I got in touch with my first true love from high school and both of us have been a bit volatile through our emotions and our hearts being on our sleeve. He always told me that he was worried to see me in person because he knew that he would miss me too much after I left. Now, I know what he is talking about... I really miss him, too. I found a profile of his on a site I didn't appreciate and confronted him in a negative way. I later apologized because I realized I over-reacted. Now, he doesn't take any of my calls. If and when he does he says we will talk again, but just needs a break. He has also mentioned that he is depressed due to him not able to have a viable career/job. I wonder is he avoiding me because I add to his sorrow, so to say?

I guess you put your foot in your mouth that time. Sometimes we have to catch ourselves doing that because it may cause offence. He sounds like a sensitive guy and if you knew him before that, you should have remembered.

Tick

I'm going to be a bit blunt about this; but you might really have offended him. First of all... isn't he an old boyfriend? When you confronted him in a negative matter, and seeing as he is sensitive that might be why he is avoiding you. As for you adding to his sorrows, well you didn't necasseraly add to it over all... but he might have felt a need to protect himself.

Hope this was of some help.

Roxy

Quote:

---

is he avoiding me because I add to his sorrow, so to say?

---

That's a reasonable assumption, so leave him alone.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by joysjrny

He always told me that he was worried to see me in person because he knew that he would miss me too much after I left. Now, I know what he is talking about... I really miss him, too. I found a profile of his on a site I didn't appreciate and confronted him in a negative way. I later apologized because I realized I over-reacted. Now, he doesn't take any of my calls.

---

So I'm guessing you ended it and left HIM? For whatever reason you two are not together anymore, that's all that it's become now. You have no right to contact him and throw negative comments about it.

You left, it's none of your business anymore. Respect his wishes and leave him alone.

Sounds like you caught him at a bad moment. He's already going through some personal problems and you just added some salt to his wound. Leave him alone for a while until he sorts out his issues and feelings.

Threads merged and edited.


About a week ago when I asked him to send me my belongings I left there when I visited he said he would mail them. Then I said to him, "is this it? This is how we end it? We just don't talk to each other anymore? He said, no I just really need a break and we'll talk again. I try to call him here and there with no response. He told me that he loves me and that I am the only one in his heart. What do you make of this?

I think he needs counseling for his depression. He is obivious conflicted not only with this relationship but every aspect of his life. He isn't together and do you really want someone in your life that isn't.

Do you ever get your things or did you just call him and told him this in hopes of him wanting you back? I think you expected a different outcome from that call.

The only thing you can do is respect his decision, I know it is easier said then done, and know most breaks are permanent.

I not in his head and don't really understand his reasons behind his actions. It could be the depression, commitment phoba, he wants to be free, etc Don't dwell of it too much because you can't change it.

Sorry this happen but the only thing you can do is move forward at this point and move on.

He's battling depression and trying to get his life organized, without an outside influence. Give him the space he requested as he is going through a lot right now

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by joysjrny

What do you make of this?

---

Well, depression is an extremely strong disease that takes time and effort to work on. The strains of finding a career and having a long distance relationship to maintain are only going to put more pressure on him. The guy needs time to get things together, and some guys (like me) feel more capable of doing things when they only have to rely on themselves. Until he gets his things in order and his life on the track he feels comfortable with, everything else is second fiddle. I know it is hard, but he must do this for himself, so be strong for him and give him what he asked for. Good luck!

He sounds really confusing about his life and his feelings. I'd say, if you want to work it out with him, then leave him alone for a while to let him figure things out.

Sounds like you're putting extra pressure on him. I know it's tough to give someone space, but that's what he needs and you need to give it to him (if you love him back).

Be patient, he already said that he loves you, he's just feeling a lot of stress and depressed.

Sometimes people need to deal with their problems on their own. Just be supportive. Let him know that you are there for him if he wants to talk and that if he wants time and space you will give that to him too.

In the meantime, while giving him time and space, you should worry about your own life. Do your own thing.

Duplicate question,

Did you not like the response?

The guy is begging for the time, and space, to get his act together. Why can't you let him?? Leave him alone, as he has asked you to.

I agree with Tal... time to take what he says and what he is asking for seriously! He wants time and space... time and space to get his life back on track, time and space to handle the things in his life that needs handling!

Respect his wishes and leave him alone.

"joysjrny disagrees: When you are with a man for a year and a half and they go to a site that shows they are looking for someone locally it is okay to ask. I did not throw negative comments his way, but just confronted him about it. We talked about marriage."


You know, you would be right in this case, but there's just one little detail that you're missing.

YOU BROKE UP WITH HIM.


I don't care how long you're together with someone. It is not OK to ask your ex about his own life. You left, that means you cut all ties with this guy. This is none of your business anymore.
You talked about marriage? I'm sorry, I believe you threw that right out the window when you dumped him.
He does not owe you anything, no explination to ANYTHING he's doing with his life.
You cannot keep tabs on this guy, you need to deal with you choice that you made and let him move on.

You are ASSuming I dumped him?? I never dumped him and still want to be with him. I just confronted him. I think before you answer any more questions you need to ask a person some important information before you just jump in there and be so rude to them or you are defeating the purpose of helping people. I just confronted him and he is the one that has chosen to take a break not me. If I am going to consider being with someone long term then I have the right to confront him if he wants to be with someone there locally. The same way he has the right to ask me, too. We both have invested a lot into this relationship.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by joysjrny

You are ASSuming I dumped him??? I never dumped him and still want to be with him. I just confronted him. I think before you answer any more questions you need to ask a person some important information before you just jump in there and be so rude to them or you are defeating the purpose of helping people. I just confronted him and he is the one that has chosen to take a break not me. If I am going to consider being with someone long term then I have the right to confront him if he wants to be with someone there locally. The same way he has the right to ask me, too. We both have invested a lot into this relationship.

---

Try to remember that you came here asking for help. Everyone on this forum has a different perspective based on their own experiences. I noticed a few disagrees (we call them reddies here) within your thread, and I also noticed you seem to get defensive pretty quickly, which shows me that you probably aren't very approachable. Perhaps this is why your ex does not want to talk to you?

As far as your question, I think that you are only compounding his sorrows by contacting him. And no, you have no right to contact him, for any reason, if you are broken up. There is no difference between taking a break and broken up. You're either in a relationship, or you aren't. It's not about whether you want to get back together with him. Give him the space he asked for, and if you don't like what he may or may not be doing then move on without him. That's what you should be doing anyway - moving on.

Disagree if you want, it's just my opinion. That's all you will see here - opinions.

~ Tee

You actually gave me a reddish... you have to remember that you did ask for our opinion, and you don\t always have to agree with the advice we give... but still a reddish?

I really do wish you the best of luck...
Roxy

Quote:

---

He always told me that he was worried to see me in person because he knew that he would miss me too much after I left. Now, I know what he is talking about... I really miss him, too. I found a profile of his on a site I didn't appreciate and confronted him in a negative way. I later apologized because I realized I over-reacted.

---

Your not the only one to have a hard time letting go. It seems he has let go though.

Talaniman... could you do me a huge favor and not respond to my questions because I find you overall to be on the negative side. I find it redundant for every time you respond you add your little colorful euphemisms.

Maybe you should just leave the site and take your question else where if you want to rude and disrespectful to some members. Being this way isn't nice and I wonder if you were this defensive with your ex when it came down to certain topics. Especially when you heard something you didn't want to hear.

I would love to know how did you confront him because their a wrong and right way to approaching an issue.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by joysjrny

You are ASSuming I dumped him??? I never dumped him and still want to be with him. I just confronted him. I think before you answer any more questions you need to ask a person some important information before you just jump in there and be so rude to them or you are defeating the purpose of helping people. I just confronted him and he is the one that has chosen to take a break not me. If I am going to consider being with someone long term then I have the right to confront him if he wants to be with someone there locally. The same way he has the right to ask me, too. We both have invested a lot into this relationship.

---

I think you made it clear that he wants a break to sort things out. Just give him time to figure it out. Be patient, he will find you when he is ready: (Please refer to my last post #11)

People are just trying to prepare you for the worse case scenarios. You don't need to take it so hard. You might disagree with their opinions, but you have to respect their opinions, because they are taking time to help you sort out your issues.

During this time off, you must realize that he might not come back to you. He might decide that it is better for you two to go separate ways. So because of that, it's better that you start moving on so that you won't feel as much pain later.

It won't hurt for you to start moving on, because, let's say when he's done taking his time out and wants to get back with you, (and you still feel the same way), it will be easy to go from where you left off.

So no harm done by trying to move on. It will only make you stronger in the long run. It's better than making yourself suffer while you are waiting for him to figure things out.

So these are the different perspectives. At the end of the day, it's up to you what you think is best. If you do not want to move on yet, because you don't feel ready for that, just remember to have patience and not give him extra pressure. Find things to occupy your time so that you don't suffer so much.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by liz28

Maybe you should just leave the site and take your question else where. Bye.

---

I didn't want to give you a negative reputation because you've given too many great advices, but I have to disagree. We are not all going to agree with each other's opinions, but that is also our strength as a group.

We all give different perspectives to the same situation. Ultimately, the person who asked the question in the first place has to decide which advice feels the most appropriate to follow.

This person happens to be new in this forum, so is not used to some of our harsher advice. That's no way to turn our back on them. We preach patience to others. I believe that we should also have patience when giving others advice.

The more difficult the patient (in the case, the one seeking advice), the greater the success when we accomplish something, right?

Actually I change it after I posted it and it wasn't negative because the OP was being rude to some members.

I see this a lot on the teens board but I wouldn't expect an adult to act this way.

Common curiosity goes a long way.

I see both points, she is hurt and possible taking her frustrations and anger out on members of the board. Is it right, no but if it makes her feel better than I'll let her vent. Breaking up is a tough thing to go through, mixed emotions and feeling betrayed are hard to swallow. We have all been there

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by liz28

Actually I change it after I posted it and it wasn't negative because the OP was being rude to some members.

I see this alot on the teens board but I wouldn't expect an adult to act this way.

Common curiosity goes a long way.

---

Had to spread rep. True, people need to be more mature when asking for advice. I would say this applies whether we are an adult or a teen.

But still, I think if we're in a position to give advice, we got to keep our cool too.

I found it very rude that AjGambino gave me advice through his assumptions, but not on anything I wrote, as follows:

AjGambino:
You know, you would be right in this case, but there's just one little detail that you're missing.

YOU BROKE UP WITH HIM.
I don't care how long you're together with someone. It is not OK to ask your ex about his own life. You left, that means you cut all ties with this guy. This is none of your business anymore.
You talked about marriage? I'm sorry, I believe you threw that right out the window when you dumped him.
He does not owe you anything, no explination to ANYTHING he's doing with his life.
You cannot keep tabs on this guy, you need to deal with you choice that you made and let him move on.

I never mentioned dumping him and confronted him during the time we were together. I actually found a lot of the advice insightful and helpful as I mentioned, as follows:

Sounds like you caught him at a bad moment. He's already going through some personal problems and you just added some salt to his wound. Leave him alone for a while until he sorts out his issues and feelings.

Comments on this post
joysjrny agrees: He is the type to sort things out... thanks

He's battling depression and trying to get his life organized, without an outside influence. Give him the space he requested as he is going through a lot right now

Comments on this post
joysjrny agrees: Thanks that is helpful!

Well, depression is an extremely strong disease that takes time and effort to work on. The strains of finding a career and having a long distance relationship to maintain are only going to put more pressure on him. The guy needs time to get things together, and some guys (like me) feel more capable of doing things when they only have to rely on themselves. Until he gets his things in order and his life on the track he feels comfortable with, everything else is second fiddle. I know it is hard, but he must do this for himself, so be strong for him and give him what he asked for. Good luck!

Comments on this post
joysjrny agrees: Yea, He is like that. Appreciate the feedback!

I can tell the difference when someone is really trying to help or not. That is why this site gives us the opportunity to say whether we found the advice helpful or not, so if you don't like my feedback don't read my posts.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by joysjrny

I found it very rude that AjGambino gave me advice through his assumptions, but not on anything I wrote.

---

I did assume, reason be:

"He always told me that he was worried to see me in person because he knew that he would miss me too much after I left."


Regardless of all the assumptions and comments, I'm sorry for assuming and never meant to be negative and hurtful. Either way, the results stay the same. Respect his wishes and do not contact him. Maybe it seems like we're being negative, but we're just giving you advice you need to hear. Obviously it's not what you like to hear, but it's what you need to hear.

Sometimes, tough love is the only thing that seems to get through to people.

Adding to everyone's sorrow is so many opinions and we are all saying the same thing over and over and over.

Ticky