Ask Me Help Desk - Controlling Girlfriend or Not ?

Controlling Girlfriend or Not ?

My ex girlfriend and I dated for 4 months. She ended things, and now I am wondering if she was a control freak ? And if I am better off without her? The relationship started all good and fun, but by the end of the second month when I was taking her out for supper she looked across the table from me and said "Eat Properly" I thought there was nothing wrong with how I was eating. She did this to me a total of 4 times. She also told me a few times that I needed new shoes. I didn’t think there was nothing wrong with my shoes. Is this normal? She would also give me after for things I said that weren’t even that bad. She would also tell me things like, "your still being judged by my family and friends you know,” She even told me once to wash my hands better. It seemed like she was always pecking at me by the end of the relationship. It just seemed very rude and ignorant of her to comment on how I was eating when I was the one taking her out for a nice supper? Are these characteristics of a controlling girlfriend? Thanks for the feed back everyone..

2 months hmmm Well I think she is controlling. Unless food was flying all over the table and you chewed with your mouth open. And as far as people judging you... I would have flown both middle fingers in the air and said judge this. Sorry that is the North Philly in me.

Yes, it does sound like she was a bit controlling or a micro-manager. They're not much fun to be around... and being told you're being judged by her friends and family? No one wants to live under the pressure of meeting others' standards like that.

There might be some truth in her criticism of you, but she's definitely trying to change your behavior. It might seem controlling from your perspective. It might feel like she's trying to change you into someone you're not.

But in her perspective, she's just bothered by some of your habits and letting you know what she's thinking instead of keeping it inside. There's pros and cons from that kind of behavior. So it really depends on which angle you are taking to try to understand this.

Sounds like she has a controlling side to her.

All of the issues you spoke of sound like signs of a typical nagging female, if you ask me... :cool:

I don't know about controlling, but she likes to pick at things, about you a lot.

Maybe you dodged a bullet, and should be thankful, she let your sloppy eating, dirty hands, raggedy shoe wearing a$$ go. Joking!!

If she was nagging about those little things in the course of two months, imagine what she would be picking out when you guys were in it for two years. Tal's right, you dodged a bullet.

Whenever your partner tries to change you, even though it's not a big thing, it's always a clear sign of what you're bound to put up with. Seems like she cares about your image more then you. You don't need that buddy, move on.

Congratulations on dodging this bullet.

She could have been a little more tactful in telling you these things, if it was bothering her. Honesty is always best. But, if you think your eating habits and shoes, etc. are appropriate and you've never been told about these things in the past... then I'd say she was trying to make you something you're not; she's picky and could be controlling and obsessed with an outside image.

The part about her friends and family still judging you? Wow. Yeah, I think you dodged one.

Breakups! Closure?

Threads merged and edited

If your ex treated you bad when you dated, but you put up with it hoping it would get better, and they ended up dumped you, is it all right to send them a email or a letter explaining how they treated you, and how you are glad they ended it for the sake of personal closer? Its kind of like you need to express all your feelings that have been built up.? Thanks for the Advice

You had your entire relationship to express your dissatisfaction and you decide to express yourself after you break up?

Expressing your feelings to him will only give him confusion and he may want to react to your letter. Then he might want to communicate with you and then you will want a rebuttal.

You're just opening up old wounds. Why do it? Let it go. You two are not together anymore. It's time to move on with your lives. Leave him alone and do yourself a favor and stop thinking about him too.

It's time to move forward and leave him behind. Don't walk backwards.

Well, I sent one of those letters after I got dumped, and didn't get any response at all. Honestly, if you can deal with knowing that they may not even read it (or might even delete it!) then send it. However, you need to accept your situation and realize that your words will have very little meaning to them right now. They expect you to lash out, and they will not take you as seriously as you want them to.

If it was my decision, I would simply be happy that I realized how bad it was for myself, and thus it would be that much easier to get over them and stop worry about what they thought. I'm guessing your breakup was fairly recent, and you're experiencing the normal feelings right now. Just realize that the sooner you can go No Contact, the better.

~ Tee

Nope, no reason to send it. They are out of your life, you had your whole relationship to explain your displeasure but chose not too, therefore speaking up now would be futile and meaningless.

Your personal closure is NEVER letting them treat you like that again, and moving on as if they do not exist... that is true closure.

Controlling Girlfriend ?

I think she dumped me because I wasn't letting her change me.

Never go out with a girl that controls you and what you do, don't go out with her.

Hey thanks for the feedback, it really helped me. It is true, something like that in a relationship usually doesn't get better. She wanted to be just friends, but I told her not even a friend would treat me like that...

There are ways to suggest things to people but she sounded like a nag.
Could you imagine a lifetime of that? Yikes!

You dodged a bullet,oh without a doubt,you probably dodged high blood pressure,anxiety attacks and chronic headaches !

Be glad it is over and never be afraid to ask questions when someone say something to you.

When she said something about your eating habits you should have asked what is wrong with the way you eat. Why are your friends and family judging me? Etc, etc

It seems like your ex was spoiled and wanted things her way. Once she saw you wasn't doing things her way she left.

However, she is history now. Count your lucky stars!

Yea

She sounds spoiled! It was even her way or no way and maybe she got used to people doing the things SHE wanted how SHE wanted. She has that me, myself, and just I attitude about everything. She forgot about "WE".

Count your lucky stars it is over and she is in the past.

I don't know how you dealt with her for 4 months because I would have been long gone before that.

That happened to me once, I even had to start using a knife and fork afterwards! ;)
Seriously though, the others are bang on the money I always think of the comment 'walking on egg shells' I have been there before and I think that's what you were treading on, just remember never let others tread on you!

Good luck mate

If she asked you to quit slurping, gulping or whatever with your food I would say maybe it is a habit that she is annoyed by. With everything you have said she sounds like she is more concerned about what others say and think so she knit picks.
Yeah she is a control freak.

I had an ex that was the same way. He even scoffed when I sneezed cause he said that he was rude. It was hell. I'm glad he's my ex now. Thank your lucky stars, move on, and notice the warning signs next time!

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChihuahuaMomma

I had an ex that was the same way. He even scoffed when I sneezed cause he said that he was rude. It was hell. I'm glad he's my ex now. Thank your lucky stars, move on, and notice the warning signs next time!

Hey, thanks for the Info. Is this a personality they will have for life?

Quote:

Originally Posted by artlady

There are ways to suggest things to people but she sounded like a nag.
Could you imagine a lifetime of that? Yikes!

You dodged a bullet,oh without a doubt,you probably dodged high blood pressure,anxiety attacks and chronic headaches !

Hey, thanks for the Info. Is this a personality they will have for life?

If she were a young teen, I would say she could outgrow, but obviously you are quite older since you can afford restaurants where silverware is required!! So, that in mind, I would hazard a guess she is not of an age where change in personality won't come until a lot of life experience happens. Like when the grandchildren come.

You're better off staying away from her.

Sounds like she was mothering u a little too much...

Also, she was under pressure from her family I guess to try to impress them with you, but that's still no excuse for the way she was.

Maybe in the end, you didn't live up to her or her family's expectations, so yeah, don't worry about it, if she doesn't think you were good enough, then she isn't good enough for you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by markerman

Hey, thanks for the Info. Is this a personality they will have for life?

I am beginning to think your not over her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by liz28

I am begining to think your not over her.

Have to spread rep.

It's not just think, for sure he's not over her.

Just stay away from her, she's just trouble for you.

Yes. It sounds like she was very controlling. It isn't very normal to be saying things like that 2 months into the relationship.

Quote:

Originally Posted by liz28

I am begining to think your not over her.

No, it just hurts because I put up with her controlling ways hoping it would get better, then she was the one that ended it. I think because I wasn't easy to change. She told me she wants to be friends but I told her not even a friend would treat me like that. The whole thing makes me mad because I treated her so good..

Quote:

Originally Posted by mum45

If she were a young teen, I would say she could outgrow, but obviously you are quite older since you can afford restaurants where silverware is required!!! So, that in mind, I would hazard a guess she is not of an age where change in personality won't come until a lot of life experience happens. Like when the grandchildren come.

The girl is 23, I think it is just her personality. It just hurts because I put up with her controlling ways hoping it would get better, then she was the one that ended it. I think because I wasn't easy to change. She told me she wants to be friends but I told her not even a friend would treat me like that. The whole thing makes me mad because I treated her so good.. I realize that it would probably get worse and worse if I would have stayed with her.. Why do people try and control others?

With some people it's personality. With my ex it was the way that he was raised. He wasn't born in America so a lot of the things that seemed so normal and appropriate in a relationship he did not, and vice versa.

You're just not compatible. You can do better. Move on. Good luck.

Total control freak. The way I look at relationships may be prehistoric, but I believe that each counterpart in a relationship should be each other's cheering section. Criticising how you eat and commenting on your shoes and feeling it necessary to tell you that you are being judged by ANYONE is just plain hurtful and wrong and grossly immature on her part. Be glad it's over. Someone will come along who will love you for who you are - not for what they want you, or expect you to be. This was about her... not you! ;)

I think that this girl has some problems of her own that she needs to deal with. I think every girl can be controlling at times, but maybe she just needs to learn (from that relationship especially) that you can't change a person...

Quote:

Originally Posted by HuggyKat

Total control freak. The way I look at relationships may be prehistoric, but I believe that each counterpart in a relationship should be each other's cheering section. Criticising how you eat and commenting on your shoes and feeling it necessary to tell you that you are being judged by ANYONE is just plain hurtful and wrong and grossly immature on her part. Be glad it's over. Someone will come along who will love you for who you are - not for what they want you, or expect you to be. This was about her....not you! ;)

Hey, thanks for the great feedback! It made me feel a lot better... :)

To be honest with you that is very obvious... who is she looking for? Sure we want our families to get along with the love of our lives, but to tell you that they are still checking you out so to say. For me I don't want to be with a man unless there was qualities I already foresaw that I appreciated. For example I recently got together with my first true love from back in high school and I can't even remember what shoes he wore when I visited him. I know he wore jeans and t-shirts. We went out to a play and a nice dinner and he dressed up... for me (his decision). If he had wanted to have worn a nice aloha shirt and casual pants or whatever. I want the man for who he is mentally, physically, and spiritually. YES, she is a CONTROL FREAK because in order for her to be happy she thinks she has to have everything a certain way. If I were you the next time you run into a woman like that tell her then why did you go out to dinner with me?

Quote:

Originally Posted by kctiger

All of the issues you spoke of sound like signs of a typical nagging female, if you ask me...:cool:

Hey not all of us r like that thank u lol xx