First post here...

Me and my boyfriend have lived together for 9 months now, although we have been with together for 2 years, I recently found out that before he met me when he was 18/19 he slept with 2 girls at the same time (a two-some) since he told me this I haven't been able to forget it and can't stand to be near him. I know that it was his past and I should accept it and move on, but I'm finding it really hard. He said that he enjoyed it and that it was good, and although I'm not over confident in the bedroom I'm even worse now, and am constantly worrying if I'm good enough, or if he is enjoying himself with me as much as he did in the two-some, or worried that he is trying to recreate the feeling he got in the two-some whilst with me. Am I being silly or not? Its really getting me down, because I do love him very much, but I can't seem to let it go! Help me! :(

Hi Kinky.

Firstly it was a threesome he had not a twosome, a twosome is what you and your boyfriend do alone, a threesome was him plus the 2 girls. Just to clarify :)

Anyway, I somehow can comprehend how you feel.
Im married to a man I love, he never had a threesome but when I meet him we discussed past sexual encounters etc.
I was inocent, while he wasn't. I used to get very jealous and like you worried if I'm good enough in bed in comparison to all the other girls he had before me. It took me a while but after a few months I started to realise how silly am I to worry about the past. Why worry when I can't change the past!

Think that he is now with you... You are the present and could be the future too!
You can control the present and future but not the past, and seeing as you are his present picture you can control that.

Don't worry.

Thanks Krs,

I know that I am the present and the past is the past, I just don't see why he felt the need to bring it up in our relationship when it happened so many years ago, and why he felt the need to tell me how good it was and how nice. It was as almost as if he was telling me something. Which has made me worry even more. But why do I suddenly get the feeling that I don't want to be anywhere near him, when I love him so much?

Maybe he wanted to be completely honest with you and didn't want you find out second hand?
Or he is hinting something?

Who knows.

Why don't you ask him. Stay calm and don't show you are jealous just play out that you are really intrigued.

Why do you think you don't want to be near him?
How old are you both?

Stop worrying so much. The big part of any relationship is talking to each other so maybe he wants to come clean and be honest and upfront. Ask him.

Would there be any need for me to find out from some one else? Why would anyone want to stir things like that? Maybe he is hinting something but if he is, indicating another threesome (got it right this time) then I would not be able to go through with it.

I don't feel jealous I don't think, I feel let down, hurt and upset and at the same time mad and that's why I don't want to be near him. I don't even know why when its not like he's cheated on me!

Im 21 and he's 25

Thanks, but I just don't see why he needed to tell me after nearly 6 years. If it was the past, why didn't he let it stay their, and why would he feel the need to tell me how good it was for him?

I thought you guys been together 2 years and now you said 6.

As Tal said.. STOP worrying you are only going to make yourself worse seriously.

I genuinley think he was just being honest with you, and wanted you to know the truth!

Is he your first sexual partner? If u don't mind me asking

No we have been together for 2 years but it was 6 years ago that he had the threesome! If it had been a bad experience then fine, but to tell the person you live with that you had a 3 some and it was excellent just to be honest with me, when their was no need If I'm honest I rather he hadn't told me at all.
Hes not my first sexual parnter, I have been with 4 other people before him.

YOu either let it go before it drives you mad or else you ask directly and calmly why he told you and why now and did he have to tell you it was good.

Put it this way... no offence guys.. buy any guy I'm sure would find a threesome enjoyable.

I would have to ask my wife if I would enjoy it or not??

Seriously, I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill. Six years ago? Come on, is it woth it? I don't think so.

You are funny Tal :D lol

Well that makes me feel a whole load better! Clearly he was hinting then that 2 women is better than one! I can't compete with 2 so maybe I should let him go!

Chill women...
Breath in, breath out.

I really don't think there was anything behind him telling you about this episode. Just ask him..

Any man.. prob including my hubby would say he would enjoy it in bed with 2 women. That's men.. period.. lol.

I know, I'm gong to try talking to him tonight.

But I just think that he was being selfish as he knows that I'm not that confident in bed anyway, and for himto bring this up and brag about how good it was upset me!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by kinky_kathy2006

Well that makes me feel a whole load better! Clearly he was hinting then that 2 women is better than one! I can't compete with 2 so maybe i should let him go!

---

In a relationship the communication level has to be one that you can talk about anything and ask questions about anything and if you can't handle that then maybe you should leave him alone. But if you think that this little conversation is too much and not ask him what he meant then he's not the problem YOU are.

Well you tell him that.. exactly how you told me.

He probably doesn't even know you don't feel confident in bed...
Communication is the key in a relationship.

That sentence is the no. 1 sentence here at AMHD when it comes to relationships, only because it makes perfect sense and is true.

I gave bad advice on this one, I take responsibility for it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by CaliforniaOrange

My point is, if you didn't live together and you had waited till marriage to have sex, this issue would not be as magnified.

---

Why not?
Im curious to know.

Im curious too! If your husband told you something like this on your wedding night on your first time of being together, wouldn't you wonder why? Would you not think, "why is he telling me how good it felt to be with 2 women at the same time"?

Well I personally think that marriage or pre-marital sex doesn't have anthing to do with this problem... none what so ever.

But Kinky this happened 6 years ago, don't worry, just forget it.
You will drive yourself mad asking yourself all these questions, please let it go.
Be strong, be confident and enjoy it with your man.. he is YOURS.

Listen - this is the past!! You can't control it - he is with you NOW!! Two years!! He'd leave if you weren't fun, good, etc.

Don't worry about what he thinki - my advice is getting WHAT YOU WANT IN BED!! Be more selfish!! Screw him!! Make sure YOUR needs are met. Time to grow up.

Be more concerned if YOUR needs are met - seriously.

I bet this is the FIRST guy you were with?? Maybe not so good. Yu may need to try other guys - your way too young to settle down - seriously.

OK my first thought is this: Maybe he's full of crap! If this happened 6 years ago and he is 25 now, that would make him 19 at the time. I don't know just my thoughts.

When I was 19, I barely was with 1 person. I know times have changed, but maybe he is just trying to pull your chain? :rolleyes:

Anyway-- I am ready for the guns to fire in disagreement! :D

If it is true and he really did this, than I think you need to get over it and move on with your relationship.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by kinky_kathy2006

First post here.....

Me and my boyfriend have lived together for 9 months now, although we have been with together for 2 years, I recently found out that before he met me when he was 18/19 he slept with 2 girls at the same time (a two-some) since he told me this i havent been able to forget it and can't stand to be near him. I know that it was his past and i sould accept it and move on, but im finding it really hard. He said that he enjoyed it and that it was good, and although im not over confident in the bedroom im even worse now, and am constantly worrying if im good enough, or if he is enjoying himself with me as much as he did in the two-some, or worried that he is trying to recreate the feeling he got in the two-some whilst with me. Am i being silly or not? Its really getting me down, because i do love him very much, but i can't seem to let it go! Help me! :(

---

Whenever our self-esteem is low and we are not truly happy or confident with ourselves emotions like these will arise in our relationships. Especially when our mate shows us their dark past.

In a way it is your EGO that is driving you mad now. It feeds the jealousy and envy in you.

Whenever we use our relationships to prop us up and keep us happy in life, whenever we feed of our relationships and our mates for self-esteem and self empowerment, bad feelings like this will occur when our mate shows us that they had a LIFE before they met us and they had fun doing it.

I hope you get what I am saying.

This is negative karma baby and you better get rid of it before it breeds resentment in you. Then you will project this resentment to him and he will fight back and your relationship will end simply because you were not woman enough to handle the real world

You are having the emotions of a petulant child and I DO NOT SAY THIS TO ATTACK YOU PERSONALLY

You cannot ever allow yourself to have negative feelings about your mate simply because he had a past and enjoyed it and decided to share that aspect with you. Stop being paronoid and wonder why he told you this it only feeds the negative emotions.

I say this in the kindest way possible... let it go, and grow up.

--forgive me of any un-intentional hurt feelings but my writing does not convey emotion very well.
Gillion

Personally, I think there was no point in your boyfriend telling you that he had a threesome once upon a time and that he enjoyed it unless he was trying to get a reaction from you. However, since he has not come out and asked you point blank whether this is something that would interest you, I wouldn't give it a second thought. I think that in a really dumb, split second moment, he blurted it out hoping you'd say something encouraging, but since you haven't and he hasn't asked, this is probably not something that interests him anymore either. Don't worry about it. It was in his past, if it indeed is actually true. He is with you now, if he wanted to continue to experience that kind of lifestyle, that is what he would pursuit, with a girl who is into that also. He's not chained to you, he wants to be with you. Don't waste your time on worrying about his past, let it go.

OK.

I get that this bothered you... but you have to let it go. And if you cant, well, you need to figure out if this is enough to leave.

I think I'm a pretty reliable guy. I'm absolutely faithful and trusting of my wife. We have a great relationship. She was intimidated by my earlier girlfriend. She was about 10 years younger than my wife (im 5 younger than my wife, just to put it in perspective so it wasn't that big of a gap for me either way). Through discussions before we were dating and when we were friends she knew my previous to be pretty wild and to like sex in places other than the bedroom. As in almost a danger/lets-see-if-we-can-do-this-and-not-get-caught factor. Cars. Work. Shed just say lets go now.

It took some time for my wife to not feel like I was missing something, even though our sex life was fine. She had a daughter and then we had a son, and your sex life just isn't the same afte you have kids. Not that its bad, its just harder to be intimate and find time. Much less spontaneity and romance.

And on my side, I understand, from a source other than my wife, that her HS sweetheart, a guy I know, was "equipt" well enough to be a porn star, through a completely different conversation. Does that make me feel inadequate in the bedroom? no.

I'm getting off point. The point was, OK, he's had other partners and did something you aren't OK with. You probably need to get over it unless he keeps bringing it up.

Chances are, if I was in college and his age and two girls would have seduced me, id have gone for the ride. Most guys would, ill bet, especially when younger and not attached. You might not like it, but I don't think he's really wired differently from most. So if you are worried about his being especially deviant, unless you have other info, id say no.

As for why he brought it up. I don't know. You are still exploring your relationship and your sexuality. It might have just been openness. It might have been to see your reaction. If you are this worried you can always talk to him.

I would not try to punish him for his past. That's unfair. But letting him know you are not into that is reasonable. The more you can talk about sex together, the better it will be.

We complicate sex too much. If you can't enjoy it you are doing something wrong. Get your head out of his past. Talk to him about what he likes and wants. Tell him what you like and want. Find some in between. Have fun.

Could the bottom line here be you are not being satisfied and are jealous because of it?

I am in a situation similar to yours but not quiet like its.you see I just got married may 2006 and my husbands past use to bother me for the first two or three months. Before me my husband was married to this woman six years older than him she had five kids already all five by diffrerent fathers. He said he felt that those kids needed a father so he married her and he said he loved her too. Later on he had a daughter with her while being married to her. All through the marriage she did him like a dog and thirteen years he finally left her. She put child suport on him while she was already married to him.
Now he is married to me after three years of divorce from her and I hate it when his daughter calls him. She gets child support and she still calls him every weekend asking for money or pizza. I am jealous because I don't have any children with my husband right now and he already has a daughter. His ex wife does not like me because I'm married to him and I get all his him pension money and social securtiy and everything. When he divorced him she signed the papers not knowing what she was signing and she did not get anything from him. No pension money or anything everything goes to me.
So my point is that that is his past what he did before me is what he did. Now I am learning to accept that he has a daughter but I don't have anything to do with her because that is not my place. I don't want to have any tides with the daughter or ex-wife. I let it go and excepted him for who he is I love him and the past is the past. He is married to me now. I am his wife and I am hoping soon that we can have our first child together. Let it go. If he is not doing it now then leave it alone . Go luck

This is definitely a huge red flag. Be very wary of this one. He doesn't bid well to be a faithful partner. Unfortunately, I must also say that with a screen name like yours I'd be worried about you too.

Let me try to explain what I think might have happened. Guys have no knowledge of what puts females in to a desirable state of mind. But we do know what does it for us and there fore we think the same thing does it for females. I am just talking in general and I am not including all guys so don't think that I am. Most guys get excited watching porn, (most females I know don't, they get turned on by love stories) so the guys think a girl seeing something sexual in porn will turn them on.
And in your case I think it was the same thing in his mind, he is turned on by the thought of making love to two girls at the same time, (which may not have even happened at all, just a fantasy in his head) so he tells you about it thinking that it is going to make you want to make love all night. And of course since this is a fantasy to him any thing that would have happened to him at the time would have been great, thinking again that it would be a turn on to you. Good luck.

Well, I don't think even the idea of having two girls is as important as having multiple sensations at one time. The very best position I climax in with my partner involves no less than three different, distinct sensations. Yes, it is probably errogenous for him to think about having two women willing to satisfy him... and men are wired so differently than most women... but if it was great, it was probably in part because it was an uncommon thing and he had multiple sensations at one time.

My father-in-law had a saying: the worst sex I ever had was fantastic.

Which means, don't fret or fuss. Have FUN. It should be fun. Don't worry about what he's had before. He is with YOU. Here and now. Have a hell of a lot of fun and no regrets. Leave all the noise behind.

If he keeps bringing it up, then set him straight. Otherwise, don't lose sleep over this.

He's invested 2 years of his life with you. I think he likes you.

Kathy,
I don't think your kinky at all. Having two girls is almost every heterosexual man desires, dreams about. But most don't expect a relationship with them. It was a fantasy. A sexual experience.
If your as kinky as your id states. Maybe you should experience two men at the same time? And maybe you will get over why his past bothers you so much? Maybe your jealous that his adventurous sexual appetite in the past was more than what you have encountered in your own?
Or maybe you need to tell him what has been going on in your head. Maybe his love can explain to you the difference between loving a woman/women and really LOVING a woman?