Can someone give me some advice. My fiancée and I have lived together/been together for almost two years. Things were going great. We got in a fight the other night. He wants to separate all the food like roommates do, doesn't want to go out with me, says he is bored with me, needs space. He said he has a lot on his mind. I told him I want us to work out. Does he want us to work out? He said a lot of things have to change for us to stay together, but he doesn't want to talk about it. I don't know what I should do. All I can do is cry. I can't eat, sleep, etc. I don't want us to break up and feel like we are meant to be together. He doesn't want me to sleep separate and still wants to have sex with me. That is all he wants from me lately though. He refuses to touch food/drinks he thinks are mine. He refuses to talk to me. I feel like we are meant to be together. Breaking up would be wrong.

I won't email you, but I will tell you straight up that you need to regain your power and your presence as a person. You let him have sex with you but yet he can't communicate with you on why the relationship is boring? That isn't how the world works.

I tell you what... close your legs to him until he can learn to be a big boy and talk things out. If he can't handle that, then you have your answer. Either way, have some respect for yourself and handle this like adults. Yes, breaking up sucks, but it ain't worth putting yourself through hell, nor ruining yourself image, just for him.

KC is bang on with everything.

He won't sip from your glass but he'll have sex with you?? AND you let him??

Get on top of this situation.

How do I work things out with him though? What should I do?

Stop having sex with him is goal number one. Don't give a bad dog a treat! He needs to know that if he can't talk this out like an adult, then you are gone. First things first, how old are you two? Immaturity is rampant in this post. Get your dignity back!

We are 22 and 28.

You need to have a sit down with him. If he can't sit down and talk about these things, then get out of the house and give him what he asked for. You can't just ask for space from you girlfriend but then still expect to get sex. I wish it was that easy, but it isn't. Give him space and let him get his act together. Meanwhile, go out, get a good meal and have some fun. If this is the first major fight you two have had then it is a HUGE indication of how both of you handle adversity, and it doesn't look good right now.

Please don't put your email public for security issues. We will help you in this thread.

First off, you have to STOP HAVING SEX with him (had to spread rep KC). You guys are becoming friends with benefits. If you guys have problems, then you should sort it out before any intimicy. If time is what he needs, then give it to him. Give him the space that he wants, which means no more physical stuff.

I know you want a quick fix, but relationships take hard work. He will talk when he's ready. If you keep giving him pressure, it will just push him away more.

Eventually, you will have the chance to confront each other and figure out where to go. Just be patient.

Maybe I should give you all the whole story. I think that might help too. So here goes. We got in a fight because the other night we went to a movie and I didn't know I was supposed to meet there. I thought he would pick me up after he got off work, as our apartment is on the way. He didn't call me or anything and I finally decided he must have gone without me and went to the theatre. I bought my ticket and when I got in the theatre I asked him if he had gotten popcorn and soda. Later I asked him why he hadn't let me know which theatre and to meet him there. We were meeting friends and when they asked why I wasn't with him, he just figured oh well, either she'll figure it out or sit at home alone. This sounded rather cruel to me. Then he went into how I was immature for calling him so many times before the movie, because we can't talk on our cell phones in the car and I was just hoping to time it right and catch him when he wasn't driving. He then proceeded to tell me that he is sick of me expecting him to pay for my food/entertainment all the time. I don't expect that, but I haven't turned him down when he has offered. He also said he doesn't want to eat any of the food in the house that is "mine." Later when I talked to him he said I don't make him happy anymore because he is bored with me. I asked him if that was just because he needed to go out with friends and what not more because all he does is come home from work and hang out with me until he goes to bed. He said he doesn't know. I asked him if he still loved me and he said yes, but when I asked him do you still want to be with me, he again said I don't know. He said he had a lot of things on his mind. So I asked him if he wanted more space, and he said probably. I told him I would give him that. When he came home from work that night, we talked about random stuff, like what to name the new pets, etc. We had sex and went to bed. We had sex when we got up in the morning too. I asked him if he was going to stay with me and he said yes. I asked him if he really meant it about not wanting to hang out with me anymore, and he said no. Then, that night, I asked if he would like me to sleep on the couch or still sleep in bed with him and he said he didn't know and didn't care what I chose. So I slept in bed with him. We had sex again. I feel like it is not just the sex he is after but the emotional release and connection. He seems very confused and doesn't know what he wants. So I'll give him his space, but I don't know how much to give. Tonight I'm going to stay at home. Saturday morning we have his daughter, so we'll pick her up and have lunch together, with me paying for mine of course. Then I'm going to leave and go stay with a friend for the rest of the weekend and help her family with their yard sale. Then I'll be back home Sunday night. What is really confusing to me is when I asked him if he wanted us to work out he said a lot of things need to change for us to stay together. When I asked him what those things were, he said he doesn't want to talk about it. I asked if it was anything I needed to change and he said no, so I let it go. Am I handling this situation right? Is there something better I should do?

All that information doesn't change our advice.

If anything, we might be even harsher. He doesn't take you seriously. How does he just leave you hanging at the movies like that. Even if you call him while he's in the car, he can call you as soon as he parks the car.

He's just hanging on to you because he's too scared to break up with you.

Stop having sex with him until he figures things out. This really sounds like friends with benefits to me.

Furthermore, you sound very needy yourself. You also need time away from him to figure out if you can actually have a serious relationship with him. Furthermore, the fact that he already has a daughter complicates things even more. He's got so much baggage.

Okay, so he doesn't want to be with you, then he does, sleeps with you, sleeps with you after he tells you he wants to stay with you. Then acts like a prick when you ask him about the relationship but you still let him sleep with you.

Stay home, sleep there, a lot. When he wants to open up for communication, then after that decide if you want to open up physically. Stop letting him use you for sex, it's degrading and you should have more self respect

Okay, so you have all said I need to stop letting him "use" me for sex, which I honestly don't think he is doing. I understand that much. Some of you have said get out of the house for a while. Others have said to be here. I'm really leaning towards the get out of the house, if even for a little bit, because I'm always home, and I think that is part of the problem.

I'm going to a friends house that is a little ways out of town and helping them with their yard sale today and tomorrow and so I'm going to stay with them. I'm hoping that gives him enough time.

I woke up to him holding me this morning, and he voluntarily kissed me, so I think that is a good sign, since he hasn't wanted anything to do with me at all lately.

When I went to bed last night, he asked me for a kiss, which is more than I've been getting lately too. He seems a little more open to me now, even though he still won't talk about whatever is going on.

And, this morning, I asked him if we were okay now because he seemed back to normal. He said no, but he wants us to be. Again, good sign right? He is no longer sounding depressed, unhopeful, and indecisive. I know he is still confused and bothered by something, and I know I can't help him. Is getting out of the house today the right thing to do?

Also, we pick up his daughter later today, and I had originally planned on going to lunch with them before I leave town. I offered to have him go pick her up alone and just have a father daughter day. When I asked what he wanted in regards to that he unfortunately said, I don't know. He has a class this morning, so he basically has until he gets back to decide. Should I go or not go?

I really want to give him the space he wants, and everything he needs right now to work through this. I just don't know if I'm doing a good job of it or not.

Good progress, but still ways away.

It's a good idea that you are staying with your friend. I suggest you stay with your friend until you feel ready to return. Time apart will really make both of you reflect on your relationship and see how much you really miss each other and see how much work you guys will be willing to do if and when you see each other again.

We don't need to argue whether he is using you for sex or not. The fact is you guys have so many issues to work out, so you shouldn't be having sex until you sort it out.

Give each other some space to reflect no the relationship first. Then when you feel more refreshed, you will have a more objective approach to the situation.

He IS using you for sex. This is easier for us to see because we're on the outside. You're going to need to take a step back and see the big picture to understand that and see where we're coming from.

Communication is a BIG problem between you guys. He won't tell you what's wrong?? So how is anything going to get resolved? It's not, because that's where communication comes in. All he seems to care about is himself. Sure he's being nice to you before/after sex because he wants to continue to have sex with you.

He has communicated to me enough to say that things need to change and that it isn't anything I need to do. This really sounds like something he is going to have to work through himself, and when he is ready to talk, he will. Maybe he is using me for sex. I don't know. And he was communicating with me this morning, more than he has been. I do think the time apart will do us some good. I'm staying away all weekend basically. I'll be back Sunday night. Being away from him when I don't know what's going on is almost more than I can handle, but I know that I need to go. I know that I will miss him over the weekend. I just really hope he misses me.

You ever get that feeling that you are meant to be with someone? I have always had that feeling with him. That hasn't changed, even though something is wrong. And, he even said yes this morning, when I asked him if he hoped we would stay together always. I do think we are one step in the right direction, and I know that there are many more to take. I really hope this weekend away makes a big difference and helps.

That is what I am hoping that this weekend apart will do for us, as we always spend so much time together. More than anything, I think that is the problem, is that other than for work, we are never apart. It has never bothered me, but it obviously does bother him.

Leave him alone until he is ready to honestly express himself, so you know what to do about it.

No Sex

No paying for your own meals

No more kissing his jerk butt over trifling stuff.
No more needy questions about the relationship.

I would be mad as hell right now, Then I would eat all his food, just me.

Maybe you need a break, or vacation from him so he can make up his own mind to communicate, and work with you, or live without you.

Defining how you resolve your issues is the foundation to a good relationship. For sure where there is no communications, there is NO healthy relationship, so why put up with his immature behavior.

Well, the weekend away has definitely done something, but I could definitely use some more advice. He has now told me some of what is wrong. He said that right now he is has a lot on his mind and that it has nothing to do with me. He said it has to do with boyfriend-girlfriend stuff. I guess that means some of the things about being in a relationship are bothering him. That was really all that he would say. I think he feels that because he told me it doesn't have to do with me specifically that it means I shouldn't need to push for more info. I asked him what things it was that he was having a problem with right now, and he said that he doesn't want to talk about it. He is back to kissing me, snuggling with me while we watch TV, talking to me, etc. He even brought some home for me when he grabbed dinner last night. And, he actually said 'I love you' instead of me asking if he does and him saying yes. I still feel really on edge because I'm worried something I do is going to be pushing too much. I'm glad he told me something of what is bothering him. I just wish I knew more. What do you think I should do now? I'm trying to just be myself around him, and let him know that I'm here, he makes me happy, and I love him. Is that enough?

You may as well relax, and get comfortable, because having been married for more than 30 years, I can say with confidence, life will throw more crap in the game that you'll have to deal with, and issues to resolve. It never ends, no matter how good its going, or how successful your life is. The hard work, and BS will never stop.

That's why I say, enjoy it, when its great, and deal with it, when it ain't so great.

What, you thought it would be bliss, and silly grins, and great sex forever?? The best you can hope for is being able to talk, and work together, to the best of your ability.

Oh no, I understand it isn't always going to be perfect. My question now is really just, should I be worried that he is uncomfortable with what he calls "boyfriend-girlfriend" stuff? He was nonspecific as to what he is uncomfortable with.

A lot of this stuff should have been worked out before he proposed to you. It is almost like your relationship is working backwards, not forwards. You are his fiancé, correct? Not his girlfriend.

Yes, we are engaged. We have been both together and engaged for almost two years. It is just recently, as far as I know, that he has begun to feel this way.

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Originally Posted by JesusFreak3

He wants to seperate all the food like roommates do, doesn't want to go out with me, says he is bored with me, needs space. He said he has a lot on his mind. I told him .

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That in itself should be your answer... he doesn't want to work things, out at least not now..