her. If she comes to see me or calls I'll talk to her but if not I'm not losing sleep over her." - that's the RIGHT attitude to have.

Relax chuffer, for every female you inpress their will be 10 that don't respond. Don't let the 10 shake your confidence. Keep on chuffing.:cool: ;)

Well we have an update. Last night at work she showed up with a friend of hers. Perhaps the female version of a wingman? Either way we talked for about 20 minutes, although not really flirtatous like we used to be when we talked. More of just two friends which I realize leads to the friend zone. I was actually busy with work and let her surf the net while I attended to my work responsibilities. When I finally had the chance to speak with her I didn't bring up the fact she walked out on me nor did she. I was thinking about saying I must have been off probation but I never got to it. Anyway as she left and I don't know if this was a mistake or made me sound needy but I said, "Where's my hug?" She gave me one and laughed. Then I pointed to my cheek and she said, "Nice try" to which I responded, "Yes it was a nice try wasn't it." She laughed as she walked out.

I wouldn't exactly say it was a successful meeting, with her friend being there, but the fact she came back around I guess means there's still some kind of interest there.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chuff

"Where's my hug?" She gave me one and laughed. Then I pointed to my cheek and she said, "Nice try" to which I responded, "Yes it was a nice try wasn't it." She laughed as she walked out.

I wouldn't exactly say it was a successful meeting, with her friend being there, but the fact she came back around I guess means there's still some kind of interest there.

Question: What happens if she decides to become your Woman. Will you be able to keep up the cocky, teasing game ?

You know time has a way of eroding the masks and games that we play.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gillion

You know time has a way of eroding the masks and games that we play.

My, that was well put. Bravo.

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Originally Posted by Gillion

Question: What happens if she decides to become your Woman. Will you be able to keep up the cocky, teasing game ?

You know time has a way of eroding the masks and games that we play.

That is the truth. Don't play games.

You have to be yourself, BUT CONFIDENCE IS KING!! Making them laugh is also KING. Things you must work on and build into your personality.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chuff

"...I wasn't going to kiss you, I'm not that kind of guy. Can't we wait so that it will be special?" She then said, "well with that comment, I'm leaving." She then turned around and walked out.

I'm not sure that it was that you offended her so much... it seems to be more that she may have been embarrassed that she was pretty confident you were going to kiss her... and then announced that you weren't. She may have felt she looked dumb and then tried to salvage her pride by leaving...

In any event, since you guys were both joking around I don't see why she would take such offense as to leave you there. I know you said you don't think you should call, but I would. I'd just say "hey, what happened, did I offend you???" If she tells you that she thought you were a jerk for saying that, then apologize and tell her you guys were joking around and you may have gone too far...

Chuff, there is a difference between cocky and confident. No one in the world likes cocky people. Male or female. Everyone likes confident people though.
Learn to distinuguish the difference.
But in any event all is not lost with her. She clearly isn't that upset with you given the fact that she came back to see you again.
Don't look at this as a game cause it will be seen striaght through. Yes some people have little tests and games and it si imprtant to be able to notice them but if you just treat the whole darn thing as a game then it will crash and burn.
Everything is about BALANCE.

TOO cocky comes off as arrogant - women hate arrogant.

First you say "this woman has been interested in me", then you say you're not losing any sleep over her. You don't really say how long you strung her along. And if you're not losing any sleep, why do you care what you "did wrong"? If I knew who she was I would applaud her for walking away from you. I hope she keeps walking. You sound like a player, and you sound like you're kind of proud of it.

Well first thing is this happened two months ago. But I'll be happy to update you on the nothing that happened.

Quote:

Originally Posted by caretaker

First you say "this woman has been interested in me", then you say you're not losing any sleep over her.

Yep. I lost no sleep and she was interested in me. You are correct on both counts. Your score so far is two. Unfortunately, Your scoring stops here.

Quote:

Originally Posted by caretaker

You don't really say how long you strung her along.

That's pretty funny. I guess you didn't read my original post. I didn't string her along at all, I talked to her boss on day because her boss and I are friends. A day or two later she stopped by my place of employment. She hinted that she was interested and I at that time was being cocky and funny. She came to see me a maybe two or three times more, I don't remember it was 2 months ago. We went to lunch, then the thing happened that I posted about. After she walked out on me she came back a few days later and didn't bring it up. She came by a few times after that but I was busy and then the end of the season came and we went our separate ways.

Quote:

Originally Posted by caretaker

And if you're not losing any sleep, why do you care what you "did wrong"?

Because I like to learn from my mistakes. Sometimes I like to find out if they even were mistakes to begin with.

Quote:

Originally Posted by caretaker

If I knew who she was I would applaud her for walking away from you.

I'll give her the message since I still have her number and you don't.

Quote:

Originally Posted by caretaker

I hope she keeps walking.

While I'm sorry to report that she walked right back to me and acted like the entire event never took place. In fact it was I who kind of pulled back. The end of my season was coming and things were getting hectic so I didn't really follow up on it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by caretaker

You sound like a player, and you sound like you're kind of proud of it.

Really? You clearly have not one clue. Smart . Yes! Proud of it? You bet!

Cheers

Could it be Chuff, you didn't do anything wrong? Sometimes we worry too much about making mistakes and as you say we learn from them , and can sometimes correct those mistakes. Its nobodies fault that you and the lady didn't get married and have kids by now.(joke?) I think your actions were correct and glad you didn't just rush in... and you have her number. Who's to say its over?

Hmmm, I think where the line was that you crossed Chuff was in smelling her breath to begin with and it falls apart from there. Although it's a tiny faux pas, I don't think, as absurd as this sounds, that the two of you were familiar enough for something that intimate and it is an intimate thing to some people, me included I have to admit! LOL I would bet that very action confused and flustered her and therefore left her without a good comeback. Dogs may sniff each others butts and for good reason LOL but I really think sniffing for humans is a pretty intimate deal. Even the men who smell me when we hug trigger something for me. If you care to salvage it, I would advise that you go a wee bit little slower with physical contact or invading personal space with her now that you know she flusters easily. Just as there is a fine line between confidence and cockiness, so there is between, for lack of better words here, thrilling someone and scaring someone. She could have easily been left thinking her breath wasn't up to par for a kiss and who would take news like that well? But if it's minor enough to be ignored, ignore it.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Could it be Chuff, you didn't do anything wrong?

Yes it could. I believe that to be the case.