I have been with my fiancé for over six years. He knows that I am against strip clubs, as do his friends and brothers. He told me that he wasn't going to a strip club and that he really didn't want to. He is 28 and only been to one 3 times. It's not really his thing. His brothers and friends are trying to take him to one. They keep pushing the issue and it has been causing arguments between me and my fiancé. His brother is trying to convince me that all guys go to them and I am trying to control him. Do I go against my beliefs and let them do whatever? I know that if he goes, I will be thinking about that all night and it will just cause more problems. This is the last thing that we need right before our wedding. I found out that his oldest brother is going to get him drunk and take him to one since he won't be able to drive himself. I know some people are okay with this, but I am not one of those people. He wouldn't want me going to a dance club and dancing with a guy, so why would I be okay with him going and getting lap dances?

That's so funny, I meant bachlor party!

Do you trust your finance?

If so, let HIM make this decision... this and many other things to come will be decided based on your trust and admiration for each other... if the situation was reversed, and YOUR friends wanted to take YOU to a male strip club, but you didn't really want to go, would you want your finance to make that call, or you? TRUST HIM!

If you cannot trust the man you are about to marry, that's a whole other issue...

Walk up to him, put your arms around him, kiss him, wink at him, and tell him you love him, you trust him, and this is HIS decision... that alone will help him to 1. Be a man in front of his friends and 2. Realize how much HE loves YOU...

If you don't trust him then you shouldn't be marrying him.

Yes, they don't have sex at the strip clubs, and to be honest most of the girls there, well there is a reason they keep the lights down.

So some 1/2 naked girls walk around and wiggle it at him a couple tiimes.

If you can't trust him, you don't need to marry at all, he could get into more trouble at walmart meeting some 1/2 naked girl there.

Personally I would hate the whole idea as well. He should only want to see you naked!

I suggest you look inward and try and figure out WHY you don't want him to go. Is it because he doesn't want to? Or is it because you think he is going to be corrupted by it, or what?

If its because he doesn't want to, then you should support him in standing up to his brothers! If its because you think he will be corrupted you need to trust him more.

You have been with this guy for 6 years. He has committed to marrying you. That isn't going to change because he goes to a strip club.

Why is this such a big issue for you? Why does it bother you so much?

It's not the strip club that's the problem, I think, but your reaction to it.

In the end it's his choice - not yours. You can't control him, although obviously you would like to. Lighten up and give the poor guy a break - you're not his mother or his keeper.

Try and see the situation objectively - this isn't usual behavior for him, it's his buck's party, it's traditional and his brothers and friends want to do it. What's the harm?

Try and see this as a test for the rest of your marriage. There will be many things that you won't agree on and that you will have to compromise on. You may also find that there are time that you will not get your own way and you'll have to accept this graciously with love and trust.

Give in with graciousness and love - he'll probably hate it anyway!

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Originally Posted by nicolerocks711

personally i would hate the whole idea as well. he should only want to see you naked!

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Doesn't matter where you get your appetite , as long as you only eat at home!

I would personally would hate it and be 100% against it as well. If he is against it as well, ask him if his friends would just take him out to eat or even a bar if they want to drink. I don't know why it has become acceptable to see girls 1/2 (or fully naked) like it's like seeing a bird out your window, it's not normal!

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Originally Posted by drea46750

this is the last thing that we need right before our wedding.

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I'm almost speechless. Luckily, it's almost. You don't trust your boyfriend of 6 years to have one a right of passage that his family and friends want to offer him and you then have the nerve to say this is the last thing WE need before he makes a lifetime commitment to you. Get over yourself. This has nothing to do with WE, and everything to do with you. To imply anything else is insulting, and speaks volumes about your lack of respect to the readers and the guy that wants to put up with this behavior. How selfish of you, to take away something that his brothers and friends want to give him because he might see another girls boobs. Oh no, boobs. What, do you think after his brouther's and friends drop $50.00 on a stripper he's suddenly going to think, "Oh my God, she's got boobs, I'm calling off the wedding." A relationship is about two people, not about your controlling his life especially over an hour or two. Maybe you well he's out with the guys, you can spend that time thinking about how you can start to respect and trust someone who's already invested 6 years with you, and offered to do it forever. He deserves the consideration.

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Originally Posted by nicolerocks711

i don't know why it has become acceptable to see girls 1/2 (or fully naked) like it's like seeing a bird out your window, it's not normal!

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Ahhh, hmmm. This has actually been normal for thousands of years.

Then how come I don't see guys like that out my window, hmm?

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Originally Posted by nicolerocks711

then how come i don't see guys like that out my window, hmm?

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Maybe there's nothing in the window to look at?

Sorry couldn't resist.

Why would guys be outside your window?

Female point of view here.

Why is this such a big deal, that's the question I have.

He's going to the strippers, you know he's going to the strippers, he's not going alone to the strippers, what do you think is going to happen?

My husband had a bachelor party at home, his friends hired a stripper, she came, she did her thing then they all pitched together to give him one last big hurray before marriage. Yes, what you're thinking is correct, they paid for her to have sex with him. He didn't.

I was furious, even though he didn't do anything with her I was mad that our friends could even think to do something like that to me.

The thing is, my husband didn't hide it from me. He was honest, told me exactly what happened and I trust him enough to believe him.

If I had to do it all over again would I insist that no strippers be involved in the bachelor party? Heck no. I trust him, I know he'd never cheat on me, he'd never even think about it, besides, I have a gun and a shovel, he wouldn't dare (humor, humor, jeesh).

So the question is, do you trust the man you're going to marry or don't you?

If there's no trust then all you're having is a wedding, not a marriage.

Good luck.

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

My husband had a bachelor party at home, his friends hired a stripper, she came, she did her thing then they all pitched together to give him one last big hurray before marriage. Yes, what you're thinking is correct, they paid for her to have sex with him.

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That was not a stripper, that was a prostitute.

Also, did she leave a card... just curious.

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Originally Posted by chuff

That was not a stripper, that was a prostitute.

Also, did she leave a card.....just curious.

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Stripper/prostitute, she multi tasks. Heck her dad was her manager/pimp.

One of the guys at the bachelor party worked with the dad, knew him and the daughter. Turns out, a few years ago, the father had a sex change. He didn't like getting a mere cut of his daughters earnings, wanted the big money for himself, or is it herself?

As for the card, I'll ask hubby. :)

Maybe you can get a two for one deal, daughter and father/mother. :D

Everyone is so open but I don't like the idea of my man eying some half naked chick and getting a bone that belongs to me!
No! Not going to happen!
You can say that is insecurity till the cows come home,what it is to me is no woman is going to give my man a hardie but me!

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Stripper/prostitute, she multi tasks. Heck her dad was her manager/pimp.

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Well this was one family with no issues what so ever.

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Turns out, a few years ago, the father had a sex change.

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Huh? So there may have been some minor issues after all.

As everyone else has already mentioned trust is key. You don't trust him after all this time?

There are always going to be other women no matter where he goes. Temptation is around every corner. He works with other women. Other women shop at the same stores. Pump gas at the same gas stations. They all have boobs and vaginas.

Bottom line is that you can't keep him in a bubble thinking he's never going to be around another woman other than you. You just have to believe that he will be coming home to you because it's you that he's committed to.

Has something happened in the relationship to feed into your insecurity? :confused:

But I'll say this much... I can't say I know of any men that find "nagging" and "controlling" as attractive personality traits. Just saying.

Good luck

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Originally Posted by artlady

Everyone is so open but I don't like the idea of my man eying some half naked chick and getting a bone that belongs to me!
No! Not gonna happen!
You can say that is insecurity till the cows come home,what it is to me is no woman is going to give my man a hardie but me!

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That's just it Artsy, it doesn't sound to me like you're worried your guy will cheat, just that you don't want him oggling other girls. That's not a trust issue which is what the OP has.

Personally I have no problem with my hubby looking at other women, I know he's coming home to me. :)

"friend4u178 agrees: WHAT!!!!! All women have virginas??? Blow me down!!"

Well, all except Altys husband's stripper pimp father. But he fixed that.

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Originally Posted by nikosmom

As everyone else has already mentioned trust is key. You don't trust him after all this time??

There are always going to be other women no matter where he goes. Temptation is around every corner. He works with other women. Other women shop at the same stores. Pump gas at the same gas stations. They all have boobs and vaginas.

Bottom line is that you can't keep him in a bubble thinking he's never going to be around another woman other than you. You just have to believe that he will be coming home to you because it's you that he's committed to.

Has something happened in the relationship to feed into your insecurity? :confused:

But I'll say this much... I can't say I know of ay men that find "nagging" and "controlling" as attractive personality traits. Just saying.

Good luck

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I get that ,what your saying about normal women in the work place but hopefully your hubby isn't getting a lap dance at work?

Trust is great but strippers rubbing their titties in my mans face,uh uh ,or giving him a lap dance,not gonna' happen ,not on my watch :)

I think the case she is trying to present is that it is okay that her fiancé doesn't like her doing stuff but its not okay when she doesn't like him doing those kind of stuff.

I would say that is pretty immature of you guys to argue over that. Bottom line should be to trust each other like what everyone else has said. I think your relationship has a lack of communication because all you do is argue like little kids but instead you guys should talk out calmly and get the situation settled before the wedding.

It is okay to have your beliefs, but keep in mind it is also okay for him to have his beliefs as well and if your beliefs contradicts his, then I don't think you guys get along that well.

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

That's just it Artsy, it doesn't sound to me like you're worried your guy will cheat, just that you don't want him oggling other girls. That's not a trust issue which is what the OP has.

Personally I have no problem with my hubby looking at other women, I know he's coming home to me. :)

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I don't like the idea of some woman giving my man a hard on.I hate that thought.Then he comes home ,fantasying about her and gives it t me good.Uh Uh!

I know where he is coming home to but the thought that somebody else gave him a bone,na ,not me.Call me a prude,I just can't dig it.

It really is not about trust or insecurity,its about my sense of morality and what I feel comfortable with.We agree on what is acceptable and not so it works for us.We don't allow each other too much leeway at all! That is what we have agreed on and its all good :p

You know I went into a strip club 3 weeks ago. I am a man, I am straight, I have a job, I some extra disposable income, and the sole purpose of me being there was actually not to look at naked girls, get lap dances, have sex or any other supposed sexual thing, I was there with 100 other guys to share in one experience and that was to watch the UFC PPV. We are 3 weeks removed from that night, and I can't tell you one girl I saw, one name of a stripper, or remember anything other then watching Chuck Liddell's career come to an end and getting a standing ovation as he walked out of the arena. This is why the majority of people (mostly men) were there, and once the PPV was done, I was gone. We get these posts all the time from women who have never been to a strip club and yet think they know what goes on in one. What boggles the mind is, that's probably the safest place for him, because the girls only want his money, and once that's gone so are they. But if a girl at work starts hitting on him, she's after more then his money, so are you ladies going to ban your man from appearing where other women are at, who want more then his money?

Chuff, I had to spread the rep, apparently I'm giving you too much love.

You're so right.

Admission time. I've been to a strip club, went all the time with guy friends of mine. I have to say, it's not a big deal. Chuff's right, most times they're not even there to look at the girls. We went because you could play pool for really cheap and the beer was a good price too. Naked girls? Yes, they were there too.

Now, going to the male strippers with my friends, wow, girls are crazy! Really! We are much wilder and touchy feely then the guys are, that I can swear on. We gals make the boys look like saints.

Also, Chuff is right, he's much safer going to a strip club where the girls only pay attention to him to get some money. Trust me, none of them find him as sexy as you do, he'll be going home alone.

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Originally Posted by chuff

This is why the majority of people (mostly men) were there, and once the PPV was done, I was gone. We get these posts all the time from women who have never been to a strip club and yet think they know what goes on in one. What boggles the mind is, that's probably the safest place for him, because the girls only want his money, and once that's gone so are they. But if a girl at work starts hitting on him, she's after more then his money, so are you ladies going to ban your man from appearing where other women are at, who want more then his money?

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I agree on this perspective... I've been to plenty of strip clubs (yes, with women dancers). Some only topless. Some full naked. (I'm confident so that's how I roll.) Had lots of fun. But the reality is only a few guys are getting lap dances. Most are there hanging out. Sure, they're enjoying the 'scenery' but also having some brews with their friends.

The thing is, not a whole lot of men are at a strip club "getting off". They enjoy the comraderie of the event.

Chuff makes a great point, that you have more worries with the women from the office or the bagel shop (or wherever he frequents) because he's actually building a relationship with those women. As for the stripper, she's being paid to pretend like she's interested in the guys. She's got bills to pay.

True story!

I went to a strip club a few years ago with about 8 of my Buddies. Boys day out thing and we just ended up at one for the sake of the night.

Anyway one of my friends (who was single at the time) had never been to one and became completely besotted with this one girl and kept telling us that he thought this girl really liked him , well we told him to stop putting 5 Dollar notes down her garter and see what happens.

He soon got the idea :cool:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental...lf-352139.html

There are a lot more to this story than just a strip club.

Had to spread the rep Friend, but great point!

The thing is, guys get 'hardies' all the time.

The lingerie adv. In the train, the girl walking down the street with a tight dress, the big boobs in the magazine on the news stand. We can't be in control of what they look at and how they respond. To believe otherwise would be utterly absurd.

This has nothing to do with morality, in my view. Men are visually stimulated, women less so, this is not immoral. It's not immoral to have sexual thoughts about another person who is not your partner. It's not immoral to have an erection from looking at someone else other than your partner either.

This is about life in our society and it is ultimately about trust. We have to trust that our male partners, who are bombarded on a daily basis with sexual images, love us, respect us and are committed to being with us. We have to trust that, although in some respects their sexuality is different to ours, they are intelligent enough to understand this and be discerning.

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Originally Posted by nicolerocks711

i would personally would hate it and be 100% against it as well. If he is against it as well, ask him if his friends would just take him out to eat or even a bar if they want to drink. i don't know why it has become acceptable to see girls 1/2 (or fully naked) like it's like seeing a bird out your window, it's not normal!

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Curious why you think a desire to watch a stripper to be not normal - I'm not saying "touch a naked person." I'm saying, "Watch a stripper dance."

Myself - I didn't care if my husband watched porno, watched strippers. Maybe I'm not easily threatened. I don't know but as long as he wasn't having sex with someone else it was his life. I wasn't his mother or his legal guardian or his moral guardian - I was his wife.

My husband was a very attractive man. I didn't worry every time he left the house that he would meet someone.

Maybe this falls into that category.

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Originally Posted by nicolerocks711

i don't know why it has become acceptable to see girls 1/2 (or fully naked) like it's like seeing a bird out your window, it's not normal!

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I have 2 words for you; Venus DeMilo

The fact is the admiration of human being has existed about as long as the human body has. Were we clothed in the Garden of Eden?

If you feel this way, you are entitled to. But I would not agree that it isn't normal.

That being said, there are ways in which the human body is displayed that is tawdry and repugnant to many people. But to issue a blanket statement like you have, is wrong, In my opinion.

My fiancé and I watch pornos and look at other people, that's not the problem. The problem is I draw the line when it comes to a woman rubbing her tits and in his face. If a woman was out letting a man grope all over her, it would be cheating, but because a man goes to a place to pay for it, it's normal and okay.That makes no sense to me. If he wanted to go to watch and only watch, that would be fine. And those of you who say I am trying to control him, well obviously you didn't read the whole story. He doesn't want to go. He wanted to go to Hooters and a sports bar, play pool and get drunk. His brothers are wanting to take him. As for the person who commented that how dare I say this is the last thing we need, well I meant exactly that. WE are getting married, WE don't need people trying to cause problems. Am I worried he is going to cheat on me, no. But am I okay with another woman touching him, no. It's the same as if I or any woman would go to a dance club and grind all over a guy. If we did that, we would be considered sluts.

If he wants to go to Hooters and his brothers want to go to a strip club unless they point a gun at him, I say he says "Hooters or nothing." I don't get dragged to places I don't want to go.

A dance club and a stranger grinding all over a guy for whatever purpose is very different from a strip club when someone being paid to do just "that" - grind all over someone. Every strip club I've ever been to the strippers don't grind against someone without his permission and consent. They also aren't armed.

Again - unless someone is pointing a gun at him I think if he realizes this is upsetting to you, then he says "no" and that's the end of that.

I don't understand the "one last fling, go play pool and get drunk" philosophy anyway. His life as he knows it isn't ending. He's simply getting married.

I am concerned - in view of your other posts about your bouts of depression - that your fiancé cares so little about you that he is going ahead with this plan, despite your obvious upset.

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He wouldn't want me going to a dance club and dancing with a guy, so why would I be okay with him going and getting lap dances?

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If you both have voiced your opinions, and feelings, and he doesn't want to go, its up to him what happens, for his birthday party.

Don't let the fellows push your buttons over this, as until it happens, why worry over it?

Deal with the reality, not the probably, or maybes.

I know that he cares about me, but he also wants to not look like he's not going because of me. It's almost like he doesn't want to step up and say this isn't just her decision, it's mine. That's what upsets me the most. You are right, I do have depression issues that I have been trying to deal with for years. Maybe that's another reason I don't want him going. Call it insecurity, or controlling, I just don't like the idea of another woman doing stuff to him that in my opinion only I should be doing. I went to a strip club with my girls to see what it was like. To see if I'd be comfortable with him going, and I wasn't. It made me sick to my stomach. He is the type of guy that would go, just to make the boys happy. Would he like to see naked girls dancing, well yeah he's a guy, but touching crosses the line.

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I don't understand the "one last fling, go play pool and get drunk" philosophy anyway. His life as he knows it isn't ending. He's simply getting married.

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You would have to be a man to understand, I guess.

A man never uses simply, and married, in the same sentence. But the point here is he doesn't want to go, so the whole issue is... moot.

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Originally Posted by drea46750

I know that he cares about me, but he also wants to not look like he's not going because of me. It's almost like he doesn't want to step up and say this isn't just her decision, it's mine. That's what upsets me the most. You are right, I do have depression issues that I have been trying to deal with for years. Maybe that's another reason I don't want him going. Call it insecurity, or controling, I just don't like the idea of another woman doing stuff to him that in my opinion only I should be doing. I went to a strip club with my girls to see what it was like. To see if I'd be comfortable with him going, and I wasn't. It made me sick to my stomach. He is the type of guy that would go, just to make the boys happy. Would he like to see naked girls dancing, well yeah he's a guy, but touching crosses the line.

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Well, you don't know that anyone is going to touch him. In fact, in some States touching is illegal.

If you are upset you don't have to have a reason. You are in a relationship and he should hear you. If it makes you uneasy, then it does. I realize no man likes to look like a woman controls him but there is a difference between control and respect.

Other than telling him it upsets you, I don't know what you can do - and I wish I had better advice!